June 2021 Quote: Brave and Afraid

“Being brave does not mean being unafraid.”

– Leigh Bardugo

To those who are brave, aka you! I read Crooked Kingdom last month before I watched Shadow and Bone on Netflix so I could understand all the Six of Crows references. While reading, I happened to stumble upon this quote, and it just resonated with me like no other. You see, I am someone who worries a lot. I fear a lot. I overthink a lot. My worries, fears, and overthinking can wrap my mind in a tight hold that makes me scared to do things. But reading the quote above made me feel oddly comforted. I was comforted in the fact that even if I was scared, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t brave. Because sometimes being brave means being scared and doing it anyways (within reason, of course)!

When thinking about every fear in that perspective, I became less afraid and more brave. I could be scared and be brave at the same time, and being one is not the absence or failure of being the other. I can sometimes get so caught up in everyone around me, thinking, “Wow, they are so brave for doing all these extraordinary things,” and I think they have this undaunted fearlessness that my quiet demeanor doesn’t. But you know, maybe that’s not true and they hide their fears better and they still go through with something that scares them. And that to me is true bravery—when someone does something that scares them. “Being brave does not mean being unafraid” reminds me of the quote “Do it scared.” It has the same message that it’s okay to be scared to try something, but to do it anyway because you might know what may come out of it—the greatness that may come from it or the lessons.

Because if we never do anything that scared us, we will not grow. If we stay in our bubble, doing things we are comfortable with, we don’t push ourselves to explore what else is out there for us. Especially with the past year, I know I have been terrified to do things that scare me. For me, my fear now is going out and being in large groups because the pandemic and its serious effects makes me scared. I do go out occasionally to Target or the grocery store, but I still haven’t hung out with friends, been to a restaurant, or go back to school in person because I have this fear of the pandemic still. It’s a very real fear that many people in my life have minimized me feeling, and that’s not a good feeling to have. But seeing people starting to now go out and do all these things that are “normal” has me feeling overwhelmed and despondent. I want to go out and feel like things are normal, but a big part of me is still scared about this pandemic. And it’s something I’ve been trying to understand within me for the past two months as people get vaccinated. I recently got fully vaccinated, and I want to feel more comfortable going out—not in huge crowds or doing insensitive things, but just go out and see people. But . . . I’m scared.

But I know I can be scared and still try to conquer my fears. I know that I am still brave even if I am scared. So I have been trying to go out a bit more (with good health and safety precautions), all the while acknowledging my fear.

Because that was the step for me in realizing that it is okay to feel what I feel. It is okay to feel what you feel.

Don’t make anyone make you feel like you are a “scaredy cat” or a “baby” because you fear things. Fear is natural. When you let fear rule your life, then that’s something we need to work on to conquer in tiny steps each day. We can’t take on the world in one great leap. I have been taking small steps. Take small steps. Take the tiniest of steps if that is what you need to do something that scares you. Taking those tinest steps is what makes you brave because you are trying and you are moving forward. You might be scared, but fear can sometimes be a good thing 😉.

You know, as Leigh Bardguo also said:

“Fear means something is changing.”

Or something like that 🙃.

But she’s right. When we are scared to do something, it’s usually because we know something is going to change or something is happening. And change is scary—-change is uncomfortable. Change forces us to move from a place of comfort into the unknown and when we don’t know about something, we naturally fear it. That is okay. But change doesn’t have to be scary, and change doesn’t have to be something you go into unwavered. You can walk into change with wobbly legs and a palpitated heart and that is okay. But as you continue your path towards change, I guarantee you that you will find your footing and it won’t be as scary. You will look back and see how far you’ve come to be where you are now. You might even look back and think, “Hey, that wasn’t so scary,” or you might think, “Hey, that was absolutely terrifying why the freak did you do that?” Either way, you felt something completely valid, but you made it. On the other side of your journey, you grew along the way. You were brave along the way. You should give yourself more credit for trying . And hey, maybe you succeed or you learn from what you did. There are never failures, but lessons. That’s something else I’m starting to recognize because even if we mess up or “fail” we never truly fail. We learn from our mistakes or what didn’t work out, to continue to grow and change. That is natural. That is what we do as people.

So be scared.

If we were never scared, we would never know what it means to be brave.

Be open to fear.

Sometimes it’s a gut intuition that tells you it’s time to change.

Change is uncomfortable.

But change helps us grow and to be less afraid. But there’s nothing wrong with still be afraid; all new endeavors we have in life will bring a new type of fear we navigate.

Whether that’s

moving away from home for the first time,

starting a new project,

starting a new job,

making new friends,

getting married,

starting a family,

learning how to drive,

or other things.

We will be scared in some way shape or form in our life and that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. You do not have to be brave every second of every day to prove you are strong. The ones who do things when they are scared are even more strong.

I hope you find peace in your fears, and that they make you and know that that makes you brave 💜.

As always, with love,