Wait For It by Jenn McKinlay Book Review

“‘See what?’ I asked. We were in the middle of nowhere in the dark. What were we supposed to see? Cactus? Coyotes?

Again she grinned and said, ‘Wait-‘

‘For it,’ I said.”

(pg. 239)

About

Author: Jenn McKinlay

Genre: New Adult Contemporary

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Paris is Always a Good Idea

Synopsis

When her introverted mathematician father announces he’s getting remarried, Chelsea is forced to acknowledge that her life stopped after her mother died and that the last time she can remember being happy, in love, or enjoying her life was on her year abroad. Inspired to retrace her steps—to find Colin in Ireland, Jean Claude in France, and Marcelino in Italy—Chelsea hopes that one of these three men who stole her heart so many years ago can help her find it again. Stuck in a dreary Boston winter, Annabelle Martin would like nothing more than to run away from her current life. She’s not even thirty years old, twice-divorced, and has just dodged a marriage proposal… from her ex-husband. When she’s offered her dream job as creative director at a cutting-edge graphic design studio in Phoenix, she jumps at the opportunity to start over.
 
When she arrives in the Valley of the Sun, Annabelle is instantly intrigued by her anonymous landlord. Based on the cranky, handwritten notes Nick Daire leaves her, she assumes he is an old, rich curmudgeon. Annabelle is shocked when she finally meets Nick and discovers that he’s her age and uses a wheelchair. Nick suffered from a stroke a year ago, and while there’s no physical reason for him not to recover, he is struggling to overcome the paralyzing fear that has kept him a prisoner in his own home.
 
Despite her promise to herself not to get involved, Annabelle finds herself irresistibly drawn to Nick. And soon she wonders if she and Nick might help each other find the courage to embrace life, happiness, and true love.

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To those waiting,

The first book of the summer ☀️

Or well this summer.

To be quite honest, this is the first blog review I have written in a long time—five months to be precise. Yikes. So this book review may sound discordant, but I hope it won’t. I don’t know. There’s just something about getting back into something you used to do all the time and then feeling like you don’t know how to do that thing anymore. Almost like riding a bike as an adult after only riding a bike as a kid—-you remember the motions and how to ride a bike, but remembering how to do something is vastly different than actually getting on the bike and pedaling. Typing these words almost feels scary because of how rusty I feel with writing for myself. You see, I have been consumed with my first year of being a teacher (which can be a whole separate blog post), and it took a lot from me to not blog given how much I wanted to. However, for my sanity, I could not find time to blog while balancing the new responsibilities of teaching. So it was challenging to say the least.

Now it’s summer (or as much of a summer I can have with trainings and all), and I really want to get back to my roots of just writing for me. I miss that—writing and expressing myself for myself. I also just really missed reading and feeling so passionate about what I read. WIth work, I have also experienced the biggest reading slump I’ve ever had since I was ten and I didn’t rediscover a love for reading four years later when I was 14. I just felt like I lost a big portion of myself this past year that felt passionate about things I love because I had to put another passion/dream I had for so long first.

So, Wait for It is my first blog post to reconnect with myself and, hopefully, will be the start of reading books that make me fall in love with reading again.

Sorry, for that long tangent that probably—not even probably— has absolutely nothing to do with my actual review, but it just felt cathartic to write about how I have been feeling this past year and what reading Wait for It has meant to me—-the start of finding myself again in reading.

Let’s get into it, I guess 😅

Annabelle seems like a chill sun on a warm day—very laid back and shining. I loved the effervescent vibes I got from Annabelle and how I could tell how caring her heart was. The only thing that was off-putting was how she used to meet up with her ex husband for their deanniversay. Like, sis, that’s not a good idea if you want to move on 👏🏼. I don’t know, no judgment, but I just don’t think that it is wise for your heart if you are moving on from someone you used to love by seeing them once a year because seeing them again will obviously bring back feelings you used to share with that person. I also agreed that seeing that person repeatedly might send them the wrong message that you’re still interested because you are making the time to see them. Annabelle needed to make like the mayor of a new city and cut that guy out 😂

It was no surprise Jeremy wanted to propose again to Annabelle because he felt like she was interested. I know she didn’t mean to lead Jeremy on or make him feel like she liked him that way, but I guess if I was a guy and this girl kept wanting to see me, I would feel like she was interested. But bro should have read the vibes. But can we also talk about how you should NEVER put an engagement ring in someones food!!!!!! That is the absolute WORST idea ever. Sorry 🙈, no shade. I mean, just think about it. You put the ring in their drink or their food and they might not see the ring or fully feel the ring in their mouth to be aware of what they are swallowing, so now that person is swallowing your engagement ring. And also, they could very well choke. If he proposes to me with a ring in my food or drink, it’s going to be a no from me 😂. Not Annabelle literally having to digest that ring out and send it back to Jeremey 😂.

He should have thought that proposal out better 🤪.

Annabelle had been married twice before the age of thirty.

For some, that’s a red flag, or at the very least, her previous marriages raises flags about why.

She had lost her mother who was battling cancer, and Annabelle fell into a dark place emotionally and needed love or to feel love. I think she was processing her feelings the best she could because losing someone is never easy because a person is a person or something you love that you lose is something you love, so to lose that, feels like you’re losing a part of yourself. I don’t blame her for the darkness or confusion she felt when she lost her mother. I think it was great that Annabelle could look back and see how she latched onto any guy who would marry her at the time as a coping mechanism because she wanted to feel loved. She also really missed her mother, so taking care of others was her way of connecting to her mom and showing that love. I do believe there is a delicate line between coddling someone and caring for them out of love. You need to let a person take care of themselves for them without making them feel like you are trying to control them, but also it is okay to do things for someone because you love them.

In a conversation later in the book, it Annabelle came to a realization that shows up again in her new relationship.

“I just wanted you to need me so much that you would never leave me.'”

(pg. 289)

I could understand what she meant completely.

Sometimes we want to feel loved so badly or to be loved that we do anything for other people so that they feel like they depend on us or that they need us back. In turn, we hope that they will never leave us because they will need us. It’s hard because I know she came from a place of loss and she wanted to fill that missing love in her life with someone else; she didn’t want someone to leave her again.

What she needed was space to heal and properly grieve the loss of her mom. I really wanted more emotional depth to Annabelle in exploring what that loss has meant to her and diving deep into how that effected her because we only grazed the surface of being aware that she was refilling a space in her life, but I wanted to see Annabelle fully understand that and see her let go of feeling like she needed to be needed.

Also, was there a dad ever in the picture or was Annabelle’s family only her mom and her? I mean, where was the rest of Annabelle’s family when Annabelle needed someone to grieve with or lean on?

She had Sophie, which was great, but sometimes we need family.

Sophie offered Annabelle a job position at the right time to help Annabelle escape Jeremy’s proposal. So Annabelle moved to sunny and warm Arizona where she moved into the guest house of a homeowner she had never met and that Sophie and Miguel said to stay away from. Sounds lovely 🤪.

Nick Daire had a lot more depth and was a very interesting character that I loved to psychoanalyze 😂.

I mean, that’s what you do when you read—over psychoanalyze. Tell me I’m wrong.

There was this whole mystery surrounding Nick in the beginning in this accident that changed his life nine months ago. Nine months ago, Nick had a stroke, which is very serious and not something to take lightly as strokes can effect your body and mind in different ways. Nick was thirty-five when he had a stroke, and not many people had a definite answer as to why or what could have caused his stroke.

But Nick had a painful childhood upbringing that I felt played a big factor in the stress he might have felt as an adult. Nick never had the most caring parents—his parents were both addicts after his father was in a car accident. The doctor gave his father painkillers, but instead of helping the way the painkillers were intended, his mother and father got addicted to the painkillers so much that it “prescribed the death of a family” (pg. 91). His mother and father would sell everything for their addiction, and in that time, Nick had to step up and take care of himself and his little sister, Lexi. Eventually, Nick and Lexi found themselves in the foster care system where they were separated. Lexi went far away with a new family that took good care of her, while Nick’s foster family mistreated him in gosh awful ways.

When Nick was old enough, he emancipated himself where he worked as a carpenter. Then he went back to school to get his GED, and took college classes at night to gain knowledge about how to run a business. From there, he started buying properties in low-income neighborhoods to flip houses. He bought more properties on certain locations, and paved his way to the top of Arizona’s business and housing game. Suffice to say, Nick came from hardship and struggle and worked his way to be the best he could be to support himself because he knew what life felt like with barely anything to hold onto; He created something of himself from nothing. I have so much respect for anyone who comes from a hard situation and they turn that situation around to make something of themselves that is better than where they started—-and it doesn’t have to mean you’re at the top of your game, but can be the smallest step up. As someone who has been in personal situations that were challenging, I know what it’s like to work on yourself and your situation to pull yourself out of a dark place into a better one, and it takes the utmost mental and emotional strength to do so. It’s not easy, and so, again, the utmost respect.

But in all the time that Nick was working his butt off to make something of himself and his life, there didn’t really sound like there was any room to relax or just be. His situation sounded like he was constantly working or constantly building from the time he was fourteen, that he never really had a moment to stop, pause, and be—-that he didn’t get to grow up the way most people are fortunate to grow up. And that’s hard. Our childhood and teenage years are very formative years that shape the person we become, but when you are on constant survival mode, you’re not really living.

Nick wasn’t really living.

He was surviving.

He was building.

He was going to the top, but he had no one to share that with because being independent was all he ever known.

He didn’t realize that as much as he was budding, he was budding walls around himself.

Nick’s trauma, stress, and pressure expressed itself in his body feeling the exact same way.

After the stroke, Nick’s left side of his body or his leg would sometimes lose feeling and he would fall to the ground. His doctors gave him a wheelchair to support him whenever that feeling came back and he needed support to move around. No matter how many doctors and specialists that Nick paid to see, they didn’t have a clear answer as to what was causing the left side of his body to lose feeling. Many doctors and Jackson, did say that Nick’s body losing feeling could be because of a mental health issue that he needed to seek help in. Nick didn’t want to believe that the reason he would lose feeling was mental. I understand that. In society, we have been better about vocalizing about mental health to not make it shameful, but for men, I feel like talking about mental health is still very hard because men are supposed to be these “strong,” “infallible” people that we can depend on, that we don’t give them room to be human; Men can have mental health issues and that doesn’t mean they are weak, but human. I am not a man, so I can’t speak for men, but I have a brother and a father, and I know that it was always difficult for them to express or even acknowledge that they might be going through something mentally. Heck, it’s hard for them express their emotions healthily sometimes because they think emotions make them less of a man. But I honestly admire men who talk about their emotions in a healthy way and are open to being vulnerable about emotions because it shows that they are aware and connected to the human part of themselves. I just think as a society, we ingrained for so long that men had to be physically and emotionally strong, that it is difficult to unlearn a whole indoctrination.

But I hope we get to a place where men, and all people, feel comfortable talking about how they feel and the emotions they are experiencing because that’s where the humanity and the human connection lies.

Nick just had a very strong fortress around his mind. Also, his ego was very hard on him.

I don’t mean ego as in Nick was self-centered, but he had a lot of pride. Again, which I feel (not that I am trying to overgeneralize) a lot of men also feel. When I say pride, I mean feeling very esteemed about who you are and your successes. Because here was Nick, a guy on the top of his game—-business-wise and looks-wise—and then his life suddenly changed and now he didn’t feel very confident or prideful in who he was. He lost his sense of pride because he held a lot of shame and embarrassment as a man. His shame and embarrassment partly came from comparing himself to who he used to be and feeling like he could never live up to that person again, which when you change, you can never be the person you were and that isn’t a bad thing. When I had my ED, I changed. I could never be the person I was emotionally or physically before my ED, and in time, I realized that wasn’t a bad thing because I learned so much more about myself and my inner-strength. But as people, we can be so hard on ourselves because we are so used to things being one way and when that one thing changes, it’s like our whole life is upended and we want that comfort back. And I get that.

Nick wanted to feel like his old self again because he lost a big part of who he was—the person who felt confident and proud of himself.

“‘How could she see me as anything but a broken man?'”

(pg. 178)

One thing that repeated very heavily and broke my heart was Nick’s harsh self-talk.

I was just sobbing at the fact that he saw himself so lowly as to call himself repeatedly, a broken man. Genuinely, anytime Nick spoke of himself in relation to others liking him, he called himself a broken man. Just because you use a wheelchair or are different, doesn’t make you broken. We all need support in life whether it’s using a wheelchair, a cane, hearing aids, glasses. Even the things that we cannot see, we all have things that have “broken” or are “breaking” us, but that doesn’t mean we are “broken” or “breaking.” We are just humans bearing the break and finding ways to heal from the cracks that are fissuring.

However, I could understand how and why Nick felt the way he did—his feelings were valid. It’s hard not to see yourself as “broken” because you are not this subjective societal view of “normal.”

Broken is always tied to feeling unloveable.

I mean, I’m not crying when I’m writing this 😭.

But, yea.

I just feel like there’s this narrative of when people say that they are “broken,” we believe that we can’t be loved because “why would anyone love someone who is broken?” And I feel that. I feel that a lot. Again, we all have pieces of ourselves that have broke or feel broken, and I know there are many times where I felt like, “Well, no one will love me because I’m so broken and have all this baggage.” I know that’s not a kind thing to say to myself, but I’ve been there and it sucks. I feel like this broken and unlovable narrative comes from society in making us feel like only those who know and love themselves and have it all figured out, can find love because they are “whole” and “normal” and worthy of love. But I always questioned that if everyone is a little big broken and never 100% whole at a given time, why can’t we all find love? Aren’t people supposed to be there with you to help mend those broken pieces? That you should never heal alone?

I don’t know, just some wonderings I thought.

Nick felt unloveable because he wasn’t this strong man in his prime. The vibe I got from the second I met Nick was a man holding onto a mountain of shame and embarrassment of who he was now; someone who would never leave the house, someone who hid away, someone who pushed people away because he was afraid of them seeing him as less.

Shame and fear can cause a lot of distance that only ends up hurting yourself to all those who care about you.

Nick had a supportive system around him that he kept at arms length.

I quite liked Jackson—-soooooo funny and sassy. We love a sass king 💚.

I honestly wanted more Jackson moments because of his sass and how he was unfailingly honest with Nick no matter if Nick wanted to hear it or not. We need those kinds of people in our lives. Also, every book has that one wingman best friend to be on your shiz 👏🏼.

I liked Lupita and Guzman besucase what a cute little couple who were very open and kind. Nick had a good group of people in his life that he didn’t let care for him because he refused to let them pass the barricade to break down the wall around his heart.

Even his sister.

Lexi found Nick after twenty-years. She went to his McMansion to ask Nick to support her on her new development project in Arizona that would be entirely made with a green-initiative with, which I LOVED. I mean, are we doing green-initiative housing in real life? Because if not, we should 👏🏼!!! I didn’t like how the first thought Nick had when his sister showed up was that she wanted money from him. I understood why he asked her that because he was the rich brother that she didn’t contact all these years and now she was. I understand how Nick also felt hurt that Lexi only reached out to him after all this time just for his support. I mean, they could have both reached out to each other if they really wanted to, so really, he shouldn’t be pointing any fingers. I know he watched over her by secretly giving her scholarship money and making sure she was safe by following her social media, but if he really wanted to, he could have established that reconnection.

Also, she could have reached out too. There was something said about how Lexi’s dad (foster dad) wouldn’t have liked if Nick reached out to Lexi. I’m not sure why, but they are blood brother and sister, I don’t think anyone should have any say on whether or not who can reach out to who when they are family. Anyway, I also didn’t like how Nick’s first reaction was to say no to Lexi because he didn’t want Lexi to see him as less.

“I couldn’t be less in her eyes now than I was then.”

(pg. 129)

This feeling goes back to Nick’s pride and feeling embarrassed and ashamed of who he was now. He used to be the strong one to watch over and take care of his sister, but if his sister knew he had a stroke and used a wheelchair, he feared she would see him as weak. The thing is, Lexi was his sister. I don’t think that she would have seen him as weak or less then, but she would have wanted to be there for him and understand him because they love each other. Because there was that undeniable love between them still even if they were both kind of upset that they didn’t reach out to each other sooner; Nick would always be the protective big brother. He just needed to not let his fear and pride get in the way of connecting his his sister who needed his help.

Nick also put Annabelle at a distance because he was interested but didn’t want her to see him as he was.

First of all, calling Annabelle his tenant was a dic* move, but funny 😂. Second, creepily watching Annabelle from his peeping tom window was weird. Like, sis knows you be looking. Also, can we just take a moment to have a fully body spider-crawling-down-the-back shake over how she thought the landowner was an older, retired man and how she knew said man was peeping at her through his window. I would be CREEPED OUT if I thought an older man was sneaking glances at me from his house when I’m chilling by the pool or on the patio 😫. I would be creeped out if it was any man peeping through a window and I didn’t know them. I would have moved. Third, these rules were DUMB 🤪. Ummm, excuse me, no one is using the pool and hot tub, like heck, I will use it. I feel like that’s a waste of a perfectly perfect space if no one uses it. Also, I think Nick made up all of these stupid rules just to give Annabelle space from himself and it gave him something to do. You have to admit, I bet he liked the feeling of sticking it to her when he put the note on her door or when he got a note back. Probably thee most action he got in the last nine months. Obviously, their little back and forth game kind fo begged the question of if he only liked her this much because proximity and she was the first female he saw in a long time or if they actually like liked each other. In some books, I would question the proximity being a convenience for their relationship building, but with Wait for It, I genuinely felt a connection between Annabelle and Nick that was honest, which I loved.

I loved how Annabelle was the one person who challenged him and didn’t back down.

“Nick’s shut himself off form the entire world. No friends, no family, no visitors, no one gets on the estate. Until you rented the guest house, it was just the four of us–day in and day out. I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t disappear because of this. Be a presence he can’t ignore; that will help him.”

(pg. 157)

I loved how she challenged Nick by using his hot tub and not his pool, and how she took in Sir the cat. I freaking laughed when she had her party with the loud music and using Nick’s pool and hot tub, and it seemed like Nick wasn’t home to see her breaking all the rules to aggravate Nick enough to meet him. I mean, that would suck that she would go through all this effort to meet him—and potentially be evicted—only for him to not be home the one night she wanted him to notice her like that.

Nick did notice Annabelle’s “little” party and invited her to his house the next day to talk to him. They had a nice conversation with each other where there was obvious attraction between them. Then there was the whole part where the gym equipment crashed and Nick tried to protect and save Annabelle from the fallout. I was worried in the moment because we know Nick loses feeling in one side of his body and that he sometimes uses a wheelchair for support, so I wasn’t sure if protecting Annabelle would trigger him, which would be the last thing Nick would want. When Jackson ran into the room and helped Nick by bringing his wheelchair, I was kind of covering my eyes for Nick because I know in his mind, all the shame, embarrassment, and self-hate was running rampart in his brain; In his brain, he’s thinking I finally met this beautiful woman only for her to see how “broken” I am. NICK YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!!!!

But gosh.

If only Nick could have picked Annabelle’s brain afterward to know that she wasn’t viewing him as weak, but was naturally curious as to what happened and how she wanted to know him better. I enjoyed their cordial conversation when he brought Sir to her and he apologized for being angry and sending her away after the gym equipment fell. I thought their conversation was a nice way to step up to the barricade around his heart and say I see you and I want to know you. I thought it was a great idea that Nick was going to help Annabelle with her client problem by saying he knew someone—which, I knew he meant Lexi. He could help both people at the same time without really showing himself.

Annabelle worked for Vasquez Squared, which Sophie and her husband Miguel owned and ran. Annabelle had been more of a freelance artist, so she wasn’t used to working in a corporate setting or with a large group of people. However, she now had this huge role as director, so that meant stepping up and showing up on time. As someone who just got her first job this past year, acclimating to a job, yet along the workplace environment, is something else. I don’t think anyone fully talks about how difficult it can be to go from not working to suddenly figuring out how to be a worker, a coworker, and in Annabelle’s case, a director. I mean, people were relying on her and looking up to her. She also wanted to make friends and fit in to being in Arizona, so that was another thing she had to navigate. What didn’t help was Carson West, who can honestly suck my toes for how sucky a person he was.

I didn’t quite like the Carson West subplot because I didn’t think it added any real value or significance to the story that helped move the story along. I thought it was a subplot that was included for fun or for laughs to have a common enemy. I guess, Carson did help move the story along by creating tension that we saw between Sophie and Miguel, which led us to figuring out that they were having marriage issues. They started the company together, however, in recent years, they haven’t been working as a team or on an equal basis. Not being on the same page, caused tension, and Sophie wanted to hire Annabelle for director instead of Miguel promoting Carson because Sophie had bad vibes about Carson. But Carson was Miguel’s ride or die fraternity brother, but that doesn’t mean Carson was a good person who deserved the promotion.

Carson was more bitter than a lime. Heck, he was a nuance and gave me a headache for how irritating he was 🙄. What a petty prick that he kept trying to make Annabelle look bad because he was jealous he didn’t get the promotion I didn’t like how he basically told Annabelle to get up on the bar and shake her tits, and then Annabelle got called into Miguel’s office to be reprimanded about telling Carson to show everyone how it was done. I mean, dude attacked her at the bar—to which he wasn’t even invited to because no one wanted him there—and then she clapped back at him, and now it was “unprofessional” because she hurt his feelings as his superior. What a load of bologna. Carson can go cry in a corner.

Also, someone better show everyone security footage from the elevators because the fact that this sleaze ball would approach Annabelle and corner her in the elevators to be a bully, was not only a jerk move, but a CREEPY A** move 👏🏼!!!! Like don’t you dare come near her, touch her, or look at her. Honesty, what a creep.

Also, detested the fact that he snuck into her freaking office to steal her company credit card to make all theses outrageous charges to make her look like she was overspending company money. Carson’s brain: “Oh yea, let me steal her company credit card and charge it to all these places she had never been before in Arizona.” Real stupid 🤪. Like, are you seriously that dumb?! She’s new to Arizona and wouldn’t have even gone to these places or known about them. Freak yea, they were going to catch him in the act because no one else was out to get her. Can we also be quite honest to say the whole Carson trying to frame her plot was predictable? Because we all knew it was him.

Can we take a moment to appreciate how Jenn McKinlay name dropped her other book title when talking about the charges being made to her account? Like, I saw what you did there.

Don’t even get me started on when this LOSER got caught on video sneaking into Annabelle’s office, taking her credit card, and putting it back, and when they fired him for it, he tried to manipulate and spin teh story around to act all appalled like Annabelle was the bad guy framing him for doing exactly what he did. I’m sorry, not only are you a LOSER and a SLEAZE, add in a MANIPULATOR and GAS LIGHTER and RED FLAG. Ain’t nobody going to and should not date his a** because he will gas light you 👏🏼! LOSER.

I didn’t like Carson and I am not apologizing for that.

I also found it highly laughable that he would spin the story around to make Annabelle the villain. I’m sorry, did we not have cold hard proof of you sneaking into her office. Like, are you the one deluded? Should we replay the video? idiot. He should have just left with whatever dregs of dignity he had left—not that he had any. I’m glad that Sophie and Miguel were on better terms, so Carson was good for one thing. I would have liked to explore more Sophie and Miguel’s relationship and the tension there because the tension probably had to be more than just Carson. I do feel like Sophie was a one-time friend in the sense we really saw her once or twice and didn’t really get to see her friendship with Annabelle. Seeing the friendship dynamic or hearing them converse more about what each other was goign through would have been a nice perspective or moment.

Anyway, back to Nick and Annabelle.

“That, right there, use that insec–pardon me, that frustration to give yourself momentum. Push yourself. Prove yourself. Win the job you have, leaving no question who it belongs to.”

(pg. 175)

I found it funny how Nick gave Annabelle advice on being new to the office workplace environment, but he was also kind of giving himself advice too. Nick also needed to push himself and prove to himself that he always belonged in the spaces he belonged, and even if his life changed, he still belonged. He needed to use his frustration and fear to give him momentum to get going instead of letting that fear keep him rooted.

When Annabelle knew about Nick’s secret and didn’t judge him for being someone who used a wheelchair, there was a new level of trust between them that I liked. There’s just something special about being able to be yourself around people and to feel like they don’t think of you differently for that, and I loved how Annabelle made him feel that way.

Okay, now, now, I am the absolute worst sucker for a starry night scene—you know, when main characters sit or lie under the stars and have late night conversations.

Jenn McKinlay delivered.

“As I watched the falling stars—I didn’t care if it was technically a meteor shower—I made wish after wish, and they all began and ended with her.”

(pg. 243)

Screaming. Crying. Wishing 🥺💚.

I mean, get you someone who wishes on stars for you 👏🏼!!!!

Or get you someone who wishes that they could be better for you. Oh, don’t even get me started on how he said “that there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do to be on the receiving end of that smile” (pg. 238). Man. Where do I find someone who says that they would do anything for me to be on the receiving end of my smile 🤧. Sucks to suck 😂.

I just loved how Annabelle planned this whole romantic evening to get Nick out of the house because he doesn’t get out of the house much. And the evening was so special between them because it was just them, the stars, and the obvious love that was forming between them. I love how they could just talk and be honest with each other. Annabelle also brought levity to his life by literally and figuratively helping him open up his windows to let the light in. I loved this lightness Nick carried with him the more time he spent with Annabelle—we swam in the pool with her, they joked around, they went out together as much as they could. I know there were moments where Nick voiced that he didn’t like going out because he would get tired or worried that he would lose feeling in one side, which is a concern, but I liked that he tried to go for her because he wanted to show her more of Arizona.

There was a extremely deep and heavy moment that did trigger Nick at one point—when they went to Denny’s late at night. They were eating their meal and Nick saw this young woman with her kids in the parking lot and the father was yelling at the mother and the kids were huddled, looking after each other. I think anyone looking at the window would have been sympathetic or worried about the woman, but Nick understood that woman and those kids better than anyone because he was that kid. I loved how Jenn McKinlay included Emily and Elijah because it highlighted Nick’s heart in how he does want to help and make a difference in people’s lives, but what he had been through in the last nine months, really altered how he chose to help. I also loved how she mirrored Nick’s story with another family because the other family gave Annabelle a chance to understand and to know Nick’s childhood. I mean, Annabelle would never fully understand Nick’s childhood, but she could see how much his childhood had meant/hurt him to know that it affected him deeply. I was so proud of Nick for talking to Emily and saying that he understood her and was like her—on the kid end—of what was happening because she would trust him; It is not easy to open up about childhood trauma, but I feel like when you do open up—if and when you are ready and comfortable—you will find how your not alone in how you felt.

Because Emily and Elijah’s situation was so similar to his and the adrenaline of helping them was high, Nick lost feeling in his legs. I kind of felt the anxiety coming because of the way he was hyper focused on Emily and Elijah from the diner window and how nervous he seemed during and after helping them—-like when you have one last bout of strength and you use it all. Knowing Nick, I knew he was going to feel all kinds of shame and embarrassment about collapsing on the ground and hitting his head. But again, he had nothing to feel ashamed of because at the end of the day, all anyone would think in that situation would be, “are you okay?” No way is anyone thinking, “wow, this person is weak.”

I felt it coming too when Nick got home that night and thought to himself that he had to cut whatever thing he had with Annabelle. Nick was letting his shame win over again. Dude really said let me sleep with her one more time before I break things off, which is honestly a sucky move if you ask me 😅.

Annabelle also knew Nick well enough that their time together was coming to an end because of Nick’s (STUPID) I only stay with a person for three months. I mean, why three months? And also, what’s wrong with you 😂? Dumb dumb. Or in the great words of Jackson:

“Are you terminally stupid?”

(pg. 301)

Exactly.

I digress. Annabelle called Lexi to tell her that her brother collapsed and that he might need someone to look after him. Annabelle didn’t tell Lexi about her brother having had a stroke a while back and how he used a wheelchair, which I thought was a good move because that’s not for her to tell, but I liked how Annabelle thought that someone should be there for Nick. Nick really didn’t have anybody if you thought about it. He had Jackson, Lupita, and Guzman, but all those people may come and go in his life because they just worked for him—they were paid by him. With their three months almost up, Annabelle also felt like she didn’t really matter to him if she was going to let her go. If he let her go, she wanted to know he was okay, which was why she called the only person who would stay after all this time—someone irreplaceable—his sister. Family is family.

Nick never gave Lexi the time or space to care for him. I understand as the big brother he wanted to protect Lexi and take care of her, and that it would be weird—almost wrong—if the situation was the other way around, but it’s not. We have people in our life for a reason.

Nick was obviously peezed off that Annabelle had called Lexi, and yes, like every main character who is peezed off, he “weaponized Annabelle’s past against her” because he was mad. I liked how Jenn McKinlay termed it “weaponized someone’s past” because I do read and see it often enough to know that when someone’s angry, they will throw the thing that hurts the most back at you because they feel hurt and they want you to hurt just as much.

In the time they were angry at each other, Annabelle’s second ex-husband, Gavin, or the Big Disappointment (BD), texted her to say he was in town. BD was stopping by to visit his dad but teared Annabelle was in Phoenix, so he stopped by to see her. You know, as someone who was termed the Big Disappointment, he sure was not a bad person. I liked that he was aware enough to recognize that Annabelle only married him because she didn’t know what she was doing when lost her mother. But if dude knew she was coming from a place of confusion, why propose to her and get married? Both were going through it. But what I loved most about the BD was how he was completely honest with Annabelle about why things didn’t work out between them. I have never been in a relationship, but I think it would be so cool to have a conversation with that person to understand where they were coming from as to why things didn’t work. I think that’s brave to want to know so you can understand how you can work on yourself to be better in future relationships.

Gavin said how Annabelle treated him like a mother and coddled him. Nick also mentioned something similar when explaining why he felt like breaking things off with her—-that she acted like a mom when taking care of him when he was a grown man who could take care of himself. I understood Annabelle was just taking care of Nick because she loved him, but I also understood where Gavin was coming from in how he was a man who could take care of himself. However, there is no shame in admitting or asking for help. Gosh, I truly am the epitome of someone who can see reason on both sides 😅. One of the biggest reasons Annabelle had so much motherly care in her heart was because she had this space where her mother was that she was filling by caring for others. I loved when Annabelle could admit to herself that she cared for others so much because she wanted them to need her. I think that was. great self-realization moment for her and myself because sometimes we do things because we think we are helping, but to others, our actions are seen in a different line—that there’s usually a deeper reason to some of our actions.

I also liked what Gavin said about:

“‘You can’t fix other people, honey. They have to want to fix themselves.'”

(pg. 289)

I completely agree.

You can’t change someone if they don’t want to change, and you can’t fix someone if they don’t want to take the steps to fix, or I say, heal themselves. That has to come from them. And as much as Annabelle would love to fix and heal people for them, which is emphasizes her loving heart, she can’t do that for everyone.

I also liked how Gavin told Annabelle that sh shouldn’t settle for a diamond in the rough because she deserved someone so much more, which abso-freaking-lutley. So when Annabelle stood up for what she wanted—telling Nick to come to the gala to support her and Lexi, it really disappointed me when I could feel Nick already gear up to say no. He said no because “he couldn’t be the man she needed.” I mean, what even defines a man (besides the physical)? But man, Nick, seriously???????? 😫

Your woman was saying she needed you and wanted you there, and you can’t show up?????? Bro needed to put his pride aside. I don’t even feel like Nick was mad at what Annabelle was asking, but he was more angry at himself because of the shame he held onto so strongly like a crutch.

“‘You’re afraid to let anyone in . . . You say you were at the top of the world but you were alone up there, Nick.”

(pg. 289)

This is something I often think about and how we work so hard to be at a certain place in our life and we don’t realize how many people we lose in that process to get to where we want to be, that when we’re finally there, it’s not as sweet because we don’t have anyone to share that moment with.

“‘Now you have people in your life who care about you and what terrifies you even more than that is that you care about them, too.”

(pg. 289)

Spit those facts, Annabelle 👏🏼!!!

But I don’t blame Nick for being afraid. When you’re not used to receiving love, it’s difficult to know how to receive it because love is so new to you. I also feel like Nick didn’t want to receive love for other people to hurt even worse if something were to happen to him or to happen to them if he couldn’t be there to protect them from harm.

My absolute favorite moment from Annabelle though was when she POPPED OFF on Nick 👏🏼!!!!!!!

Even more than she already did.

“‘Lexi needs you. She needs her big brother at the most important event in her life. And I need you, too.’

‘No, you don’t,’ he said. He gestured to his body and said, ‘What can I possibly do for you, for any of you, Annabelle, if I drop dead tomorrow?’

‘You could be with me today’, I countered.”

(pg. 289)

DANG GIRL, YOU TELL HIM 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼!!!!!!!

What a comeback.

Do you see a wind blowing because that sentence about knocked me out 😂.

Because we know Nick and his insecurities because he’s very stubborn and set in his mind about something, but when Annabelle said that, I felt like some part of her words angered him because she was right. There’s always going to be this fear that if you love someone that you don’t want to hurt them. But we never know what happens or what is going to happen, and we all should live in the moment because that is what we have right now. As much as Nick was worried about what loving his family and Annabelle would cause, he should love them and live in the moment of that love because it is better to have loved and loss then to have never loved at all because he was scared to lose that love in the first place.

I genuinely was here for when Jackson opened a can of therapeutic whoop a** on Nick.

Jackson made Nick think about his whole hitting his head on the ground moment from a reversed perspective, which made Nick understand why Annabelle reached out to Lexi. He realized that she loved him enough to call the one person who would be there when everyone else wouldn’t and that he shouldn’t have been so harsh on her for trying to do the right thing.

“The fierce teenager who had struck out on his own, refusing any help from anyone, was still inside me. I could feel him rejecting the doctor, Jackson, Annabelle, and Lexi. He didn’t want to have anyone in his life whom he might care about. He didn’t want to be vulnerable. He didn’t want to get hurt. And he most definitely didn’t want to be abandoned again.

Out of fear, I’d let him have his way for a very long time. Annabelle was right. I was afraid. I’d kept everyone at a distance.”

(pg. 303-4)

As I said before, it is difficult to unlearn lessons or emotions we grew up feeling.

There was that hurt, scared, and angry kid in Nick who grew up on the defensive of survival because that’s all he ever knew. He knew to only rely on himself because he didn’t have anyone to take care of him, however in doing so, he put up walls where he didn’t want to be hurt again by people he thought were supposed to love him. That’s rough and that sucks. I feel like sometimes we think we are okay with how we isolate ourselves, but deep down we want people to actually see us and to not be alone, but when isolation is all we ever know, it’s difficult for that to not be our default. I also think that sometimes we say we want something when we actually want the very opposite—Nick wanted people to be distant and away when what he really needed and wanted was to be loved. Putting people at a distance is far easier because they can’t be let in and they can’t come close enough to know you or judge you for who you are—a protection/defense mechanism.

The moment Nick looked up at Jackson and asked his ‘brother’ for help, near about did me 😭. That’s such a huge feat for Nick and I was so proud of him.

It’s weird because I remember recently taking a random survey somewhere—you know, those random Buzzfeed ones—and one of the questions was, “What is the hardest thing for you to do?” or something like that. I remembered being completely honest with myself and clicked on asking for help. The results said most people felt the same thing. We are so ingrained to be independent as people and to never rely on others, that I feel disheartened that even I am afraid to ask for help when I know I need it. Nick asking for help and being honest with himself, was so beautiful.

That was the first step in him wanting to heal and recognizing that what he felt in his mind was real.

I loved loved loved the moment when Nick showed up at the gala at just the right moment *chefs kisses 😘👌🏼*

We all knew he was going to show up at the gala because he had to make his grand gesture and grand reentrance into the world. I wanted to hug Lexi though when she started speaking because as someone who is also not big on public speaking, I felt for her. But can we back track for a moment to talk about how I could see Lexi and Jackson being a thing from a mile away!?! I freaking laughed when Nick heard Jackson call Lexi babe and he was like, “What?” 😂 I would have liked to explore more of Lexi and Jackson’s chemistry because they were both strong and fun characters. That’s the thing that I would have enjoyed the most—learning and reading more about the other characters in the story. Don’t get me wrong, I know the book is not about the other characters, but I feel like if other characters are included in the story, then we should get to know them more and see their interactions with the main character or with other characters. I don’t know, that’s something I personally enjoy a lot when I read a book—seeing all the characters interact/their dynamic.

I digress.

“I saw faces I hadn’t seen in over a year. Builders, bakers, investors, city officials, all of the people who cared about Phoenix, who were invested in its growth and development, and I was surprised that instead of feeling like the outside I’d always thought I was, I felt like one of them. One of the people committed to making our city the best place in the world to live, to raise a family, and to pursue dreams.”

(pg. 307)

I loved this moment where Nick is taking in the crowd of people before him. He hid away for the better part of a year because he was ashamed, so for him to go out there and think how he always belonged and had nothing to be ashamed of was so huge. I loved that for him. Because Nick’s heart was always in the right place, I think his mind really hurt what he thought and felt of himself. I also was extremely proud of Nick for taking that leap to be open about what he had been going through the past eleven months—how he went from zero to a hundred in telling no one to telling everyone. What a moment for Lexi too because she did not know that her brother used a wheelchair or had a stroke. Oh, can we talk about how cute it was Elijah had his moment wheeling Nick in and how proud he was of himself. I love Elijah. I also loved when he ran up to Nick and gave him a big hug that one moment after Nick helped Emily, his little sister, and him stay at an Inn 😭. That was sweet; what a sweetie boy.

After the whole speech, Nick went to talk to Annabelle because he royally screwed up with her.

I liked that he opened up to Annabelle about how he was talking to a psychiatrist because that also emphasizes how he was trying to put in the work to want to heal. I would have liked to explore more about what Nick was talking about or what his first session was like to kind of emotionally understand the internal healing journey he was going to go on.

“‘Yeah, well, my crazy thing was to have my body give out so I could hide in my house for months.’ My voice was bitter with self-disgust.

She shook her head. ‘You weren’t hiding. You were regrouping. In a way, you could look at it as your anxiety protecting you by giving you the solitude you needed to heal’.”

(pg. 37)

I loved loved loved when Annabelle said the quote above.

I think sometimes we don’t understand things until we understand them.

I heard on a podcast once that it is always our hardships that allow us to grow because they show us how strong we can be. I really resonated with this idea because when I look back on most of the things that fostered the most growth in me as a person, those moments are primarily moments that broke me. If I hadn’t experienced those moments, I would not be the person I am today. And this is not to say I would wish hardship on anyone because, my gosh, hardship is a painful and arduous road, but when most of us reflect on situations that built us, it is the moments that broke us.

And I truly believe that sometimes we are given spaces and times to focus on ourselves to heal.

When I was in that dark place, I remembering pushing people away in the sense that I stopped hanging out with them or talking to them as much. I just kind of isolated myself because it was easier for me to be by myself when I wasn’t ready to talk about what I was experiencing/explain it. I also wasn’t sure how to be a good friend to myself, so I didn’t know if I could be a good friend to others. So I isolated myself. I lost a lot of connection with friends that I wish I could have again now, but I don’t know if it’s too late because they all have moved on and found their own group of friends. But I know I needed that time to myself to “regroup” and to “heal.” Some might have seen my isolation as hiding away, but it was my time and space to protect myself and take care of myself. And I personally think it is okay to take time and space to focus on yourself if you feel that is what is best for you.

There’s this idea I heard once about how, “In the delay, you are being developed.”

This quote made me think about how sometimes we wonder why things don’t happen—like why am I not in this relationship, why don’t I have this job, why don’t I have this opportunity—and it sucks. But I like to think about it now in the sense that maybe things are not working as you think it may because you are waiting for something better, bigger, and more fitting for you. And until you get to that point where you finally meet or find that thing you are waiting for, you are being developed—-you are growing—into what you need to be and what you need to have to be prepared for what you have been waiting for.

A wait for it moment ✨.

Just like the end, I loved how Nick is genuinely happy and working towards healing

“I was in the arms of my reckless, impulsive goddess, and every bit of pain and hardship that had brought me to this place with her was worth it.”

(pg. 330)

Because most things are worth the wait 💚.

We might not like the internal battle or struggle of waiting for whatever to happen, but when it does happen, I like to think we understand why we waited or why things happened as they did to be worth it.

Like why it was worth it to wait for the right person or the right love. Or why it was worth it to wait for the right job. Or why it was worth it to wait for the right opportunity.

When we rush into things, we don’t appreciate the value of how special that thing could be—we settle because we think that thing couldn’t be as special as we dreamed or hoped it to be. But let the wait be worth it. Let the dream and hope be worth it.

Healing is not easy and it is a journey that takes work, time, and space. But healing is worth it.

So if there is one thing I would like to leave you with if you have read to this point is to wait for it.

Wait for what feels right to you.

Even if it means waiting longer than you would like or thought you would.

We are all on different chapters and no chapter is wrong, just different. I know as a someone in my twenties, I feel so behind on people who are having kids, getting married, buying a house, heck, even dating. But if I spent my whole life feeling awful for being on chapter one, I will never appreciate the beauty of starting chapter one—everyone’s different.

I also think when people say, “wait for it,” waiting negates the sense of agency. When I say wait for it, I don’t actually mean to sit on your couch, reading a book, scrolling through social media, and expect that the thing you are waiting for will knock on your door. It will not. Trust me, I know 😅. I mean, I wish. But I realized life doesn’t work like that. Waiting doesn’t mean don’t do anything. In the time you are waiting, work on yourself and challenge yourself to be uncomfortable. Sometimes that means staying home and doing the hard work on what internally needs healing, but also that means knowing when to go out—go out with friends, go out to volunteer, just do something. I know for me, I have thought for the longest time that I will just wait for the right person, and I still will. But I realized that I can’t wait for the right person if I don’t know what kind of person that is and if I don’t go out and see what kind of people I like. So I need to challenge myself to go out more and try.

So waiting, doesn’t mean do nothing and hope for the best.

Waiting is putting in the work while you wait for what will be worth it.

Because you put in the work.

just like how Nick wrote I love you a freaking 1,000 times. Honestly, if a dude has that much time on his hands to handwrite he loves you a 1,000 times, ask for his hand in marriage. Or maybe he’ll ask you first 😉.

Not going to lie, Nick’s proposal felt a bit too soon for me, and I would have loved an epilogue letter of him proposing, but that’s okay.I just thought that that was wild that he had the time to wrote how much he loved Annabelle a freaking 1,000 times. Even detention back in the day didn’t make you write you punishment that much.

Anyway, I really enjoyed Wait for It as it was a light-hearted read that discussed the hardship of healing and what it means to battle negative self-thoughts after a life-changing moment. I also liked how the story talked about relying on family and being okay with asking for help because we all need help at one point, and we should know that it is never a burden to have people in our life to ask for help from. What I loved most about the book now that I think about it, was the lesson that I am going to take with me wherever I go, and that’s the beauty of reading isn’t it?

To learn and to enjoy 💚.

What was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? What did you think of the book? 

Where is a dream place you would like to visit for vacation?

Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

3.88 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: I loved Annabelle’s joy and light she brought not only to the story, but to Nick’s life. I loved how Nick contrasted Annabelle well and how he had a deeper storyline that was engaging to read about.

Writing: A cute, but introspective summer read

Plot: I love when romances are not only about romance, and Wait For It had mental health, disability representation, and healing in the wait. I would have liked something a bit more, I can’t put my finger on it, but still a very solid read.

Romance: Sometimes steamy like a burning Arizona day 😉. Oh, and I liked the tension and way that Annabelle and Nick didn’t feel super instant love or completely like they fell in love by proximity, but that they built up their relationship through vulnerability.