The Power of You

Dear you, I used to dream about one day finding someone who’s right for me. I grew up watching Disney movies—-movies in general—where a man finds a woman and vice versa and they live happily ever after. I dreamt about being swept off my feet by some handsome man with a nice heart and soft eyes or randomly meeting my Troy Bolton and that we would sing in the rain on the rooftop of our high school.

I had so many dreams and hopes about what love could be.

I still do.

But I never had any of those dreams come true just yet. I’m the type of girl who never went to homecoming or to a much high school social events. I’m not the type of girl who went to prom with a guy because no one asked me and I didn’t like any guys that way to ask them. As much as I look back on all those memories, a part of me was fine with going “stag” or alone to high school social events as all my friends had dates. I was fine to an extent. Because that didn’t mean that as a teenage girl who used to DREAM about the perfect prom with a beautiful dress, the most stylish hair, and heels (but gosh knows I didn’t wear heels, I wore sparkly shoes to prom!), that I wasn’t slightly disappointed or despondent about going by myself.

I always knocked prom up to be this momentous occasion that was magical and that I would go with a guy and we would dance and I would fall in love or something romantic. Suffice to say, none of that happened.

And I thought that when I got to college, it would be just like the movies where I stumbled into some older guy who’s too cool for me but sweet or that I would meet someone who was perfect and mature and just got me. Suffice to say, again, that never happened—yet. But I like to think I’m an optimist about love and life and hope that one day I will find someone for me.

As someone who’s been single for 18 years of her life, never having kissed a guy or even held hands with a guy, I will admit, some part of me feels like I will never fall in love. There would be days where I would scroll through social media and feel this lonely ache in my heart, seeing all the romantic pictures of happy couples or hear stories of my friends in love. I would always find myself questioning what was wrong with me that I couldn’t find someone like they have? Why couldn’t I find love?

I’ve dreamed and I hoped and I had an epiphany the other day.

For sooooooo long I used to envision that life for me would instantaneously start to be better or that I would be happy if I had a man in my life like I’ve seen in the movies.

But yesterday, I realized that I don’t need a man in my life to be happy right now. You never know what happens in life and life is too short to spend it thinking about all the what-ifs and whens, when you should be focusing on the now and the opportunities, things, and people in your life that make you happy at the moment. I was always so stuck on this idea that I would be happy with someone else in my life, but how could I be happy with someone else if I can’t even learn to be happy by myself?

I recently heard from one of my favorite podcasts Pretty Basic with the queens themselves, Alisha Marie and Remi Cruz, that you can’t be half a person and except to be full from someone else. And that just stuck with me because I felt for so long that I needed someone else to make me feel full—- to make me full whole——but what I needed was to feel full on my own and to feel like I was strong by myself. Because at the end of the day, I realized, it’s just me, myself, and I, and as much as that sounds selfish, it’s not. You have to know that even if you don’t find someone right away or find someone in general, that you’re going to be okay by yourself—-that you aren’t going to be depressed or sad about all the things you should want or should do because you don’t have someone else in your life filling you up. You should be able to stand on your two feet and know that it all comes down to you—-you make the difference in your own life, your own happiness, your own successes, and your own future.

And if you happen to find someone along the way who makes you stronger, happier, smarter, and more full, then you are a lucky person to have found the best gift in life: a should mate to show you that you are loved—that you don’t need to be strong all the time and take care of solely just yourself.

And notice how I said stronger, happier, smarter, and more full because a person can complement you in the best way, but they shouldn’t be your cure all to make you just strong, happy, smart, or full, they should encourage you to be the best—-a better— version of yourself. And I think when you start to accept that you are strong, you are happy, you are smart, and you are beautiful, then can you truly start to live that full life that you have dreamed about.

That I have dreamed about until I realized that I wasn’t going to not be happy just because I didn’t have a man in my life to make me happy.

When you find that inner epiphany or peace within yourself and know you’re going to be okay, I feel like you’ll start to radiate the love and light that you are. The positivity and light you emit, will attract someone to you at the right time in life.

And that day may come, gosh I hope it comes for you.

Now excuse me if this next part sounds a bit religious, and you’re not a religious person or have a different faith. But whatever you believe in, place your faith in that belief in that things will work out well for you.

So for me it may seem endless and like I will never fall in love, but I always place my faith in my fate in that things happen for a reason. I believe that there is a right time and a right place in life when and where you will meet your other half. I believe that we all have to go through the ups and downs of love to get to the final destination and to be with the person we were meant to be with. Sometimes it can take many years of being lonely and many heartbreaks, but have faith that things will work out well in the end.

And to all the girls and guys who are like me, and have been alone for many years, don’t worry, love will find you. It will. Trust me. It will.

Don’t worry and agonize over when or where it will happen. And don’t limit your happiness just because you’re waiting for that life changing moment of when a guy or girl will come to sweep you off your feet. Change your life now and find that happiness on your own and be the person you want to be now.

So if one day you do happen to find someone, you’re the best version of yourself you can be and so that you can contribute your all—–mentally, physically, and emotionally—–to the person you were meant to be with.

Love is complicated and life is too.

To any girl or guy out there dreaming of that romantic prince or princess moment, I just want you to know, to never stop dreaming of that moment because love is out there for you. Maybe it won’t be as grand as the movies and stories make it out to be, but it will be meaningful in the best way for you.

I also hope you never give up on the idea that you will find someone, because like all good things, it takes time and work. And that work requires you to find yourself and to develop a strong self-love. Because when you begin to love yourself, you can find a stronger love with others.

So don’t worry if you’re single. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean somethings wrong with you. It means you’re like me, and maybe like so many other lost souls out there. You’re not alone, and you won’t always be alone <3 I’m rooting for you

Forever and always, with love,