We’ll Always Have Summer by Jenny Han Book Review
“I’ve only ever loved two boys–both of them with the last name Fisher. Conrad was the first, and I loved him in a way that you can really only do the first time around. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t know better and doesn’t want to–it’s dizzy and foolish and fierce. That kind of love is really a one-time-only thing.
And then there was Jeremiah. When I looked at Jeremiah, I saw pas, present, and future. He didn’t just know the girl I used to be. He knew the right-now me, and he loved me anyway.
My two great loves. I think I always knew I would be Belly Fisher one day. I just didn’t know it was going to happen like this.”
(opening snippet)
About
Author: Jenny Han
Genre: Young Adult Contemporary Romance
Series: The Summer I Turned Pretty Book 3
Click to read other book reviews
Other TSITP Book Reviews
The Summer I Turned Pretty
It’s Not Summer Without
Synopsis
It’s been two years since Conrad told Belly to go with Jeremiah. She and Jeremiah have been inseparable ever since, even attending the same college—only, their relationship hasn’t exactly been the happily ever after Belly had hoped it would be. And when Jeremiah makes the worst mistake a boy can make, Belly is forced to question what she thought was true love. Does she really have a future with Jeremiah? Has she ever gotten over Conrad? It’s time for Belly to decide, once and for all, who has her heart forever.
Review
Spoilers Contained Below
To the summer Jelly and Bonrad Shippers,
GOSH.
I don’t even know where to properly start with how much this book tore my heart out and then tried to piece it back together because I can for sure say that I am not the same. Wow.
You know, I love a good love triangle because there’s the angst, the drama, the jealously, the wonder about who the person will end up with. In most love triangles, there’s always a clear person who is endgame, and in TSITP series, I always knew who Belly would end up with (and that’s not because this was my second time around reading the series). I just knew. But what I loved about TSITP books, especially We’ll Always Have Summer was how Jenny Han made me so confused, conflicted, and combusted over Jeremiah and Conrad because I genuinely loved them both that it hurt to think about either of them being heartbroken or sad because one of them was going to end up with Belly and the other wasn’t. And it GUTTED me to even think about who Belly would choose because I grew to appreciate both boys because they brought such different storylines and perspectives that I felt a personal well within me that wanted to protect both of them. I feel like it’s the romantic in me that had so much empathy for Jeremiah and Conrad and wanted them to find love . . . but it’s hard when they loved the same girl.
Also, I just wanted to say that I loved how Jeremiah and Conrad are people with depth and that my perspectives of them changed with this book. I absolutely love love love Jeremiah and I always will because deep down, the root of his person is a kind, funny, sweet, flirty, and caring guy. He’s the kind of guy who will treat you right, know how to make you smile when you are sad, who will always make you laugh, who will snuggle you and always be by your side no questions asked. He’s just an all around great guy and would be a great person to date. I mean, I would love to find a Jeremiah in my life, not going to lie. But as much as he’s such a sweetie, everyone has a darkness and a side that’s not so great. It honest make that person not a great person or cancels out all the good, but there is a side that is human. People are inherently two sides of good and not-so-good and when you’re in a relationship you take the good with the bad. Jeremiah did something and said somethings in this book that made me see that not-so-good part and it bothered me a lot while I read because the not-so-good moments didn’t’ feel like Jeremiah. But it was more like I didn’t want to believe that Jeremiah, our sweetie, would do those things. However, the more I pondered it, the more I realized that, yea, Jeremiah would do those things because of his personality. But when I accepted that Jeremiah wasn’t perfect, I appreciated that he wasn’t perfect—that he was human. That he wasn’t this all around great guy I thought he was because no one is a 100% perfect and we all have things we can work on, and we learned what Jeremiah’s was. Did it make me like him less? No, I just understood him more and learned to forgive him for who he was.
If you also read my other book reviews, I roasted Conrad with every line 😅. I just thought he was this broodish, mysterious, rude, disrespectful, string-her-along douche canoe. The way he treated Belly was not okay and the way he spoke to her to hurt her made me furious. But in my other reviews I also said how I didn’t want to rage on Conrad because I knew he was a good person and he had all his potential to be. I wanted him to be the god guy. But he held so many things in and was angry at himself and the world that we never got to fully see the guy Belly loved, except in sporadic moments or backstories. But backstories mean nothing if that’s not who he was currently. However, going into the third book, reading Conrad’s perspective was so necessary because it made me love him more. The me who read the last two books would be shocked I even said that. But I do. Liked Conrad a lot more because he showed up for Belly more and we got to understand why he acted the way he acted. We didn’t know because we weren’t in his head before. But it all made sense. I had more compassion for him and what he was going through and that also bothered me because here I was a fortified Jelly shipper and now I was wavering because I felt awful for Conrad because he loved Belly but never knew how to treat her right. So now I was a confused mess.
But it just is a testament to Jenny Han’s writing that she changed my perspective of Conrad and Jeremiah to find room for them both in my heart. Because both are great but both made mistakes and hurt Belly in monumental ways. They were human though, they both weren’t perfect and I oddly loved that. That’s life. That’s people.
I loved that there was a two year time jump and we got to see Belly in college.
It’s surreal because I just graduated college so I now understood and related more to what Belly was going through than when I was fifteen and read this book. I knew exactly what it was like to move out of my parent’s house and into the dorm and that emotional roller coaster of being on your own for the first time and wanting this college experience that the movies portrayed. I loved how her whole family was there to help her move in and how her mom was just as nervous about letting Belly go. I also loved how Belly stepped into being called Isabel because she was a growing young woman and it felt fitting that with all the changes in her life that she presented herself with a name that fit that change. Belly is a nice name an a cute nickname that her family will probably always call her, but Isabel felt right for who she was becoming in this new chapter of her life. I loved how when Belly met her roommate, Jillian, she thought that they would chat and be instant best friends because who doesn’t think that when they go to college. I thought that. I liked the realness of how awkward and stilted their conversation was when they were both on their beds trying to gauge if they were compatible roommates. I had the exact same conversation with my first year roommate 😅. Maybe not the exact conversation, but it sure as heck went the same way. I remember we briefly introduced ourselves and what classes we were taking and where we were from and then we both went to doing our own things with her on her laptop on her bed and me on my desk chair on my laptop doing who knows what. I just remember thinking, “Okay, that was awkward at first, maybe it’ll get better.” It didn’t. Not in a bad way. We were good roommates and never crossed any lines but we weren’t best friends either. We didn’t really talk to each other much except to say bye and have a good holiday. I laughed when I read Belly and Jillian’s conversation because I felt and lived that. I didn’t have the whole dorm floor ice breaker thing because I was never forced to go to one. But I liked how Belly met her new friend Annika through that game and that she met new people. It’s difficult to meet new people and become actual friends in college because everyone is focused on their own thing and they don’t really pay attention to anyone else. I think people in college also don’t have it all figured out, and are just as nervous to start a conversation. But I liked that Belly’s world was expanding because Annika was someone she could be real with and feel calm around. I liked that Annika balanced Belly rather than Taylor.
I have nothing against Taylor, I just felt like their friendship was very tense and didn’t seem the healthiest with all their fighting at trying to hurt each other. But they were best friends fight. I liked that we did get to see how they made up after their fight in It’s Not Summer Without You. They were going back to school and hadn’t yet reached out to each other to go back to school shopping. They saw each other at a mall with their moms accompanying them instead but I could feel that they both wanted to shop with each other than their moms. I liked that Belly threw a bone to the situation and talked to Taylor by asking her about if an outfit would match. They were friends after that and started talking again, but their friendship wasn’t the same. I appreciated that their friendship was different because they were different because that’s how life is. You grow, you evolve, and your relationships also grow and evolve with it.
“We were growing up. We were still figuring out how to be in each other’s lives without being everything to each other.”
(pg. 54)
I really loved this quote 💚.
When you have a childhood best friend, I think it’s easy to intertwine your personality and identity with that person because you grew up together. You had the same interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes. But when you grow older, you start to want your independence from a friend in the sense of knowing who you are rather than who you are because of your friend or who you are with your friend. It’s completely natural to want that separation and to figure out how you can still keep that person in your life without being everything to each other like you once were. It’s okay to do things on your own and be your own person, and that’s actually a healthy thing. Sometimes though, a childhood best friend might not be part of your next chapter or your next and that’s okay too. Because some people come into your life for a season for a reason and they move on and you move on when you both feel it’s ready or that relationship isn’t working anymore. I heard this analogy that people are a rocket ship that when they fly into space, the ship slowly loses parts to make going to wherever they’re going to next a lighter journey; that people slowly lose parts or people in their life that they might not need for their next journey, it’s not a bad thing it’s life.
I liked how it was fate that Taylor and Belly ended up at the same college because it meant that they still had friendship left in them. Taylor was doing her own thing with her sorority and having her friends and Belly was doing her own thing, but they found a healthier dynamic where they still were in each other’s lives, they were still close, just in a different way.
Belly also knew one other person in college: her boyfriend 🤪!!!!
She was dating Jeremiah freaking Fisher 👏🏼!!!!!!!
Team Jelly Let’s Gooooooo!!!! Point one for Team Jelly!!!!
I cannot even express the absolute joy I felt reading how she was dating Jeremiah—-the guy who would treat her right. And he did!!!!!!
“But truest of all was that I just wanted to be near him. I wanted him for all seasons, not just summer. . . We’d known each other our whole lives, and in some ways, it felt like a. big surprise—in other ways it felt inevitable.”
(pg. 5)
They started dating shortly after the last book when they went on a few dates and then they kissed more and then they started dating. I loved how she could go through college with Jere right by her side.
I know that there’s this saying that you shouldn’t go to college with your boyfriend, but if it’s Jeremiah Fisher, you do 👏🏼.
I loved loved loved how he treated her like the respectful sweetheart we all know Jeremiah to be. I loved that they snuggled in her dorm room and watched movies. I loved how he always waited for her in her dorm room or outside of her room to walk to their classes or to the dinning hall. I loved how they ate together. I loved how he continuously complimented her to make sure she knew she was the most beautiful girl. He also would leave her cute, cheesy notes about how much he loved her. I liked how he was the first boy to paint her toenails, to hold her hair when she threw up, to buy her medicine for her cramps, and get her a drink when she needed it 🥺💚. I mean, get you someone who treats you right!!!! I love Jeremiah. I loved loved loved when they were walking to a party and how her feet was hurting from her heels and her dress was long, so he bent down to give her a piggy back ride the whole way!!!!
I mean, if he doesn’t treat you like Jeremiah Fisher, than he’s not doing it right.
Okay, I’m going to retract that sentence from this point on 😂 in some ways. Because Jeremiah does know how to treat a girl like a queen, but we don’t condone cheaters.
When I read that part, I was LIVID.
I didn’t know if I should have been more upset with Jeremiah or angry at Jenny for making Jeremiah the villain—for tainting him so team Bonrad was not endgame.
JENNY!!!!! How dare you make Jeremiah a CHEATER 😫!
“It didn’t make sense. None of it. This wasn’t the Jeremiah I knew. My Jeremiah would never hurt me like this. He would never so much as look at another girl. My Jeremiah was true and strong and steady. I didn’t know who this person was.”
(pg. 19)
It didn’t make sense to me either.
Like I said earlier, I was bothered. I didn’t want to believe that our sweet Jeremiah Fisher would cheat because that seemed like the last thing he would do.
But then we got the whole backstory and the more I could see Jeremiah cheating.
When they started dating, Belly began to know Jeremiah past summer and it was a lot for her to take in to learn all these new things about him. With any relationship, there will be things about the person you love and you tolerate because you love them, but I bet it was eye-opening for her to feel bothered by how much she didn’t really know Jeremiah because she only knew one version of him. Jeremiah got allergies and sneezed and snotted a lot. I’m the same, Jeremiah also was a child when he was sick, which I have heard most men are. Jeremiah also was very messy, played lots of video games, and didn’t seem to notice how much money he spent because he always had it.
Then there was when Jere wanted to go on a last minute Cabo trip with his frat brothers and that he was going without Belly. Belly felt nervous and kind of jealous that Jere was going to Cabo with his frat brothers and the sorority sisters, knowing one of them, Laci Barone, very much had a thing for Jere. I agreed that Jere should have done better to reassure Belly that he could trust him because just saying “If you’re worried, you should come with,” just made it seem like she needed to watch him rather than trust him. But then again, guys at this age don’t’ know what they are saying and don’t think about the implicit mean gin so it’s not like he could have read her mind to know how she felt. I think she should have said how she really felt. But then there were both getting angry at each other because she was nervous about him going and Lacie there but also knowing she didn’t want to go because she was going home to her family. Then she made a dig at his fraternity being stupid and something about an inferiority complex because Jere wasn’t premed like Conrad and just a frat boy. So then Jere was like “Let’s end it now,” which they were both in the heat of the moment and saying things they didn’t mean but always thought.
“A fight is like a fire. You think you have it under control, you think you can stop it whenever you want, but before you know it, it’s a living, breathing thing and there’s no controlling it and you were a fool to think you could.”
(pg. 25)
They really just needed to take a breather because they were being irrational hot heads.
Belly thought they broke up after that big Cabo fight. So she went home a wreck and a sobbing mess because there Jere was in Cabo and she just broke up with her best friend/boyfriend. I liked how Steven was there for her and reassured that things would be better in a week when they see each other. While Belly was out here crying her eyes out, Jere was out in Cabo living it up.
What got to me was how he slept with Lacie Barone during that week they were broken up. The thing was Jere said he thought they were actually broken up because he said “Let’s end it” while Belly thought they just needed space and that they were still together. They weren’t on the same page. So him sleeping with Lacie when they were broken up was a betrayal and a cheat nevertheless. And the fact that he slept with another girl either way was a suck a** move because if he really loved Belly, like genuinely loved her, he would have been as broken up about their break up as she was and he wouldn’t have slept with Lacie. I don’t care if they fought, if he loved her, he wouldn’t have gone to the next available girl and slept with her. Never. I don’t think someone who loves you that much would do that. And sure, I got the sense he slept with Lacie out of spite to get back at Belly for being mad at him and that he wanted to have a good time and prove something to Belly or whatever, but even then, I don’t think that someone who loves you that much would do something so cruel as to hurt you by sleeping with someone else.
When Belly overheard Lacie talk about “What happens in Cabo, stays in Cabo,” my heart just cracked for her—absolutely fell on the ground and chipped 😢. And then seeing how hurt she was, sobbing, and saying how she could never trust Jere again . . . 😭 SOBBING. I just felt her heart was gutted as I.
I wanted to hug her.
I mean, I like Jere and I always will, but it was so hard not to be angry at his character because I really don’t condone cheaters. I absolutely do not tolerate if a person cheats and Jere was testing me. But gosh, he broke her heart and her trust. Those are two of the most painful things to break.
*Shakes head*
And the fact that he tried to butter Belly up when he came back from that Cabo trip and didn’t tell her?! Yea, those gifts and all that attention was because he felt guilty as f***. The fact that he kept it a secret too sucked. Cheating and keeping secrets are two of the most surefire way to ruin a relationship.
I was so worried because Jere damaged her heart and I wasn’t sure where we went from there. How could we with her heart in pieces and their friendship broken in the most significant way? I liked how Taylor and Annika had her back, and that out of everyone Taylor knew how much Jere meant to her and how complicated the situation was.
BUT I WAS SCREAMING when she finally did say she wanted to talk to him and he PROPOSED 😳.
SCREAMING.
I appreciated that he felt like shiz and like a trash human being because he deserved to after he broke Belly’s heart and trust. I also appreciated how he regoconized what he lost when he almost did lose Belly by cheating on her. But DANG, proposing to her to prove that she was the only girl for him and that he would never cheat or break her heart again!?!?!?!?!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I liked that Jere groveled on his knees, but I didn’t know he was gonna grovel and pull out a ring!!!!!!!
I didn’t know if my Jelly heart was excited or if my sane heart was winning.
Because marrying Jere after he cheated and broke her heart wasn’t going to fix the fact that he cheated and he broke her heart 👏🏼!!!!!
It didn’t fix anything.
It erased what happened and put a band-aid on the hurt and said, let’s forget it and marry each other instead.
Absolutely not.
I mean, I love Jelly, but a 1000% no. Not like this. If they were going to get married, I wanted them to do it right and not because he felt guilty for finding out he cheated on her and he wanted to give her a band-aid in the shape of a ring.
Nope.
I mean, also living with her and saying let’s start a life together?!?!?!
No.
I have nothing against people getting married young because I have many friends who were married young, I just didn’t like how they were getting engaged to rectify the fact that he cheated. That’s not okay. They should marry out of pure love and not desperation. If anything they should communicate about how to actually move past him cheating and to rebuild that trust and then maybe move in together to see how that dynamic works. Then they should get married.
Not, let me marry you because I cheated and broke your heart, but here’s a ring to make it better and let’s move in because I love you and I want to prove it.
“That day , without another word about it, we decided to leave the past in the past. The future was where we were headed.”
(pg. 59)
I could not.
When they told their family, I already felt like Laurel was going to combust, Mr. Fisher was going to be confused, Steven was going to be shook, and Conrad was going to be heart-broken but numb.
I was sooo worried for her.
Also, not Belly literally getting all glammed up because she knew Conrad was going to be at this family event for Susannah’s garden 🙈—not because she wanted to look nice for the announcement, but for Conrad. Sis was engaged to his BROTHER. Everyone was going down for Cousins for this garden reveal in honor of Susannah. Conrad hadn’t been back in Cousins or around any of them much since he transferred schools to LA, but this was the first time he had come back. Belly was deep down excited and hopeful that Conrad was coming and when she saw him, her face shifted—-the stars came out. Jeremiah saw the way Belly looked at Conrad at the back of the event place and I knew it was why he was so adamant in pushing that they announce their engagement to their family—-he was jealous and felt territorial to say that he was going to marry Belly and not Conrad. When they all——-the summer kids— took a photo together, I could feel the aka-awkward in the air because Conrad still loved Belly and Belly still loved him but she was engaged to Conrad’s brother who was angry at Conrad for having a piece of Belly’s heart. Even when Belly was insistent about not announcing it at the event later, Jere still wanted to do it. He wasn’t thinking straight. I respected how Belly rethought announcing their engagement because this was the first time they were all together and she didn’t want to take the attention away from a day that celebrated Susannah. I agreed with her. But Jere did make the announcement.
I feel like a part of Laurel died that day when Jere announced that her seventeen-turning-eighteen year old daughter was engaged 😅.
The utter silence that followed was deafening, but expected. Laurel was shook and Steven and Conrad were reacting exactly how I thought they were reacting. They all thought Jeremiah was joking. You know what pezzed me off throughout the book was how when Belly told everyone she was engaged—family or strangers—they all asked her if she was pregnant or they looked at her stomach as if she was. I know this book was released in 2011 and the times were different where people were still very judgmental about teen pregnancies or getting married young (I mean, there is still a stigma today), however, it just made me angry that a young woman couldn’t get married back then without people thinking it was because she was going to have a baby. I can’t even imagine how uncomfortable and shameful a woman must have felt—not that they should feel uncomfortable or even ashamed. It just makes my heart sad for all the women who were judged like Belly for being married young and the hurdles and criticism they faced from the world. People can marry young and it just be for love and knowing it’s with the right person. It sucks that a guy doesn’t get any hate or judgment when they marry young, but it’s more like a joking way like an, “Oh, are you ready to be ‘tied down?'” thing. The things women have to face everyday in this world never ceases to make me angry and frustrated and tired.
I digress.
But they were all in shock, I just didn’t expect Laurel to be as pezzed off about it as she was.
The fact that Laurel didn’t even talk to Belly for weeks and couldn’t even look at her, made me sad. I also was sad at how Laurel cried in her room behind closed doors because she couldn’t believe her young daughter would get engaged and do something so outlandish so soon. I’m not a mother, but from a mother’s perspective I understood that Laurel might have felt like she screwed up or failed Belly that Belly would marry young or that Laurel felt confused or hurt that her daughter was making a big mistake and she didn’t’ know how to get through to her. As a mother, she probably didn’t want her daughter to make the biggest mistake of her life and regret that later on because no mother wants their child in pain. When they finally did talk, it was unsurprising that Laurel wasn’t supportive of Belly’s engagement because she thought it was too soon and that Jeremiah and Belly weren’t ready to get engaged. I agreed with Laurel and that’s not even counting the cheating aspect. They were rushing into getting married without really knowing how they are going to support themselves, but just trusting that it will work out. I mean, that’s a great outlook to have when you are adulting, but they were just seventeen/eighteen/nineteen and only one of them had a real job, they didn’t even have a place to stay in or knew what it was like to live together. They were both going to school. They for sure could have waited at least until after they graduated because if they loved each other, they could wait, save some money, live together, and actually do a wedding that was right. I just didn’t expect the way Laurel said she wouldn’t be at Belly’s wedding if Belly went through with it. Her only daughter? Not go to her wedding? That chipped my heart for Belly 😢. I felt like Laurel meant it too because Laurel is an adamant and unwavering woman—if she meant something she meant it. It’s probably where Belly gets her strength too. But gosh, it sucked to see an already complicated relationship truly tear into two, watching them stand on two different sides.
Fighting on two different teams, our them both.
Jeremiah went to talk to Laurel, and I loved how Jeremiah did manage to make Laurel smile—he could alleviate any mood. However, Laurel was steadfast in her opinion and statement that they were too young to get married and she would not support Belly and Jeremiah’s engagement. I agreed when Laurel said that she didn’t’ want Jere to be her son-in-law like this. Because of their argument and the finality of Laurel not supporting their engagement, Belly left the mother’s house to stay at the Cousin’s beach house because she didn’t want to be around the mom if the mom couldn’t support there. I wanted to hug Belly because she just got cheated on, she’s rushing into an engagement I’m pretty sure she’s going to back out of, and then her mom wasn’t even on her side. She felt all alone 🥺.
Not being supported by your family—the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally—is one of the worst feelings in the world.
Belly went to the Cousin’s house because she had no where else to go. Only thing was Conrad was also at the Cousin’s house and was going to stay there the summer. Honestly, I was more surprised that Jeremiah didn’t feel threatened that Belly was not going to stay in a house with Conrad, her first love!!! I was like, “This can’t be good for him” 😅.
One of the things I loved most about We’ll Always Have Summer is the fact that we FINALLY got Conrad’s perspective! We got to see into his Mariana Trench mind 😂!
When he first saw Belly at the garden ceremony, my instant reaction was to scream 🥺! The way he looked at her and how he still loved her. I had a hunch that he hadn’t returned to Cousins for years after the motel fight because it was painful for him to see Jeremiah and Belly together, so he stayed away to protect himself and her. I mean, just seeing his brother with the girl he secretly loved had to be hard on him and he didn’t’ want to relive that regret every day, so he stayed away. But the way he looked at her . . . ugh, a sucker punch to the heart.
I don’t know if this makes sense or if this is just my brain wanting to believe it, but. I felt like Conrad matured a bit and was older. I know that, duh, he was two years older with the time jump, but he was more level-headed and seemed more sure of himself. I loved how he had all his groceries and cooked himself and everyone a meal. I didn’t know that he could cook! I freaking laughed when Conrad said that the only thing he knew how to cook was chicken and he ate that every day 😂! Honestly, same. Chicken is the staple protein if you’re not a vegetarian and it’s probably the easiest meat to cook. It’s the only meat I know to cook, or I try. Living together was awkward and tense at first because she tried to stay away from him to not catch feelings (but we all know how that turned out 🙈), and he tried to give her space too so he wouldn’t catch or act on his feelings. I wonder what it was like for him to be around her all the time now and to want to be with her but also knowing he couldn’t because she was engaged to his brother.
“I knew I shouldn’t even be at the summer house, because being there, being near her, I would just want what I couldn’t have. It was dangerous. She was the one person I didn’t trust myself around . . . If she knew how much I still cared, it was all over. I wouldn’t be able to walk away again. The first time was hard enough.”
(pg. 162-3)
Oh my gosh, I loved how after that first dinner in Cousins (with the chicken), Conrad and Jere were talking about surfing and Conrad was like, “I don’t want to knock on your door to wake Belly.” Okay, consideration 👏🏼. Where was consideration when we were eighteen 😂? But I loved seeing a gentler side to Conrad. It felt weird how Belly said when she was at the Cousins house she didn’t want to sleep in Jeremiah’s room on his bed not because she didn’t like him, but being at the Cousins house made her feel like a kid again. I don’t say weird because I think how Belly felt was weird; I would feel the same way because if I had a sacred place I went to growing up, I would want to carry out the routine I always had. I say weird because when she did sleep away from Jeremiah, she had the best night sleep, and I feel like that’s a huge tell in how she hasn’t been at peace since she was dating Jere and maybe she had deep restless emotions about everything. But that’s what I thought.
Oh, and the conversation Jeremiah and Conrad had while they were surfing had me screaming too! I liked how even though I knew deep down Jeremiah being engaged to Belly probably tore Conrad a part, he never not took his brother seriously—he believed Jere. He also never outright lambast Jere for being stupid, but gave his concerns as an older brother. What made me scream was when Conrad said:
“He was marrying my girl, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I just had to watch it happen, because he was my brother, because I promised. Take care of him, Connie. I’m counting on you.”
(pg. 146)
First, MY girl!!!!!!???!?
He called Belly his girl!!!!!!
He should have had that attitude two years ago 😂👏🏼.
Second, what was this promise Conrad was talking about? I knew it had to come from Susannah though because there is no one else who would have asked him to take care of Jere like a big brother.
Conrad promised Susannah on her deathbed that he would look after Jeremiah—that he would take care of his brother. You know, I always joke that Conrad can be an a**hat and a loser, but he is someone who keeps his promises. Always. And him promising his mother to look after Jere was the heftiest and most meaningful promise he had ever made. Because he made that promise to his mom, after the motel fight, Conrad talked with Jere and told him that it was okay with him if he wanted to be with Belly. I let out a sob when he told Jere to “Take care of her” (pg. 164) 😫. He was giving Jere the go ahead to date Belly because he hurt Belly in an insurmountable way and he knew that she would take a long time—if ever—to forgive him for what he said that day, so to fulfill his promise to his mom and to protect Belly, he let Belly go. If you love them, set them free and if they love you they will come back. But I knew Conrad didn’t want to say that to Jere—to give him his blessing—because he still loved her, but the thing was if it pained him to let Belly go and he loved her all this time, he should have showed it to her better. I guess he really wasn’t at the headspace to be the man she needed at the time because he had all that anger in him that he needed to work on and release on something other than Belly. She wasn’t his sounding board. It hurt that he let her go and that she did find love and happiness with Jere, but it also pained Conrad because he knew that and it was his own fault for hurting her the way he did.
“And then, when she came out, dressed, her hair wet, she looked at me with those hopeful eyes, and I looked back at her like I didn’t recognize her. Completely blank. I saw her eyes dim. I saw her love for me die. I’d killed it.
When I thought about it now, that moment, in the motel, I understood I was the one who’d set this thing in motion. Pushed them together. It was my doing. I was the one who was going to have to live with it. They were happy.”
(pg. 165)
You know, I appreciated that he reflected on himself and knew that the whole back and forth thing he did with Belly wasn’t healthy and wasn’t fair to her. I mean, what growth from him that he could look back and recognize his stupid ways. But that meant he changed and he grew enough to lover her and just want the best for her. It made me hurt that he felt like he couldn’t return home because it hurt him too much and that it was his way of protecting Jere because if he was home, he could very well admit his feelings for Belly. And doing so wouldn’t be looking out for Jere the way the mom wanted it. So Conrad stayed away—he kept his distance. I had so much empathy and compassion for him. He was looking out for all of them while also trying to look out for himself.
There were so many Conrad backstories that ripped my heart out because I had no idea, but one of my favorites was when Conrad thought about that girl Agnes he dated in college.
Conrad briefly dating a girl named Agnes because she was cool and very blunt. One day while they were studying, she asked him if he had ever been in love, and when Conrad said “once,” I felt like I was combusting 😆. And then when Agnes asked if on a scale of one to ten, how in love was he, and he said “You can’t put being in love on a scale . . . either you are or you aren’t,” but managed to say ten (pg. 160), I was screaming!!!!!!
“‘Wow. What was her name?’
‘Agnes, come one. We have an exam on Friday.’
Agnes made a pouty face and kicked my leg under the table. . . .
I let out a short breath. ‘Belly. I mean, Isabel. Satisfied.'”
(pg. 161)
I’m not SATISFIED, I’M SHOOK 😫💔!!!!
Not him literally saying he only had one love in his life and he felt that love at it’s maximum and that her name was Belly!!!!!!!!
Conrad, you dingleberry, if you loved her all this time and she was your only love, why the heck did you let that love DIE!!!!!
I was so mad for and at him!
“‘When did you know you were in love?’
I didn’t have a specific answer to that question. There hadn’t been one specific moment. It was like gradually waking up. You go from being asleep to the space between dreaming and awake and then into consciousness. It’s a slow process, but when you’re awake, there’s no mistaking it. there was no mistaking that it had been love.”
(pg. 161)
UGUUUUUUUUGGGHGHGHGHHGHGH!!!! He screwed up!!!! He could have been with the woman he loved all this time if didn’t screw the freak up. *world’s biggest sigh*
Dang. Idiot.
He loved her, like genuinely loved her 🥺💚.
You know, honestly, if we had seen more of this vulnerable, honest, caring, cute, and banterish Conrad in the other books, maybe I would have been team Bonrad sooner.
I mean, I just really liked this version of Conrad who wasn’t an a**.
Bu the was an a** for a reason!
I know understood it.
Conrad gave a backstory about his dad and how he knew he was his dad’s favorite because the dad saw himself in Conrad and Jere was more like the mom. So that’s why the dad put all the expectation and pressure on Conrad and didn’t give much love to Jere. After reading the last book, I see how and why the dad put more love into Conrad—not that I agree with it—because the dad was kind of giving himself tough love if he gave Conrad the same tough love. He wanted Conrad to be like him or be better than him in business endeavors or show-off things. But then Conrad learned what we all learn eventually—that parents aren’t perfect. The dad forgot the mom’s birthday and tagged team on the boys efforts to celebrate the mom. And then Conrad learned more about the dad and the dad was a cheater, so Conrad resented the dad and was angry with him; the dad was not who he thought he was. It’s a disheartening day when we realize our parents aren’t the have-it-all-together, strong, incapable-of-wrong people we put them on a pedestal to be. It almost feels like a betrayal and a lie that they aren’t who we thought they were. But parents are humans and they mess up, screw up, make mistakes, and they don’t have it all together. When we realize that it, it breaks something in all of us in the way that we lose the innocence and the illusion that things are perfect and people are perfect. Also, it’s complex to think that if an adult doesn’t even have it together or they mess up, who does have it all together or who is perfect?
“All of that love and pride I had in him, it turned to hate. And then I started to hate myself, who he’d made me. . . That scared me. I didn’t want to be the kind of man who cheated on his wife. I didn’t want to be the kind of man who put work before his family, who tipped cheaply at restaurants, who never bothered to learn our housekeeper’s name.
From there on I set out to destroy the picture of me in his head. I quit our morning runs before he left for work, I quit the fishing trips . . . and I quite football, which I loved. . . I quit it all to spite him. Anything that made him proud of me, I took away.
It took me a long time to figure it out. That I was the one who had put my dad on that pedestal. I did that, not him. And then I despised him for not being perfect. For being human.”
(pg. 180-1)
First of all, exquisitely written.
Second, I truly understood and empathized with Conrad. I knew the exact feeling in some way. I really hurt for Conrad in the way he felt like he needed to stop doing things he loved because the dad loved it and he didn’t want to be like the dad. Conrad was not going to be like the dad because he was already twice the man the dad will ever be by just acknowledging that the dad had faults and he wanted to do better. I understood why Conrad thought he needed to purge himself of any connection that made him similar so he didn’t end up on the same path. That sucks. Conrad ended up doing things out of spite that in the end hurt him a lot more because he had nothing left to love. He was angry at his dad and then angry at himself for not doing the things he loved because he was angry at his dad. Gosh, he had so much fury in that body that it was no wonder it all bubbled out. But what Conrad said at the end about how he put his dad on a pedestal and then despised him for being imperfect, for being human, I wanted to tell him that he wasn’t wrong for doing what he did because every child goes through the same thing. We put our parents on that pedestal and that we hate them when they mess up and we can’t blame ourselves for believing our parents were perfect because that’s just how kids perceive parents. It’s what it is. But yes, it is tough to have all that anger at a parent for being human—for making mistakes.
I was angry at a parent for years because of an unforgivable mistake. That was my parent-got-knocked-off-the-pedestal moment and I was so hurt and angry at what that parent did. I absolutely disliked that situation and parent because of what happened. But as I got older and had time away from that parent, I realized that that parent was just human, and it feels like having your glasses knocked off and you finally see the world for what it is even if it hurts at first. That parent was human and messed up and I understood why my parent did what that parent did and I didn’t dislike her for it, but I had empathy. I understood that she was human. I think when you can connect with the humanness of a parent, that’s when you start to grow up a lot more—where a parent is no longer someone you lean on, but someone you learn from and with.
I really felt for Conrad and all he felt inside that I never knew, but had a hunch about—-that he had a lot more going on. It’s not easy to navigate those emotions alone and to understand what they mean, especially at sixteen or eighteen. Heck, I went through my whole angry phase at my parent when I was the same age as Conrad and Belly. The same age. Now that I think about it, why was I so hard on Conrad when I would have reacted the same way when I was in his shoes? When you are so angry at the world and the people around you and life in general, every single thing triggers you and irritates you to lash out. Conrad had a thorn in his paw and he was screaming for someone to notice.
He had to take that thorn out himself, and that’s not easy. It’s not easy to confront your anger and pain and say, I’m removing it from my life and moving on. To figure out what healing looks like.
Honestly, I’m proud of Conrad and all that he had to endure in all these years and how he tried his best when he wasn’t doing his best—when he didn’t let anyone in.
Do I still agree with how he treated Belly? No. But I forgive him for it because I now knew what he was going through.
Sometimes we become the worst version of ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we’re bad people. We’re just going through a bad situation.
I liked how Conrad was a clean roommate who picked up after himself and always washed the dishes after he ate. I also liked how he had his own routine of running and fixing up and caring for the house. I mean, look at him go being Conrad the Builder 😂. But I loved how he took care of the house too just like how Susannah would have wanted. I loved how they had that conversation where he teased her junk food eating habit and he laughed about it. He laughed. I loved how he also said that she could have whatever food he bought. I mean, look at Conrad go! Being an adult, sharing his food, running, fixing things. He was getting his shiz together 👏🏼! And conversing without hurting? Who is he?
I loved when Belly went to the grocery store and cooked a whole spaghetti dinner with salad to prove to Conrad that she could eat a healthy meal. He didn’t go home that night, but she left a plate and a bowl out for him of what she made. And the next day, the food was gone and he washed the dish 🥺💚. I’m assuming he ate the food and didn’t throw it away. But it made my heart swell that he still ate her food and cleaned up after himself—such a gentle, sweet Conrad thing to do.
I swear, I liked this version better.
I also liked how they went on an errand together. Conrad went in Belly’s car and I thought it was awkward how he mentioned the last time he was in her car was during prom. I mention this moment because I loved how Belly self-reflected in the moment back to her gosh awful prom and how she felt embarrassed that she cried and begged Conrad not to go. It’s so weird to think of Belly reflecting on her younger self, but I loved it because it felt like a self-growth moment—that she was older and wiser to understand that the way she acted in the past wasn’t the best. I liked how Conrad and Belly did grow and it was obvious in how they were taking care of themselves, but also how they could recognize that their past actions weren’t the best—that they could cringe and laugh about it. That’s life. We have things we have done in the past and we live and we learn. I just loved seeing and feeling like Belly was older and had a clearer head on her shoulders.
I liked how when she got the stamps from the post office, she went back into the car and asked Conrad what a cancel mail was and Conrad just knew. Sometimes I forget he’s a deep down nerd because he’s been a jerk in my eyes. But I loved how he knew the answers and helped Belly; he didn’t mansplain or anything. He was genuine. Through all their new roommate interactions, it really was interesting and nice to see them find a new dynamic after the things they said to each other. That they knew what was said, but they had enough time and space to move on and past what happened. I think they really did need all those years a part to forgive each other or for the pain to not hurt as much. I know I had a friendship breakup after high school and I didn’t speak to that friend for four years because I was so angry and hurt at the way she treated me. I still cared for her because I knew her for such a long time, but it was hard to be around her or want to continue a friendship I wasn’t happy in. But just this past year, we talked to each other and she reached out, and it felt awkward seeing her as a grown woman now who had her one life and relationships and to know that I wasn’t there for all that growth. But I was there now, and I wasn’t angry anymore. I didn’t harbor that hurt I felt four years ago. We didn’t talk about the hurt I felt, but we tried our best to be present and catch up like old times—old new times because our friendship had changed. Conversation was stilted and weird at moments, but we were discovering what we were to each other again. We both needed time a part so I could let go of my anger and hurt and she could grow, and she did. She’s such an amazing, hard-working, loving person, and I’m happy that in some capacity, she’s back in my life. I tell this story because I felt a similar dynamic between Conrad and Belly where there was so much anger and animosity towards each other that they needed time a part to grow as individuals and figure out who they were or to heal. And they did that. In that time, they also probably let go of the hate and anger they felt every day when the pain was so fresh by being around each other every day. Being older and clearer, allowed them to begin to figure out their new relationship as the people they were now—to be in each other’s lives again.
Being in the house and not being angry at each other, brought back mostly good feelings and memories for them both.
For Belly, she thought about that Christmas Day when Conrad went to the Cousin’s house.
It’s funny how they always found themselves going to the Cousin’s house during the holidays. Laurel was in Turkey and her dad was in D.C. Steven was on a ski trip with her friends and Jere was with Mr. Fisher in New York and Belly was home alone watching Christmas movies all by herself while stuffing her face with coco and pretzels. I loved how she told herself that she didn’t want to have a sad holiday all by herself, so she did something adventurous and drove to Cousin’s; I mean, do something for yourself that makes you happy! What had me cracking up was how when Belly was all cozy and enjoying herself in the Cousin’s house, she thought someone was breaking in by the loud banging on the door. Her first thought was “What would Kevin do?” 😂 I’ve never heard that one before, but that was so funny. I knew it had to be Conrad because no body else would have gone to the Cousin’s house besides him. I liked how when they saw each other, they fell into a cute, natural rhythm with Conrad starting a fire and then him teasing her about having chocolate all over her face. But when he told her that it was nice to see her, I wanted to melt like Olaf next to a blazing fire 🥺💚! I just didn’t expect Conrad to actually be nice and was glad to see her. I also loved how Belly thought Conrad had left without saying goodbye the next day, so she went to go check upstairs but then fell down. She laid sprawled on the ground and then Conrad came to check on her, and instead of helping her up, I literally loved how he lied down next to her like they were margin snow angels 🥺. Not going to lie, but that was very cute. I liked how he teased her about falling and they could joke about it. But he did help her up by carrying her to the couch and taking care of her. You know when she had that thought of “Oh my gosh, I still love you,” I was like “Sis, you’re still dating his brother!” But Conrad would always bring back those feelings for her.
“But just because you bury something, that doesn’t mean it stops existing. Those feelings, they’d always be there all along. All that time. I just had to face it. He was part of my DNA.
. . . Maybe that was how it was with all first loves. They own a little piece of your heart. Conrad at twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, and even seventeen years old . . . But I was pretty sure lasts were even more important. And Jeremiah, he was going to be my last and every and my always.”
(pg. 44)
THat’s true that part of Conrad will always live in Belly’s heart because he was her first love. However, her inner monologue felt like she was convincing herself that she still loved Jere and that she was just giving a reason to why Conrad would still be in her heart. Because if her initial emotion to Conrad was that she still loved him, that’s a flag for her to consider—a self-red flag. What was also sketchy was how she didn’t tell Jere about her run in with Conrad at Cousins’s—they were still dating at the time. If her run in with Conrad hadn’t meant as much as it did, then it shouldn’t have felt weird for her to tell Jere. But she kept it a secret—she kept it private—-like that moment meant something.
What I also loved was how when Belly was stressing over all the wedding things that two people stepped up for her: Taylor and Conrad.
If there is anything I think Taylor wasn’t, it’s not a good friend—if that’s confusing, let me just say that she was a good friend. Even in all those times she might have said something mean, it came from a place of hurt. But Taylor always looked out for Belly’s best interest. When Laurel wasn’t going to support Belly, Belly knew she had to plan the wedding by herself but she had no idea where to begin. I loved loved loved that Taylor was there for her and brought her wedding binder and all the magazines and was there with her yellow legal pad. That’s honestly a great, lifetime friend right there 💚. I loved the moment though when Belly did tell Taylor about her engagement and how supportive Taylor was because she was always Team Belly. I also loved when Belly asked Taylor to be her maid of honor, knowing how long they had been friends and how much they endured together.
Belly shopping for her wedding dress was so bittersweet.
I loved how Taylor went with Bely and how when everyone made Belly feel weird for being engaged as a seventeen year old, Taylor went ahead and said something to make everyone stop looking weirdly at Belly. I freaking laughed because it did ease the awkwardness. I had to say, as Belly tried on dresses and there was that one girl who was trying on a prom dress, it did feel weird. It felt weird because Belly was so young and here one girl was in her phase of life about to go to prom and Belly not that much older, getting engaged. It was two completely different stages, which is fine, but back then, Belly must have felt so award knowing that difference. I felt awkward for her not because it was weird for her to be engaged, but because other people were so judgy.
I also felt really sad because wedding dress shopping was supposed to be a beautiful and special moment between a mother and daughter, and Laurel wasn’t there 😢. As much as Belly wanted to go through with this wedding, I knew her heart felt broken that her mom didn’t get to share such a pivotal and important moment in her life like she thought. I felt so so sad for Belly. I kept thinking dang, if her wedding feels this sucky and melancholy, I just felt like it was an obvious sign that it wasn’t the right time to get married because everything wasn’t falling into place and things weren’t going how it should be; Belly’s wedding should be everything she imagined and more. When Belly did find her dress, part of me was happy because I wanted Belly to feel beautiful and be happy, but again, so heartbroken because Laurel should have been there to share that moment with her 😔.
Also, Belly had so much pressure on her to plan this entire wedding and Jeremiah was absolutely no help. I love Jere, don’t get me wrong, but Belly had a strained relationship with her mother, her fiancé cheated on her before he was her fiancé, she was living her the guy she used to love, and now she had to plan a wedding practically by herself when she had no clue what she was doing. She was barley eighteen!
I loved loved loved how Conrad stepped up so much too.
I loved how he went to Michael’s with her because Jere was supposed to go with her but got stuck in Friday traffic. I loved how wholesome it felt that Conrad pushed around the cart and helped Belly pick out which vase looked best. I loved how he knew which vase she should get and then how he also tried to create a flower arrangement with the fake flowers. Did anyone else feel like Jenny was teasing us with the sense that Belly was shopping for her and Conrad’s wedding? Because I felt like the wedding had more traces of Conrad and Belly’s opinions in it than it did Jere’s.
I don’t know why this was one of my absolute favorite moments given how simple it was. I LOVED it when Belly was admiring a fruit stand while they were driving back home and Conrad noticed how much she wanted to go to the fruit stand, and my dude, did a U-turn just so he could go back and take HIS girl to the fruit stand!!!!!
Get you someone who knows what you want and who will pull a U-turn for you to get what you want 👏🏼!!
Like, my gosh!
I loved that he did that. I loved how he let her enjoy the fresh peaches at the market and how she shared the taste of the peaches with him. OH MY GOODNESS, the moment when he took his shirt sleeve and wiped peach juice from her mouth 🙈!! Where was this move two years ago 🤪? Dang, sis I was shaking too.
But if he had that kind of effect on her from just wiping her mouth with his shirt, dang. She’s marrying his brother 😂. Her brother doesn’t leave her SHaKiNG. Sis, is so effected by him because she loves him. Duh.
But Belly had to pick the cake, the flowers, the tables, the location, what everyone else was wearing, the food, how much food they needed, how many people were to come. That’s a lot. I would feel absolutely stressed and over my wedding if I was Belly. Honestly, I don’t understand why they had to get married that summer 🤪. They could wait another summer and give everyone more time to process. Jere just half-heartedly helped her like when she said she wanted carrot cake and then he complained like a child that he wanted chocolate cake and then Belly compromised with a carrot and chocolate cake. And then Jere had to go and bring the whole cake thing up again later because he insinuated Belly always got what she wanted and all he wanted was some party boy song for their first dance so they could film it and go viral. I mean, that’s not how you pick a first dance song. I haven’t been to many weddings, but I know that a first dance song should be a song that feels special to both people in the couple, not something that should just go viral and be cool. That’s how I also knew Jere wasn’t ready to get married.
And when he freaking called her a bridezilla!!!!!!?!?!?! I’m sorry. Excuse you? What.
Absolutely not. Don’t he dare call Belly a Bridezilla when she was the only one in the relationship taking the wedding seriously when he absolutely did NOTHING ☹️. It’s so messed up how women are insulted when they get stressed over a wedding because they are warranted a moment. The guys in a heterosexual wedding often times in the past didn’t help out as much in the wedding, so I find it insulting that they thought it okay to make a woman feel “crazy” by calling her a bridezilla. She’s not a bridezilla, she’s stressed and tired because the guy’s lazy butt can’t be bothered to help. And also, I sooo dislike the notion that a wedding is “the girl’s day.” If a person genuinely thinks that, honestly run. It’s not the girl’s wedding, it’s your wedding, if the guy isn’t helping you or taking ownership of the day too like he honest want to share your wedding day with you, then run. Absolutely run because you don’t need that energy for the rest of your life if he is not treating planning your wedding like the partnership it should be.
To be honest, if Jere knew Belly so well, he should have sensed how stressed she was and stepped up 👏🏼! But he didn’t 🙃.
But Conrad did.
I can’t believe I’m not mad at his actions.
You know what was my absolute favorite thing ever too?
This was probably the sweetest, most tender thing I think Conrad has done in my eyes. He heard Belly sobbing in her room and talking to Taylor about how stressed she had been with planning the wedding and wishing her mom was there. He heard her cry and then walked past her door, and was like “I was going to stay out of it.”
I laughed with how the very next day, he went to talk to Laurel 🥺💚. For her.
“I was butting in on something that wasn’t my business. But I had to do it. For her.”
(pg. 188)
He did it for her. Out of love.
Because he hated hearing her cry and being torn up about her mom not being there 😭.
If anyone could get through to Laurel it was Conrad because of their special relationship. I loved how Laurel actually did listen to Conrad and asked what he was thinking and feeling, but she also kind of knew how she felt. But I loved how Conrad was honest with Laurel in Belly needing and wanting her mom there and getting her to see reason rather than ager at the situation. He really was doing this for Belly and thinking of her best interest. I loved that he played the regret card because I think if she didn’t go, she would regret it more than letting Belly get married and be happy without her—to lose a relationship with her daughter.
“She looked at me directly, ‘Are we speaking honestly with each other here?’
‘Don’t we always?’
. . . ‘So tell me. What’ your interest in all of this.’
I knew this was coming This was Laurel, after all. She didn’t mess around. ‘I just want her to be happy.’
‘Ah,’ she said. ‘Just her?’
‘Jeremiah, too.’
‘And that’s it?’ She looked at me steadily.
I just looked back at her.”
(pg. 189)
He just wanted Belly to be happy even if that meant he wasn’t the one who was making her happy 😭.
Honestly, that’s pure, honest love right there—if they love you to let you go because your happiness matters more.
Laurel knew the under text of Conrad’s meaning. We all knew. Because he wouldn’t have inserted himself into the situation if he wasn’t torn up about Belly crying and wanting to help her because he loved her and wanted her to be happy. Laurel knew Conrad loved Belly, but wasn’t going to push him on it because that’s not their style.
I just loved how they got each other.
Before the wedding, Laurel and Conrad also had such a tender and sweet conversation that made me CRY my heart out 😭! It just felt like such a magical moment.
It was in that moment that I understood why Laurel and Conrad were always so close. They both were people who kept things inside and didn’t share much with people, but they understood each other. They could take one look and know. Susannah was the person who understood all that Laurel kept inside and for Conrad, that person was Belly. I liked how Laurel sat with Conrad and asked him how he was doing because she knew how broken up he was about this whole wedding. When he told her that this was killing him, I let out a sob 😢. Conrad.
“‘It’s pretty much killing me.’
Laurel looked back at me, her face tender. ‘I’m sorry. I know you love her a lot kid. This must be really hard on you.'”
(pg. 253)
This was the first time they acknowledged out loud how Conrad felt and Conrad didn’t correct her. Because he did love Belly a lot and they shared this pain of loving Belly but letting her go, supporting her, but feeling this pain that it wasn’t right. When Laurel told Conrad hat they would get through it together and that she missed Susannah and how they needed her right now, I would just like to say, I need to send Jenny Han my tissue bill because awwwwww.
They really did need Susannah to navigate this absolutely heart-wrenching and complicated situation because she would have known what to say to Jere and Connie to help them through this situation, but they were all hurting and figuring it out together. They were all loving each other through the pain.
I loved how after Conrad talked to Laurel, she showed up at Belly’s bridal shower.
I felt sad when Belly even called the bridal shower Taylor’s bridal shower because it was at Taylor’s house and Taylor’s mom and her planned it, so it didn’t feel much like Belly’s bridal shower. I felt sucky too when belly didn’t feel like she was the star of the event—that she didn’t feel good about herself. But when she saw her mom there . . . 😭. Words can’t describe how happy I was for Belly! Conrad did that sis! He was always looking out for her and never asked for credit/recognition.
Also, not me literally combusting when Taylor, Annika, Marcy, and all of Belly’s other friends had the bachelorette and gifted her lingerie for her wedding night 😂. I mean, YEA! Sis, was going to have a wedding night probably and it made me laugh but also feel uncomfortable to think about. I freaking cracked up with how Taylor and them were trying to impart their sexual wisdom onto Belly by comparing sex to getting getting a cavity filled😂. Ohh okay. But not also not one of them saying that sex didn’t hurt for her because she had a large vagina 😂. Honestly, I loved the girly vibes though, but I could sense Belly’s nerves with talking about sex because Laurel doesn’t seem like the kind of mom who would talk to her about sex, except maybe to say just be safe and use protection. I would have felt the same as Belly because when you haven’t experienced something, it’s scary not to know how it will be or feel, especially when others paint it out as this painful thing. And sex is such an intimate and new experience the for someone’s first time and it’s natural to feel that fear.
As much as Belly had less on her plate now that Mr. Fisher was paying for the wedding and his secretary was helping to plan, she still felt unsupported by Jeremiah. Jere really wasn’t helping her though and should have stepped up more because he was the one who wanted to marry her so soon, and yet he did nothing. I was really upset when Conrad and Belly came home from Michael’s—the trip Jere was supposed to make with Belly—and he was just chilling on the couch, watching TV and he didn’t even really help unload the car; Conrad and Belly unloaded the car. And then he wasn’t even there to help pick the flowers. If the wedding meant so much to him, he would have made time in his “busy work” schedule to help her and actually be there. Him not being there or making time said that he didn’t care and that the wedding was not as important to him.
Their apartment hunting trip was awkward as heck 😖.
I really disliked how Jere teamed up with this Gary dude, the guy who was renting the place, like Belly was crazy and too picky about the apartment they looked at. If Belly didn’t like or feel comfortable about the apartment, Jere should have been more supportive of how she felt or at least compromised or communicated about her concerns because if they were to live with each other, he should make sure she also feels comfortable and happy with where they choose. Yea, it shouldn’t all be about what apartment Belly wants, but it shouldn’t be a place that she’s not going to like. I just didn’t like how they made Belly feel “crazy” for being selective abbot a place she was going to pay for and live in. It’s so degrading and demeaning like women are “crazy” for having standards or like they are the tough ones to please. It’s not that we are tough to please, we just put thought into what we do 🙃. Also, I agreed that if this Gary dude was selling drugs or something and selling them an apartment, that wasn’t a good thing. I just didn’t enjoy the intensity of apartment hunting because, yes, finding a place together would be stressful, but it also should have been fun. It should have been fun to look at places they could start a life together as husband and wife—oh my gosh that’s so weird to say—but it felt so upsetting and wrong and like living together wasn’t the move. This whole rushed wedding didn’t feel right because everything was going against them, and I don’t think it should have been like that. And the fact that Jere insinuated that Belly always got her way really got to me. That was mean to say. I mean, yea, happy wife, happy life, but she didn’t always get her way. She tried to talk to him and compromise on the cake and she gave him the song. But she was getting her way because he left her to plan the entire wedding while he was chilling on his butt, acting like it was her fault that he didn’t have a say. Why don’t you get off your butt and go help her so you can also have a say Jere?! It’s not like Belly also wanted her way with the apartment, but her input mattered as to where they were to live, they should have communicated what they were looking for so they knew they were on the same page—what non-negotiables they had, things they could settle for, etc. Because they had two polar opposite living styles and ideas. If they were getting married, they needed to communicate to be on the same page and same team.
They weren’t. The tensity was high and I felt like it drove a rift in what they had.
Honestly, the tensions were high with Conrad too.
There was that almost kiss with Conrad when he came home from surfing and had a huge cut on his leg. He was bleeding and Belly played nurse by wiping and cleaning his wound. But in that healing act, they had a moment where they just looked at each other and Belly wanted to kiss him. If Conrad hadn’t spoken, I felt like they would have kissed or she would have done something she would have regretted. I think that’s why Conrad spoke because he would have kissed her back and that whole thing would have been messy. But if she was so close to kissing Conrad, then obviously she didn’t love Jeremiah enough to marry him in my opinion.
At the night of Belly’s bachelorette, she spoke to Taylor about her confused feelings about almost kissing Conrad. I liked how Taylor didn’t judge her, but wanted to know where her mind was at because Taylor also knew that Conrad was “Belly’s man” and her first love. I loved how she also reassured that Belly could back out of the wedding now if she was having mixed thoughts. No one made her feel pressured to go through with the wedding at any point in the book—-that it was her decision. Taylor had a little best friend talk-to moment with Conrad about not messing with Belly’s emotions and that if he really did love her, then to act on it but to stop confusing Belly and not to ruin her life. I liked how Taylor played into “Be the good guy she sees you to be,” because Belly always saw the good in Conrad, but I never saw much of it until now. I just liked how she still looked out for Belly, but also knew that Belly loved Conrad and if that was meant to be, then to let it be.
Jere’s bachelor party felt like a last hurrah, and that didn’t feel like a good thing. It felt like he was trying to get his butt wasted because it was his last night of “freedom” or whatever. To be quite honest, I really wanted to pick Jeremiah’s brain to know how he felt about marrying Belly and his anger towards Conrad. I wanted to know why he was acting so different and like he didn’t care. Because it didn’t feel like he cared about marrying Belly, but that he just wanted to marry her because he wanted to be with her, sure. He loved her for sure, but it felt like he was rushing because he didn’t want his brother to have her and he wanted his brother to know that Belly was now his wife and that Belly loved him more because she chose to marry him. It felt like he was trying to prove something, and it wasn’t how much he loved Belly; the love was there, but his heart was not in the right place. Marrying out of spite isn’t it.
Conrad overheard Redbird (Tom), one of Jere’s friends, talking about how Jere had sex in Cabo when Belly and him were “dating.” Conrad thought htey were still dating, but honestly, the fury that raged through Conrad at knowing Jere cheated on Belly, had me screaming! Beat him up, Conrad! Actually, don’t beat Jere up, but you know, beat him up for cheating!!! But Conrad was always going to look out for Belly and defend her.
There was this little backstory about how Conrad always looked after the summer kids. They went to the mall once and Belly went to his glass story because she wanted a glass unicorn, however, she returned late to the meeting spot at the mall and Conrad was furious because he was worried about her. But he went back and got her the glass unicorn for her birthday that year and I loved that he looked out for her and noticed her without her feeling like he did.
I also loved that little scene with this random dude Ernie. Ernie owned a seafood restaurant but he retired and sold the restaurant to his nephew, John, who basically kicked Ernie out to enjoy his retirement. I loved how Conrad looked after Ernie and drove out to his house to check in with Ernie once or twice a week—the fact that he looked after someone in his community when it seemed like Ernie didn’t have someone who cared for him. I loved how Conrad and Ernie seemed to have a hospitable friendship where they watched shows and talked during the commercials. I loved when Ernie told it to Conrad straight that, “You love her, right? She’s the one?” I loved how everyone knew how much Conrad loved Belly besides Belly. Like dude, if you love her, tell her!
“‘Family’s family. Never forget that, Conrad.”
‘Ernie, two commercial breaks ago, you told me that if I didn’t try and break up my brother’s wedding, I was a punk!’
Picking his teeth, Ernie said, ‘If a girls the one, all bets are off, family or no family.'”
(pg. 210)
Dang, that’s rough though.
The family dynamic between Conrad and Jere was so complex it made me cry for both of them because they were brothers and one of them would be hurt. I mean, family is family and you don’t intentionally hurt family. But Ernie has a point that if she’s the one, then you have to go for it rather than live with that regret.
After the bachelor party, Conrad went for it.
Belly found him in the lifeguard stand when Jere returned from the bachelor party. When he told Belly that Jere cheated, I could see how torn he was because he felt happy that he had bad news and that that might end the relationship, but also sad because he didn’t want to hurt Belly. I thought it meant a lot that he even told her rather than protect his brother. When she started to walk away after she felt judged for continuing the wedding even if Jere cheated, and Conrad called out, “I still love you,” (pg. 236), CUE THE SIRENS 😫💚!!!!
He still loved her!!!
“After my mom died I was so [pezzed] off. I had this anger in me all the time. I felt like I was going to erupt any minute . . . I didn’t have it in me to love you the wya you deserved. But I knew who did. Jere. He loved you. If I kept you with me, I was going to hurt you somehow. I knew it. I couldn’t have it. So I let you go . . .
‘It’s impossible . . . I love Jere more than anybody. He’s my brother, he’s my family. I hate myself for doing this. But when I see you two together, I hate him too.’ His voice broke. ‘Don’t marry him. Don’t be with him. Be with me.'”
(pg. 237-8)
CONRAD 😭💚!!!
He was too late!! But also, the way he did let her go because he loved her and didn’t want to hurt her—he was protecting her. But at the same time, he needed to give himself more credit to have known that if he feared hurting her, to work on not doing so because he did hurt her in the end. But when he told her that he loved Jere, but hated seeing them together, my heart cried because I knew how much he hurt 🥺. He didn’t hate his brother, he hated the situation they were in. Dang, but when he told her to straight up be with him . . . WHERE WAS THIS ENERGY BEFORE?!!! I know, he needed to do some self-growth but dang.
I knew he was saying all of this now because it was even more real that she was slipping through his fingers and he wanted her to choose him. There’s nothing like rushed jealousy that makes you confess love. But when she said that they we’re anything and that there was nothing between them, my heart wanted to rip and run away because BELLY! She was only hurting him back because she wanted to protect him and make him stop loving her so she could be with Jere because they were to be married in a a few days. She still loved him and had feelings for him and she was lying to herself and to him because it was easier to marry Jere rather than complicate everything by breaking up with Jere and running to his brother.
When Conrad pretended the next morning that he hadn’t just professed his long-lived love and practically begged on his knees for Belly to pick him because he was “Drunk,” I shook my head. NOT THE MOVE DUDE!!!! Stop playpen this whole act like last night didn’t happen or didn’t mean anything because brushing it off as he was during when we all knew he was sober, was STUPID. That made Belly feel like what he said didn’t mean anything to him or what they shared wasn’t real. When Conrad did get a rise out of their morning conversation, I was like, “Yea, dude, she wanted you to admit you had that conversation last night and that you loved her, not play it off!”
As much as Belly had heck of a love life, I don’t know how I would have functioned in her shoes when her heart obviously belonged to Conrad yet she was marrying his brother and also didn’t want to hurt him and ruin the relationship she had with him. That’s so ROUGH 😖.
“Conrad, who told me he loved me. At last, he said the words.
When Conrad Fisher told a girl he loved her, he meant it. A girl could believe in that. A girl could maybe bet her whole life on it.
That was what I would be doing. I would be betting my whole life on him. And I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t.”
(pg. 245)
Dang sis, pull a Troy Botlon and Bet on it!!!
But also Jere 😢!
The night before their wedding, Belly couldn’t sleep so she went to Jeremiah and asked to talk. She told him how Conrad said he still had feelings for her. Honestly, I appreciated that she told Jere and was honest with him even if she knew how mad he would have been at hearing her say that. And that’s when all the pent up anger about Conrad came out about how Jere felt Belly never looked at Jere the same way and that Belly kept the Christmas with Conrad a secret and that if it didn’t mean anything to her, she should have told him. I agree that she should have told him, but also if he knew, he could have causally mentioned it to gauge her thoughts about the situation rather than bottling it up so he could throw it back at her at this moment. I felt for Jere because Belly did love Conrad more than him and we all knew it, but yet he loved her so much too and that wasn’t a question. He was hurt that she still didnt’ choose him or love him the same way even after being engaged for a while.
The next day, Jere still wasn’t there for the wedding. I was like, “Sis, why are we getting ready when we weren’t even sure Jere was going to show up after running off last night.” But I loved how Taylor and Steven were a united team in Belly’s happiness, and again how they consulate reassured her how she could call off the wedding. The fact that their wedding day was also a gloomy day felt like a bad omen 😅—gloomy weather fit the somber mood. It didn’t even feel like a happy day or that Belly wanted to go through with it.
Conrad went to go find Jere and found him in Susannah’s garden at the country club.
I freaking loved how Conrad got to the point when he saw Jere and was like, “Beat me up!” 😂 At least, he was aware of Jere’s Hulk-like anger. I really felt for Jere because, yea, Conrad told him to date Belly and here he was two years later, confessing he still had feelings for her. That wasn’t fair to Jere who just went with what Conrad said and followed his heart to Belly. That sucked. If I loved someone like that and I was told I could date them but then that person stepped in again and was like, “No, I still like them,” I would feel angry and hurt. When Jere punched Conrad for mentioning the cheating, I was like OUCH 😂. But Conrad and Jere had it coming. There was all this frustration, hurt, anger, and pain within them and between them that it needed to come out at one point. And all those complex emotions were still there and it broke my heart how fragile their relationship was because they were both hurting. I was surprised at how angry Jere was because it was so different from his happy demeanor, but he had all this anger inside him too because he felt hurt and betrayed by his own brother and like he constantly was coming in second—-an insecurity we explored in the last book. It sucked to see Jere so sad and angry. He wasn’t wrong at yelling at Conrad for all the times that he did treat Belly like garbage because I had that rage for Conrad too. I think Conrad needed to apologize to Belly and Jere for the pain he caused them by pushing them together and for mistreating Belly. He never did apologize for ruining her prom or breaking up with her or saying all these mean things, and I felt like an apology would have helped. I mean, he thought about his rude behavior, but he did nothing to acknowledge it and own up to it.
But dang, when Jere read that note from Susannah—-the one she wrote for the boy’s wedding day—and Jere started BALLING, I was SOBBING 😭!! I didn’t even know what was written in the letter, but I felt Jee’s absolute, unfiltered pain. And the fact the letter was actually for Conrad, DANG Jere must have felt gutted that the letter wasn’t even for him, that everyone knew how much Conrad loved Belly and that the wedding day letter was about that. I mean, Jere knew how much Conrad loved Belly but still went for it because he loved her so much too. I don’t blame him. But dang. I felt like love died that day between them and the way Jere had so much anger and seething hate to tel Conrad that he didn’t want to talk to him or see Belly again and that he was done with Conrad, gosh. How do you come back from that? How were they supposed to mend their brothership after being so broken that the pieces were scattered to the wind—-unfixable? I was hurting for them.
It sucked.
I just applaud Jenny for making me hurt for Jere and how pained he was to know that Belly would never love him the same way, for Conrad who was losing the love of his life and his brother, and for Bely who had to break one of their good hearts. I grieved for their brothers hip and friendships. It was so hard to read that conversation and the last part of the book in general 💔.
I thought I cried enough but when Conrad raced to Belly’s room where she was getting ready and asked,
“Do you remember infinity?”
(pg. 275)
I’m SHAKING in tears 😭.
The summer when they were dating—when she was sixteen—Conrad did something so unexpected. He drove to Belly’s house in the middle of the night and celebrated Valentine’s Day with her. I agreed with Belly that Valentine’s Day didn’t seem like something Conrad would care much about, but he did. He set up a blanket and texted her to look out her window. SO CUTE. And then they lied under the stars and he told her all about the constellations and shooting stars and planets.
“Lying here and looking up at the stars like this, it makes me feel like I’m lying on a planet. It’s so wide. So infinite.”
(pg. 281)
And they just got each other and trusted each other. So CUTE 🥺💚!
Looking under the stars with someone you love will always be a top tier date idea or moment for me!
‘We didn’t know what was ahead of us then. We were just two teenagers, looking up at the sky on a cold February night. So no, he didn’t give me flowers or candy. He gave me the moon and the stars. Infinity.”
(pg. 281)
Ummmmmmmmmmm, I’m unwell 😭.
I- Uh- What do I even say to that?
HOW WHOLESOME AND SWEET.
I loved loved loved that. He didn’t give her flowers or chocolate or cheesy teddy bear she didn’t need. He gave her the moon, the stars, and infinity.
Get you someone who gives you the mom, the stars, and infinity!
He LOVED her 💚 to give her the world and then some.
Dang, that’s the energy I want to manifest.
I don’t know how Jere could compete with infinity.
“‘I need you you to know that no matter what happens, it was worth it to me. Being with you. It was all worth it.'”
(pg. 276)
When he said that he was going to not stay for her wedding and not come back so he wouldn’t hurt them anymore . . . CONRAD! I could not. I was a mess. It felt like such a definite and sorrowful goodbye—like he truly was letting her go one last time if it meant for her to be happy and his brother to be happy and for them to take care of each other. Honestly, what about his happiness though? The fact that he constantly sacrificed his happiness for others. He couldn’t just walk out of their lives again!
I was grieving with you sister! Mourning the loss of what could have been.
Infinity.
Dang, don’t even get me started on how I don’t know how I was functioning still to read Belly and Jere’s conversation.
Jere and Belly talked about how Jere knew that he would never be Belly’s first love or first choice. When Jere asked if she still loved Conrad and she avoided the question by saying she loved him, I was like, that’s an answer 😅. Then she did admit it. Loved died twice that day. I could not keep up with all these tears and all this heartbreak. But Jere just seemed so defeated—like he knew he already lost—before he even walked into that room and asked Belly if she still loved Conrad. You know, I got the sense he wasn’t angry at Conrad as much because he knew Conrad loved Belly and Belly loved him, he just chose to not believe it because he thought that if he could ignore it, Belly would eventually come to love him the same way or that they could be happy. But he didn’t have all of her.
“That’s not enough. I don’t just want a part of you. I want all of you.”
(pg. 285)
Jere does deserve someone who wants to be with him and someone who will give all that love to him and not have it split between someone else. If she loved Jere, she would love him with her whole heart and no less.
When Jere also said, “He will let you down, because that’s what he does. That’s who he is,” I was like dang. Not that I was mad at Jere for saying that, but the fact that him saying that highlighted how hurt he was by the both of them and how he knew he could have still treated her better if she loved him the same way. Except the cheating part and the wedding tension, Jere is a great partner, but Conrad was her love and always would be and I knew that Jere and her wouldn’t last and that Jenny was trying to give Jelly and Bonrad shippers a moment to live 😅. It sucks because I’m a Jelly shipper, but I became more on the Bonrad train with this book and could appreciate Belly actually being with Conrad because it seemed like he got his shiz together and changed. I just still felt for Jere though knowing how he was the one who got hurt the most out of everyone 💔😔. I’d date him. If he doesn’t cheat on me 😂.
Not going to lie though, he wasn’t ready for marriage. Neither was Belly. But Jere needed to work on himself a bit more and mature more in the way he behaved because I felt like he was still going through his party boy phase and that he never really owned up or took responsibility because his dad paid for everything. He needed to recognize the value of a dollar and to actually work to appreciate where he was at. I think he also needed to work on settling down by figuring out himself more at how he communicated with others because he wasn’t working as a team with Belly. I think Jere’s a great guy, but yea, he was still a young kid rushing into marriage.
“Sometimes I wondered if we had rushed into getting married because we were both trying to pivot something to the other and maybe even to ourselves. But then I think no, we truly did love each other. We truly did have the best of intentions. It, we, just weren’t meant to be.”
(pg. 287)
Jeremiah was trying to prove that he loved Belly enough to marry her and that their love was stronger than Belly’s love with Conrad because she did choose to marry him. Belly wanted to prove that she also loved Jeremiah more than she loved Conrad and to prove to herself that she was over Conrad and could go through with the wedding to live a happy future with him. But they weren’t marrying each other for the right reasons. But they did love each other and that wasn’t something I ever doubted.
But yes, I had the sense that after Jere cheated, that Jere and her weren’t meant to be.
The entire series though, it never felt like Jere was the one she was going to end up with because Belly loved Conrad so much more. I guess, there really is power in your first love and you never forget your first love. And sometimes, people can love each other so much and that love be real, but they’re just not meant to be together compared to with someone else.
They didn’t’ get married.
My Jelly heart cried, but I also felt okay about it because they weren’t right for each other. It was hard to admit that.
I loved how after everything, Belly took a few years to study abroad in Spain. I loved how she really focused on herself and her friendships because gosh gracious, she really did need a break from all the boy drama and heartbreak she endured for the last however many years 😅. I loved how Jenny wrote the epilogue a couple of years later and through Susannah’s wedding letter to Belly. I’m glad we got to read it because I would have rioted if we didn’t. I’m still sad that we didn’t get to read Conrad/Jere’s letter from Susannah 😢. I would have liked to cry a few more tears 🤪! I loved how Belly was twenty-three almost twenty-four and she had graduated. I loved how she did her wedding planning right with Laurel by her side and that the day was sunny. The song was “Stay” by Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs. She ended up marrying Conrad after she graduated.
Conrad had sent her all these letters while she was in Spain. But they’re wedding was at Cousins, which felt right and then Conrad carried her off to the beach and they had a semi- Belly flop moment which was a sweet ode to their roots. She did end up with her first love.
Jere was also at the wedding with a new girl. It felt like things were hospitable between all three of them because he went to their wedding and that Belly could joke around with Jere when she blew him a kiss. However, I did want to know what happened to Bely, Conrad, and Jeremiah after Jere and Belly’s engagement—-what conversations they had and how they found a way to forgive each other and enter each other’s lives again. I wondered about the awkwardness, the tension, the anger, especially between Conrad and Jere and how they became brothers again. I didn’t think there was as much anger in Jere’s heart towards Belly because he always knew she loved Conrad and couldn’t be mad at her for that, but he was just hurt that she didn’t love him the same way. I wondered how they mended their friendship.
I know in Conrad’s letter to Belly, he mentioned how he had dinner with Jere and how it felt awkward but Steven helped ease the tension and they just watched movies and talked like old times. I really wanted Steven to have his moment to shine more in this book too. I mean, he was more in the book, but Steven deserved more 😅. I also loved how Belly cut her hair while she was in Spain and that Jere and Belly had a friendship where he was talking to her and knew about her hair cut. Go Belly—becoming a new and stronger version of herself!
I loved how she replied to his last letter and how there was a promise for another Christmas together. Looks like Chris Briney very well might get Santa Clause in the future seasons 😂.
I hope Taylor was Belly’s maid of honor at her wedding with Conrad.
I also wonder if they will have more summers in Cousin’s and if they will keep that tradition alive. I like to think they will and that when Conrad and Belly have kids they will bring them there. Or when Steven and Jere has kids, that they will go to Cousins. They can keep the cycle and romance going with the kids too 😂. Oh wait, that would be weird because they would be related at that point 😂. But I hope that they do have many summers in Cousins.
Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? What did you think of the book?
Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕
I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.
And as always, with love,
Rating
4.97 Full Bloom Flowers
Characters: Each character was flawed in a perfectly imperfect way that made them human and relatable. I loved getting to really know Belly, Conrad, and Jeremiah and how much love they had but how much love connects with pain, a pain that they all carried and that brought them closer to each other eventually.
Plot: I have read many love triangles, but this is the first love triangle in a contemporary novel that I felt the most conflicted about because I loved Jeremiah and then I understood and loved Conrad. But I wanted both of them to be happy but that wasn’t what happened. Or not right away. I also liked how we got a taste of both ships—the possibility of their love—before Belly ended up with her one true love.
Writing: I really loved the way Jenny Han made me feel the full spectrum of emotions and that I found love with all the love interests and characters in the most complex way imaginable. What great story telling and what a beautiful series filled with summer, loss, and love.
Romance: I hurt for Jeremiah, Conrad, and Belly and all the love that ran between them and broke them. But it was that love that also helped them find their way back to each other and to heal—that love was stronger.
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