September 2019 Quote: Feel Before You Heal

“Let yourself feel before you heal.”

– Bianca Sparacino

To all those who feel,

One of my all time favorite poets is hands down Bianca Sparcino, otherwise known as rainbowsalt on Instagram, go check her out ❤️ Her words just speak to me like no other and make me feel like I’m not alone in how I feel.

Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes by her.

So many times we are told to push down our feelings and to suppress them. Fake it until you make it kind of thing. If you’re sad, you’re supposed to put on a smile for others so they know you’re happy. If you’re angry, you have to push down that anger and hurt to be cordial and kind. If you’re hungry, your told to be content. Or if you’re tired, you’re taught to act energized and alive.

In all these cases, we are taught to hide how we feel for the sake of others. And the default is always to act like you’re better—-happier, kinder, content, energized. But when I catch myself hiding my feelings all the time, I stop myself and ask, why am I trying to fake what I feel? Who am I trying to impress or convince that I’m anything but how I feel?

If you feel something, then feel it.

I don’t mean that in the violent or harming of self or others sense, I mean if you feel sad, mad, tired, hungry, angry, stressed, then feel all those emotions because hiding them is only going to make it worse. It’s kind of like when you have a bottle of Coke and you shake it up all the time, the bubbles of emotions are still there, but when you put that bottle down to rest——- when you hide those feelings——–they only simmer there. They fester there. And when you just keep shaking the bottle and placing it down and repeat, it’s only going to make it worse because you’re bottling up all those bubbling emotions to the point when you open that bottle, you’re going to burst and that Cokes going to sky rocket out because it festered all those feelings too many times.

You have to open the bottle once you shake it.

You have to talk about your feelings.

I know it’s hard to open up to others because you feel like they will never understand what you’re going through or how you feel, and maybe they don’t, but you have to give them a chance to figure out if they relate or not. How can they know you’re going through something if you don’t talk about it. As someone who’s never really been open with her feelings, I can honestly tell you it’s hard to keep it all in because sometimes you do want to burst like a bottle of Coke. It’s hard to be vulnerable with people in your life because once you tell them something, they can’t unhear it. With that comes the fear of them treating or thinking of you differently or not caring at all, but here’s the thing, you can’t let your fear of speaking about your feelings stop you from trying to have someone there for you.

I can’t express how many times I wished I had someone to understand and be there during my darkest moments. And as much as you feel like, “Oh, no one wants to hear about my problems,” or “I don’t think they’d care,” or any of those negative thoughts, remember that that’s what people in your life are for. You’re going to have people who you can trust and who you feel comfortable talking to and if you do, reach out to them. Don’t be embarrassed that they might not want to hear about your problems or that they won’t care because if they are your friend they would want to be there for you. If they aren’t your friend, they’ll make you feel less than or bad and that’s no way to be.

Know that you are never alone. Know that you never have to deal with anything by yourself. Know that you never have to harm yourself or other people because that’s not going to help anybody.

You have to feel everything in order to heal and I truly believe that.

Because what is happiness if we didn’t feel sadness? Because what is peace if we didn’t feel anger? What is full if we didn’t feel hungry? What is energized if we didn’t feel tired? We have so many juxtaposing emotions to highlight how there are so many good emotions to look forward to. So if you’re feeling down about something one day, then know that the healing comes next—–the thing to look forward to.

We need to acknowledge our feelings because faking it until you make it can only get you so far in life. It’s not wrong to feel, it’s good to feel because that means you’re living and you have a heart that is so raw and so fragile and is worth every bit of your attention. Don’t let it fester and sit until it explodes, take care of it and work on your healing.

Whatever you feel today, I hope that you acknowledge it, be kind to it, and let yourself understand it. Trust me, the healing will come afterwards.

Here’s to your emotions and to your healing,

As always, with love,