The Cost of Knowing by Brittney Morris Book Review

“Without being reminded of the darkness he came from, that he had to live with every single day.

What kid should have to live every day in the shadow of four hundred years of bondage and another hundred of lesser-than-dom? Black kids, apparently. But then, how is a Black kid supposed to be a kid?”

(pg. 297)

About

Author: Brittney Morris

Genre: Young Adult Contemporary

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Synopsis

Sixteen-year-old Alex Rufus is trying his best. He tries to be the best employee he can be at the local ice cream shop; the best boyfriend he can be to his amazing girlfriend, Talia; the best protector he can be over his little brother, Isaiah. But as much as Alex tries, he often comes up short.

It’s hard to for him to be present when every time he touches an object or person, Alex sees into its future. When he touches a scoop, he has a vision of him using it to scoop ice cream. When he touches his car, he sees it years from now, totaled and underwater. When he touches Talia, he sees them at the precipice of breaking up, and that terrifies him. Alex feels these visions are a curse, distracting him, making him anxious and unable to live an ordinary life.

And when Alex touches a photo that gives him a vision of his brother’s imminent death, everything changes.

With Alex now in a race against time, death, and circumstances, he and Isaiah must grapple with their past, their future, and what it means to be a young Black man in America in the present. 

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To all those who had to grow up too soon,

Wow. That’s all I could say after reading The Cost of Knowing. What a beautifully written, heart-felt, heart-wrenching, and poignant read that leaves you with many questions and a lot of power. This book was powerful 💙. I just want to start off by saying how I LOVED Brittney Morris’s writing. I haven’t read Slay or any of her other works, but I adored her writing style and how it had a very melodic prose that hit home her points. I also liked how she brought Isaiah and Alex to life, and how she described their powers. I liked how she created their arcs and the whole backstory. I also appreciated the messages she interwoven throughout the book. The Cost of Knowing didn’t feel like a superhero/superpower book, but a book about being a Black boy in America and the significant history that comes with it. I cried multiple times because of the hurt, sorrow, and anger I felt—I feel like if an author can make me cry for all those reasons, that author has to be doing something right.

Thank you Brittney Morris for sharing your voice.

Alex. I like Alex because he’s a good older brother with a good head on his shoulders. He was very respectable and kind to everyone even if they didn’t deserve it. In the beginning he came across really reserved and nervous because no matter what he touched, he would envision its future. I thought that was a pretty cool power, but also pretty awful. I mean, I wouldn’t want to touch things and see its future all the time. Gosh knows I overthink too much as it is 😆. So I couldn’t imagine what Alex must have felt to know what would happen and feeling like he had to do it because that was the way his visions worked. Also, having prophetic powers and not being able to do anything to change the future has to make you feel helpless. That’s such a heavy weight on your shoulders—it was a heavy weight on Alex’s shoulders.

The whole backstory with Shaun—his best friend—tore my heart in two. That’s soooo hard. Alex knew what would happen to Shaun, and he ran away from Shaun because Alex knew he couldn’t change the future. So he didn’t want to be there when the accident happened. I understood why Alex was afraid and why he hid. I would feel helpless and burdened as well because it felt like he wanted to do something but he couldn’t stop the inevitable. And it would hurt Alex less if he just didn’t see his best friend get hurt. I get it. I liked how the flashback was described with how Alex was in his room and it poured rain one day and Alex just broke down. in tears because he knew what was going to happen. Gosh, that sucked 💔. After the accident, Alex lived with the guilt of knowing what would happen to Shaun, but not being there for him when it happened. But Alex was so young, he shouldn’t blame himself for not knowing how to react to these new powers he had. I understood why he was hesitant to tell Talia about his powers too. If he told her, she would find out that he knew about Shaun’s future and never did anything and he was scared to lose her.

I read another book recently where a guy hid a big secret from his girlfriend because he was afraid to lose her, and it just made me think about how people unconsciously cause the thing they are afraid of. Because keeping secrets or being scared to lose someone, more often than not, makes a person push someone else away to hide that secret and then you end up losing that person altogether. But I understood why Alex kept his secret because he would sound bonkers if he straight up told Talia that, “hey, I can see the future.” I mean, that sounded bonkers.

I thought Alex and Talia’s relationship was cute. It was instalove, but it had humble beginnings and I could really see how much they cared about each other. I felt terrible that Alex couldn’t hug or touch her because he didn’t want to see her future because he was unsure what that would entail. I mean, that was another con of his powers—-it made it nearly impossible to touch anything without having these unwanted visions. Talia took Alex’s lack of intimacy as him not liking her, and gosh I just wanted to tell her, that’s not it sis! But something I highly appreciated throughout the book was breaking down toxic masculinity, boy stereotypes, and what it means to be a man.

With Talia, Brittney Morris broke down the idea that only boys crave intimacy first. In high school, typically it is said that boys want to “do it” a lot more, so they initiate conversations or ask their partners if they want to “do it.” However, I liked how The Cost of Knowing explored how girls/women can be the one who initiates asking to “do it” because gosh knows that’s absolutely natural for a girl/woman to want to have sex as much as a boy/man does. You know, high school me would be soooo uncomfortable writing this because sex is an awkward topic when you’re young, but here we are, mature 🤪. But yea, people can have sex drives and they might not and no matter what, that is completely okay! But I liked the gender reversal here because it normalizes that a girl wanting to have sex is okay. I also appreciated seeing such a tender-hearted and gentle boy like Alex–and those qualities made him every bit of a man. I know he said he didn’t want to have sex with Talia because he didn’t want to touch her and have these visions. . . 🤪 but when he lost his powers, I liked how he still said he wasn’t ready. Because gosh knows if you are not ready, that is perfectly okay!!!! It is okay if a boy or man or human being is not ready to have sex! I mean, it’s not something to take lightly or casually, it’s a big decision you decide with your body and your comfort level and we need to normalize the fact that sometimes guys or people aren’t ready to have sex just because they are expected to be ready at a certain age. Being not ready as a young boy is fine! Figure out what is comfortable for you and what you are comfortable with👏🏼.

I also highly appreciated the talk about being a man and being the provider. In the American society, we say that men are the providers—the breadwinners. They make the money and they take care of the family and that is their role. Honestly, suck that! I get it, men make money but I didn’t like how the dad used to say all these toxic masculine aspects to Alex.

“A man’s not a man without a paycheck.”

(pg. 95)

Excuse me.

But I loved when Alex thought this:

“What kind of man chooses his job over his family?”

(pg. 96)

That’s a good question, isn’t it?

Because we expect men to be the providers, they work endless hours to the point they are barely home. At that point, it doesn’t even feel like the man/dad is home to take care of the family because he is working too much to even do the job he was supposed to do. And I just want to say men aren’t the only ones who make a paycheck these days and you do not have to make money to be a man. It was so interesting to be inside Alex’s head and hear him questioning his dad’s advice and doubting it. It was also interesting to see how Alex felt guilty or not man enough if he skipped work, if he didn’t make money, or if he didn’t provide like the man he should be. I think we need to stop teaching boys that they can only be a man if they provide because many relationships and families have had the same stories where the man provides and he works too hard and the couple splits. I mean, why keep the same narrative and expect it to work years later. Telling men they have to be the providers is a tired narrative and I bet men are even exhausted from it and boys are exhausted from hearing it. Raise boys to take care of their family and create a healthy balance between themselves, those they love, and work.

I loved how Alex said screw working at Scoop’s after having the vision of Isaiah 👏🏼. Because no amount of work is worth missing out on spending time with loved ones. When you reflect on the best moments of your life, you probably aren’t going to look back and smile over all the hours you spent working 🙃. No, you will think of the moments you spent with family or creating memories that actually brought joy. I heard somewhere that when people look back on their life they ruminate about how much they would have spent more time with loved ones, and it’s sad how we put work over everything because we have to survive, but it shouldn’t be that way. Society is wrong for making us work so hard when we all should have a healthy amount of work to live, but the rest of the time should actually be spent living. So I liked that Alex was wise enough to know that working meant nothing compared to spending the last few days with his brother. To me, that represented how we never know what happens, but we should prioritize spending time with people we love. If Alex had no visions, he wouldn’t have known to reconcile with Isaiah or spend time with him. He might have continued to work and walk around Isaiah—their usual dance—only to find out it was too late to do everything he should have when Isaiah was there. Spend time with loved ones. Make time count. Don’t let it go to waste thinking your life is work.

Being a man in society meant not crying or being affectionate. If you are a “man” you have to suck it up. You shouldn’t cry. Hugging is for wimps. And all these other TOXIC ideas 🤮. Spit that out!!!! Say it with me, men are people and they can CRY, HUG, LAUGH, and be AFFECTIONATE. Doing these things doesn’t make a man less of a man, but more of a man for being brave enough to go against years of toxic ideas.

“‘It’s okay to cry man,’ I say. ‘It’s okay.'”

(pg. 223)

I LOVED when Alex told Isaiah it was okay to cry. I loved how Alex hugged Isaiah when he could because he said screw it, I just want to hug my brother. You should hug the people in your life and don’t be afraid of doing so because of some ridiculous gender ideals. It was such a sweet moment when Alex did hug Isaiah because he knew he wasn’t going to be able to do so again. And you never know 😕. Hug people. I also liked when Isaiah asked Alex if he was okay and then Alex was thinking about saying yes, you know, like how everyone does when someone asks if they are okay. But I admired Alex saying, “No, I’m not okay,” and talking about why. That is a man 👏🏼. Acknowledging his feelings and talking about them. Honestly, girls talk to other girls or people all the time about emotions and it’s not just a girl thing, it’s a human thing. We all need people to talk to, and it makes me doleful that men have been ingrained to keep all their emotions in—to be the strong front—when they have all these heavy emotions inside that just festers. I mean, they can’t be expected to just hold it in their entire life. No wonder men are so angry—they literally have all their emotions pent up because they never felt okay to talk about it. Allow men to express their feelings. Let them be sad, let them be hurt, let them be vulnerable. We all can be strong, but even the strongest things break.

I also appreciated how Alex was open to being vulnerable because it made Isaiah comfortable to open up. For example, the saying I’m not okay part probably taught Isaiah that it’s okay not to be okay. Also, there was this part where Alex said he was scared and he started crying. I LOVED that. It takes an honest person to admit they’re scared and to be in tune with how that feels like for that person. I appreciated how Alex made Isaiah feel okay to talk about his fears as well because they both were scared. I find that when people open up about their honest emotion, you will find you aren’t as alone as you thought you were. You just have to express that when you are ready. I’m not saying you have to because it’s not easy and if you are not comfortable saying how you feel just yet, then that’s okay! But you will be surprised how you aren’t alone in what you feel.

With all these ideas in his head about what it means to be a man, I felt Alex emerge as being his own man. I felt like he was rewriting and redefining what being a man meant to him. He knew what was right in his heart and he followed that and I think that takes guts. I just loved the way he took these negative ideals and wanted to be better than them. It really set a stronger example to Isaiah of what a man could be. Alex could have ingrained in Isaiah all these things he learned from their dad, but he didn’t. He chose compassion, emotion, and love. I loved that.

“Not if you’re a man-in-training. Not if you’re the oldest. Not if you have an example to set. Not if you’re constantly fighting for a future.”

(pg. 181)

Man-in-training was a powerful phrase 👌🏼.

As the oldest, I could also feel the pressure Alex felt with having to be the “man.” That sucks. He wasn’t a man. He was a boy and he was figuring things out.

“My dad’s words come back . . .

A man’s not a man without his paycheck.

And what I thought when I left Scoop’s . . .

But a man who doesn’t protect his family is no man either.

And my add-on . . .

But no man can’t protect everyone.

And a wave of peace comes over me as I bring it full circle.

And a boy shouldn’t have to try.”

(pg. 300)

EXACTLY 👏🏼.

Alex and Isaiah were boys. They weren’t men yet. They were going to be, but they should learn what a man should be based on their beliefs, not age-old ideas.

Another reason The Cost of Knowing struck my heart was how some people mature faster than others, not because they are naturally mature, but because of the trauma or weight they have to carry. There’s a quote I read somewhere that said something about how “you are mature for your age,” isn’t really a compliment because it praises the idea that that person had to grow up quickly to survive. When I read that, I was like DARN 🙈. I felt shooketh. I was always told I was mature for my age. I grew up with a lot of things that were difficult for my family and I, and I guess that made me mature because I had to. So I absolutely hurt for every person who grows up quickly because they were forced to. I hurt for boys like Alex and Isaiah. I hurt for the way they have to learn all these “rules” to survive because they have to have them in order to live unless they want to be looked at as the bad guy.

The media sucks. I think the news sucks in the way they portray Black people as thieves, robbers, and all these villainous things when the vast majority aren’t. But the media makes them the villain because someone has to be? And it’s freaking wrong. I mean, a person could rob a bank, take multiple lives, take advantage of people, or do violent things, but if the person is Black it’s a billion times worse compared to if someone is Caucasian. How is that okay? How is that right? I could get more into it, but that is another blog post or conversation all together, but I’m absolutely tired of the narrative the media paints for Black people or people of color. They aren’t villains. They aren’t people to blame for this country’s problems. They aren’t people to lock away out of convenience. They aren’t. And by villainizing them, we mature all these innocent young men and women to grow up. We force them to grow up because now it becomes a matter of fight or flight—it becomes about survival in a world that has been out to get them.

In the Hate You Give, I remember reading the part where Star gets the talk from her dad about not being out late, putting her hands up when being pulled over by a cop, not having her hood up, and being respectful to the police and others because they might take something the wrong way. Or even how she had to keep her hands visible when at the grocery store because people might think she was a robber. Like no parent should EVER have to have that conversation with a child. What kind of world do we live in that certain people do? 😞 They are a taught from a young age to be cordial or put your life at risk. It’s wrong.

And I just hurt how Alex felt like that. How sooo many people feel like this everyday. They should be kids. They should be able to play outside without feeling scared or they should be able to ride bikes without someone thinking they stole the bike. Let them be kids.

Being a kid is a privilege.

Racism was another topic of conversation I felt Brittney Morris integrated seamlessly and powerfully.

I have to say, I FREAKING cackled that she named Mrs. Zaccarri, Karen 🤣. I love a culture queen and a Karen 😂.

Honestly, Karen was passive aggressive and rude without knowing it. I think that was the point and I loved that. I loved the whole idea of how she was the “innocent” neighbor next door, but really she was a racist prick. It symbolized to me how sometimes our neighbors (metaphorically and not metaphorically speaking) are the very ones who can be racist.

“I feel betrayed. And they say that for there to be betrayal, there had to be trust first.”

(pg. 289)

That was a stunning line 💙.

It hurts more to know it was someone close to you that you respected or sort of liked. It pains you when someone betrays you or wrongs you because that meant you cared about them at one point. I couldn’t imagine how wronged Alex felt by his own neighbors—the ones he ate cookies from.

I didn’t like how presumptuous she was about not having Shiv Skeptic play in the neighborhood because he was a rapper and he would attract a “bad” sort of crowd. Just because someone listened to rap music doesn’t mean that a certain audience listens to that music. Karen would have been shook to know her goody-two-shoes violin player played alongside Skiv in his show 👏🏼. That was an iconic moment. Also, when Alex and Isaiah did go to the show and they saw all sorts of people there, it just went to show Karen that she was being presumptuous and assuming there was a threat or danger because she feared Skiv and his music. I have come to realize a lot of people’s anger or hate comes out of fear—fear of not knowing or fear of being inferior. Sometimes it’s about not even knowing what they fear. I didn’t like how casual she was about her husband shoting a Black kid because he was breaking into a house and Mr. Zaccari heard a noise. I’m sorry, he knew nothing about the situation or the kid. And it obviously wasn’t his business in the first place, so he didn’t need to shoot the kid. I WAS FURIOUS 😡. I also didn’t buy this whole innocent act they had because they wouldn’t have just done something so final like that. If they wanted to stop a burglary, I don’t know, call 911!!!!!!

You know, I wondered what these short chapters were at the beginning of the book or throughout. I was like, what is this? But then I was like OOOOOOH! It was supposed to represent how we have innocent neighbors who on the outside sound like good people, but they do things that are not so good. Whenever this couple heard a noise, they would inspect the situation and irrationally react to it. I also thought it was purposeful that Brittney Morris put that the couple watched the news because it goes back to how the media sucks and they create this villainous narrative to drive people’s fear. This made me think about how I don’t think people like the Zaccari’s meant to be bad people. I’m not excusing their racism or prejudices, but I think people want to be good. They want to feel like they are doing good. And the media and the content people consume plays a huge role in that. I think in the Zaccari’s eyes, they are not the villain, but they are. And they needed to wake up and realize their wrongness and racist beliefs and actions. I don’t think it’s okay to keep acting like you are the good guy when you are clearly doing something wrong, you know?

I didn’t like the ending where Karen was like, “I lost my son and husband today.” OH BOOOO HOOO! Cry me a river! She didn’t lose her husband or her son like the way Aunty Mackie, Alex, and Talia lost a best friend, a brother, or a nephew. She didn’t lose anyone with so much finality because she was privileged enough to not have to grow up to survive the hate of the world. And don’t even get me started with how her little itty bitty son will probably get off easy even though he knew what was going down at the Skiv concert. Or how Mr. Zaccari will probably get off easy for killing two innocent Black boys. Sickening.

I would just like to give a standing ovation to when Aunt Mackie and Alex POPPED off on Karen!!! 👏🏼Let’s go!!!

I loved that Alex spoke up and called Karen out because someone needed to tell it to her straight.

“‘I’m sick of these things ‘just happening.’ I’m sick of people assuming things before they know the whole picture.’

. . .I’ve seen this a million times. It’s always the same story. Black kids can’t sell water on the sidewalk on a hot day without someone calling the cops. We can’t play our music too loud. We can’t wear our hoodies. We can’t be out past a certain time in the wrong neighborhood or the right one.

We can’t run.”

(pg. 289-90)

I’m sick on behalf of Alex. It’s disgusting and wrong. Some things gotta change.

“‘Accidental’ racism . . . still gets us killed.'”

(pg. 300)

I’m just going to leave that here. Just think about it. Actions, the world’s actions, prejudices. Think about it.

Deviating from the racism and prejudice storyline, let’s talk about Alex and Isaiah as brothers. This was where the heart of the story was 💙.

I could understand why Alex and Isaiah drifted after their parent’s accident. They were both feeling/going through a lot, especially with their visions, and they needed time to process. So they skirted around each other and let themselves be. But they needed each other—they were family. I have a brother and sister, and I will tell you, we don’t talk to each other much. We’ve been through our own kind of family hardships and I have to say I wish we were closer 😕. After reading The Cost of Knowing, I am going to try to reach out to my siblings because we are family and we should be able to have each other.

I liked the awkward tension Isaiah and Alex had when Alex first walked into Isaiah’s room, claiming he wanted to be a better brother. I mean, Alex never talked to him before so naturally it would feel weird and Isaiah would feel defensive. I know how Isaiah felt. It feels like when you have this much distance or quiet between someone, it just feels unnatural when they start to talk to you or they want to close that distance when they created it in the first place. But I liked how Alex was gentle with getting Isaiah to open up to him. I liked how they visited the Mom and Dad’s gravestone together and how Alex didn’t mind how Isaiah sat on the dirty wet grass and would probably leave a wet butt stain in his car. When Alex said this, it made me think about how we get riled up or angry about petty things like a butt stain in the car or a cabinet left open when at the end of the day those things don’t matter as much as the person. We have to choose our battles and still know that at the end, we love the person no matter what we find irritating or annoying about them. I liked this intimate scene between Isaiah and Alex because it was how they crossed from being strangers to being brothers again. It’s weird when you have people in your life and you don’t even feel like you truly know them.

I liked how real Alex’s bewilderment felt when he realized he didn’t even know his brother anymore. He didn’t know Isaiah liked Shiv or even had visions too. Isaiah had been going through everything alone and he felt alone. Isaiah locked himself in his room because the voices in his head screamed at him whenever he left. That sucked. But opening up to each other about their powers made them feel less alone—they were able to connect.

“I can’t imagine which is worse—getting promotions of things you can’t change, or getting flashbacks of how you or someone else [f******] the past.”

(pg. 89)

If you had to choose, would you see into the past or the future?

Honestly, I don’t know after reading this book.

Have you ever been asked the question: would you travel back five years in the past or five years in the future? I heard this recently on the What We Said podcast and I said the future because gosh knows five years ago I was going through the grinder 🤪. But now, I’m not too sure what I would say because both seem, to be honest, sucky. I wouldn’t want to relive things that were hard for me. Also, going back to the past changes your present and future and I wouldn’t want to do that because that would change me as a person. Another reason I wouldn’t go back to the past is because I wouldn’t be growing as a person because I would literally be in the past and replaying everything over again. But going to the future, I lose the surprise or the spontaneity of knowing what will happen. I mean, going to the future may allow you to know really heavy things that can be life saving or changing, but part of me also thinks that things like falling in love, when you get married, have kids, your job, where you live, etc. are all things that should be surprising to live and not know yet. You know? But it’s interesting how Alex and Isaiah represent two opposite sides of the spectrum that we as people constantly ponder. Isaiah represented the past and how we relive it in our mind—our glory days. Alex represented the future and how we can contemplate or romanticize all these scenarios where we think we’ll be happy when or if. In actuality, we should completely live in the present and enjoy the now. We should let go of dreaming about how the past was so good or the future will be amazing and I’ll be happy if and when. All we have is now—the time, the people, the life around us. As cliché and cheesy as it sounds, the present is the true gift and no amount of looking back or forward is going to mean as much as living in the now.

I loved how Alex chose Isaiah over everything even when it was hard. I liked how he didn’t go to work because he would rather spend the last few days with his brother than be the provider. It was a more complex situation that he didn’t spend time with Talia, but if she knew what would happen to Isaiah, I think she would understand. So I wasn’t worried about her. I just loved the brotherly bond we saw within the span of a few days. I loved how Alex made Isaiah pizza bagels. Gosh, I legit craved pizza bagels in the midst of reading this!!!! 🤪 Anyone else craving pizza bagels? Don’t even get me started on the Lucky Charms. Sounded like a twelve year old diet to me 😂.

There was such a fun, bright, honest, and open childness about Isaiah that made him lovable and relatable. He was like everyone’s little brother and you just wanted him to be happy.

I wanted Isaiah to be happy. I loved how Alex went out of the way to make Isaiah’s time special—how he was there for him. I liked how he spent money on the Skiv concert even if it meant taking back the money he would send to Maria and Talia. At the end of the day, money doesn’t matter. Sure, we need it to survive, but when we look back, again, we’re probably not going to say I loved my money, but we loved what we did with our loved ones. I loved how Alex bought the gloves and hoodie for Isaiah at the concert because he knew it would make Isaiah happy. Alex really said let’s just do it! I loved when they were in the car and they rapped together or whenever they would sing with each other. I laughed at the time when Alex was like:

“‘Get you 2016 dance moves out of my room.'”

(pg. 134)

When Isaiah did the dab 😂.

Dab supremacy! Let’s bring it back 🙈.

I also cackled at the intimacy conversation and Isaiah explained to Alex what he knew about sex 😂. A teenage boy indeed. Those were just typical conversations that I loved.

I also loved when Alex and Isaiah also had conversations about their powers and its history.

“Being black in America means being constantly reminded of the darkness you come from without knowing the details about the darkness you come from.'”

(pg. 206)

I wondered from the get go where they got their powers. Apparently, they got their powers from their ancestors when their many greats grandfather, Takaa, spoke to the orisha in the sky that he lives without fear and see what cannot be seen and know the unknowable. This request manifested itself as the curse, which was born out of Takaa’s fear. The power carried through their family and was constantly linked to fear. Isaiah and Alex’s dad had powers—he had Alex’s future telling powers—and he knew he was going to pass away when he got into the car that day. The dad thought he was getting rid of his powers before it could get to Alex and Isaiah because he was facing his fears. But the dad didn’t face his fears.

Alex and Isaiah wanted to get rid of the powers and they thought that they had to face their fears—like actually face it. So they planned to go to the Skiv concert where there were a lot of people and surfaces that would scare them to be around.

The concert was lit if I do say so myself. Do people still say lit? 🤪 I say it was lit.

I didn’t like seeing the Zaccari’s son there and how he gave Alex a bag of drugs. Like, excuse me. Do you know what giving a bag of drugs to a Black man at a rap concert looks like? 😡 He put Alex and Isaiah in danger. I was scared something was going to happen because of the Zaccari’s son’s foolishness. It kind of did. Honestly, Alex was on guard the entire time he knew what would happen to Isaiah. He kept worrying about various scenarios that were rational and irrational to think. But hearing or seeing those thoughts was so purposeful and interesting. It made me understand Alex more and his anxieties.

“The knowing it’s happening, only for it not to. That’s how my visions work. Much like my anxiety.”

(pg. 122)

Being inside Alex’s mind also felt like walking around in my mind 🙈. But I understood why Alex was on guard around Isaiah—at any moment anything could have happened. Like with at the ice cream store. Alex went in to work for barely an hour when there was a shooting in his neighborhood and one person passed away. Alex had every right to run home to check if Isaiah was okay, and if Scoop was really a family friend he would understand why.

But back to the concert. I loved it when Isaiah went on stage and the confidence and cheerfulness that exuded from him. Going to the concert wasn’t facing their fears, but using their powers was facing their fears. They feared their powers because it made their life difficult, but when Alex touched Isaiah’s leg and let him go on stage, that was him saying he wasn’t afraid anymore. Alex let go of his fear of using his power and his fear of controlling what would happen to Isaiah when he got on the stage. I would have liked to know how Isaiah faced his fear. Was it him going on the stage too or? I don’t know. But I loved how he rapped and had a grand time until things hit the fan.

The whole ending portion felt sort of rushed for me—like things spiraled downhill really fast and it was hard to keep track of what happened. I understood what happened towards the end of the concert, but not so much as to what really happened or why. I mean, was Skiv and the gang okay? Did they make it out okay? How was the Zaccari’s son involved in what happened? I also kept waiting for the ball to drop when Isaiah figured out that Alex knew what happened to him in the future. It made my heart hurt when Isaiah did ask Alex and Alex lied to him. I mean, he was protecting Isaiah and I don’t blame him, but it was sad 🥺. I thought the ending would have been Isaiah figured that Alex was only spending time with him because it was too late and then he would get mad and then something would happen to Isaiah. But I liked that Isaiah didn’t know and he lived his best life with his brother 💙.

The part where it happened also felt rushed. I could sense it was coming because the pages were dwindling, but gosh . . . it still hurt. When they were running in the rain with their hoods up, I was like that’s not good! I was worried for them because of the stereotypes people have with those who wear hoods and who are running in the dark. I thought this would be a The Hate You Give kind of situation, but it wasn’t.

I have no words for Mr.Zaccari. He knew exactly what he was doing when he revved that engine up. I mean, if he was really scared he should have just called 911 rather than attacking like he did. The police aren’t any better, but still, killing two kids he deemed them a certain “type” wasn’t right either. He attacked them. He murdered them. That would never be okay.

The ending hurt like a broken leg. I sobbed when Aunt Mackie and Alex talked to each other at the hospital. I sobbed when Alex woke up and the nurse walked in and Alex already knew 🥺. I sobbed at the funeral when Alex started talking about his pain because he deserved to feel angry. I sobbed when the ancestors showed up at Isaiah’s grave. What a POWERFUL and BEAUTIFUL moment. I was speechless. That was sooooooo good. I loved the ancestors coming, but when the dad came, I choked on my tears. No excuse me, I choked when Isaiah came and hugged Alex. I mean, how could you not just break down and cry 😭. I liked the power of Alex carrying on the legacy of his family’s king-dom 😉. I loved that 💙.

I also loved how we saw Alex’s Talia vision with the black dress come to life. I knew the vision would happen at the end—the funeral—because Alex would need someone there with him. I’m glad it was her. The ending was also interesting where we got to see Alex some time after the funeral. I liked how he and Talia were in a better place and could actually touch without being weighed down by the visions. At the end, Alex had the king tattoo and he found the ring—the person who would buy Scoops in the future. It was Alex who was going to buy Scoops. I don’t know why he would buy Scoop’s from a family friend, but I guess he wasn’t a really good friend. I think Alex could do better than an ice cream parlor to be really honest 😆. I also enjoyed the intimate scene he had with Talia when they visited Shaun’s gravestone. He was finally ready to see his best friend because he no longer harbored the guilt of pain. Maybe part of him still did, but he knew he did his best to make things right in the end.

The epilogue was also sweet. Alex finally went back to where he grew up to that Galen guy who cut his hair. It meant to me that Alex had stories to share and he was ready to talk about it. I loved that for Alex. But I missed Isaiah 🥺.

“I wonder where I’ll go next. Who I’ll see. What I’ll do. Where I’ll end up.

I wonder where I’ll end up.

What a privilege.”

(pg. 322)

What a privilege indeed. It’s not something some people think about, but it is. Because what a privilege it is to even say to grow up. The Cost of Knowing reminded men that knowing doesn’t always fix everything or make things easier. It’s hard. I mean, sometimes it can be a helpful thing, but it comes with a lot of complications as well that make being present difficult. Hug your loved ones, tell them you love them, and live 💙.

Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? What is your favorite cereal or childhood food? Anything I mentioned that you want to discuss more about?  Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

4.89 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: You will fall in love with Alex and Isaiah and you’ll want them to be part of your family

Plot: Equal parts tragic and beautiful

Writing: Speaks to and connects with your heart 💙