The Loose Ends List by Carrie Firestone Book Review

“The pain of losing doesn’t get less with each person I lose. But I have the wisdom of knowing the pain isn’t forever. That fades. The memories stay. And the love isn’t going anywhere.” 

About

Author: Carrie Firestone

Other books by Carrie Firestone: The Unlikelies

Genre: Young Adult Contemporary

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Synopsis

Maddie has big plans to spend the last months before college tying up high school “loose ends” alongside her best friends. Then her beloved grandmother drops two bombshells: (1) Gram is dying. (2) She’s taking her entire family on a round-the-world cruise of dreams come true—but at the end, Gram won’t be returning home.

With a promise to live in the now without regrets, Maddie boards the Wishwell determined to make every moment count. She finds new friends in her fellow Wishwellians, takes advantage of the trip’s many luxuries, gets even closer to her quirky family, and falls for painfully gorgeous Enzo. But despite the copious laughter, headiness of first love, and wonder of the glamorous destinations, Maddie knows she is on the brink of losing Gram, and she struggles to find the strength to let go in a whirlwind summer shaped by love, grief, and laughter.

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To the buoyant soul,

I read this book a couple of years ago, and when I was writing my travel book recommendations, I was like, “Wow, it’s been a hot minute since I read The Loose Ends List!” So I picked it up and read it again. And do you ever just love that feeling of rereading a book and falling in love with it all over again. I think this time around, I was more aware of all the little quirks and things in the book that I didn’t pick up during the first time I read this book. During this time around, I also resonated and understood more of what the main character and her family went through/experienced, as I too, recently lost my grandmother who was the light and life of the party.

A loose ends list 💛.

Everyone grows old and writes a bucket list, and I always wondered why it was called a bucket list, but Maddie created this idea of a loose ends list for all the things she wanted to do before high school ended. Maddie’s character is very compassionate of those around her, but there are moments where she suppresses her emotions, mostly in concerns to the topic of passing. Which I can totally understand because passing away is a difficult concept to grasp and not something light to think about; It’s hard to think that one day the people you surround yourself with might not be around one day. But Maddie also kind of lets people step all over her. I don’t mean that in a negative way, I just noticed with her friends, ex-boyfriend, and sometimes family, she lets them dictate what she does. I feel like Rachel, her neighbor-supposed-to-friend was a much better friend to her within the limited amount of pages she was mentioned than her other friends were in all the texts and things I’ve read. If I can get a much better vibe from Rachel and Maddie’s friendship from a couple pages rather than the entirety of the book with her other friends, then that’s saying something. But I feel like with Rachel, Maddie never pretended to be this “party” girl and that she could be honest with herself. I also feel like Maddie gets pushed over with peer pressure a lot. She felt pressured from her family, even her grandma, to lose her virginity. Virginity isn’t something to take lightly and they all kept poking fun at her, saying she was a prude because she never lost it. So this whole book, she felt the need to lose her v-card because of all this pressure, which should never be the case. And she also was peer pressured to smoke a joint when everyone at the pool was doing it. I don’t really condone smoking, but I felt Maddie shouldn’t have felt the need to join in with them just to prove something.

So back to the loose ends list. The Grandma took Maddie’s idea of a loose ends list and created her own list of all the things she wanted to do. The Grandma is sick with pancreatic cancer and is slowly dying. She wants to spend the last days or months of her life with her family instead of fighting for her life in a hospital. So she pays for this all expense, specially designed cruise on the Wishwell. I think the whole idea of the Wishwell is so fascinating but also kind of morbidly sad. I like the idea that the Grandma and the other Wishwellians could choose the way they wanted to go out—-celebrating life. I understood why the Grandma or Grams would want to go out with a last hurrah because she sounded like the type of person who was larger than life itself, so there was no better way to be. I know there’s also this whole debate in the real world about how patients can choose to end their lives and the concept of this whole book kind of reminded me of that in how these Wishwellians were choosing their own fate and way to go. I know religion and other people would say that ending your own life isn’t natural, but to them I think it’s a way of having control over their fate and their life.

The morbid part of being on this cruise is that some of the Wishwellians weren’t going to make it until the end. If I was in Maddie’s shoes, would I be kind of hesitant and closed off to the experience? Imagine how awkward and weird that is to go on a cruise ship—-where cruise ships are for relaxing vacations—–and know that the people there would pass away eventually. That has to be such a blow. Especially for Maddie, who doesn’t deal with the concept of passing away easily.

We meet so many different types of characters from Paige, Grace, Camilla, Skinny Dave, Burt, Enzo, the Ornaments, Vito, Ty (Pickle), Gloria, Holly, and the Nazi. When being introduced to all these characters, I was kind of overwhelmed because in addition to the family, there were more people in the book that I had to envision and put a name too. So it was kind of hard to keep track, but I did. And each character was so unique and distinct and the different nicknames for them helped too. I loved the personalities that each of the characters brought in how we got to know them.

Let’s talk about the minor character before delving into the other characters. There was Skinny Dave who had an addiction to drinking and was a surfer. He passed away suddenly one night, leaving a note to Maddie and Wes? Uncle Billy? because those two talked to him and saw him for more than an alcoholic. That was the first real death on the ship and brought Maddie to tears because how could it not? She just met the person and he was gone the next.

Then there’s Holly. In books, there’s hardly anyone who is depicted in a wheelchair and I think that there should always be more inclusive representation of all types of people. So I loved Holly. I loved the connection Janie made with her in treating her like a real person rather than pitying her because she was in a real chair. Janie saw her as a friend and I loved when they would communicate and Holly would just blink back for yes and no. Janie made Holly’s life brighter and vise versa. I was so crushed when there was news that Holly passed away because Janie and her were so close!

I also liked the whole Nazi character because he was a mysterious enigma. When they stopped in Brazil, everyone saw him and thought he looked like something from Lord of the Rings and labeled him as a Nazi. I was like, you have to be very sure of yourself to label someone a Nazi. I liked how in the moment, Maddie buzzed (they had Bees not phones) Enzo telling him to ask his mom if they were letting a Nazi on the ship. Then it was revealed later that he was.

But what was so special about the Nazi passenger was that his “loose end” if you will was to write all 310 notes to the families he helped intern. Because at the time he didn’t know what he was doing, but that he was just following orders, so when he learned of what purpose he served, the Nazi passenger felt bad and wanted to rectify his wrongs. So he wrote 310 notes and wanted to cast these notes in a bottle out at sea for all the family’s blood on his hands. And I think that that was so powerful because he didn’t know what he was doing, but he wanted to make it better. Even though what he did at the time probably wasn’t seen as good to those people, he had the ability to recognize his wrongs. I liked how everyone on the ship helped paper mâché bottles when all his bottles broke so that he could cast the letters into the sea. I really enjoyed the bonding there 😊.

Now let’s talk about Paige. Paige the 32 year old sorority girl who just had a baby girl named Gracie. She went on this trip thinking she wasn’t coming back, but I loved how in the end she stayed on Wishwell Island so that maybe one day she can be cured. Side note, this whole program was rich enough to have its own island! How is that!? No one knows about the Wishwell ship or program, but yet they have their own island? Weird, but cool.

I loved how Paige really took Maddie under her wing and made Maddie her unofficial sorority sister. They were each other’s little and big. I’ve never been in a sorority to know what that is, but I’ve heard of it ; ) But I liked how they played Never Have I Ever in her room that one night and Maddie didn’t eat many jelly beans. Everyone was teasing her of her lack of experience and I felt bad for her, because I understand her too! Are you like Maddie? I also liked the whole birthday party surprise with Paige. I thought that that was such a fun moment with all of them together.

But the real nitty gritty, meaty portion of Paige’s storyline is when she had a seizure in front of Maddie. Maddie was beyond shocked and didn’t know what to do. Heck, I wouldn’t know how to react or know what to do either. I can’t imagine how Maddie must have felt because she never knew Paige could get seizures and she was terrified because she was so close to her and didn’t want to see her go so soon. I had goosebumps 😥! Thankfully, Paige was fine, but I found it kind of odd how she brushed it off so quickly the next day when Maddie came to visit her——as if nothing happened. I get why Paige wouldn’t want to talk about it because it’s personal, but still, I think that there should have been more acknowledgement or reassurances on that part.

Overall, I really enjoyed the motherly and big sisterly role that Paige played in this book in being the person Maddie confided in.

Speaking of mothers, in the beginning of this book, it was mentioned that Maddie’s mom was a drinker. Jeb would poke jokes at their mom in saying she was an alcoholic and ever since they met Skinny Dave and since they’ve been on the boat, the mom hadn’t been drinking as much. I think it’s because of something Jeb said——that I can’t recall—- that made her stop drinking. I think there could have been more of a storyline with the mom and her drinking addiction because the book only touched on it, but never explored why the mom drank so much and why she really stopped. The book wasn’t about the mom’s drinking addiction, but it would have been nice to understand her more as a character.

Uncle Billy and Wes were characters I also enjoyed. I loved that they were going to adopt a baby and didn’t want to tell anyone. But then we have Wes swearing everyone to secrecy to not tell each other ; ) Lesson learned, never tell Wes a secret because chances of him keeping it are slim.

Janie was also a joy 😊.

She comes across as a very strong and confident girl with her jokes and her Barbie looks. She screams brazen and bold. And it has to at least hurt in some ways that her mom and sister never came on the trip. But if her mom and sister were as prudish as the whole family made them out to be, maybe it’s better that they stayed at home with their bad attitudes. But I enjoyed the kind of childlike innocent heart Janie has in her ability to connect with just about anyone. After trying to do “something” with Ty the doctor, she commenced talking to everyone on the ship about the pickle dealbreaker. And as an inexperienced person with no idea whatsoever, I’m here thinking, do girls really care about these kinds of things? A pickle? I’ve been in conversations with my friends where they dramatized the sizes and had their stories about things and I always wondered why it was so important to them. I still don’t get it. But what do I know?

I just found it funny how Janie just kept going from table to table and was like “so pickle.” I swear she was the breath of fresh air the ship needed.

On the topic of sisters, there was Gram’s sister, Aunt Rose. I was kind of confused at first if Aunt Rose was young or older, but then I understood she was older. Aunt Rose didn’t have a good memory and the family would tire of her repetitive or unclear stories, but they loved her all the same. I found it kind of sad and unexpected that she was found in the freezer on the ship smiling. That’s not a pretty picture to paint. Kind of weird to be honest. Imagine someone you love just smiling in a Costco sized freezer. But I think that’s nice she was smiling because that meant she was at least happy. That had to be hard for the Gram because that was her sister and she was supposed to outlive her when the trip was over. But now they could be reunited at the end of the journey. I think that was the silver lining about that.

One character who I thought didn’t get enough recognition was Bob Jones. What a nice man. He wasn’t so much in the limelight, but he was such a relaxed and fun character. He’s like a wise Morgan Freeman, ready to give advice at a moment’s notice. I loved how he was Astrid’s secret star crossed romance and that they loved each other all these years despite everything. I also really enjoyed the scene at the end of the book where Bob talks to Maddie and tells her that through her Gram, he got a new extended family with her. And I thought that was so sweet 🥰! Bob has his own kids, but Maddie felt like his own kid too. And he’s such a nice man. I swear.

Then there’s Jeb. Dark, brooding Jeb.

The opposite of Bob Jones.

Gosh, I was going to type Bob Ross for a second 😉.

When I envisioned Jeb, I saw Cole Sprouse as Jughead. How fitting since they both have abnormal names. Jeb comes off as really sardonic with his humor and closed off. He’s the artistic type who always wants to get into trouble or do something dumb. He has a fling with Camilla and doesn’t want to admit that it’s something more. But my absolute favorite scene with Jeb was at the end when the Gram and everyone else was left speechless by his mural of all the snow globe moments they shared. I thought that was so beautiful! Like Jeb had a heart and genuinely cared and loved this family. Even though sometimes it didn’t come across that way, he loved them and the time they spent together. I loved how the dad was like, “The canvases on those walls are going home with us.” Darn right they are! How could they not!? I would frame that sucker in my house.

Sidenote, I really liked the whole concept of a snow globe moment in how the family would really encase a beautiful moment together. To me a snow globe moment is such a good way to describe those precious moments in life with the people you love doing crazy, relaxing, or unexpected things. It’s the moments of the most pain, most joy, most laughter, most exhilaration, and most love and I think that that’s why they’re called snow globe moments—- moments that people hold onto forever in a perfect world/setting when life was great. I loved all the snow globe moments that were made in this book and how even Jeb, dark, brooding Jeb, loved the rawness and beauty of a snow globe moment.

So, this brings me to the star of it all. . .

Last but certainly not least, was the Gram. Astrid. Such a cool name for a bold, courageous, outspoken, spunky, fun, and lovely woman. She was really someone with a young soul. I loved all the moments she spent with her kids and grandkids. I liked when she wanted to be there to help decide Maddie’s something old, something new, and something blue because she wouldn’t be there on her wedding day. She gave Maddie her big sapphire ring as her something blue and she talked Maddie into getting a blue starfish tattoo on her tush to match her seahorse tattoo on hers. I thought it was funny and kind of like a Baywatch kind of moment when they were all in Brazil and decided to get skimpy thong bikinis. Like what a look!

I also loved when the Gram took them to find the center of the earth to prove the Gram’s mom wrong and how they burned the book in the cave as an ode to finding the center. Everything with that journey came full circle when the Gram gave Maddie the Journey of the Center of the Earth book at the end as a keepsake for her kids.

I also thought of the moment in China where the Gram scattered the ashes of her husband at the temple where he taught English to some people. I thought that was a cute moment because the whole family was kind of worried about the Gram because she wasn’t usually quiet or weak, but she was clutching a teddy bear that day and was silent on the whole drive to the temple. It kind of shocked everyone when she ripped off that teddy bear head and said their Grandpa was with them the whole time. Some people would think that as weird, and in some ways it kind of is, but I also thought it was a sweet sentiment that the Gram brought her husband with her on her last great journey. I could also understand why she kept her husband’s secret too because that was his story to tell. I didn’t get why the parents and the kids were so angry at the Gram for being secretive, like the woman is allowed to have some secrets in her life, can’t she. But I liked how Jeb was there for Maddie in telling her that this might be the last time she could say goodbye to Grandpa, so she mustered up her courage and went to say goodbye to her Grandpa’s ashes. But Astrid was just full of surprises and gave each of the kids a marble with the Grandpa’s ashes in it so that they could always have a piece of him. Awww 🥺! 

All throughout this journey, we see Astrid weaken physically, but not emotionally. It was kind of sad to watch her deteriorate because in the beginning she sounded so lively and eager, and slowly she just couldn’t do as much.

And that made the ending the hardest part. It started with Jeb’s painting making her cry and then everyone gets a text from her saying it’s time. I could feel my heart dropping like a literal anchor for all of them! There Gram was their light and their rock and they knowingly had to say goodbye to her. And I can’t fathom. I was in literal tears when all her family sat around her and how she was saying she loved them all. Then the mom had to go and stroke her hair and say “Sleep now, Mommy.” Like, no!

I could feel the despair and silence in that moment. The doctor injected the shot into the Gram and they sat there as her soul was carried off to reunite with all her loves in the great big sky. Personally, I thought it was such a heartbreaking moment, and a little bit uncomfortable because they were all just sitting there as the Gram passed away. That had to be a little bit uneasy to watch. But it was painless and it was joyful because she got to do it her way and with her family. So that was the beauty of it.

“Now I’m the fully hollow pumpkin. The one all scraped out and left to rot.”

(pg. 314)

Maddie falls into a depressive state afterwards. And I totally understand that. She was the youngest of her family and to witness all these lives that she grew closer to and how they passed away or went away, that had to have SUCH and emotional toll. Especially when the person who passed away was her Gram who she did everything with. She knew that her Gram was going to pass away by the end of the trip, but nothing really prepares you for the grief and despair that comes with a loved one passing away—–nothing. I loved how the family was supportive of Maddie and gave her time to grieve and feel her emotions, but I also liked that they were there to take care of her like the Gram would have wanted; they would take care of each other for years to come. It really highlighted the strength and love of the family. Wes and the Uncle were good at making her eat and reading her stories and Janie was good company too.

Another surprise Astrid had up her sleeve—–if the woman wore sleeves—–was the video to her family. I thought that the video was also a sweet parting gift to her family that they could keep and look back on forever to remember this crazy, but life changing experience they went through. It also just brought them closure. A beautiful closure.

Before the ship ride came to an end, there was a party to celebrate their last night and Gloria’s cookbook. And I just thought it was some much needed joy after all the grief and despair these people experienced on their journey. It was very reminiscent of the first night on the ship where they had a 50s or a 60s (something like that) night where they all dressed up and jitterbugged and danced like it was 1952. It was just some genuinely good fun. I remembered from that moment,—-or maybe it was another scene—–but anyway, I just remembered there was one thing Maddie said:

“And still we dance.”

(pg. 45)

At the end, they were still dancing and celebrating life, even if there was less life on the boat. I thought it was such a full circle moment in emphasizing that life goes on and you still dance despite all the challenges and pain life may cause. Life is unexpected and not guaranteed, but we have to take it one step at a dance and enjoy the ‘snow globe’ moments, dance like nobody’s watching, and dance like it’s the last dance you’ll ever do. I also liked how the screensaver for the bee was the conga line picture from that first celebration and the quote above it was “And still we dance.”

But as much as this book was about the love of family, the love of life, it was also about romantic love.

There’s one person I never mentioned yet, until now: Enzo.

I think Enzo was a good, strong, steady character. I liked how he brought comfort, security, and joy to Maddie’s life. But I also feel like he was more eye candy. Granted, I feel like this book highlights family love most so that’s why the romance of the book wasn’t as prominent of a story line, but I felt like Enzo wasn’t really fully developed as a character. We do get a little about this backstory in how his mom owns the ship and how his dad passed away. Enzo’s going to go to Egypt to study archeology and he’s Italian and rich. And he also gets nightmares. I think in a way, I just found him kind of distant and like the love connection wasn’t really there. I think he was only there for certain parts of Maddie’s life and those parts were cute like when they would text the three best things that happened to them on that day and when they would go swimming or running. But I think to me, it came across that Maddie just saw him as a conquest. I feel like her family pressured her into thinking that she had to “do it” on the ship and find someone and so she found Enzo and since then, it’s been about her wanting to sleep with him rather than it feeling like she wanted to get to know him. She kept talking about how she wanted it to be the right moment and get alone time with him and all of that, that it just seemed more lustful than in love.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked when he took her paddling to see the glowing fish? glowing something because that was cute. I liked how they comforted each other when they were down. I also thought that doing it in a park in Italy had to have been romantic because, gosh, it’s Italy. Remind me not to go into the deep crevices of a park in Italy 😉. But I thought that the way Maddie “lost it” was more special than losing it in a car 🤪. But I also found it kind of unrealistic that her dad would let Maddie room with Enzo on the boat and that they would sleep together and take baths together naked. She’s seventeen, going on eighteen? I get her dad was preoccupied with other things, but letting your eighteen year old daughter sleep with another guy from a different country is bad parenting. When I read those scenes, I was like, they sound like an old mid-20s year old couple.

When they said I love you to each other, it seemed real, but I just never felt the love as much as I maybe should have. I think that, yes, they did love each other, but was it more lust or need rather than love? I don’t know. Only time will tell.

But in the end, they decided to go their separate ways seeing as he would be in Egypt and her in New York. They will probably always love each other because they are bonded with Wishwell and he was Maddie’s first. Do you think they found each other again years later?

On the Wishwell there was a wall where all the patients would write quotes about how they felt. It’s what they did during a therapy session on the Wishwell. I liked how Carrie depicted the whole room with the arm bands hung up on a string from the wall and the room filled with graffiti like script. It sounded like such a haven for people to go to to be raw. Enzo took Maddie there and they read those quotes on the wall. Before leaving the ship, Maddie went back to the wall to find the quote her Gram wrote, which was:

“What a way to go!”

(pg. 338)

I think this really brought some semblance of peace for Maddie in knowing that her Gram was happy with her life and the way she left her mark on the world. I think that this made her realize that she was going to be okay because her Gram was okay in the end. I really loved that 💛.

Flash forward to the end when Maddie was in New York and she’s texting Enzo from her bee. This woman was looking at her and saw her weird phone-like thing. And what do you know, this woman pulled out her bee too. I thought that was a cute way to end the book because it was a way to remind Maddie that her journey was real and that she wasn’t alone.

The book was just very poignant and not most books emphasize the love of family as much as romanic love, so it’s The book was just very poignant and not most books emphasize the love of family as much as romantic love, so it’s always refreshing to read a book about family and about life. As much as this book was also about passing away, it was also about life. It’s about enjoying your life, basking in every ‘snow globe’ moment, and appreciating your family. It’s about living the life you want and making choices that you want. It’s also knowing that there’s no better time than the present to go explore the world and to do things before it’s too late because you never know what life has in store. I got to travel to all these amazing places that had such significance to Astrid and to the family and it was such a joy to be along for the ride.

To me, the anchor on the cover of the book represents how life is about going along with the flow of things, but knowing your roots. It’s about knowing about what makes up a strong family and always trusting in them that they will be there to anchor you to safety or to the world. It’s about love and adventure with people in life. It’s also about knowing when the anchor needs to be pulled up and that you have to let go. Sometimes you drift off from shore and you feel like you don’t know where you’re going when you’re going through the rocky seas of life, but it’s knowing that there’s always that anchor there when you need peace, security, and stability.

If you’ve ever lost someone, I hope you know you’re not alone and that the pain you feel will hurt in the moment and that’s okay. Try not to let the pain consume you to the point where you’re not living because you have so much more ahead of you—all the journeys—and love that’s around you. Enjoy life every day and moment. I recently lost both my grandma’s these past three years, and I can tell you it has been hard, you know . . . to think they were here one day and I could hug them, eat their home cooked meals, or spend time with them. It’s hard. But it does get better. Hold onto hope and better days. And we keep the people alive in our memories and legacies—talk about your loved ones and learn new things about them. Love does not need a future to last.

If you read this book, what was your favorite or least favorite parts? Where would you like to go on a trip to one day? Or what cruise would you want to go on one day? Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 🥰!

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever or wherever you may be reading this, and that you have a great journey ahead of you 💕!

As always, with much love,

Bon Voyage!

Rating

3.67 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: I liked how Maddie developed in learning to be more adventurous. The Gram is also the light in your life you didn’t know you needed. I also loved the diverse array of characters we meet in this book and whom you will come to love like family.

Plot: I loved loved loved the whole idea of this story. It’s a celebration of life and death, family and friends, and family love and romantic love.

Writing: Easy to get into, but discerning the characters can be hard at first because there’s so many.

Romance: I didn’t feel the romantic connection between the female lead and the boy she liked, but I did feel the power of the love that this family and the people on the ship had for each other. I think there’s nothing stronger than that