The Fashion of Expression

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To the style savvy,

As much as I love books, arts and crafts, Marvel, High School Musical, family, friends, and good food, I LOVE fashion.

This actually is a new love of mine that I really wanted to write about because it’s been a journey for me in finding this new passion for fashion per say.

I grew up in the 2000s where fashion wasn’t the worse, but it was definitely not the trendy, comfy, and cute things that kids today are growing up with. I remember the skorts, the overalls, the scrunchies, the matching outfit sets that my mother would buy me because they were cute. I remember a big trend for a long time with developing fashion was booty shorts (not that I ever tried that), crop tops, high low skirts, and so much more. When I walk past the Target kid outfit area or any kid outfit area, I am always so enraptured by the colors, the vibrancy, and the style of the clothes and part of me always wants to but those kid clothes. Is that weird? Do you walk by some kids clothes and think if you were younger, you would wear that? I do all the time. But as I walk past these kids clothes, I also think to myself, why didn’t they have these when I was young? Heck when I was a kid I wore the most uncomfortable, unstylish things. I CRINGE at what I wore before.

LIKE I CRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGEEEEEE!!!!!

Like fashion, who?

She can’t come to the phone right now because she doesn’t exist!

I think my fashion really suffered in that awkward in between stage people dread: the teenage years. Yes, I’m talking middle school going on high school. In middle school, it wasn’t so bad because we had uniforms so I didn’t have to stress over what to wear all the time or what was trendy. Usually my style was to wear capri pants and if Tan France could hear me now he would tell you to RUN 😂 but I wore capri pants as a kid because I was never comfortable wearing shorts because they were too short and pants were too long given the climate I lived in. So capri’s were my happy medium. And I had a closet full of them. If you don’t know what capri’s are though, they are shorts that end above your knees or slightly below it and it was the least fashionable thing but very modest and comfy so don’t judge, I was a kid 🤪 But I wore capris all the time and even though it was always H-O-T hot where I live, I somehow always wore a different color jacket to go with my uniform to add a pop of color and my own style to the uniform. If you’ve ever worn a uniform, I bet there was some aspect of it that you changed up to make it more yours or to seem like you. For me it was those jackets and they were comfortable and I thought I was cute. You know writing this now, I think I’m going to make a 6th grade fashion fails blog post because GOSH knows that’s a whole other story that we can have a good laugh at 😂. I’ll link it once it’s live, but until then, it remains a mystery of the 6th grade fashion fail.

But in middle school, my style was suffice to say, not cute. It was minimal and convenient. It wasn’t me. Outside of school, I remember I would wear regular graphic tees with angry birds or glitter on it or I would wear sweaters with a tank top or these hand me downs that were not flattering whatsoever on me. I just didn’t care for clothes or how I looked in middle school.

Then all of a sudden, I was going to be in 9th grade and I was supposed to be ‘trendy’ and ‘cool’ and ‘fashionable’—-I was supposed to fit in. So I remembered that I wanted to buy clothes that I could wear because there wasn’t any uniforms in high school.

My style as a 9th grader can be best described as frumpy. I wore baggy sweatshirts, loose tank-tops that were too big for my small frame and were made for older women, play shirts that I wore to sleep, long sleeves from Target and Walmart that had Snoopy or Minnie Mouse or something Disney on it, or something that had an owl print on the front, and repeat. Over each thing, I always wore a black cardigan that added to the illusion of the frump. I always hid my shirt of something with that black cardigan. And I look back and I think I wore that cardigan so much because I wasn’t confident in who I was. I felt like if I had a big oversize shirt that hid my body and added another layer to hide myself, than somehow I would disappear or I would give the illusion of being thin. I wasn’t and I really would go back to my younger self and tell her she was okay just the way she was because it was honestly such a hard time for me where I felt the low about who I was and that I didn’t know how I could change to feel better. I guess my outfits really just reflected how I felt about myself. Anyway, I would would switched my outfits up each week because I only had a handful of things I wore because I didn’t like shopping all that much. All of my fashion trends and ideals back than, again, stemmed from the fact that I was never comfortable in my own skin.

That was the honest to gosh truth.

As a teenager, I was never comfortable in my own skin so I didn’t like shopping for clothes because I always had this mindset that I couldn’t wear the ‘cool’ things because I was chubbier or bigger than other girls. I didn’t know what I could wear, so I chose the only options that hid my bigger body because I didn’t want people to look at me in ‘cool’ clothes and judge me for being the bigger girl wearing them when obviously I would never pull it off right. I didn’t know what fashion was because I didn’t know what confidence was when I was trying to hide myself behind all the baggy and frumpy things I wore.

For so long I had this mindset that I could never wear this or that because only certain people could wear it and look good in it. For the longest time, it stopped me from being happy inside and out, and I can throughly tell you I exuded insecurity as a teenager because I knew what I was wearing didn’t really reflect me, but was just a mechanism to shelter me in more ways than one.

Take it from me,

Never never never NEVER feel like you can or can’t wear something just because you feel like you aren’t fit to wear it.

Because no matter the style or piece of clothing, you are fit and worthy of wearing anything that makes you feel happy and confident. No matter what.

It took me such a long time to get to that realization, though.

In Sophomore year, my style was still not good. I would say it was progressive in the way that I bought things that were more younger and that I felt comfortable in. I would wear mostly long sleeves because I was still scared of showing my arms and I wore a lot of hoodies in 100 degree weather because I was crazy. I also had this one shirt that was a fitted navy blue long sleeve with pearls and sequins that I wore all the time with a blue jacket because it made me feel good and whenever I wore that outfit, I noticed I would stand taller, I would walk with my head up. I just felt better because I wasn’t frumping it and I wasn’t hiding anything. It felt good.

It was really junior year where my interest in style took off and I would describe it as explorative. Junior year was a pivotal moment in my life because I went though a lot of changes physically, mentally, and emotionally and I was at a place where I finally felt like I was “fit” or “good enough” to wear the cool clothes. And it was also the time where fashion was making strides and I was here for it. I started wearing jackets of different colors, jeans of different colors, shirts with floral prints, or flowey things that felt comfortable. I was just loving the way I felt when I wore those outfits because whenever I would put on a floral shirt or a ribbed sweater or something cute, it was that same standing taller and walking with my head up feeling. I loved the way it made me feel inside and out. It gave me confidence in a way I didn’t even know I was missing.

Senior year I can say my fashion was comfy because I was comfortable in the things I wore and how I presented myself. I shopped more at stores like TJ Maxx and Ross’s and Forever 21 and Hollister—-all these “cool” stores that were within budget and that made me happy. I loved the rush of seeing a shirt, a pants, a dress, and thinking how I can mix and match it to create this outfit or that look and I love when you can see yourself in that outfit and know that it’s going to turn out good. I was beginning to see the appeal to fashion and why people loved shopping so much. People loved shopping and fashion because its fun to create outfits and looks that make you feel good and where you can experiment with different styles.

And that love carried on even to when I’m wiring this blog post. Because I genuinely love fashion now. I love the expression, the experimentation, and the confidence it has given me in life.

I know it’s very cliché to say this, but I honestly believe that if you look good, you feel good. And what I mean by this is that you don’t have to wear the most expensive outfit known to man and you don’t need to try so hard to look good by spending X amount of hours and days planning what to wear, what I mean is that if you love an outfit you put together last minute or if you love the way you feel in an outfit, that’s all that really matters. If a outfit makes you feel good because you feel like you look good, then it uplifts you and it transforms your whole essence and gives you that confidence because you’re thinking that no matter who looks at you, you know you feel good and no one can take that away from you or judge you harshly for it. And whether you’re a girl or a boy, you should feel good with how you look and know it’s not selfish to look in the mirror and be like, “I look nice today.” Be proud of that. Because I know for some people it’s hard to say those kind of things.

I know whenever I put on an outfit that I feel confident in, I feel uplifted in every sense of who I am because I feel confident. It was something I never had when I was so frumpy and hid my body because I felt like I couldn’t wear certain things because of my weight. That just made me insecure and it really showcased on the inside and on the out. But once I started finding my style and what made me feel good, that radiated from the inside and the out and was the missing piece I never knew I needed in life.

Let me also tell you this: no matter your size, your weight, your height, your gender, or skin color, you are good enough and cool enough to wear whatever you want to wear. Don’t let this idea of not being fit to wear something stop you from experimenting with fashion and finding things that make you feel good on the inside and on the outside. Trust me, if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that the outfit doesn’t wear you, you wear the outfit, so chose one that speaks to you and don’t stop yourself from buying something that you feel like isn’t right.

You wear the outfit, the outfit doesn’t wear you.

It’s also important to remember who you are dressing for each time you wear something. Is it your mom? No. Is it your dad? Nope. Is it your boyfriend or girlfriend? Nada. It’s yourself.

At the end of the day, no matter how selfish it sounds, you dress for you and only you. If you dress for other people (the exception being certain occasions like a wedding or dance etc.), you truly will not be happy with what you’re wearing because it’s not going to be what you want to wear. You have to dress for you, do you, and be you. You shouldn’t dress to impress others, but impress yourself. I know we all like to look good and think that if we wear this or that then he or she will notice us and that he or she will like us as more than a friend. But let me tell you something, just because you wear something nice, doesn’t mean that that’s the deciding factor of how a person sees you. An outfit can surely impress someone and catch the right attention, but it only goes so far if you keep doing it for someone else and not yourself. It has to come from you. You can’t go around wearing booty shorts and crop tops just because the guys like that or you shouldn’t go around wearing muscle tees because girls like that. You have to wear something that makes you proud, not others proud. You’re not going to marry a person for their muscle tee or how good they look in a crop top, you marry a person for who they are. And if they express themselves by wearing this or that, then that’s fine, but if they only wear this or that to catch attention, then that’s when it’s not the best because your not being true to you.

So wear what you want for you.

If you feel happy, confident, and proud with what you wear, then own it and don’t let anyone shame you for how you express yourself. That’s not to say go run outside in the nude or do anything to the extreme, but like with everything express yourself in moderation and in an honest way.

Fashion isn’t about name brands or looking the best, it’s about showing people who you are. It’s about the colors, the styles, or the prints that you like and reflect you.

It took me a long time to find my style and sense of fashion and I still am trying to discover what expresses me. Sometimes it’s a bright yellow jacket that makes me feel like Big Bird or other days it might be leggings and a simple sweater. My style evolves as I evolve and that’s okay too.

If you’ve been on a similar discovery journey of fashion like me, what was that like and how did you get into fashion? What are your favorite places to shop? What’s your sense of style or fashion? Do you like buying clothes? Let me know below in the comments as I love talking to you all 💞

I hope you find a style that works for you and makes you feel good on the inside and on the out.

And as always, with love,