This Time Will Be Different By Misa Sugiura Book Review

“People talk about starting over after they’ve made a big mistake or a bad choice in life. But you can never really start over. You can’t fully reset. And I don’t think you should. There’s no point in dwelling on the past, buy you can acknowledge it and try to make things better. Or try a new way, and know that this time will be different.”

(pg 386)

About

Author: MIsa Sugiura

Genre: Young Adult Contemporary Historical-relevance

Click to buy book

Click to read other book reviews

Click for Mila Sugiura’s Website

Synopsis

Katsuyamas never quit—but seventeen-year-old CJ doesn’t even know where to start. She’s never lived up to her mom’s type A ambition, and she’s perfectly happy just helping her aunt, Hannah, at their family’s flower shop.

She doesn’t buy into Hannah’s romantic ideas about flowers and their hidden meanings, but when it comes to arranging the perfect bouquet, CJ discovers a knack she never knew she had. A skill she might even be proud of.

Then her mom decides to sell the shop—to the family who swindled CJ’s grandparents when thousands of Japanese Americans were sent to internment camps during WWII. Soon a rift threatens to splinter CJ’s family, friends, and their entire Northern California community; and for the first time, CJ has found something she wants to fight for.

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To those wronged by history,

Reading this book could not have come at a better time in my life. As a sophomore in college, I have to take all these general classes and this is the semester I chose to take an American and the World class because I needed a history class. And I don’t think I would have fully appreciated or understood this book as much as I did if it weren’t for having some historical context of history. Not so much in the sense of Asian history or what happened with Japanese internment—–because I’m Asian and I know a lot about the history—–but in the sense of so many cultures in history being wronged and how people of today are seeking acknowledgement or rectification with that.

This book has a mix of an array of topics that I would like to touch on, but for the sake of building up on the storyline, let’s start small with CJ.

If you’ve read They Way You Make Me Feel by Marueen Goo, you will understand what I’m about to say next. If you haven’t, I’ll give you some background. But the book was about a teenage Asian-American girl who’s feisty and has a lot of parental issues. But if you have read They Way You Make Me Feel, CJ gave me Clara vibes! I mean, think about it. They’re both asian, they both have a temper, they both act irrational, they both have family issues, and their literal names both start with a C. They could be long lost sisters? Or CJ’s long lost baby? 😆 I’m getting ahead of myself.

But CJ felt like a much more bitter version of Clara because CJ is someone who can hold a grudge like no other. I think this has to do with how she didn’t have a strong relationship with her mom, which is such an issue in this book. And it hurt my heart whenever CJ would ponder whether or not her mom was proud of her or whether or not she loved her. I know in some Asian cultures, families aren’t really open about saying they love one another/displaying affection, and so maybe that translated to CJ’s mom and that’s why she was distant from CJ.

The whole abortion plot was kind of awkward if I’m being honest because it had nothing to do with the story as a whole and it wasn’t ever expanded on. I think CJ did get an abortion after she talked to Hannah and her mom about it, but it never really outright say she did, but since she had no baby, that has to be a sign. I also think that if CJ had an abortion, it would have been a pivotal moment to include because books don’t really discuss those kinds of topics because it is so controversial. It would have cleared the air if she did have a scene where she went to the doctors to get an abortion and how that might have felt for her because even though CJ is young, going through that has to be life changing. So it would have been interesting to see her thought-process through that. I also feel like it would have been beneficial if she told Emily at one point and Emily went with her to get the abortion. I understand though, because it is CJ’s body and she doesn’t have to explain herself to anyone, but there was a point in the book where CJ was contemplating how she never told Emily. And as best friends, you kind of tell the other person everything eventually. It would have been nice to see that heart-to-heart to know what CJ went through because, I don’t know, there was just something ingenuine about her being able to move on from that part of her life so quickly, like it never happened. I can’t speak from experience and maybe having an abortion doesn’t create these repercussive emotions afterwards, but I would think CJ would still think about it more. But again, I don’t know how that would feel, so I can’t assume.

There was something interesting that was said about CJ being pregnant.

“And terrified about facing her and telling her that no, it wasn’t the condom’s fault. It was mine. Well, mine and Andy’s, but I felt like I was having to own it way more than him, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I was literally carrying the consequences of our mistake.”

(pg 285)

There’s something that rubs me the wrong way about CJ saying that this was more of her fault that Andy’s. BECAUSE IT WASN’t. I think Misa Sugiura put it best in how not to speak on behalf of all women, but I think maybe women do internalize that an unexpected pregnancy is their fault more than the guy because for some reason, the woman is “carrying the consequences of our mistake” and that’s such a burdensome mindset to have. It’s not entirely the woman’s fault for getting pregnant jus because she’s the one who carries the baby. It’s just how getting pregnant works. It’s a partnership and it’s both of their responsibility (not so much fault because that sounds negative). When CJ thought that, I wanted to shake her so she could go back to being bold CJ where she doesn’t blame herself for it.

It’s not the woman’s fault.

At the same time, I could understand why the pregnancy plot was included: it drove home the message of how CJ felt like a mistake. CJ being pregnant parallels how her mom was in the same position after getting drunk and just doing it with a guy (the mom, not CJ). CJ’s mom had to make a decision as a teenager to either keep the baby or abort the baby. The mom’s not an affectionate person, but she kept the baby—-she kept CJ. So CJ being pregnant and being in that same poison her mom was in all those years ago, made her understand the stress and the anxiety that her mom felt.

“It is a mistake, Hannah. It would be like . . . like breaking a vase she could never repair.”

(pg 287)

The mom said this after finding out CJ was pregnant and was shocked, but also understanding of the situation.

Hearing that had to have been a low blow for CJ because it implied that her mom thought she was a mistake—–something that broke her life and could never repair.

No kid wants to hear that they were a mistake.

CJ hearing that was like the echo of the first tear in the bucket—–resounding. Because CJ felt that way her whole life and for her mom to indirectly say it to her is like a prick to the heart.

“That night planned a seed of doubt in my heart, and the doubt put down roots and sent out tendrils that have been growing ever since, a tangle of thorny vines that coil themselves around me and draw blood every time I reach for her.”

(pg 288)

It’s why CJ could never have a close relationship with her mom—–she felt unloved and unwanted. It was this idea that “rooted” and “grew” in her and it always hurt her. It hurt to love someone she was supposed to love.

And it pained me to know that CJ always felt that way and the mom wasn’t making it better. It also didn’t help how the mom never said she was proud of CJ at any point in her life. Like, sure, the mom didn’t need to give her pity participation trophies, but to be there, to care, and to support you daughter is important. It kind of made me understand why CJ was so angry all the time because she had all this hate and resentment in herself of being a “mistake,” or not being “good enough,” or of not living up to her namesake.

Katsuyama’s never quit.

But CJ was the exception.

She always shifted from one thing to another because she was never good at anything. Not in a mean way, but she just wasn’t the best at soccer, music, swimming, or dance. It was sad how CJ talked about how her mom would used to go to her sports practices all hyped up, and slowly, the mom just started playing on her phone and then not going. Or I wanted to hug the poor tree CJ was because she was the middle of the dance performance as the laughing stock. I know the feeling all too well.

So to have no support from the get-go, to not even feel that love from her mother, and not to being told she was a mistake——that freaking SUCKS. And it kills self-esteem. I felt like CJ thought she couldn’t be good enough for anything, so-why-try-anymore? kind of thing.

But it made me happy that she actually found love with the floral shop and how that was her thing. She wasn’t the best, but at least it mattered to her so much that she would fight for it.

Hannah, the aunt, had a flower shop that is rooted in Katsuyama history with being owned by the great grandfather. When the Japanese were interned, he had to sell his flower shop, so he sold it to a McAllister who bought it for dirt cheap at the time—-basically cheating the Katsuyamas. Given inflation, the business would be worth a lot more today and at the same time, I don’t think it was fair of the McAllister dude to take advantage of the Katsumyama Grandfather based on the situation.

Suffice to say, the shop wasn’t making a lot of business. Hannah was trying to keep it alive for the Grandfather’s sake—–to keep the tradition/history alive, but the CJ’s mom really wanted to sell it. But CJ wasn’t having it at all.

If there’s one thing I admire about CJ, it’s her passion. When she loves someone or something a lot, she fights for it with her whole heart. And Hearts Desires was her whole heart because it made up her whole history. I also liked how she felt connected to her history enough to want to keep the store alive. I feel like nowadays, kids are very distant from their roots and if they hear something horrible in history, they brush it off with a shrug, like “that’s sad, but I don’t care because that’s in the past kind of think.” It’s kind of like how Shane didn’t care about changing the schools name to Ryōhei Motohara, the rightful owner of the land before McAllister bought it.

“But it does seem like a lot of time and money for something that affects a few people. Like it really doesn’t matter that much to me what we call this place. It has nothing to do with me.”

(pg 239)

I never really liked Shane, but when he said this, I was like, “CJ, he’s not it, sis!” 😐

I get where Shane’s coming from because he’s not connected to Asian history enough to relate to the hardships and pain felt by them. And sometimes it’s hard to see situations past one’s own understanding and upbringing. Shane’s a Caucasian, so he doesn’t know what it’s like to be wronged in some way—–he has some privilege in that way. But just because a situation might not relate to you, doesn’t mean that it’s not important to take a step back to see why the other might feel hurt or why it’s important.

Shane also saying how it doesn’t matter what the school is called also got me thinking about how sometimes it’s not even the fact of changing the name, but about being acknowledged in having done someone wrong enough to want to make things better. Because in the end, the school’s name didn’t get changed because Caucasians in power rather keep tradition and praise the “Caucasian heroes” of history. But it’s not even about the name change at that point because it was more so to have a voice and to be heard. Having the whole news story of the history of Hearts Desire and what the McAllister’s did made people aware and it sparked conversations of teens wanting to do their ancestors proud in getting the justice they deserved. Sure, nothing changed, but people were talking about it, people were aware and that’s better than being ignorant to the issue.

It relates so much in today’s world in how so many places are named after “Caucasian heroes” of history, when it’s other people who deserve recognition. I mean, we have streets named after Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, and all those Presidents preached maintaining slavery and who had slaves themselves. We have places in Dakota named after people who unjustly conquered Native Americans after the Dakota War, when those landmarks should be named after the Native Americans who resided there first and who were peaceful. Time and time again, we idolize all these “heroes” when history hides the truth of their brutality in actions and in words. There’s statues that glorify them, money that stamps their image in time, and we educate kids to think highly of white men in power. We should be teaching kids about the truth of the Founding Fathers and these so-called “heroes” even if it’s a hard pill to swallow. Because having kids glorify these people as they grow up, is disgusting. We celebrate Columbus day in America. And I always grew up thinking, “Yay, another holiday,” or “Columbus ‘discovered’ America,” when we all know gosh darn well that Columbus came to America with his men and saw all these innovative, peaceful Native Americans and he conquest them through absolute violence because he wanted the land. Why do we celebrate Columbus if he had men who raped innocent Native Americans? Why do we celebrate Columbus day when he initiated this decimation of so many? I don’t know. But I do know, history is told by the winners and winners control the story.

It’s why we hold innocent all these people.

It’s why African Americans are discriminated and thought of as inferior.

It’s why we don’t truly know our history.

But this is me going off on a tangent to say that history is complicated and screwed up, so we need to be aware that just because it happened a long time ago, doesn’t mean we don’t feel its repercussions now and doesn’t mean we should never stop fighting for telling our stories.

Something I enjoyed a lot was the comment chapter in response to the Geoffrey article. This might be just a book, but I never knew comments could be so ruthless. I actually could imagine people saying these kids of things in real life though. I mean, have you ever read Facebook comments. Those adults are brutal!

One of the comments I liked was:

“Well if that’s where you’re going with it, why not name it after the Mexican rancher who owned it before him. Or the Native Americans who lived here before that? You gonna name every school around here Ohlone High School? How about the hospital? Or the library?

(pg 251)

It’s true, though. If we go back to our roots as to determine how we name places or things, do we go back all the way to the initial owners or the one’s on the surface level who owned it before it was owned by a corporation/Caucasian? Because if we go wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy back, it would be difficult to pinpoint exactly who owned the land or that space previously enough so we could name it after them. I think that would be the just thing to do so we can honor those who lived there. But there’s something that really begs the question there of who? So many different people have owned land, so it’s not fair to name it after just one person. I think maybe land should be named in a symbolic way that ties to the overall culture of that place, so much not a person if it was owned by multiple people. But again, just having that cultural tie to it is better than naming a Japanese landmark, Roosevelt of something because he owned the land.

The whole protests to change the name of the school created this group between CJ, Brynn, Emily, Owen, and other friends. They were an interesting group to say the least.

Let’s talk about Own first because he seems the least complicated.

Owen is ten times more a better a person than Shane will ever be. We knew Shane had an agenda because he only took interesting sighing the petition to be in CJ’s good graces. And he’s very surface level. To my ladies, get you a man who doesn’t say he likes you just because you’re hot. If that’s the first thing out his mouth, I say RED FLAG and you run that red light like no other!! 🤪 You deserve better.

Owen knows what’s up. I loved Owen’s history shirts. I’m no history junkie, but I appreciated the puns. I love a pun. My favorite shirt was the one that said, “Don’t make me repeat myself— history.” 😅 Gosh, I need punny shirts. We all do. How fun would the world be if everyone had a punny shirt or we had national punny shirt day? I should start a revolution on that 😄

Anyway, the main reason I liked Owen was because he put CJ in her place. Isn’t that what a partner should do? Tie you back down to earth when you’re spiraling in sadness or in CJ’s case anger. I liked when he asked CJ to read the script he was going to say, but instead on the screen was something about how CJ had to get along with Brynn. I also HIGHLY enjoyed the fact that he would call CJ our on her bitterness. Love calls you out when you know you aren’t acting right either. Whenever CJ would see fire when Brynn was nearby, Owen would always try to staunch her flame or he would talk to her about how she wasn’t acting in the interest of the group, but because of her personal hate with Brynn. You right, you right. But CJ didn’t want to hear that, so naturally she got angry at Owen whenever he tried to reason with her. I mean, no one wants to be called out for what they know is wrong too.

Owen also always saw the best in CJ when she was at her worst and that’s more than Shane could attest for. The whole kicking Brynn out of the group thing, caused a huge rift in their friendship because he knew CJ was wrong about kicking her out. I thought that whole part of the book was awkward because they blew it out of proportion, but I could see why they would all be heated about it. I just don’t think they needed to argue that much about Brynn and to cause tension with themselves.

We all kind of knew too that CJ liked Owen as more and just a friend, but she never wanted to own up to that. I feel like it stemmed from her not having a father figure in her life, so she doesn’t know what love is like. It also doesn’t help that her mom preached to never fall in love. I also feel like her reluctance at love came from the fact that she was never good at anything, so she didn’t want to mess up whatever she had going on with Owen. Which I understand because falling in love is scary.

But I think there’s a fine line between being scared to fall in love and pushing people away. Whenever CJ never got her way on things or things were complicated, I feel like CJ always lashed out because she felt it was easier to push people away so they couldn’t hurt her anymore. Owen started to like Sabrina? She started to be angry at him and she pushed him out her life and complicated things. Emily started to like Brynn and hang out with her friends? She pushed Emily away with her anger too.

She got heated a lot for petty/minimal things that she really wasn’t being a good friend to Owen or Emily at some points. If I were Emily, I would have got tired of CJ’s antics.

Emily and CJ are best friends and have been for years. I love the whole backstory of CJ being there to protect Emily when she was an openly queer person in middle school and people were very judgmental about that. As said in the book, “middle school is the worst.” Hormones, fitting in, and puberty. No one’s fine. I can only imagine how much harder it must be to be a person int eh LGBTQIA+ community that young, especially when it wasn’t accepted at the time. As an openly queer, Emily made cookies on Valentine’s Day for Brynn whom she liked, but Brynn played it off and laughed about it behind Emily’s back and to her friends. She talked bad about Emily and CJ witnessed that and got mad on behalf of Emily because she couldn’t go to school. Emily knew that Brynn didn’t take the cookies in stride and that hurt her, which bonded CJ and Emily closer.

It also changed the dynamic in their friendship where CJ felt the need to protect Emily from any harm. I love that sentiment, because again, CJ is just so passionate about what she loves. But this was a passion that I felt was to a fault.

I understand that Brynn’s actions weren’t justified, but I also don’t think it was fair of CJ to hold onto this anger and hate for Brynn when she was openly trying to change. And it’s kind of ironic how Emily came out as queer and then a few years later, Brynn came out as queer and now people thought it was cool. Figures. Kids are typical. If Brynn didn’t actively seem like she was trying to change for the better, then I would understand CJ’s anger, but she was. And I believe that people deserve a second chance if they try hard enough and show in their actions and words that they can be better—–just saying one is sorry and that he/she will be better, doesn’t do anything.

Part of me felt like Brynn was intimidated—-not so much closed off—— by CJ. CJ is intimidating. But it’s interesting how from CJ’s perspective Brynn seeing her all the time came off as Brynn being like “Oh, great it’s her again,” or “I don’t really want to see her, but smile and act nice anyway.” But from Brynn’s perspective I could see her being nervous because Brynn was aware of what she did in the past and knew that she had to make it up to not only Emily, but CJ.

CJ was harder to please. And it created this whole tension between her and Brynn, which also caused a rift between CJ and Emily. I really wanted to give CJ a good wake-up-call-slap-to-the-face when Emily tried to open up to CJ about how she liked Brynn. Naturally, Emily would have wanted to go to CJ to talk about her feelings and the whole shebang, but Emily couldn’t do that when she knew CJ had it out for Brynn. But couldn’t she see how much Emily really liked Brynn. People do dumb things when their young, CJ get a pari of sneakers and MOVE ON!

There was that one portion of the book where Emily invited CJ to the LGBTQIA+ mixer and Brynn was there. CJ kept pushing this girl named Fiona onto Emily as a way to get her to avoid Brynn. Fiona seemed nice and I think Emily only went out with her to please CJ. EMILY, CJ is not your mom, you don’t need her permission on who you date. So if you want to dat Brynn, you do it because she should be supportive of you and if she’s not, then you let you let CJ watch you while you either fall in love or you screw up. And whatever happens, CJ will be there because that’s what friends do! I sound like I’m talking to these characters, but my gosh, if I could tell them this, I would! 😆

Emily was falling in love with Brynn and my heart burst for her! I mean, it was meant to be eventually! But she couldn’t tell CJ that she was in love with Brynn, so I get why Emily and CJ drifted and it’s kind of part of CJ’s responsibility for making her friend feel bad for her choices.

CJ wasn’t in the best mindset when she was at this party thing that Shane invited her to. Shane was drunk and then she saw Owen and Sabrina and that made her jealous.

But when she saw Emily, things really took a turn because they both didn’t know the other would be there.

“You’re just jealous of Brynn because you hate everyone more successful than you, and you can’t see that the only reason you’re not doing better is because you don’t even try. And now you’re jealous of me because I have a great, amazing girlfriend and all you’ve ever had is a couple of lame, shallow relationships with guys you don’t even really like. Oh—except the one nice guy you keep refusing to go out with because you’re too afraid to risk failure. And now it’s too late, but that’s your own fault.”

(pg 318-19)

I MEAN YOU TELL HER SIS!!!!! FINALLY, EMILY GREW SOME PANTS!!! 👏🏼👏🏼

Owen stood up to CJ and her oxpoop and now her best friend was standing up to her and her oxpoop. That has to tell CJ something about how TIRED her friends were of her attitude.

And Emily was in no way wrong when she said that CJ resented Brynn for being this “perfect” image. CJ always highlighted Brynn in a bitter light from calling her the “president” or the center of attention. It was her way of feeling better about herself. I don’t think CJ was so much jealous of Emily and Brynn, maybe angry at the way her best friend hid this form her and how she never had a relationship like that. I also liked what Emily said about CJ not even trying anymore because of that fear because it goes back to her feeling like she will never be good enough in any situation.

It’s kind of sad, though how people use the worst secrets to pin against the other when there’s a huge fight. It’s like secret ammunition just waiting to happen. As CJ does when she’s angry, she lashed out and pushed Emily away by finally telling her what Brynn did all those years ago. She should have told Emily way before this, maybe not exactly during the Valentines it happened, but that conversation shouldn’t have happened when they both felt fed up with everything.

Without CJ in her life, I honestly thought Emily thrived. Or she seemed to thrive. I would thrive if I didn’t have my best friend breathing down my neck because of some grudge she had years ago.

So it felt entirely sucky when Brynn did this whole elaborate promposal as we Gen-Z’s do with the band and the news there (which I though was a bit tooo much) and Emily didn’t say yes to Brynn.

If I’m being honest, I have a love hate relationship with Brynn.

I can understand where she’s coming from because she only grew up with a rich homophobic dad. There’s this saying that hurt people, hurt people, and that’s why Brynn made fun of Emily’s cookies in eight grade—-she was going through things at home and figuring out her feelings. As a teen who’s exploring his/her sexuality, I feel like it might be hard, especially if that teen doesn’t have home support as to be free and explore. Brynn didn’t have that. She was hurt, so she hurt Emily. And she felt bad about it for years, but I think it was wrong of her to ignore it like it never happened. If she really wanted to make up for her mistakes, she should have acknowledged what she did wrong and apologize to Emily and CJ to prove that she will be better.

Starting a queer club and trying to have the news film you because you want to have coverage of the first gay prom queens, isn’t the way you should do it. That kind of insinuates attention rather than pure intention. So that’s where I didn’t really like Brynn for. She was very wishy-washy in her actions. I think that’s just her personality though, in wanting attention.

The whole Brynn situation parallels a lot with the school name change story. Brynn represents the McAllisters in how they both couldn’t see what they did wrong because they saw their way as being justifiable to them—-they didn’t see the hurt it caused. CJ represents the Asian side of history that wants to be acknowledged being wronged rather than acting like the issue never happened. When society or someone does this, it only creates more pent up anger, which leads to hate——the hate that built itself in Cj, the that built itself in the Asian-Americans done wrong.

The meeting between Brynn and CJ was an act of civility. It was much needed. It allowed them to see how they both hurt each other and how they were both going through things that made them act out in ways they weren’t proud of. I also respect how Brynn was owning up to her past mistakes and how she wasn’t proud of it. That’s more than other people in history can say. Far too often people don’t own up to their wrongs because they create all these excuses of why they were right. If a person was wrong, then that defeats that person’s credibility, so it’s easier to just not say anything and have people go on thinking them “perfect.” It’s kind of like how African Americans were slaves, but when America finally found freedom from Great Britain, there was no reason to justify slavery/brutality of African Americans, so our Founding Fathers created the idea that they were inferior—-an ideal we still buy into. Because if African Americans were “inferior,” somehow it justifies why they were slaves and why they are treated less than.

But acknowledging that a wrong has been done is a huge first step. And I’m glad CJ took that step with Brynn and tried to forgive her because it was about FREAKING TIME!!!

“Can I look past wheat Brynn did all that time ago? How much do our actions in the past define who we are in the present? And how many of Brynn’s actions, even her legitimate screwups, have I warped with the lens of the past and my own resentment? I know the roots of my anger are justified. But can I justify hanging onto them?

(pg 343)

It’s such an interesting thought in the context of history also.

How much do our actions in the past define who we are in the present?

History defines the present. But we define the future

And how many of Brynn’s actions, even her legitimate screwups, have I warped with the lens of the past and my own resentment?

Everyone screws up and I liked how CJ knew she “warped the lens of the past with this resentment because when we look back on history, memories even, sometimes we see it as romanticized or worse than it actually was because it’s tied with this hate. Maybe that’s how winners tell history.

I know the roots of my anger are justified. But can I justify hanging onto them?

Being wronged, most definitely means you can be angry, but it doesn’t mean one has to hold onto that anger. That breeds hate. It breeds hurt. It breeds violence and tension. It’s why people are so divided.

Such a small thought about a minuscule issue, but such good questions and reflections.

I also liked how CJ was able to use an analogy that Brynn could understand so that Brynn could see her wrongs. Sometimes, I think maybe no one sees themselves as wrong unless they fully understand it. So it was smart of CJ to flip Brynn’s perspective.

After talking to Brynn, CJ had a much needed conversation with Emily to mend their friendship. I thought Emily had nothing to apologize for because CJ wasn’t being a good friend to her with the whole situation, but I liked how they were able to move past everything and that CJ actually asked Emily to give Brynn another chance at love. Emily really did love her.

CJ also made it up to Owen in the forest. Kind of ironic how people always tease guys bringing girls into the woods, but here CJ was bringing him into the woods to kiss. I didn’t completely buy into the kissing and the mushy details, but the relationship was good for both of them as it challenged them to be better. But there’s the realistic in me that thinks that CJ and Owen both have things to figure out before being in a full committed relationship at such an age. Gosh, I listen to too much podcasts that preach how you have to be 100% yourself before being in a relationship. But hey, there’s a lot of truth to that.

I also didn’t really care for the romance as much as the friendship, the history, and family in this book.

CJ always glorified her aunt because she did what made her happy and kept the tradition alive. But Hannah was burdening her mom with finances with the shop and living under her roof. When Hannah was talking about moving in with the guy named Robert (who I might mention is a turn romantic at heart! I mean, get you a man who buys a boutonnière for a first date!), that CJ realized how in-the-clouds her aunt was. It was kind of crazy to think how she was going to move in with a guy she practically just started dating and how they were going to have a whole life.

It actually made her respect her mom more in all that she did.

As much as I thought CJ’s mom was a cold-hearted snake at some points, she was a bad boss beach 👌🏼

She wanted to start her own company as an Asian single mother. I have utmost respect for her as a worker because gosh knows that women, especially minority women are NEVER taken seriously enough. So to have the mom work her way up even if it was for the “enemies” company was still a feat. It was that pride and hate thing CJ talked about in how she never knew if she should be proud of her mom or mad at her. I wouldn’t know how to feel too.

What I really enjoyed was the conversation with her mom. The mom came to tell her how proud she was of CJ for standing up to McAllister at his own office. It was very empty-handed and it made CJ break down where they talked about how her mother never said she was ever proud of her or if she was a mistake. I still didn’t get clarity from the mom if she was a mistake or not because the mom beat around the bush. Even when CJ talked to Hannah if her mom was proud of her or loved her, Hannah beat around those questions too. I feel like the answer should be clear cut.

I still didn’t hear an I love you from the mom or saying that she didn’t regret having CJ 🤔.

But I liked that there were at least opening up about their feelings because it’s better than bottling it all in and beating around the bush entirely. They were peeking through the branches 😂. I thought it was cute that the mom made CJ a flower arrangement that was messy, but beautiful. Kind of like their relationship. My heart swelled at that because it emphasized how the mom was at least going to try to show her daughter each day that she was loved. That’s all CJ ever wanted.

I don’t ever feel like the story clarified if the school name got changed, but given that the flower shop was sold and McAllister claimed it, I could only imagine that the school’s name is still McAllister high. I really do hope the students there keep fighting to get the name changed because there’s nothing more powerful than the youth’s voices. During some points of the book, I also felt the tie in with the name change, the history, the flower shop, and the drama got mixed up a lot to the point where it would seem like one idea was forgotten. When everything was going on with the family and the shop, the name change was pushed to the side until the end when CJ went to McAllister’s office, that it seemed a bit weird since all this time the story wasn’t talking about it. But I get it, not every scene has to mention it and there had to be leg room for the other plot lines to grow.

Misa Sugiura sure knows how to pack the content, baby content 😉

It also kind of sucked that the flower shop got sold. To the McAllisters, again no less. But it wasn’t sold without a fight. And I think that’s what made this time different.

“Do you think it’s fate?”

. . .” Calling it fate makes it seem like there’s nothin you can do to change a bad situation, before or after it happens. But you can.”

“You can’t change a bad thing after it happens.”

“But you can try to make things better now. You can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

(pg 386)

It was a fitting ending. They didn’t win, but they won so much more it bringing awareness and trying to change history by standing up for something that they believed in. Because sometimes it’s not about winning, the achievement, the goal, but the process in how you win, how you achieve the goal. It’s about everything that leads up to that moment and how you react because of what happened.

CJ was learning to react better and to let go. She was creating stronger relationships with her friends and family. She was creating a new narrative for herself, while still being grounded in her roots.

There as something mentioned in the beginning of the book about how sometimes people think being part of an ethnicity/not full, doesn’t make that person credible to own up to that ethnicity. I think this goes with a lot of ethnicity’s in how if one’s part Asian, part African American, part Latino/Hispanic, or part anything, they get ridiculed for it. If a person is part anything, I feel like it gives them full access to understanding an issue as to stake claims in it. Even if a person isn’t part of an ethnicity, but they can understand the situation and empathize with it, then I think that’s fine too. Sometimes we need to catch ourselves in knowing that we’re all people at the end of the day and our ethnicity and how much of it we are, doesn’t matter as much as our bond as people.

This story was such a whirlwind that made me more aware of how, yes, we can’t change a bad thing after it happens, but we can make things different, we can make things better. That is what we should do as people, to learn from the past, acknowledge what happened/be educated, as to create a future of truth and inclusion. There are so many history’s out there from and how land was owned, who came to America, who left their home country, so much history in the world that we try to understand, but so much of it is covered up by lies of people who don’t want us to know the horror behind it, but that’s why we get an education. So we can know, so we can learn. It’s time we root ourselves in our history’s to thank all those who came before us and who paved the way for us now. It’s time we write a new story—–one of truth, forgiveness, and something a little bit different.

If you read this book, what was your favorite part? Least favorite part? Do you have a genealogical story that you want to share? Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this.

And as always, with love,

Rating

4.58 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: A broad mix of characters that you form love-hate relationships with. CJ can have her moments as an angsty teen, but she has a good heart and good intentions. She also has a good group of people looking out for her.

Plot: Such an interesting storyline, such a needed storyline in today’s world where we’re starting to seek truth and authenticity.

Writing: I liked the different sections of the story with the history chapters, the comments, or the romance chapter. Misa Sugiura reminded me of Elizabeth Acevado’s writing who wrote With The Fire on High.

Romance: Wasn’t really into the whole romance aspect of the love. But I could appreciate how Owen called CJ out whenever she was being rude. I enjoyed the family and friendships much more.