We Can’t Keep Meeting Like This by Rachel Lynn Soloman Book Review

“She had been open to it. Open to love. And it had happened.”

(pg. 240)

About

Author: Rachel Lynn Soloman

Genre: Young Adult Contemporary Romance

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Synopsis

Quinn Berkowitz and Tarek Mansour’s families have been in business together for years: Quinn’s parents are wedding planners, and Tarek’s own a catering company. At the end of last summer, Quinn confessed her crush on him in the form of a rambling email—and then he left for college without a response.

Quinn has been dreading seeing him again almost as much as she dreads another summer playing the harp for her parents’ weddings. When he shows up at the first wedding of the summer, looking cuter than ever after a year apart, they clash immediately. Tarek’s always loved the grand gestures in weddings—the flashier, the better—while Quinn can’t see them as anything but fake. Even as they can’t seem to have one civil conversation, Quinn’s thrown together with Tarek wedding after wedding, from performing a daring cake rescue to filling in for a missing bridesmaid and groomsman.

Quinn can’t deny her feelings for him are still there, especially after she learns the truth about his silence, opens up about her own fears, and begins learning the art of harp-making from an enigmatic teacher.

Maybe love isn’t the enemy after all—and maybe allowing herself to fall is the most honest thing Quinn’s ever done.

Review

❗️❗️Trigger Warnings: The book and my review talk about what it’s like living with OCD, depression, and anxiety. If those are sensitive subjects, please skip this blog post ❗️❗️

Spoilers Contained Below

To the people who believe in the magic of love, and to those who want to,

It’s been a while since I read a proper YA romance because I’ve been reading more New Adult lately. But gosh, YA genuinely hits differently. After reading both genres for a while now, I have noticed some differences and I can write about that in another blog post. I just wanted to say how refreshing it was to read a YA because it feels like coming home. There’s just something more raw and honest about YA with the vulnerability and powerful emotions that young adults feel to a heightened degree that is just so utterly amazing. Not that NA isn’t amazing or powerful, but when you’re a teen, I feel like your emotions are a supernova and the storylines that can be explored are so much more relatable and meaningful.

Let’s get into the story, shall we. This is my second Rachel Lynn Soloman YA book, and frankly I’m sad I didn’t write a book review for my first RLS book. I read The Year of Maybe last year and I had mixed feelings about that book, but We Can’t Keep Meeting Like This was so much better. That’s not to say the writing was bad, just the plot was so different in The Year of Maybe and I couldn’t quite relate to it as much. But We Can’t Keep Meeting Like This was highly relatable and understandable.

One of the first things that stuck out to me like no other was the very honest and vulnerable conversations about mental health and health. I just thought RLS did such a wonderful job of being authentic because as much as more books are talking about mental health, I feel like talking about mental health and reading about a person who is battling mental health and how that person lives with it, adds another level of connection. I felt connected to Quinn because she battled what I battled; Quinn battled anxiety, a bit of depression, and OCD. Quinn and I are the same in many ways because of what she battles everyday, but my mental health battles are different from her. I wouldn’t say I have anxiety because I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, but I do get overwhelmed and I overthink. I did have depressive moments in my life and I for sure battled OCD.

When I read that Quinn battled OCD, I can’t explain how seen I felt.

“They’ll say, ‘Oh, you mean you wash your hands a lot?’ or ‘I’m so OCD, I have an organized locker.’ It’s not just wanting things to be organized. It’s a real illness, and honestly . . .it can be brutal.”

(pg. 148)

OCD is something not many people talk about because it’s not a mental health battle that many understand or there are various misconceptions around OCD. People think OCD is that a person likes to have things done a certain way, they are germaphobes, or sticklers for routine. In some ways, yes, people who live with OCD do things in a certain way or have a certain routine, but it’s not because we want to feel the way we feel. It’s because in our minds, we have these anxieties or fears about something bad or irrational happening that if something isn’t done a certain way or with a routine, we think something bad will happen. It’s that underlying fear that makes OCD challenging, so it’s not just being clean or tidy because of aesthetics or being a stick in the butt. It’s the fear and it’s the worry. It’s so much more than people make it out to be, and it’s a much more difficult mind battle than people think.

And I liked that RLS explored OCD and discussed its realities.

“I start wondering if I can believe my brain, my eyes. So I do it again. It’s a strange feeling, knowing you’re doing something illogical, being unable to stop yourself.”

(pg. 35)

When I read Quinn checking her back and re-checking her back, I teared up. I really did tear up. I have never felt more seen than I did reading that. I think about all the times I checked my backpack too to make sure I had everything I needed and then I would check it again as if the thing I checked for disappeared all of a sudden when I just saw it and knew it was zipped in my bag. And it’s kind of like what Quinn said, it’s a strange and illogical feeling, but we can’t help ourselves because of the way we believe that something had changed in the minute we looked away from that thing we checked. It’s hard.

“I couldn’t trust that the front door of our house was locked, which made it difficult to fall asleep. So I’d go downstairs, check the lock, come back upstairs—before wondering if I checked it enough, or if maybe while checking it, I’d somehow swiped it with my sleeve or a strand of hair and managed to unlock it. If it wasn’t locked, I was certain someone would break in and kill my family, and it would be my fault for not checking enough. In my mind, that was an inevitability. Back downstairs I’d go, checking it double the length of time . . . and end up trapped in a loop.”

(pg. 148-9)

“It’s sort of like . . . getting stuck in a loop. I’ll do something, but I won’t believe my memory that I actually did it, even though I know I would hear it if I dropped my keys and phone, or I would feel it if a door didn’t lock, or I would see it if I didn’t turn off the stove. Like I can’t trust any of my senses. So I check again, and I still don’t have actual proof that it happened, or I worry I’m checking so much that I may have undone the thing I want to make sure of, so I keep doing it, and then I can’t stop.”

(pg. 224)

RLS articulated so well what I have felt practically my entire life living with OCD. I can’t emphasize enough how much I felt seen or how hard I cried reading the parts about OCD because as someone who has OCD, I still feel ashamed to talk about it or to do my tendencies to feel relieved. But I also always felt like I was the only one who knew what OCD felt like because no one I know has OCD or hasn’t talked about it, which is fine because people should open up when they are ready or they don’t need to share what they are uncomfortable sharing. But this was a reminder that there are people out there who understand what OCD feels like because they battle it each day. We aren’t alone as we think we are, and people want to connect. But the whole story about checking if the door was locked and then overthinking if a robber would come into the house is a thought I have had far too often. I have done the door checks like Quinn. I still do the door checks. I still get stuck in these loops.

Gosh, the loops. I know exactly what Quinn meant. You check, then check again, and again and again and again because it feels like if you take your eyes off something, something will change and something bad will happen even if you know that deep down (hopefully) nothing bad will happen. It’s hard to get out of a loop, and it’s hard to know when to stop. What helps me is giving myself a set amount of times I can check something and then move on and then I do one more round for good measure. I also remember a time I used to photograph things to make sure they were how I left it because that would bring me peace. Honestly, do what you need to do to bring you peace if you live with OCD because it’s hard when you go through these loops and you don’t know when to stop and pictures help. Go through the routine a couple of times if it brings your comfort, and if it becomes too much, seek help. Please seek help. I am not a professional, but just a person who battles OCD and I am by no means saying take my advice, but sharing what worked for me or what has helped me live with my OCD.

The thing is I have had OCD since I was eight or ten and I will say my OCD has gotten a lot better. I used to check my entire house—every chord, outlet, light, electrical thing, door, window, the whole shebang–and looking back on it, I was constantly in a state of fear and worry in so many ways. I will discuss why more so later on. But I had this omnipresent fear niggling the back of my brain that told me to check all these things before I left the house because I feared what would happen if I didn’t. So I would spend ten or fifteen minutes checking the house before bed or before leaving the house. When I would stay at my grandparents house or friends house, I would discreetly check the lock on the door in the middle of the night. These days, I don’t spend nearly as long checking the house or checking as many things, but I still do things that I need to do for myself. And sometimes I have good and not-so-good OCD days where I do spend an extra minute or so looking at things or maybe not looking at things. It looks weird to others, but it brings me peace and sometimes you have to do things that protect your peace even if others don’t understand it.

And it’s hard when people don’t understand what we do or why. But I absolutely, a thousand percent appreciated that Julia and Tarek never judged Quinn for her OCD or they never made her feel weird about it. I liked how Julia just waited patiently while Quinn checked her bag or how Tarek asked Quinn what OCD felt like. He didn’t sound mean or teasing about it, but like he genuinely wanted to understand how Quinn thought because he didn’t know what OCD felt like. I loved that. I think the first thing you can do with anyone who lives with a mental illness or who is apprehensive about sharing something vulnerable, is to listen and want to understand. Maybe you won’t completely understand, but showing genuine interest and care, creates a safe space for that person to feel comfortable. Living with OCD, I haven’t always been looked at correctly. My parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents used to talk about me behind my back about me being weird for having OCD. They thought I couldn’t hear. I could. They would say how weird I was and I should go get help or go to a hospital. They would call me weird or they would say to get over it. They would tell me to stop looking at something or that I was being “OCD.” I was OCD, hence, why I was being OCD. But the way they said it, was dripped in utter disdain and disgust. They would also say, “She’s so weird, she checked the door if it was locked.” Being young with OCD and hearing people speak behind my back—-speak negatively behind my back—made me feel shamed and wrong. I never told anyone I had OCD and not many know, and I kept it that way because of how others have reacted to me having OCD, but I guess, that’s why I cried so much reading about it here. Just to feel seen and to see someone not get reprimanded or shamed for their mental illness spoke to my heart. I wish I had people like Julia or Tarek who never judged me for what I still go through.

This is just a reminder that mental illness is not a joke or something to make anyone feel ashamed for because you have absolutely no idea what is going through their minds or why they are the way they are. You have no idea. Be kind, empathetic, and understanding.

I also appreciated the conversations around Tarek’s college depression.

“And I was in college, where I was supposed to be having the time of my life. But I remember filling it out and thinking I had just about every symptom on the list, and having a name for it . . . It felt like finding something I hadn’t known was missing. Clinical depression. That’s what it was.”

(pg. 145)

Tarek went off to college because he was a year older than Quinn. In that time, he hadn’t messaged/emailed Quinn back to that fateful email she sent when things between them went downhill. She thought he was living it up in college or ghosting her. . . when he was actually battling something I know too well.

Not that I blame the movies or shows, but everyone makes college to be the best time of your life. I felt that when I started college—all this hope and expectation for what I thought college would be like. But no one tells you how hard college really is, especially the first year. The first year feels like walking into the forest and getting stuck in quicksand with only yourself to save you unless you happen upon a good group of people who pull you out. It’s a lot of spending time by yourself, it’s maybe the first time being away from home, it’s the first time with a lot of reading and writing for school, it’s a lot of discovery that no one tells you or prepares you to navigate. I don’t think you can prepare for college. It’s tough. I could understand Tarek’s stress because I felt that way my first year too, I also felt this ever present loneliness. College can be one of the loneliest times in your life. I don’t say that to scare anyone, or that college can’t be filled with goodness. It can be lonely if you don’t have a lot of friends or people to talk to. Making friends in college isn’t easy, and sometimes you might not always click with your roommate. Gosh, I know I didn’t. My first year was the loneliest I ever felt because I barely spoke to anyone and I would go back to my dorm and keep to myself because my roommate was always out and we didn’t have a very communicative relationship because we were both nervous to talk to each other. I felt angry and irritable all the time. I felt sad all the time. I missed home, I romanticized being back in high school with all my friends, I didn’t want to be in college anymore.

College, especially freshman depression, is real. And I feel like no one talks about how painful the first year can be because we get lost in the ideas of parties or adulthood with college. But it’s not like that at all. Again, it’s not always as sad as my first year, but I’m just sharing because I could understand Tarek’s depression in just not feeling the best, but when you finally put a name to what you feel, it feels freeing and validating like, “This is how I feel and maybe I can be more aware of how I feel.” I loved that for Tarek, and I loved that he had Quinn who was non-judgmental and supportive.

I also liked that Tarek talked about his eczema. I know eczema is something that many people also battle each day and it can make someone feel not the most confident. But I think it’s not something to make someone feel embarrassed or insecure about, not at all. I liked how Quinn was super kind to Tarek and never made him feel embarrassed for having eczema. I just think all these mental health or health illnesses and issues were important and real conversations that I appreciated seeing representation. I also loved how mature Quinn, Tarek, ,and Julia were to have these conversations and be vulnerable with each other because it’s not easy.

One of the things I have yet to talk about with Quinn’s mental illnesses was how they formed. I primarily want to discuss how Quinn talked about her OCD because I related a lot to her.

Let’s get into the family drama or shall I say trauma. No, but in all seriousness, let’s talk about Quinn’s family dynamic because a person’s upbringing greatly affects a person. I think I want to start with the family business. Quinn’s family ran a wedding, bridal business where the literal slogan of the business was “Nothing less than the best.” That already made me feel stressed just hearing that slogan. But the immense pressure that Quinn’s family places on her to be part of the business without ever having asked her if she wanted to be in the business was overwhelming to me. Now she had anxious thoughts all the time. She didn’t want to be in this business because it wasn’t making her happy and it wasn’t something she wanted to do in the business, but she felt like she didn’t know if she could stray from the family business or she would break up her entire family and it would be her fault.

I EVEN FELT OVERWHELMED FOR HER!

I mean, that’s like plate tectonic pressure right there. It’s just so hard because I could understand how she would feel if she didn’t do the family business, then it would be her fault. Feeling like you are to blame for something is one of the worst feelings in the world, especially if you have a heart that is so big and that cares for everyone in your life. You don’t want to let them down, but you also want to be true to how you feel, but you can’t do that without letting someone down. I just felt like the parents should have asked her from the beginning if she wanted to be in the business anymore because they never asked her what she wanted. When people have to do what they don’t want to do, they resent it after a while. Quinn played the harp at the weddings because it was a cool addition the family could say in their business. “Hire us, and we have a harp player who can play in your wedding.” I don’t blame Quinn for losing her passion and love of playing the harp because it was no longer fun for her. I mean, sis had to play the same wedding songs every time. She was bored out of her mind and she didn’t get any freedom to be creative with her music. Quinn falling out of love with a passion made me think about how people say sometimes when a passion becomes a job, we lose that passion for it. I felt like that’s what happened with Quinn. It’s sad when we lose passion for something we loved because it almost feels off or weird.

What was also hard was that her family did treat her like a business.

“Sometimes it feels like they view me as just another vendor. Like we were business associates instead of a family.”

(pg. 29)

I heard of the saying don’t mix business and family, and I think you can mix business and family with healthy communication and boundaries. Otherwise, don’t mix business and family. Quinn and her family had not healthy communication—heck, they had no communication—-or boundaries. They expected Quinn to step up during the summer and assume a bigger role in the business she didn’t even want to be a part of. They also expected her to drop everything to help out. I mean, it’s her summer, let her do what she wants and let her be a kid. The way they would side-eye her or subtly be disappointed if she was “less than their best,” made me want to scream at the parents because they weren’t reading how their daughter felt. Also, I felt terrible that Quinn felt like she couldn’t quit because if she did, it would feel like she wouldn’t have anything in common with her family anymore and they wouldn’t love or accept her.

“The horrible truth is this. I don’t know how to be part of my family if I’m no longer part of the family business.”

(pg. 211)

All they shared was this business that they weren’t even a family. That’s pretty freaking sad.

They needed to step back from the business and build their family bond because it was slacking; they needed to prioritize their family’s health.

Also, I freaking hated the way the mom made Quinn feel when Quinn said she couldn’t go to one of the wedding events for the Bachelor equivalent couple they were doing. I just wanted to slap something because Quinn has a freaking life, stop making her feel like shiz for wanting to live it 👏🏼. I just could not. And there was also this moment where Quinn wanted to tell them she didn’t want to do the business anymore, but I felt awful for Quinn because she didn’t tell her parents. That’s so tough you know, wanting to open up to people but they already determined something from you or expected something from you, when they don’t know what you really want. I felt like her parents made her so uncomfortable to open up because they never listened to her. Never. She needed a family that listens to her and didn’t make her feel like a business endeavor, but a daughter.

AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED on how her parents made her feel when Quinn did open up about not wanting to do the business anymore. I was incredibly proud of Quinn, but GOSH. The agony of the parents calling her childish or emotional was not it. She wasn’t childish or emotional, they were. Also, the fact that they wanted to blame Quinn and make her feel bad wanted me to throw a cake at a wall because how dare they turn this around on her. They were being very passive aggressive beaches and I wasn’t here for it; they weren’t LISTENING to Quinn!!!! They were diminishing what she said because they didn’t want to freaking hear it; and they wonder why Quinn never talked to them sooner 🙄.

“Because this family never [freaking] talks about anything.”

(pg. 265)

When she said this, I was like THAT SHUT THEM RIGHT UP 😂. They are listening now. Full attention.

But Quinn wasn’t wrong, the family never talked about anything and that created so much anxiety and fear within Quinn that turned into anxiety and OCD because she was in this constant state of fear and worry. And I don’t say this to blame the parents or to be funny, but parental emotional damage is real and kids live with the choices that parents make every day. The older I got, the more I realized, I live with my parental baggage every day as well.

Here’s the thing I could understand about Quinn—-her parent’s rocky relationship.

“From that point on, every argument between them, no matter how small, felt like an earthquake. I couldn’t remember what had been the last straw before my mom moved out, and that made anything feel life it could be the last straw. I was always waiting, worrying, teeth gritted and anxiety-knot getting tighter and tighter.”

(pg. 31)

I also cried when I read Quinn talk about her mom and dad fighting. I know all too well about parents fighting and feeling worried that one might walk out the door and never come back and that the whole family would change. I spent a lot of my childhood in that constant state of worry because I did feel like every argument could shake the foundation and that the knot of worry would choke me. It’s where and when my OCD tendencies formed. It’s when Quinn’s OCD tendencies probably formed.

“What I don’t tell him is that it started when my mom moved out, that I never felt safe in the house with just the three of us. Not because we needed two parents to protect us, because the house felt off. There’s no other way to explain it.”

(pg. 149)

I say this because when you’re constantly worried or fearful, having this set routine or checking/looking at things brings comfort when things aren’t the stablest. I knew I would check doors because I was scared someone would walk out, and by checking the door, my mind thought that that person couldn’t walk out. They did, and things changed, but not in the worst ways I feared. But these habits become a comfort and a safety to see something and to know it’s there, but there’s that fear in the back of our mind because we know that things could change because we have seen or felt it before—-so quick, and so sudden. That’s why we get stuck in the loop to make sure something doesn’t escape our notice like that—so quick and sudden. Sometimes we can’t always notice it. Habits start because we also don’t feel safe, so we create our own safety and assurances by what we can see, and sometimes what we have to see again and again and again.

I felt for Quinn.

Her mom left for about six months and no one talked about it.

I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like for her. She was already going through so much changes with her sister gone for college and it just being her and her dad. Tarek was also gone for college. She had absolutely no one to talk about how she felt that her mom was gone. What boggled my mind was how the parents felt like it was okay to not talk about it. I mean, it’s not like Quinn didn’t know that the mom was gone for that long, and Quinn wasn’t an idiot to think her mom was on a work vacation or something. This was the result of a fight that she didn’t know about. She didn’t know where her mom went, why, when she would be back. Nothing. Nada. That’s absolutely wrong. The dad and mom should have had an honest conversation with Quinn, explaining the break because at least then Quinn would have had peace to know what was going on rather than all these fearful wonderings. How was that fair to her?

When I say family you say baggage.

But honestly, yea. They weren’t being kind parents by not including her in the conversation, heck, ignoring the whole thing altogether. The mom came back after six months like nothing happened, and the business started again. The parents were having a hard time working together and needed a break, which I understand. But don’t pretend the whole six months didn’t happen. You know, how traumatizing that must have been for Quinn to see her parents separate and not know if it was a divorce or not. And to also have her mom return and not know when or if the mom would leave again or if they would truly divorce this time. One more thing, also for Quinn to want to leave the business and worry that it would be her fault if their family split again. They put all this on her shoulders without TELLING HER ANYTHING. I felt traumatized for her. I know I said all this before, but wow, her situation really wasn’t fair to her.

They were the parents and should have included her in the conversation or at least talk about the split when the mom came back. But because they didn’t talk about it, Quinn still had these fearful worries and wonderings; she had no closure. Her parents also never made it easy to talk to them about the split because they were always so work oriented that didn’t see how much their daughter needed them to be honest with them.

Quinn had a sister, but it seems like the sister, Asher, didn’t have to face the brunt of the separation as much as Quinn did. That’s rough.

The sister went off to college and it put distance between her and Quinn physically and mentally. They were in two different places in life. When her sister came back, it felt like Quinn barely knew her sister because so many things had changed. Quinn admired Asher, but I think more than anything, Quinn wanted someone in her family she could talk to—-who would understand. But it was hard to talk to Asher because she was gone for so long. Also, Asher actually wanted to be in the family business, so it felt like she couldn’t relate to Asher if she left the business—again, going back to how the family felt more like a business.

Also, with her whole parent situation and her sister not really being someone she could lean on or talk to, the comments about Quinn being so mature, rubbed me the wrong way. I have seen quotes on instagram about how maturity isn’t really a compliment because no one should feel like they have to be mature or grow up so quickly, and most of the time maturity comes from having to grow up quickly. Her parents were so focused on gearing Quinn up for the business, they didn’t let her be a kid—-they didn’t allow it.

“But after a while, you grow weary of the beautiful.”

(pg. 55)

With everything Quinn had been through, I could understand why Quinn didn’t believe in love because she never had a good model for love. It also didn’t help that her parents were one of the most romantic industries out there, and it felt like they always faked how they loved each other.

“I learned from my parents like I learned to bustle a wedding dress: love is a performance.”

(pg. 157)

She didn’t know a healthy love, and she was around enough love to know that most marriages didn’t work out. Knowing this has to be the toughest part about being in the wedding business—-also the saddest. But she had been around enough bad or failed relationships to not believe in love, which went with Quinn’s distrust with relationships. Quinn also didn’t believe in the fairytale or happy ever after, which I understood.

But Tarek had the exact opposite idea of love. He was a hopeful romantic like me; a real sweetheart if you ask me. His parents had such a cute, reserve Meet Me In Seattle story. The dad was in Paris in a culinary school and the mom was studying abroad. They met at the Eiffel Tower and shared a midnight kiss on New Years. When the mom got back to the states, she couldn’t stop thinking about the boy she kissed in Paris, so a news outlet let her do a whole help-me-find-Paris-mystery boy. Eventually, the power of social media found him and they got married and the rest was history. That’s like a once in a lifetime, fated story. Epic. It’s no wonder Tarek was a sucker for romantic gestures or for love when he had such an epic example of it.

One of the things I also loved about Tarek was how he was always genuinely interested in hearing Quinn out. He listened and was empathetic and understanding. But also, he was a bit pushy or stubborn when Quinn and him didn’t see eye-to-eye on things when she already said her piece about things. Like when he bought her that $750 harp at an auction just because he knew it would make Quinn happy. Bro, he must be some rich sugar daddy if he could drop $750 to buy her a freaking harp. I wonder how good his parents pay him for his job 🤪. I mean, gosh. Doing so was sweet, but it crossed a boundary. Quinn wasn’t comfortable yet and I didn’t feel like he should have pushed anything just to be romantic and try to live up to his parents’ story.

Because that was the thing, wasn’t it? He wanted a great romance like his parents. I don’t blame him. If my parents had an epic, rom-com worthy story, I would believe love is magical and absolutely romantic. But I don’t think everything has to be a big-showy gesture for the whole world to see. I would agree with Quinn in how Tarek only seems to make grand gestures for social media and not because he actually meant it, but he wanted others to see he could have a flamboyant romance. He didn’t need to prove anything—-love doesn’t have to show off to mean anything. I felt like he was trying way too hard to recreate his parents epic love story that it came off too strong to Quinn who wasn’t gaga over big gestures or love. He should have toned it down to speak to her in her love language.

“So everyone else isn’t trying hard enough?”

(pg. 66)

This was said during one of their many conversations about love. Tarek talked about how romantic gestures worked for his parents and how his parents tried to make things work because they believed in their story. I understood where Quinn was coming from because he insinuated that her parents never tried hard enough to believe in their story and that’s why they didn’t last. But sometimes parents try their hardest to make it work and things just don’t work. I don’t think everyone else isn’t trying hard enough like Tarek’s parents or Tarek, but everyone has different ways they fight for love or show their love. And again, sometimes it doesn’t work out and I think it was difficult for Tarek to see that because he didn’t understand what it was like to not know loving parents—-two sides of the spectrum.

When they tried to make their relationship work, you could tell Quinn was trying hard to balance what Tarek wanted and what she felt comfortable with. But I also felt like part of her wanted to believe in love, but was afraid to because she didn’t know what real love felt like or looked like. She had all these meaningless relationships before Tarek because she didn’t want to get close to anyone because she didn’t believe in love. But Tarek made her feel cared for and like she could open up to the idea of love, but didn’t know how. I really liked when they said:

“And sometimes the word is terrible and love stories . . . They make it feel less heavy.”

. . . “I guess I can’t argue with that,” I say as we head outside, Seattle flirting with dusk. “About wanting something to make the world feel less heavy.”

(pg. 192)

I loved that 💜.

That’s why most of us read stories or watch movies or books.—-stories give us hope when the world feels heavy and bleak.

I guess Tarek’s parents’ story gave him hope when he was going through that rough time in college. We take hope when we can get it, and Tarek had hope in love, which was a beautiful thing. That was another thing I liked about Tarek was how open his heart was to love. 

I got way ahead of myself in their relationship, so let’s backtrack to the beginning of Tarek and Quinn. First, he ghosted her by email after she sent him an email that said she liked liked him. Bro left Quinn hanging for a year, all jumbled up in her feelings until she saw him again. That had to be awkward and weird because she put her feelings on the line and he didn’t even say anything and acted like nothing happened when everything did.

And don’t even get me started on their whole fight before he left for college. If he FREAKING would have told her at the moment that that boat was for her, we could have AVOIDED this entire MESS 🙃. Quinn was jealous and had this whole idea that Tarek liked this other waiter girl he worked with and that he planned this huge romantic boar thing with that waiter girl. LIKE A GOSH DARK IDIOT, Tarek asked Quinn his opinion on the boat, to which she popped off on him because she was tired of his grand gestures and for him being the imbecile he was to not notice that he liked her. I mean, he practically was rubbing it in her face that he liked someone else and would plan this elaborate boat ride with the waiter-chick. What was she supposed to think???? And a year later when they talked, he finally wanted to tell her the boat was actually for her because he liked her?????????!?!!?!? 😞 IDIOT. You could have told her when you made her see the boat!!!!!! D-U-M-M-Y!!!!! What a grade A idiot, I don’t know how he got to college. I’m joking. But seriously, he should have told her. At least, he admitted he was an idiot a year later. We love people who are idiots, knowing they were idiots. A self-aware king.

Also if he really liked Quinn back then, he should have known her well enough that she wouldn’t have wanted this dang big gesture on a freaking boat. He should have owned it down. But after Quinn sent that email when he left, Tarek didn’t answer because he was battling his freshman depression and he spiraled with school. Of course, that was understandable and he should focus on himself, but it created this whole awkward mess when he showed up a year later without acknowledging that he knew Quinn liked him. They tried to be friends and Quinn kept convincing herself that they could be friends. When someone has to convince themself that they are just friends, they want to be more than friends.

I did like their cute moments as friends and more than friends. I liked their random castle FaceTime and she showed him around her room. I liked when he teased her about storing mug cakes in her room like it was sacrilegious.

One of my favorite moments between them was when Tarek baked for her. I loved how proud and supportive Quinn was of Tarek’s baking because she knew it was a big deal when his parents let him take the lead. I liked their whole baking together moment because that was really cute. I also liked how he made the special recipe for her. I knew when they were left in the kitchen alone, something something was going to happen 😉. Tarek was a genuinely good guy who was so considerate, thoughtful, kind, compassionate, and understanding. I just didn’t like when he was trying too hard because it felt over the top. When Tarek was dialed down, I appreciated him. But I wanted to know more about Tarek because as much as I love knowing that a guy can be romantic and sweet, I wanted more about his personality. What were his likes and dislikes, who was he besides a romantic? I wanted a first date or proper getting to know you moment because I felt like that would have elevated Tarek as a person rather than a romantic.

Anyway, when Quinn popped off on her parents towards the end, Tarek overheard what she said. She called Tarek nothing to her. And gosh, as a romantic—-the epitome of a romantic—-hearing that he was nothing to Quinn after building this love with her, felt like a punch in the heart.

Or an impalement 😂.

I felt for Tarek though because he loved her and she just reduced him to nothing. And then she said she had fun with him like he was some sort of carnival ride. Sis, you don’t call this very real relationship “nothing” or “fun.” He tried over and over again to prove to her that they could make something work—-he listened, was there for her when she needed someone to confide in, he was supportive of her—-my gosh, he did everything right in my eyes. Quinn also knew what a great guy Tarek was, but she couldn’t get past the knowledge that many relationships don’t work out. She couldn’t see the happy ending or the love Tarek could see. I don’t fault her for that, but she was also hurting Tarek now, and that wasn’t okay.

Tarek was right when he did all these things to make her happy because he wants her to be happy, but Quinn didn’t want a relationship with her. I understand that Quinn needed to get there in her own time, as she should, but I understood where Tarek was coming from and he wasn’t wrong. He shouldn’t force her to be in a relationship, but Quinn also shouldn’t expect him to not be upset when he continuously showed and opened his heart up to her and was there for her, and she wasn’t giving him the same courtesy or respect. She just expected him to be there, knowingly because he was a good friend or something more to her. That’s kind of taunting him if she kept asking him to show up for her when she knows he likes her as much as he did. That’s not really fair or healthy for his mental state because he can’t be with the girl he wants to be and she doesn’t want to be with him either.

Here’s the conflicting emotions I also felt. Quinn said that Tarek hurt her badly the first time around when he never replied to her email, which I get. She had every right to be hurt, but I don’t think she should be so quick to write off love forever because she was hurt. People get hurt all the time when they are in love, that’s why it hurts. She shouldn’t close herself off to love because her parents were not the prime example of love. Sometimes love doesn’t always work out, but it doesn’t mean that it will never. She was fulfilling her self-fulfilling prophecy that they would hurt each other and that if they started something, it wouldn’t work. That was her biggest fear going into a real relationship with him. And she proved herself right by pushing him away when it mattered most for her to be honest.

And I’m not going to blame the parents, BUT PARENTAL BAGGAGE 🤪.

Jokes aside, she really was still processing the brunt of the hurt she felt by her parents faking like they loved each other, one walking away for half a year, and then both of them not talking about it with her. They made her closed off to love because they closed themselves off to her. It’s no wonder she doesn’t believe in love. GOSH, when she said she didn’t even want to try, my heart just dropped. That’s how you know how deep the hurt runs. She didn’t even want to try because it seemed like her parents never tired. She gave up on love. That’s the saddest thing. I just wanted to hug her and tell her that the love her parents have is not the love that she will have. She is not her parents.

“Maybe what I’ve been most scared of is really wanting the kind of love I’ve been around all my life and not receiving it in return. I chose hookups so I could convince myself that was what I wanted: to not be loved.”

(pg. 283)

I know I said this before, but she did hope for love, she just didn’t feel like it was possible for her based on what she was shown in life. I liked the heart-to-heart she had with her sister and they talked about the parents. Quinn needed to have someone to talk to, and I’m glad it was her sister because Asher didn’t understand what Quinn felt or was going through if she didn’t know. I’m glad they also talked about this distance between them and how Quinn was scared they wouldn’t be close or have time for each other now that Asher was getting married. Having open and honest conversations can do wonders because it tells people how you feel—-no one can read our minds. But I also liked that Asher opened Quinn’s eyes to realize that, yea, she was self-sabotaging (and I don’t mean that in a bad way)—-she was hurting herself because she didn’t know love. She wanted love, and I feel like everyone does, but when you don’t believe you deserve it, you push everyone you love away to prove yourself right. Quinn wanted more with Tarek because he did make her feel loved and it took her long enough to realize that. But it’s better late than never, and I’m glad she was opening up again to what love could be.

I still think Quinn might have needed time to process the hurt she had with her parents and the ideas she had of love; jumping into a relationship didn’t seem like the best option. But, whatever works for her. I liked that her parents finally talked to her. It was about time!!!! Six months too late! If they would have talked to her sooner, they would have saved her the heartache and trauma. And honestly, they needed to build their relationship with their daughter and assure her that she was safe and things were going to be okay. They also needed to reassure her that whatever happens next, won’t be her fault because it isn’t. I just felt like Quinn placed a lot of blame on herself, but the parents needed to own up to their faults. Also, good for Quinn for setting boundaries in saying she someday might return to B+B, but right now she wanted to focus on herself. I felt like talking to her sister, parents, and sharing her ideas for the future was what she needed to find peace to move forward.

“That’s what I’ve been chasing, too: change. I said yes to everything my parents wanted because it was easier to go along with what had been decided for me long ago. To grow up and grow into this role.”

(pg. 250)

One of the things I didn’t talk about yet was Maxine. Quinn met Maxine when Quinn was playing at a wedding and Maxine watched Quinn with what she thought was disgust. Maxine asked Quinn to come by her harp studio sometime, and they formed this mentor and mentee relationship that I grew fond of. I thought Quinn needed a safe place to reconnect with why she loved the harp in the first place. I think it’s pretty darn cool Quinn could play the harp because the harp is such a beautiful instrument, but it’s also difficult to play. I give her all the props. Another reason I appreciated Maxine was how Maxine shared her story about how she wanted her kids to play the harp, but her kids all went off to follow their own path. Maxine had to learn to live with her kids doing something different. I believe Quinn needed to hear that even if Quinn wanted to follow her own path someday, that her mom would be okay—-that the mom would learn to live with it. I felt like that was a powerful story for Quinn coming from a mother’s perspective because I would hope the mom would just want Quinn to be happy.

The more time Quinn spent with Maxine, the more she fell in love with the harp again. Music did seem like the most obvious path that gave her passion. I felt like it was difficult for Quinn to feel like Julia, her best friend, knew what she wanted to do and to be completely supported in that when Quinn had the exact opposite scenario—-she didn’t know what to do and her parents support was tentative. Because of this, Quinn and Julia’s relationship wasn’t really featured throughout the story because I think Quinn pushed Julia away. I also believe Quinn’s anger came from how Julia was going to move and she seems like she had it all figured out, but enough had changed in Quinn’s life that she didn’t want her friend to leave.

But I liked that they had a conversation in the end when they both admitted they weren’t being good friends to each other. We love when people are self-aware. I liked that Julia understood Quinn’s fears of not knowing what she was doing.

“You have time,” she says, and I’m trying so hard to believe that . . . “Maxine came to you when you were least expecting her. Maybe this will too.”

(pg. 291)

I agree. We place so much pressure on teens to know what they want to do for the rest of their life, but it should be more normalized that it’s okay to not know. I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up, but over the years, my beliefs had fluctuated, but I have stuck with what I always wanted to do. But not everyone knows what they want to do and that’s perfectly okay. If I was Quinn, I would feel overwhelmed and fearful because that’s so challenging to know. I chose to share this quote because I wanted to remind you that you have time to figure out what you want to do. You can go to college to figure out what interests you, travel, take a year off, work—-do what you need to do and don’t settle for something that doesn’t make you happy.

“Everyone’s been telling me I have time to fall in love, to discover who I want to spend the rest of my life with. But it’s not just a who. It’s a what, too.”

(pg. 295)

I loved that 💜. Discovery is not just with falling in love, but with ourselves—-with what we love.

Of course, there’s a who too, and we want to talk about The Who because this wouldn’t be a romance book without a big gesture to say who. Who is Tarek, by the way 😅.

“How do you convince yourself that it’s worth it?” I ask, voice shaking. “Even knowing it might end in disaster someday?”

“You take a chance,” she says simply, like it really is that easy to close your eyes and leap. “And you hope the other person takes the same one.”

(pg. 283)

I liked that the first time Quinn tried to do a big grand gesture, it didn’t work. I never read a grand gesture that didn’t work, so I guess, there’s a first time for everything.

But gosh, Tarek really is a good guy for not being petty or bitter to Quinn. I liked that he was honest and kind, and that he set boundaries with Quinn. Good for him for protecting his peace because sis SUCKED THE SOUL FROM HIM. I could not after their big fight because it seemed like romantic Tarek just lost all his romantic optimism, and that felt like such a defeat/loss. You could just feel his spirit broken 😢.

I kind go raged at Quinn in my head because do you know how many kind, chivalrous, and genuine boys they are these days? Yea, I don’t know either. They’re an extinct species and she just wiped the last one out.

I mean, GOSH. I wanted to hug him. So when he told Quinn he needed space, I was like, SIS, you done broke his heart AND his spirit 😆.

YIKES.

She needed to pull a grander gesture, and I’m glad they figured it out. I liked how she subtly used her speech during her sister’s wedding to send a message to Tarek. We love an indirect communication method 😂. In all seriousness, I loved her speech—I admired her speech—because she had to put herself out there and be vulnerable about her ideas of love and her feelings. Doing so was such a contrast to the Quinn we all knew wrote off love and closed herself to it, but I could see she was trying. She was taking a chance like Asher told her. Now, the ball was in Tarek’s court to decide if he wanted to take a chance too.

I have to say, I loved that he made the cake for Asher’s wedding. That was his big chance to show his parents that he could step up and bake something magical, and I was proud of him. I liked that even if Quinn and him were awkward at that point, she still put her feelings aside and knew Tarek would make a great baker for the job. They were mature about their platonic relationship. I also liked their very honest conversation in the garden. They both knew they weren’t perfect in what they did to either push or force a relationship. It takes a lot to realize you were wrong. But I liked that they could talk about it and are trying to do better to be respectful of each other’s boundaries.

“It’s not about the gestures . . . the gesture doesn’t mean anything if the couple isn’t right for each other. It’s about the person . . . you make it grand.”

(pg. 319)

I loved loved loved when Tarek said that because I never thought of grand gestures like that. I read about them all the time, but Tarek’s right—–a grand gesture is meaningless if it’s not with the right person you care about. I think it goes to show that Tarek always knew Quinn was the right person because his gestures always felt so grand to her and vice versa. I also liked that Tarek learned that not all gestures have to be grand to be meaningful, that the small gestures are just as sweet. I think he gave up the idea that he had to have a romance like his parents because he wasn’t and that’s completely okay. I’m kind of curious where things will take them because they will both be going to college and figuring things out. But they already got through one hurdle, I like to think they will get through others too.

Was their relationship perfect?

Not at all.

I still stand strong that they both need to take time to themselves because they are still nursing hurt from their situations and from each other. Maybe this is a case of the right person, but wrong time because I don’t feel like they were ready to be in a relationship right now. Quinn needed time to herself with college and her family. Tarek needed time to himself with college and his future. They could support each other in their journey’s but their relationship felt a bit rushed or hurried. I also wanted to know more about Tarek because we know his heart and some of his story, but I felt like we could have dug deeper with him. I wanted to know more about his depression and his family relationship to feel this expectation to have a perfect romance. I wanted to know more about why he was so showy with social media or why his parents didn’t let him bake for them as much. I also wanted more cute moments between Quinn and Tarek that didn’t feel too grand-gesturey and more genuine. I would have also enjoyed more parental closure between Quinn and her family. I hope they work to build something together.

Additionally, I felt like there could have been more closure with Maxine and Julia. It would have been cool if Maxine came to the sister’s wedding and saw Quinn play harp or if Maxine was reintroduced to the parents. I wonder if Quinn was going to work with Maxine more. I also wanted more about Julia because after Quinn and her talked in the car, Julia dropped off the face of the earth, sorry, she left for college. But still, the friendship dynamic could have been stronger. Suffice to say, the story was such a journey and I loved the honest conversations RLS included 💜.

One of the other conversations was Quinn not feeling Jewish enough because she didn’t go to the Synagogue as much. I’m not a highly religious person, so I could understand how Quinn felt because it almost feels like you’re not accepted in your church or by others if you are not devoted enough. I think that religion is something that runs on a spectrum and there is no completely right or wrong (unless you are being rude to others and immoral) way to be religious—if that means going to church every week or only going on holidays. I think if you practice what you practice how you want to, that still makes you religious and no one should make you feel ashamed for that. Religion is supposed to be accepting like race and other social dignities and it makes my heart hurt the way people judge others inclusion in a group if they are “enough” of something. You don’t have to be enough of something to belong if you already belong. Well, that’s my brief spiel about that, but I appreciated RLS talking about how excluded a person can feel from a group because of this idea of being enough of something.

Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? 

What did you think of the book? Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

What is the most awkward way you met someone? I think the most awkward way I met someone was when they accidentally walked in on me using the bathroom 🙈. YIKES. That’s all I’m going to say.

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

4.12 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: I appreciated Quinn and Tarek’s honesty and vulnerability because it takes a lot to open up to others when you have been hurt, and I liked how they were each other’s safe place to talk.

Plot: An honest and heart-gripping story of healing and opening up to love

Writing: RLS doesn’t go light with the things she writes, but she writes it in such a light-hearted and authentic way that talks about real issues 💜

Romance: They had their issues as a couple, but I think when they were both open to love, they had a real shot.