July 2020 Quote: The Certainty of Uncertainty

“With things so uncertain in the world

It’s hard to hold onto

What may be

What could be

When all there is

Is what is.

But in those moments, remember that life is uncertain within itself

Right now, even more so.

But we will see better days,

We will see days with friends,

With laughter,

With love,

With hope.

For that I am certain of above all else.

So when things are uncertain in the world

Hold onto

What may be

What could be

And what is now and what is

coming.

Be certain of it.

– floweringpages

To all those uncertain,

I think saying a lot has been going on in the world is an understatement 😅.

But that’s okay because we’re all going through it together. It’s kind of crazy to me that it’s been four months since everything started closing down and life turned on its head. It’s kind of crazy to me that it’s July. Back in March, I remembering thinking, “oh this would last two months at max,” given what happened in China and how they were dealing with everything. But then two months turned into another month and another and I guess another. It’s honestly been overwhelming and makes my heart hurt knowing that right now so many people in America are getting sick again and losing their lives over something we all thought would be better by now. That’s something else that we can talk about entirely with how different countries are handling everything going on in the world and how America, no shade to America, but even as an American, I’m embarrassed, devastated, and frustrated with how America has been handling things. That’s not what this post is about though 😅.

It’s about how no one really thought that it would be like this for this long and I don’t know when things will hopefully get better. I’m hopeful that by the end of this year that less cases come about, but I don’t know that.

I don’t know.

And that’s the big three worded phrase I’ve been saying a lot recently.

I don’t know.

Are you going back to school in the fall?

I don’t know.

What class placement will you have for school?

I don’t know.

What are you going to do for your 20th birthday this year?

I don’t know.

When am I going to go back into the public world?

I don’t know.

I truly don’t.

It’s hard not to know because as people we like to control what goes on in our lives to the extent that we can. Before everything happened this year, I thought my junior year of college would be wwwwwwaaaaaaayyyyy different—-that I could have some control over how it would be. But that changed.

A little background, I’m an elementary education major and for my junior and senior year of college, I was supposed to be placed at an elementary school to get real life experience/an internship opportunity, but now . . .

I don’t know 😂

I thought things would be better by now, and it wasn’t until this week with the rise in cases that has made me feel like my ideas of my junior and senior year will happen. I knew back in June that maybe it wouldn’t be what I thought—-being in a classroom to learn or at least being placed at a school, but I would wear a mask. But I didn’t think things would be this complicated and sad in the world that it would seem like all hope for being placed in an elementary school wouldn’t happen. But things changed. The world changes so much each and every day. With it being closer to going back to school, it has been heavy on my heart—-the fact that I will probably not get placed at an elementary school or that I can even learn in a classroom with my cohort and teacher.

And it makes me sad.

I dreamt of being placed in a class with the cutest kids who I could have gotten close to and helped with their work. I thought about all the ways I could make connections with my teacher mentor and how much I could learn. I impinged the classroom all colorful, bright, creative, and full of life. I thought about teaching some lessons of my own to students to practice my public speaking skills. I envisioned making more friendships with the people in my cohort because everyone told me how they became like family with their cohort of teacher candidates. I thought it would be like this.

But now, the truth is that I probably will only be Facetiming my cohort, which is nice, but there’s something different between being with people in person versus seeing a person through a screen. I probably won’t be placed in a school with students or get to teach lessons. Or maybe I will but it will be an online session for students.

I don’t even know if the elementary schools are opening in the fall or what they’re going to do. So a lot is up in the air.

I cried about it. I prayed about it. And I found myself in my room one night, wiping my tears, thinking, “Why am I crying?” There are people who are actually losing their lives to this pandemic. There are people who are suffering or discriminated. So why was I crying because my ideas didn’t work out?

But I just want you to know:

Your feelings are valid

On Pretty Basic, one of my favorite podcasts, this is a sentiment that they drive home (I have an All Time Favorite Podcasts blog post if you want to check out this podcast and other podcasts! I’ll link it).

My feelings were valid and yours are too.

This is such unprecedented and uncertain times.

Not a lot of people know what the future is going to look like.

I know a lot of people who feel like me: they had all these ideas to move here, travel there, go out of state for college, have an internship, or whatever. It hurts them to know that their ideas of what they had of their life is being put on the back burner until the world becomes a safer place where they can do all these things. And I think that’s a nice reminder to remember that hopefully it won’t always be like this. I am so thankful that we live in a time where we have the technology and the means to even start creating a vaccine to help people or that we even have the medicine and health care to care for all those who have fallen sick. Just a shout out to anyone who has been working during this time because you are the true hero’s day in and day out and when things get back to “normal,” I hope each and every one of you get treated with more respect, love, and kindness because you deserve that.

So the world might be complicated right now, and you might not know what the future holds, but it’s okay not to know.

It’s okay to say I don’t know.

What we can do is do the best we can each day with what we have. I might not be placed at an elementary school, but I realized that’s okay. Because I would rather all the kids and teacher be safe than everyone go back to school just for the sake of normalcy. I don’t care if I get put in a Zoom elementary classroom or that I don’t get my normal junior or senior year experience because there are so much bigger things going on in the world that need our care and attention. Would I have liked to have a normal junior and senior year? Of course. But am I now okay with not? Yes.

I’m just grateful to even still have an education when everything is going on. I’m so appreciative of my teachers, any teacher really, and the utmost diligence, resilience, and adaptivity that they have showcased during this time. Teachers are highly under appreciated and I’m not just saying that because I want to be a future teacher. Thinking about the future of education is also a big I don’t know. Because gosh knows education and the classroom setting will be completely different. And it’s crazy to me that I’m going to be part of the generation that first experiences that future change as we go forward.

We have to go forward.

In the great words of the Robinson’s: Keep moving forward. 😆

We have to go forward with our days, our months, our years doing the best we can do to not make the pandemic worse.

We have to go forward with our days, our months, our years doing the best we can do with what we can’t control.

We have to go forward with our days, our months, our years doing the best we can do for our future.

The future right now is very blurry and hazy and it might be this big gray unknown, but I do know this, things will hopefully get better. One day we will be able to see friends and not fear that. We will be able to travel and go to all these places we dreamt of. Heck, I’ve never been on a trip in my life, so gosh knows my wander lust is up there 😂! We will be able to go to all these places we would normally go to for fun like the mall, the bowling alley, the water park, the beach, the park, etc. We will be able to have concerts and festivals and parties. We will be able to love more, laugh louder, and live greater.

We will.

In all this uncertainty, be certain of the things you can be.

Hold onto your hope.

Hold onto better days.

Hold onto what you’re grateful for in this moment, this day.

Hold onto the love, laughter, and life you can have right now.

In all this uncertainty, be certain of the things that will happen.

This is a season.

Seasons pass.

People move forward.

People evolve.

We will get through this.

As always, with love,