November 2020 Quote: Protect Your Fire

“Take care of your fire”

– Chris Ferreiras

To whoever needs to hear it, I will admit, I have not been spending as much time on myself. I haven’t been reading as much. I haven’t been watching as much TV as I would like to (gosh only knows I’m behind on those Netflix movies and shows). I haven’t been talking to friends as much. I haven’t been paining, crafting, or creating as much. I haven’t been journaling as much. And I haven’t been blogging as much.

And it is all because I have school.

And no, no, this isn’t a post of me raging on school work 😅, this is a post about how sometimes life gets busy with responsibilities like work, school, or being a parent, and we find we do not have enough time for ourselves. Especially with this being my last two years of college, things have been overwhelming and chaotic with a never ending mountain of assignments. It literally feels like when I finish one thing, there’s always something else I need to do. And there’s this weigh on my back that has brought me down since August and each day it comes closer to December, I feel lighter . . . but not. . . not completely free. And I feel guilty whenever I do not spend my time doing school work because it feels like I am wasting time I can be productive, which is a whole other post I can do if you would like that. But more so this year, I haven’t felt like myself because I haven’t been focusing on myself as much as I know I should.

As a student, teacher, health care worker, working person, or parent, I bet we have all felt this at some point in our life. And I just want you to know to

Protect your fire.

I was scrolling on instagram the other day and saw this quote from one of the poetry accounts I follow, and it resonated with me so much. Because there’s this metaphor about how we all have a fire within us that drives us—that motivates us. It is that fire that moves us forward and ignites us to go. It is that fire that inspires us and sparks new ideas. It is that fire that gives us hope, light, and life in dark times.

But I haven’t been feeling that fire lately–that motivation, that ignition, that spark, that hope, light, and life. Because I haven’t been protecting my fire. I have let myself burn out because I am too busy letting people or other external sources take over my life and win. And when they do that, they steal every bit of the fire within me and make it theirs, so much that I have none left for me. I am burnt out.

Being burnt out is such a thing.

I never heard about burn out until I watched a vlog of Alisha Marie talking about how she had burn out and how she needed a break from all the stress, work, and responsibilities she had. I understood why she felt burnt out. She worked hard. She works HARD. When you’re constantly on the go or constantly on work mode, you are bound to burn yourself out because no one, not even you, are protecting that fire you built for yourself. And doesn’t that just hurt us in the end? That we are so overworked that we can’t even see how much it is depleting us. And it’s sad.

For the last four months of school, I felt like I was not protecting my fire and I have had my burnt out moments, my breaking-down-in-tears-further-diminishing-my-fire moments. And it was pretty because I was even more depleted and empty after that. I was left with no light, no hope. And in those moments I wanted to give up because it felt like there was no point in doing anything if I had no fire to get me through.

But what got me through those moments was taking a rest. Taking a break. Sitting down as much as I could to watch a show or a Youtube video that made me happy. Taking a hour to walk or run around my neighborhood, listening to a podcast that brought me joy. Taking moments to read as much as I could and blog as much as I could. Taking moments to write down memories I want to encapsulate and thoughts I want to remember one day. Doing things for myself, no matter how small, no matter how little I could get them, I took them. Because not only did that give me sanity and peace, it protected my fire.

I took moments to say, “You know what, I am focusing on me and what I need.” And you, yes you, if you are feeling overworked, overwhelmed, lonely, sad, depressed, anxious, burdened, exhausted, or on the brink of a break down . . . I want you to say it with me:

“You know what, I am focusing on me and what I need.”

Then I want you to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out.

And say, “I deserve it. I completely and utterly deserve the rest and relaxation I need for myself to protect my fire and to protect myself.”

Because you absolutely deserve a break for all the hard work you do. And because if you do not take a break, you will burn out and this I know well.

When you allow yourself to rest and to do something that brings you joy or calmness, you are slowly reigniting that fire within you. You are giving that fire room to breathe and room to become something bigger—-an inferno. You are allowing that fire to warm you up from the inside out to feel stronger, healthier, and rejuvenated. And that’s what you need. You do not want to keep going and going and going and running and working and thinking if you do not feel like you have any energy left in you to do so. It’s kind of like pouring from an empty bucket. Why are you going to do that if there’s nothing in the bucket? 😅 Why are you going to keep going/working when there’s no fire to run off of?

Exactly.

We need breaks as people. We need moments for us and to not feel ashamed or guilty for it. And it is kind of sad we live in a culture that makes us feel like we have to keep working to be “productive” as everyone else. I just started watching Emily in Paris (don’t come at me, your girl hasn’t had time to watch TV 😂) and there was that part where Emily showed up to work at 8:00 in the morning to work and everyone else came at 10:30. I thought that was so interesting because in America we live to work and in other cultures like in Paris, they work to live.

Americans live to work. We thrive off of being productive because we think it makes us successful and accomplished and we can brag to everyone and anyone how hard we work like that’s something to be proud of. “Oh, I worked 2,000 hours this week and got no sleep! Beat that” kind of mentality. I mean, what do you say to that, whoopee? Good for you? Darn, that’s sad! Overworking yourself to feel accomplished isn’t worth it. No one has to prove anything to anyone about how hard they work just to feel good enough because I can darn right tell you everyone works hard enough in their own ways for their own struggles in their own life, so we need to stop thinking we need to beat each other by working harder to be better. That’s not it. As long as we know we did our best, that’s good enough.

Then there’s the mentality of working to live—-working to put food on the table, clothes on your back, or electricity in the house. I think this is a mentality a lot of Americans might not be used to because I kind of am still processing it. And I respect it because you know we do not need work/what we do to be our whole life. It is gratifying and amazing to be passionate and love what you do, but please, please, do not make it everything in your life. And as a student who has made school what she does form 7 o’clock to 10 o’clock at night, I say do not make work your life because it sucks 😂.

I am not perfect, we all aren’t. And that’s what makes us tenacious, persistent, and beautiful people. But it is okay to say you need rest or a break or you need help.

Perfectly okay.

So if there is anything I want you to take away from this is

Protect your fire and give yourself room to breathe.

Care for yourself.

Take time for yourself.

Protect yourself.

Be there for yourself.

For my students who are in the same boat as me, you got this. It might not feel like you got this and it may feel like school sucks and “I hate school,” yada yada yada, but trust me, you are going to look back and think how grateful you are to have learned all that you did. And you are going to look back and think that in the moments you felt like you were burnt out, you got through it, and any moment you find yourself feeling that same feeling in the future, you will get through it too.

To my parents, my gosh, I give you ALL THE CREDIT and all the love. Being a parent cannot be easy because you constantly worry about your children or how to provide for your family each and every day. Know that I see you and hear you and hope you know that you have earned every minute you spend for yourself. Every minute.

To my healthcare workers right now, I am so sorry. I am so sorry you have been overworked like crazy this year or have been separated from your families because you want to protect them. I want to thank you for helping others and saving their lives, and you truly deserve a break. Protect yourself and your fire.

And to my teachers, my dear teachers, my dear under-paid and under-appreciate teachers, thank you. Thank you for educating the future and adapting to a whole different platform to teach students. Thank you for the endless hours you spend planning lessons to engage students during this time. Thank you for your patience, your kindness, and your perseverance. I have a lot of teacher friends from my education cohort and I have heard all of them saying how tired they are and burnt out. They are soooooo exhausted because not only did they have to figure it all out this year, they had to do it online for 30 to 100 kids. And teachers still might get a reduced salary in the upcoming years. I am BEYOND SORRY. You deserve better and you deserve more. Please hold in there too because I know how hard you work.

And to all of you, be kind to yourself today and everyday and when you protect your fire, you can help protect someone else’s. If you see someone who looks tired or needs help, reach out and be there for them. Or if you see someone struggling, be the hand that guides them through. Because we all have a fire within us and we make the difference on its light, but people also have the power to make a positive impact as well.

Hope this helped you all! Sending you all the utmost love,

As always,