The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling by Wai Chim Book Review

“Family dynamics are always challenging and mental well-being can definitely throw a wrench in the works, especially when cultural elements are involved.”

(pg 280)

About

Author: Wai Chim

Genre: Young Adult Contemporary with mental health and family

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Synopsis

Anna Chiu has her hands pretty full looking after her brother and sister and helping out at her dad’s restaurant, all while her mum stays in bed. Dad’s new delivery boy, Rory, is a welcome distraction and even though she knows that things aren’t right at home, she’s starting to feel like she could just be a normal teen.

But when Mum finally gets out of bed, things go from bad to worse. And as Mum’s condition worsens, Anna and her family question everything they understand about themselves and each other.

A nourishing tale about the crevices of culture, mental wellness and family, and the surprising power of a good dumpling.

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To the everyday person,

Where do I even begin to summarize the immense beauty, power, and authenticity of this book?

I finished The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling with one word: Wow. There is no better word to describe—-but there probably are 🤪—to attest to how much I enjoyed this story. None.

So let’s talk about it, shall we?

Anna. My dear, loving, good-daughter Anna. Gosh, I just want to give her a big hug and squeeze her tight for everything she has experienced in life and the hardships she faced. Her story reminded me of how we never know what anyone is going through, and give people kindness and grace—to be the light for others when they might be going through a lot. You really never know. I had a friend in high school who I always saw as the sunniest person. She had the brightest smile, the loudest laugh, and the utmost cheerful disposition. But I recently read something she wrote about the hardships she battled, and I sat taken aback. I was stunned. Because I thought she was always happy, but here she was going through real pain I never knew. So be kind to one another and know that we are all battling things we can’t see and you never know how your actions or reactions might affect that.

Anna was the eldest daughter of an Asian family—specifically Chinese. I am not Chinese, but I have a best friend who is, so I know that in the Chinese culture, they tend to value a son as the eldest. The son carries on the family name that’s why. So there were moments I read where Anna would question if she would be treated differently by her dad if she were a boy. That made me really disheartened for Anna because she was a beautiful, amazing daughter, and if her dad didn’t respect her for that because she wasn’t a boy, then that’s not her fault. I understand why in Chinese culture, it is more preferred to have a son to carry on the name, but gosh, I felt for Anna because she would constantly doubt her worth as a girl. And she would doubt her place to her dad because it felt like he didn’t love or respect her as much because she was a girl. Anna had all these amazing, inventive ideas for Jade Palace, but he did not listen to her at first. But once he did, he realized that maybe Anna could carry on his legacy, even as a girl. That was progress for sure, but I really felt for Anna because no one should doubt themselves because of their gender. I loved when the dad agreed to her tour bus idea and how much business it brought in. See, sometimes men should listen to the women 🤪.

The Chinese culture is very prominent in this book, which I appreciated a lot. I just enjoy stories with more cultural representation and inclusion, especially if stories do it right. Wai Chim did it right 👌🏼. I felt like she touched on many values and ideals of the Chinese culture like hard-work, the meaning of generation, and family. Family is a big one. But let’s talk about hard-work.

“Your father is the old-fashioned Chinese. Strict. No feeling. Just hardworking.”

(pg 246)

The dad was a pride and true hard-worker. He went to Australia live a better life, and provide for his family. He opened up his own Chinese restaurant and ran it. He breathed, literally slept, and worked that place from the ground up. I admire a hard-work ethic, but gosh, there was something unhealthy about it too. I am Filipino and my great-grandparents traveled from the Philippines to work on the plantations. They worked hard to build a life for my grandparents, and my grandparents worked harder to provide a better life for my parents. My parents work ten thousand times as harder to ensure I live a stable and healthy life. I am made up of the hard work of my ancestors, and I want to carry that on in making my kids (hopefully in the future) also live a better life than I did. I am not a parent, but I can understand the sentiment of wanting better for someone. So the dad’s story resonated with me, as it probably does with many Asian households. But the thing with the dad was how he worked sooooo hard and I think there comes a point where working too much is not good—too much of a bad thing isn’t good. I respect he provided for his family and how he wanted Anna to study hard, get good grades, go to college, and get a good job—-the typical path that any Asian, or any parent would want for their kids. But the dad didn’t need to work so much to prove anything to anyone. Because the dad had more than enough proved himself. And the dad’s work ethic made me think about how sometimes as different ethnic cultures, we feel the need to work harder because we are “different.” I don’t mean different in a bad way, I just mean it in the way that the world emphasizes Cuacasians as the norm, when the world is full of different colors, cultures, and ethnicities. And how sometimes if we are different, we “steal jobs or we don’t deserve to be here,” so working hard proves that we do deserve to be here.

The dad didn’t need to prove anything. He deserved to be in Australia, making a life for himself and his family. I also felt like the dad lost a lot of himself when he poured himself into his work. It’s kind of like the saying of, “When your passion becomes a job, sometimes you lose that passion.” I think the dad still liked to cook, but I also felt like he was just going through the motions of his business without enjoying it anymore because he had to think about how to keep the store open, who to pay, what produce to buy, and all these things. While working, the dad was also pushing away a lot of his emotions.

“Your mother needs a hobby. A job. Then she won’t think so much inside her head. Staying busy is key.”

(pg 44)

I felt like the last part was meant more of as a reminder to himself—staying busy is key. If the dad worked all the time, he didn’t need to think about the hardships he’d been through or his wife’s deteriorating mental health. He wanted to avoid dealing with the issue at all cost. He kept busy.

This brings me to something else we need to talk about: the Asian perspective of mental health. As a fellow Asian, most of us don’t talk about mental health.

“We’re talking about what we’re not supposed to discuss .”

(pg 278)

I believe the lack of talking about mental health stems from this idea that if something is wrong, you’re either crazy or you just need to work—you need a hobby. Because there’s this idea that mental health isn’t real because you can’t see it or the idea that it’s just a phase that will work itself out one day. But it’s not. Mental health does not need to be seen to be real, nor does it truly just go away. Sadly, it sticks with a person for the rest of their life in some way. And putting a band-aid on it of saying “Find a hobby,” isn’t going to make anything better when people are going through a lo tin their minds and what they need is help from someone to understand, process, and work through those emotions, thoughts, or feelings.

“It’s not about the brain, it’s about the mind.”

(pg 66)

Mental health is not something to fear.

Just because it is not easily understood, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make an effort to try to understand it.

The dad shutting down the idea that the mom needed help, was his way of getting out of an uncomfortable conversation and invalidating a situation he was scared of. He didn’t grow up talking about mental health—-it’s not something most cultures talk about. But the dad needed to open himself up and open his eyes up, to what was going on. It was real.

Mental health is real.

I know there are more conversations going around about mental health and destigmitizing it, but we still have a long way to go in American culture, Asian culture, and other cultures. What kind of struck me as sad too, was how Anna didn’t even know what mental health was until she met Rory. We need to talk to our children about their emotions and not being afraid to talk about them. It’s a sad world we live in where our own kids are not equipped with the skills or understanding of what they’re going through, and it sort of perpetuates them going through a mental illness in the future. But if we make them aware—-if we make them comfortable—-of mental health and to talk about it, maybe it will help.

With how busy the dad was, he forgot to do the one thing he always set out to do: take care of his family.

There was this one moment Anna stood up to him, and the dad got jealous of her that she knew the family better. I was like, “BE JEALOUS!” He didn’t do horse poop for making sure his family was okay! He slept sooo much at the restaurant to notice that his family was suffering and under this whole burden. NEWS FLASH, WAKE UP!

Honestly, when his wife got admitted to the hospital, and he didn’t seem to give two horse poops about it, I wanted to POP OFF!!! 😆 Like, bro, you want to make your daughter and kids see their own mother in a psychiatric ward while you run away? I don’t think so. 😖 What happened to in sickness and in health? 😅 This guy said I do . . . skeet skeet, skirt skirt 👉🏼👈🏼. I could not.

But what also got me about the dad was this whole part of the toxic masculinity. I DETEST ☹️. He told Michael to stop crying because “men don’t cry.” I’m sorry, is Dwayne Johnson, Zac Effron, Obama, Shawn Mendes (who else can I name 😂) not men? They are even more of a man for being honest and in touch with their emotions 👏🏼. And I get it, the dad comes from an older generation of toxic masculinity, but gosh am I tired of people saying that real men don’t cry. Crying is a human emotion and there is absolutely nothing wrong for wanting to shed some, or a lot, of tears. And we need to break down this stigma that you are weak for crying. Crying is not a weakness. It is a strength to acknowledge how you feel and release it in a natural way.

There was that moment when the dad did cry.

“In my sixteen years of being, I have not once seen my father cry. I didn’t think that he could ; he was always so stiff and devoid of emotion. He isn’t one to laugh much, but when he does, he does it with his whole body, shoulders, limbs, and belly shaking. He’s the same now with the tears—his head shakes, his back heaves, and he lets out dark, billowy wails of sorrow.”

(pg 215)

I am basically Anna. I knew exactly what she was talking about. I knew exactly what she felt. I was about twelve when I first saw my dad cry. And it was the hardest thing to witness. It just felt like strength was breaking. It felt like seeing a cinder block be crumbled to pieces. It felt wrong. But I knew it was right. Because my dad was human and what he went through, deserved a torrent of unabashed tears. But it’s so weird how when we see men cry, it’s life changing—-it’s monumental. It’s a rare attraction.

It shouldn’t be that way. But it is.

Why?

But the dad cried because of the mom, and like my dad, Baba deserved to let it all out. He was going through a lot. He needed to realease all these pent up emotions. If you keep it all inside, I kid you not, one day, it will just burst. It will just spew out of you like lava.

A good cry is a healthy cry.

Elsa that shiz and let it go.

But, you know the dad wasn’t horrible. I just felt like he was a product of past ideals and he needed to stop working to really take the time to understand what he was running away from and why. If he just sat down with his thoughts, maybe he could have understood that there was something deeper—-the things that people don’t tend to talk about. What I liked about the dad was how he let Anna work at the Jade Palace with him, albeit a bit reluctantly. But the Jade Palace felt like Anna’s second home and she also just wanted to spend time with her dad. I mean, she barely saw her mom, and when she saw her dad, it felt like the next moment he would leave again. There was that night Anna heard her dad come home, and she went down to talk to him, and that dad was like, “Did you eat?” And Anna was like “Yeah.” And it’s true, at least for me, that when Asian adults or people ask you did you eat, it’s their way of caring for you. For my family, food is a way to show your love for other people and to ask if they’re okay. I can’t say this about everyone, but I feel like that why many people start restaurants—out of the idea that food equates to love and they want to share that love with others. 🌸

“I see the twinkle of excitement in his eyes. He looks younger: reinvigorated and . . . happy, I realize. He’s happy and I don’t ever want to take that way from him.”

(pg 143)

Anna has a big heart when it comes to her dad, and anyone really. After her tour idea brought in plenty of success and business, her dad had this youthful glow to him. I mean, the man made bank 😂 💲. What’s not to be glowing about? But I could relate to Anna because we both like to see other people happy and we would do anything to ensure their happiness. For me, I know people go through a lot, and seeing them happy makes me feel like I ddi something to at least brighten up their mood and that makes me happy. Happiness is a good cycle to have: you make others happy and it makes you happy. Along with this, I felt like Anna depended a lot on other people’s happiness or these signs.

Let’s talk about the signs. 🎶 *Cue singing: I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes and now I’m happy now living without you, you left me all alone . . .” 🎶

Anna always looked for these signs. With her mom, she looked outside her closed door to gauge whether it was a good day or bad day based on the shadows. I mean, Anna’s a very introspective and intuitive girl, and I respect that. She also looked for the signs with other people like Rory. There was that moment when Rory and Anna were in the car and these POOP CANOES bullied Rory in front of Anna and that rightfully shook him up. I don’t blame him for needing a mental health day. Honestly, I would LOVE to see mental health days normalized. I get that people could abuse saying, “Oh, I’m just taking a mental health day,” but mental health needs to be taken as seriously as physical health. If someone is not at place to work, go to school, or do something because they need to take care of themselves like anyone would do with a physical health implication, then I think that is right. It’s wrong to expect everyone to put on a show and be a productive, full-functioning human being everyday of their life because at one point they will burn out. Taking care of yourself if productive. Other than my long tangent, I had point 🤪. But Anna texted Rory the day he decided he needed his mental health day, and Anna tried to cheer him up and asked all these questions if he was okay. And here’s the thing, it’s not wrong to ask someone if they are okay, but I think it’s kind of—-I don’t know how to properly say this—self-serving to make them say their okay or make them feel okay when their not. What I mean is that sometimes people just feel a certain way on certain days, whether that’s sad, angry, hopeless, dark, etc. And asking if someone is okay is a wonderful step to just reaching out to that person and making them feel cared about. But honestly, when most people get asked, “hey, are you okay,” the answer is more often than not a facade just to make the other person feel like their okay when their not. And that does not help the person who is going through a lot. Personally, I believe it’s much better to ask a person, “Hey, I know you have been feeling or going through a lot and I just want you to know how loved you are and appreciated. If you ever need anything or want to talk, I’m always here. No pressure.” To me, this message says I am here for you, but I am not pressuring you to be okay when you might not be.

And again, I don’t think anyone who sends a message of “hey, are you okay,” are trying to make the other person feel bad or that the “are you okay” message is necessarily a bad thing, but I think there needs to be more sensitivity to ask ourselves what the other person needs and not what we need to hear from them.

Continuing what I talked about above, there is something to be said about toxic positivity. I never heard about toxic positivity until last year when everyone kept saying, “be positive” or “just be happy.” And that is soooooo much easier said than done. And I just want to say as someone who struggles with a lot of deep sadness, OCD tendencies, body issues, and overthinking, it’s not just easy to “be positive,” and to “just be happy.” Those words aren’t helping me because it makes me feel bad or guilty that I can’t just “be positive” or “just be happy.” That’s hard. And I know no one means to say those words to be rude and it just comes from a place of not understanding the emotions or thoughts people have. I also know those words come from a place of love because those people think that if they remind someone to be positive and happy, why will be. But that’s not always the case. So there comes a point where always saying them makes it toxic to someone who just does not want to hear it anymore. And I felt that way a lot last year when I had a lot of complex emotions with the pandemic just starting and being home for a long period of time. It wasn’t easy for me to just be happy and positive and all these other things people wanted of me. I was sad. I was overwhelmed. I was scared. I had days, weeks, months of this. And I didn’t want to be sad, overwhelmed, or scared—no one does, but that’s what I felt and hearing people say I needed to be positive and happy made my feelings feel invalidated or wrong. I guess, what I’m trying to say, it’s okay to be hopeful for others and help them, but be careful how you speak to others and what message you are sending.

So it just rubbed me the wrong way when Anna texted Rory and tried to pull out this happiness or these good signs from him when I didn’t feel like Rory felt okay. He wasn’t, but he would be.

And all of these signs felt like Anna could predict things, they gave her comfort.

Anna was surely affected by the people in her life. And I knew that her mom’s mental health—whatever it was—was affecting her thoughts. It was in the way Anna looked for signs as her way of coping and control. It was the way she lashed out at her sister sometimes because she was angry at the situation. It was the time she denied things were wrong because she did not want things to change. Anna also like order and organization, sort of like her mom, because if things were crazy around her and in her life with all these things she could not control, then being organized was one thing she could control. And let’s not forget Anna’s near panic attack when the mom was missing and so was Michael. I felt like Anna was going to lose it, and I felt for her.

Anna life? GOSH.

Her school counselor sucked cheese balls 😂. I swear!

That woman was a savage sucker and she needed to be fired pronto!

Being a junior or senior in high school or college, literally sucks. I will not sugar coat those cheese balls for you 🤪. It sucks, but not always. In high school, it just sucks because everyone expects you to have your whole life figured out to a T when you are 15 or 16. I’m sorry, when I was 15 or 16, I did not even know what I was going to wear the next day to school, yet alone what I would want to do the rest of my life. It’s such a heavy burden to put on a 15 or 16 year old. Give them room to breathe. Let alone, the burden most Asians feel.

“These girls are pretty much standard Shore Lakes High Asians—-smart overachievers who take all the extension classes and get 99.99s on their ATARs. I know the type, with their tiger moms, classical pion training, and MD dreams.”

(pg 12)

I know those people too. I was one of those people. My best friend was one of those people.

It’s not fun.

But Anna’s counselor? Who gave her a degree? 😂 She is sooooo rude and disrespectful to Anna? Like does not know how to connect or communicate with kids? Isn’t that what her degree should have taught her? Gosh, she judged Anna hard for not doing all these extra curricular and challenging herself. I get it, push the child, but seriously that counselor had nooooo idea what Anna was going through at home and it was unfair of her to judge Anna as not “reaching her full potential” when Anna handled more than any kid at that school. I was waiting for Miss Kennedy to at least ask Anna once, if things were okay at home or how Anna was doing. Because the school knew that Anna had a strained home life, but yet Miss Kennedy did not care to ask. I also did not appreciate how demeaning this counselor was when Anna said she worked at her dad’s restaurant. Working at a restaurant is more purposeful than any high school eenie beanie club. I tell you 🤪.

When Anna popped off at the Miss Kennedy to sign off on her future—her pathway.

“Pathways. What a ridiculous term. Because they don’t want to say they’ll help us actually get into a university program or show us what to do. It’s the educational equivalent of just showing us some overgrown jungle or the mouth of a cave and saying, “off you go. We think this leads you to the responsible, fulfilling life that will testify to the success of the public education system. But we don’t know for sure—it’s not a road map of even a well-marked trail, it’s a pathway.”

(pg 13)

I COULD NOT, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, STOP LAUGHING 😂.

I FELT SEEN!

Gosh knows, I had a pathway 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.

AHHHHHH!

No seriously, it was called pathway to higher education class and it was basically advisory in high school. We did all these what do you want to do when you grow up, write a resume, personality test, choose your classes, choose your interests, all these nonsensical things that did not, absolutely, did not do anything to help me on my path. That class was treated like study hall really and it was a waste of time for most of us because it gave no value. So I just could not. Pathway? Got that right. 😂

But I loved hon Anna was like:

“I’ll sign off. At the end of the day, it’s your future, isn’t it?”

“It is my future, Miss Kennedy.” My voice is clear. “And I’m looking forward to it.”

(pg 306)

It was the sass from Miss Kennedy for me.

And Anna’s clap back. You go, sis! 👏🏼

Oh, and don’t get me started on these stuck up bullies. I mean these girls who were teasing Anna because her mom was crazy? 😡 I’m sorry, I don’t understand how any of this was their business to comment on. I also didn’t understand why no one asked Anna how she felt/how things were going after everything with her mom? Where was human decency when you needed it? I could not.

I also appreciated the racial conversations that were included. I never though about how Anna Banana might be a racist joke if said enough. I know someone named Anna and she likes to call herself Anna Banana, but I guess it’s all about the meaning other people bring to it. I also did not like how people called Anna a Twinkie because she was yellow on the outside and white on the inside. That’s disgusting.

“It’s all kind of silly . . . It’s racist to the core to think that there’s some right way to be Chinese and not Chinese.”

(pg 107)

I thought it was also interesting to talk about what it meant to be “bad” at your culture. In this case, “bad at Chinese.” Anna did not know Mandarin or a lot about her culture. She tried to keep up with Hong Kong news to be in time with what was going on. But I understood what Anna meant by being bad at your culture because you don’t feel connected to it as much as people expect you to be, or what you expect of yourself. I would say I am. a “bad Filipino” because I know next to none of the language or the culture, and that feels wrong of me. I mean, I would love to learn/open to learn, but haven’t actually put my words to actions. But I think sometimes when you are the next generation of someone who immigrates to a different place, you take that culture with you, but sometimes it is not passed down as heavily as the dominant culture. And over time our root culture takes the back burner. Or that’s how it feels for me. And where I grew up feels like more of my culture than my true ethnicity does. We are all parts of where we’re from. Don’t forget though, to honor and learn about your culture and the ones around you. But also don’t be so hard on yourself for “being bad” at your culture. You’re doing your best, that’s the best you can do.

Anna’s life revolved around the people in her life—sister, dad, mom, brother. She woke up at the butt crack of dawn to make sure her brother was awake and fed, and that her sister got herself to school. Anna constantly fed and cleaned up after everyone. She tucked Michael in. She made tea for her mom each day, wondering if that day was going to be the day her mom finally came out. She worked at the restaurant with her dad. Anna did all these school things. And to be honest, she really did not have any time for herself. No wonder she did not have a hobby 😢. She made she her sister could thrive with her acting and he brother could follow his artistic dreams, but her job was the care-taker.

And that was because she was also the eldest. I am the youngest so I do not know the exact experience or pressure of being the oldest, but I could only imagine how hard it must feel. The parents feel like. you have to live up to being the oldest and look after the younger siblings. And then your younger siblings look up to you when there are no parental around. That’s a lot of pressure. And for Anna, that was on top of looking after her parents. So when said that counselor woman had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what Anna’s life was like, I meant it. 👏🏼

Now there was a boy into the mix 🤪.

I was not mad she added a boy into the mix because gosh only knows this girl deserved a true love, but wow, she was literally balancing on thin line. I give the girl credit!

Rory, Rory, Rory. Seemed like a cool kid, a good kid. Seemed kind of interesting how he memorized all this Shakespeare and how he was not in school. But I genuinely liked Rory’s no shiz honesty. Like the boy just came out and said his story and I was here for it! 👏🏼 I love a man who is in touch with his emotions and is not afraid to be vulnerable. But GOSH, THINGS got heavy real fast 😰.

And it just reminded me how we never know what people had been through to be who they are. We think a person is the happiest person and that’s the way they always were, but sometimes, it’s the people who smile the brightest and laugh the loudest who are masking a deeper pain or who worked through a deeper pain and did not want others to know. Rory’s a good reminder that people are more than who we see in the moment. And I appreciated how honest he was to Anna and how much he trusted Anna to tell her. To some degree, I understood what Rory felt.

“I really don’t know what it was . . . They told me I was smart, but I felt weigh in school and I didn’t have many friends and I was stressed about everything, but you know, that’s normal teen stuff, right?”

. . .”I just remember feeling like . . . I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s not like . . . my problems were bigger than anyone else’s but just . . . I was just . . . miserable. All the time. . . . It just all was kind of numb inside.”

(pg 113)

I’ve felt what Rory talked about. It’s hard. People don’t know what wrong and sometimes you don’t know what wrong with you and you feel like something is.

I remember when I hit a low in my life, I felt numb. And I can tell you that that’s a feeling that is worse than pain.

To feel absolutely nothing. So when Rory talked about getting in the car and almost jumping off that bridge, my heart just burst into tears. But I am beyond thankful Rory went to someone he trusted at the time—his sister—and got the help he needed because he knew he couldn’t face whatever he did/didn’t feel, alone. And if you are going through anything, please, please, please, know your life is so much worth the pain or numbness you feel now. I promise you. Please talk to someone you trust. Please seek help. Please do not give up on yourself. You matter. You are appreciated. You are valued. You are loved. I know this 💖.

Speaking of Rory’s sister—Stacey—I really LOVED her! I adored how much care she had for her brother and how protective she was. I also liked how open she was to talk about her worries, anxieties, and feelings because no one does that so much. I also liked how Stacey was so chill about peeing with Anna in the bathroom and her hearing that 😂. I’m sorry, but I had people in high school who would run the faucet just so no one heard them pee. News flash, when people pee, they make a sound, get over it 😂. But I just loved how refreshing it was for Anna and Stacey o have a conversation about Rory.

I admired how Rory said he just took it day by day. Because Rory had his good days and his not-so-good days, but each day he just worked on how he felt day by day. And the way Rory handled his mental health was a good model for Anna with her situation and her mom—-to take things day by day.

I also loved how Rory was always there for Anna and never judged her for what her family was going through. He did not even get mad at Anna for not telling him about the mom because I felt he understood that that was difficult for Anna to open up about and he was not going to push her to say something she wasn’t ready. But he would be there for her. And gosh, was he good at that.

I’m going to go HAM on the mom later, so I’ll probably mention this scene more in detail then, but I loved how Rory calmed the mom during the fish scene and how he said things he knew the mom needed to hear to be okay. And I felt like Rory knew the right things to say because he has been through something similar. And that’s why I felt like he really came into Anna’s life at the right moment to help her battle all that she was facing and to understand it. I also liked how even after knowing the truth about the mom, he did not call Anna out for anything, but he just wanted to be there. He also stepped up to help the family, and I loved that! Like, get you a non-judgmental person who is there for you without question! 👏🏼

Rory was really her rock during this time, and if she needed an escape, I was happy he was there for her. Because I felt no one else could understand Anna as much as Rory did. I liked how he took her to the tree with the big hole in it because it was his safe place to just talk about his issues and whisper it to the tree. I have heard of people talking to trees, so it’s not weird, but for Anna, I could see how uncomfortable she was.

“I — I guess I don’t really know how to talk about it. The language is missing.”

(pg 259)

I mean, she was already uncomfortable talking about mental health because she never did, but to a tree? Yea, I did not see that being Anna’s cure to just talk about everything. But I thought the sentiment was sweet because he wanted to help her just get her feelings out there. I also really appreciated when Rory said:

“That’s the thing. Everyone thinks therapy is for when things get too bad, but really we all could use someone to talk to. Or even a tree.”

(pg 264)

Therapy is thought of as only being needed when you are sad or going through a lot. But I hope we can destigmatize that.

In all honesty, everyone needs therapy.

We all need someone to talk to about life with, and we don’t even have to be going through complete and utter shiz to need therapy. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and to talk to. And we all go through things and have been through things, and we think we are fine. But maybe we’re not and we could heal more and understand ourselves better through therapy.

Gosh, impinge if we all had a doctor, and a therapist. I mean, why don’t we? A therapist is just as important and valuable as a doctor.

But you know . . . the American health care system is . . . 😅👉🏼👈🏼.

Anyway, Rory was a real trooper and a good boyfriend to Anna, and I liked how he stuck around with her because they loved each other.To be really honest, I just did not care for the love story 😅. Like I liked it, I enjoyed it, it was cute, I like Rory and Anna because they cared about each other. I just did not feel like the love story was the reason for this book—-it just didn’t seem like the main point and that’s why I just was like eh, okay love? Great. We love that. They love each other already?! Oh, okay, great! 😂 But it wasn’t the main event. I thought they were going a bit too fast in their relationship if you ask me. I think they did the deed, I don’t know how I the world they could when shiz kept raining on them. But you know, love? We love love.

I came for the family.

Lily. I love Lily too. She is very spunky and organized. Deep down, she is hurting. I mean, she was just a kid like Anna. I felt like Lily acted out and did all these rebellious things because, DUH, she wanted her mom’s attention! She pierced her ears, she snuck out, she had sleepovers, just so her mom would finally come out of her room and yell at her. Or do something then just stay in her room all day. And I don’t blame Lily for acting out and wanting her mom to notice her.

I could tell Anna loved Lily and they had a very intimate relationship because they knew something was wrong with their mom. But Anna did not want to talk about it as much as Lily did. Lily knew the truth and she was not jaded by any “good day” he mom had. And I loved how Lily was that piece of reason because Anna overlooked everything—every sign—-from her mom because Anna was so focused on this idea of normalcy and her mom being “normal.”

Here’s the thing, Anna was so fixed on normal. This picture perfect image of a perfect family with a mom, dad, sister, and brother. She wanted a happy family who did normal things like go to the park or to the movies or to the zoo. She wanted a mom who she could talk to and confide in all these boy things. I bet Lily wanted that normal too, but it felt like Anna wanted that more than anything because it blindsided her to how nothing was normal even if she thought it was. And I don’t blame Anna for wanting so badly to believe things would be normal/to be okay if their mom had “one good day/week.” I would probably feel the same way because who doesn’t wan to feel comforted bu a sense of normalcy?

But for someone who was good at reading signs, she missed all the ones that said her mom was not getting better.

“You know just ’cause she’s out of bed, she’s not better.”

. . . “She’s getting better,” I say. “If she’s out of bed, it means she’s not sad anymore. And that’s a good thing.”

(pg 124)

But like Lily said, just because the mom was out of bed one day, didn’t mean she was magically better. Mental health doesn’t work that day. There is no instant cure as much as we want to hope for.

And Lily was always right about her mom and her hunches. Because something was wrong. But I liked how no matter what they faced, Lily was always there for Anna and Anna was there for Lily. I loved the moments when Lily would cry, and Anna would snuggle right next to her. If Anna cried, Lily would take on the comforter role and be there for her sister. What they went through brought them closer together. They had each other.

They also had Michael. My poor Michael 😢.

Gosh I really felt for him. He was always so excited to see his mom and he would ask Anna when mom would come out. In my mind, I was like awwwwwww, bro she ain’t coming out 😰 I felt really sad for Michael because he probably knew something was off but didn’t know what. But he just wanted his mom. It’s disheartening how much he didn’t even get to see his mom. And when he did, it was always very tense moments where I did not feel a true connection between the mom and him. I felt like the mom did not even know her son, so I felt like she had no right to say what he could or could not do.

OH, gosh, don’t even get me started with the art. First, Michael’s teacher—like most teachers—probably had a high hunch something was wrong at home for Michael’s mom/parents to never come around. As someone studying to become a teacher, I could pick that up 😂. And then the mom comes one day and she said Michael couldn’t join the art program because art was a hobby 🙄. I’m so sorry, she did not even know her son to stake claim to what he could or could not do. She did not deserve a say.

I honestly was kind of smug that Michael Ana better and the mom got jealous. The mom was not the real care-taker of Michael and she knew it. I also felt kind of bad because the mom did not know how to speak English. And that’s hard because when you are already in a new place where people peg you as different and you can’t speak the language, people outcast you even more or label you even more. As a teacher, it’s difficult to reach families who do speak a different language because we want to communicate with them, but sometimes don’t know how. So I understood why the mom was also angry at Michael’s teacher because the teacher made the mom feel insecure and other without meaning too. Because the teacher could speak proper English and that made the mom feel less than. It’s just sad because this happens in real life where sometimes a parent does not communicate with the teacher in fear of being embarrassed or less than for not knowing the host culture language. And there’s not always someone like Anna to be a translator for that.

Anna was always the one who kept the family’s secret. Because she was embarrassed and ashamed? I think so. I also felt like if people knew, they would think her and her family not normal.

I also really felt for Michael with the whole fish situation and the day he basically got kidnapped by the mom.

Okay, let’s talk a breather. A breath in, a big, bursting breath out.

Because we all know who I am going to go HAM on now 😂.

The mom.

The mom, the mom, the mom, the mom.

Gosh, I avoided talking about the mom because I don’t even know what to properly say or how to start. But gosh I have soooo many thoughts that I felt would be articulated better if I mentioned the mom last.

Throughout the mom’s arc, I just kept wondering, what was she going through? I thought it was severe depression and that was why she stated in her room all the time. And then there was the thing where someone at a school mentioned how the mom beat Lily with a feather duster and left a bruise, so the teacher reported child abuse. But they managed to get out of it, claiming cultural differences. So then, I thought was the mom abusive? Then we get the first time the mom’s out of the room and she was tired, she was talking to herself, and she was up all night obsessively cleaning. Did the mom have OCD tendencies? Did she have insomnia? Did she have anxiety?

I was not sure. But then the more we get of the mom, the more complex I think she is—there was not just one think to pinpoint as what she was experiencing.

There was the mom calling Anna “too dark” and how light-skinned she had to be. I understood this sentiment well because as. Filipino-American, I always felt other from people because I was too dark. And I always wanted my skin to be lighter because I had this ideas that light-skin was beautiful. So growing up, I shied away from the sun. But now I am okay with who I am and the range of skin colors I can be, but yea, I feel like especially with Asians, it’s a very popular ideal to have lighter skin. It also comes from the fact how Asians in the past who were not as rich worked in the sun and got darker skin, while richer Asians stayed inside. So it’s that class differentiation sometimes with skin color.

Tangent aside, the mom was kind of, dare I say crazy.

“It’s not that easy, Anna.” And he looks me square in the eye. “There’s no cure for crazy.”

(pg 217)

And I don’t mean crazy in a negative way, I just meant that something was not right. Even saying the word crazy makes me feel bad because being “crazy” has been associated so negatively and I think as society we paint this picture of people in a padded white cell as crazy. And most of the time we call women crazy and not so much men. Kind of like the song Mad Woman by Taylor Swift, people always make it out to be that women are “mad” or “crazy.” What Is crazy?

Crazy is such a complex and complicated word that it feels wrong to describe someone as so.

No matter crazy or not, the mom needed help and that was apparent. I just felt like Anna was protecting/coddling her mom too much and holding out for this idea of “normalcy.” Gosh, that night when the mom ran into their room and she told Lily and Anna to get up because they’re ungrateful, spoiled brats . . . I WAS LIKE 😰. Leave the girls alone, they are trying to sleep! And poor Anna had a test the next day! You know how that would impact her schooling? Gosh, and then the mom went on a tangent about how she said she thought her girls were better than her and how they could speak English to each other to exclude her. And the mom’s audacity to claim they were “ganging up on her.” I could not. This woman obviously needed help because waking her kids in the middle of the night, hitting them, and yelling untrue thoughts at them was not okay. And I just don’t get why Anna apologized to her mom when Anna did absolutely nothing, the mom needed to apologize. I know, I get why Anna did apologize—to placate her mom—-but still, it wasn’t healthy for Anna to coddle her mom and take the fault for nothing just so she could appease her mom. Her mom’s actions were not okay and it effected Lily and as much as Anna didn’t want to admit it, it greatly impacted her. And she had to stop denying that things weren’t getting worse because it was.

I also didn’t get how the dad was there this time, and how he came after the wife did all this yelling. I’m sorry, was he a heavy sleeper or did he just not care to come? Because my gosh, reign your wife in and get her some much needed help! I also didn’t appreciate how when the going got tough, the dad ran away to his restaurant like he always did. I get it. He might not have understood what was going on or how to help his wife, but running away from something never made that thing disappear. And he was leaving all this pain for his kids to figure out and that was completely, and utterly selfish here. He was the adult.

“This is why I can never be fully honest no matter how much my mother asks.”

(pg 136)

Anna was also keeping her mom from the truth of herself, which did a disservice to the mom when she needed help. I think Anna thought her mom was too fragile—and she was—-to tell her the bitter truth of how the mom never came out of her room to notice things, but I think Anna had every right to tell her mom the truth and be mad that she never came out of her room. It was also okay for Anna to be angry at her dad when he wasn’t helping out.

I liked how they had one good day where the mom took them to the aquarium like they used to when they were younger. I thought it was sweet because it gave Michael a good memory with his mom. But it also gave Anna false hope that her mom was okay, when really she didn’t know that. But you know, we have to enjoy the good moments as much as we can when we have them because we don’t know when we will have them again.

Despite the one good day, the mom needed help.

I felt like the mom had bipolar disorder based on her change in moods a lot, but then I was not completely sure.

BUT MY GOODNESS! THE FISH MOMENT AND THE KIDNAPPING MICHAEL!!! 😰 I could not. My heart could literally not. I was soooooo scared for Michael because his mom barely knows the world and she was unstable, so taking her son and going who knows where was terryingying. What if she hurt herself? What if she hurt Michael?

“Anna, I think something is wrong with Mommy.”

(pg 205)

Michael!!!! 🥺 LET ME HOLD YOU!

Then when they got in the restaurant, gosh I had CHILLS!!! CHILLS!

The mom was freaking out about the fish being bad and that they were spies and she would protect her kids from them. What got me was how the restaurant was full and everyone was staring at her. And then the mom was freaking out even more about people getting near her kids and taking them away from her. And all the while, Michael was scared of her, and I just needed to hug him! But I could not when the mom grabbed a fish from the tank and squeezed it’s eyes out like those popping eyes toys. I could just imagine the mom with a maniac smile on her face.

That was NOT okay. She NEEDED help. And no one could dney that anymore. But gosh, I really hoped it wouldn’t have taken something as traumatizing as that for everyone in the family to realize the mom needed help.

The EMTs took her after her show, and I could just feel everyone’s hearts falling in their chest. They didn’t know what to do afterwards. I wouldn’t know how to feel afterwards. It was soooo scary for all of them and how, again, Anna had to be the caretaker for the mom while the dad ran away. I remember in the story Ah-Jeff (love that man, he was a real rock/supportive figure for the family with everything) told her about how the dad and how his sister dealt with mental illness. And it explained why the dad was so hesitant and scared to confront everything with the mom. But I liked how Ah-Jeff said:

“Like I said, it’s the way things were. It’s the way things are. Look at the newspaper and TV. In the US, they’d rather blame mass shootings on mental illness, not guns. It’s not easy.”

(pg 248)

And I can go into this a lot more, but gun violence and mental illness are things that are heavy and I don’t feel like I can find the proper words to talk about it. But I think in the US (as a US citizen) that we blame violence on everything other than the root reason for the violence. We blame it on everything else because we don’t actually solve the issue. And it sucks. And we need change.

I also liked when the dad talked about how he met the mom because I started to wonder about the mom. What was she like before her mental health developed? Who was she like when she met the dad? What happened to trigger her mental health? Was it all the moving? I just wanted to understand why she was the way she was and who she was. Was she like Anna when she was younger and that was why the mom could relate to Anna a lot?

The mom had an unhealthy obsession with Anna—-making her feel like Anna always had to be the “good daughter” and Anna priding herself on that. And the good daughter tied into Anna wanting that sense of normalcy. If I was Anna, I would have felt kind of freaked out how the mom always chose to call her and tell her about the FBI were trying to take her children or spied on her. But it broke my heart too because Anna loved her mom. She really did.

And that’s what I loved most—the unshakeable love the family had for each other though this time. The love from the dad and Anna, Lily and Anna, Michael and Anna, and the mom and Anna.

I liked how the dad admitted he hadn’t been protecting them as he should have.

“I worked hard, earned money for my family.I always think this is my job, what I must do to take care of my family . . . Anna, I’m sorry. I was only halfway right. When I was always here at the restaurant, every night, doing numbers, planning menus, and working around the clock, it wasn’t me who was taking care of my wife and family. It was you.”

(pg 285)

What would the counselor have to say about that? 🤪

But I liked how the dad was going to stop running away and be closer to his family to do his job of caring for them. I liked how he recognized how he let his hard-work and provider attitude get in the way of actually doing his job. He might have been down-sizing the Jade Palace, but I respect anyone who can own up to their past and rectify it.

“And most of all, you’re an incredible sister.” My own vision is blurring now. “And I’m the luckiest of all to have you by my side.”

(pg 283)

I LOVED that. 🥺 I also loved how they were going to be there for each other and how they both knew that they shouldn’t feel bad or burdened with the mom’s issues or challenges. They weren’t responsible for what the mom was going through.

I also loved how Lily and Anna became closer. Pain can do that to people. I have to give Lily a lot of credit because she was invested in understanding the mom’s situation just as much as Anna. I liked how she created this list of her mom’s behavior to track all these things. Seeing the list angered Anna because noticing all these patterns the mom went through further highlighted how the mom was not normal and how Anna overlooked all these things.

“All these sings I never noticed.”

(pg 226)

The signs of the mom being more obsessive at night, more violent, and more angry. The texts the mom would send to Anna when Anna deleted her WhatsApp. It’s not like Anna could have noticed all these signs when she was just a kid. And it’s not her fault for not having seen the messages. But gosh, the fact that her mom would still message her all these things, highlighted how her mom loved Anna on her bad days.

“Okay, Ma.” I realize I can hide the sobbing by forcing myself to smile, but nothing can stop the tears.”

(pg 252)

I loved how when Anna got a call in the middle of the night, Lily was there to hold her because it was hard to hear her mother sound so unlike herself, but still hope she would get better. So those phone cals weren’t helping Anna heal, but the kept opening up this wound that her mom wasn’t okay. I also wanted Anna to realize that she wasn’t a disloyal or terribel daughter to not want to visit her mom. I mean, take care of you sis.

I just didn’t like how the dad told Anna to go visit the mom when she first got admitted (this was before his apology to Anna). I was like, sir, this is your wife, you should be the one visiting her not Anna.

“It’s good to visit. It’s hard in there and we’re all they got. That’s why I keep coming back.”

(pg 230)

That had to be beyond eerie to go to the psych ward by herself as a kid. That didn’t seem right 🙁. And when Anna saw her mom . . . gosh. It’s like the feeling of seeing someone in the hospital, and you look at them and you know that it’s the same person, but they don’t look the same—they don’t feel the same. And it’s such an eerie, uncomfortable feeling. Anna felt like that wasn’t her mom and I didn’t blame her. When Michael, Lily, and Anna went to visit the mom again, the mom’s sense of happiness didn’t feel right—-it felt artificial. And it felt unusual more so. But I was happy Anna wasn’t alone, but was it really okay to bring Michael? Gosh.

Although the mom gave me chilling vibes, I liked how she seemed less tense and frantic, but like a sedated happiness that could at least talk to her kids rationally. I liked how the mom told Anna how she was a good sister and daughter because Anna really never got enough credit for her role.

What I really loved about this scene was when the dad came in with tears in his eyes after hearing all of them sing together. Kind of an eerie nursery rhyme if you ask me, but hey, it was the best they were going to get as normal.

“It’s not what I would have ever called “normal,” but I’m starting to see that maybe what I call “normal” is just a state of mind.”

(pg 281)

I really loved that. 💖

“Anna, life isn’t some fairy tale or movie. We don’t get whisked into the sunset or try on fifteen outfits before the school dance. This is normal.” she finishes.

Her words echo over and over when I shut teh door to Ma’s room.

This is normal.

I find Rory stretched out on the couch. He looks innocent and cherubic, like Michale. When we were first going out, I was obsessed with being a normal teen, doing normal teen things. I felt ridiculously out of place Because I wasn’t “normal.”

But Rorary isn’t either. He battles his demons every day , and he still finds the time, energy, and heart to help me. To help us.

That’s not normal, that’s amazing.”

Anna was learning to let go of what she thought was “normal” when that wasn’t her life. And summits it’s not. Life is complex, it’s messy, but it’s beatuful and wonderful and there is no right or wrong normal. We make our own normal and we live with it as best as we can. We take what feels normal to us and make the best of it and try to be there for each other. We also have to remember movies and fairy tales are perfect because they want to give people the illusion of perfect and to provide an escape from the mess of very real life. Normal is what we make of it and.

Anna’s life was far from perfect, but she had her family who loved her and a boyfriend to support her. She had all these people rooting for her mom. And Anna was rooting for her mom to no matter the pain or trouble her mom brought sometimes. She loved her mom. They all did and they just wanted her to get better. And that’s what I loved so much about this book. Just the love that this family had for each other through such a difficult time. Love is powerful.

I liked how we got a time jump to see the mom come home and see how that would be like. I also loved the heart-to-heart she had with her mom.

“I know why your face so unhappy,” she says in English, and points to the photo again. . . “You’re unhappy because your heart is broken and fixed together. Many many times you hurt inside so it shows on your face. Too much heartbreaks cannot be erased. . . . I think your mother break you heart too much.”

(pg 302)

I loved how the mom seemed to be getting better with how aware she was of Anna’s emotions and how she impacted Anna’s happiness. And how could Anna not seem happy when she had been through heck and over? Anna loved her mom and her mom kept breaking her heart when she wasn’t okay. Seeing our loved ones not okay can do that to us.

“No more bad thinking,” she says. “Your mother will take care of her mental health. And take care of her daughters, too.”

(pg 303)

I loved that 💖. The mom was at least trying. She was learning.

But the mom coming home had a point to be made. Sometimes mental health can seem to get better, but sometimes it has its setbacks. And it might always have it’s setbacks.

The mom had an FBI scare later on and they had to get her to the hospital again. And the shock Anna must have felt—the whole family—-to see their mom get better and get worse again, broke my utter heart for them.

” She’s still seeing a therapist every week. How could this happen? This isn’t supposed to happen . . . She was okay. She was okay. She was better. “

(pg 310)

But with mental health there is no one and done cure, it’s a cycle and it’s a life-long struggle sometimes where we go back into these thoughts or habits and we have our relapses. It’s not easy. And I don’t understand why the world makes mental health out to be not real, when the proof happens everyday.

“How come Ma is broken again?” Michaels words are slightly muffled with Tux pressed against his face.

. . . “I hope they fix her right this time.”

(pg 313)

The wuesiton is, can the mother be “fixed?”

What does it mean to even “fix” a mental illness?

“Ma’s an adult. She should know what’s real and not real.”

“Is the point that we need Ma to know what’s real?” Lily muses. “Or do we just want her to be okay?”

(pg 317)

That’s also such a good question. Because when we think about “fixing” mental health, we might think that it’s getting people to change their thoughts or mind, and sometimes it is. I am not expert of course, so don’t take my word for any sort of medical-sounding things I say, but we are so quick to want to “fix” a problem, but maybe there is no “cure for crazy,” but it is all about how we help people cope to at least be okay. And at the end of the day, I think we all just want our loved ones to be okay; the mind is powerful, but we can help others to just be okay.

“Ma, listen to me. I love you. No matter what happens, no matter anything in the world, I love you. Lily loves you. Michael loves you and Baba loves you. We love you so, so much. . . NO matter what you hear, no matter what bad things they say. Remember that we love you and we are here to fight for you. We will fight these bad things, we will fight the shadows together. We are your family.”

. . . “Don’t be scared. Be brave for me, okay?

(pg 320)

I was SOBBING 😭.

Just truly, and utterly beautiful. The power of love, support, and family is stronger than anyone knows.

Because Anna for her this was normal for her and that allowed her to let go of her anger and hurt at herself and the world, and find love instead for her mom to know this was her mom. Her mom had chaotic thoughts, scary thoughts, her mom had happy and sad moods, . but that did not make her any less of a person—any less of her mom—to not love love her or care for her. She wanted her mom to know they would get through this together as a family—as an impenetrable unit of strength and support that will root for the mom to be okay. And it reinforces the idea ho wmental health is a cycle and we don’t know when or where or how, but all we can do is be there for people and be the love and strength they need to battle what they are going through. To talk about what they are going through.

Human connection.

I loved how Wei had a similar story to Anna as her Grandma. They were so scared to talk about it at first with each other because, you know, no one talked about mental health. But once they did, it opened up this great big conversation and extended support. Mental health needs to be talked about.

“Hey, your dad, is he running that new dumpling restaurant, Mama Hao?”

I perk up. “Yeah. I’m kind of his partner. I made up a few dumpling recipes myself.”

(pg 307)

I loved how the new restaurant was called Mama Hao—Mother is good—inspired by the song they sang as a family. And it’s also like a good omen/hope for the mom to be okay.

And nothing is more powerful than a good dumpling that bonds people together. Because you know, food is people’s way of asking if you are okay. Or at least hoping you will be.

WOW.

I have so many questions still, and that’s another quality of a poerful story.

I wondered what the dad was like growing up and why he was the way he was? I wondered how Michael would grow up affected by this? I wondered if there would ever be a point the mom came back home again and what that would be like? I wondered if Anna would go see a therapist for all she’d been through? Lily too. Ooooh, maybe Michael needs some therapy too 😅. I hope Anna and Wei become closer friends because Anna deserved a girl friend! I also wonder how Jade Palace was doing and if the dad d would ever go back and manage it?

No matter my questions, I know they were going to be okay. They had such a strong love for each other and that was not goig to break them anytime soon.

Overall, I admired the heart, vulnerability, honesty, rawness, and authentic of The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling. I’m definitely a fan of Wai Chim 💖.

Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? What are your thoughts on mental health? Do you like dumplings? 🤪 Anything I mentioned that you want to discuss more about?  Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

5 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: Such strong characters and developments. I adored the family and Rory, of course!

Plot: Such a raw, powerful, heart-felt, needed book about mental health, culture, and family 💖

Writing: CHILLS

Romance: I liked the romance, but I enjoyed more of the family love more.