Regretting You by Colleen Hoover Book Review

“And I know before we made love for the first time, I told you I’d regret it, but I’ve never been more wrong. I didn’t regret it that night, and I don’t regret it now. I’m confident that I’ll never spend a single second of my life regretting you.”

(pg. 334)

About

Author: Colleen Hoover

Genre: New Adult Contemporary

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Synopsis

Morgan Grant and her sixteen-year-old daughter, Clara, would like nothing more than to be nothing alike.

Morgan is determined to prevent her daughter from making the same mistakes she did. By getting pregnant and married way too young, Morgan put her own dreams on hold. Clara doesn’t want to follow in her mother’s footsteps. Her predictable mother doesn’t have a spontaneous bone in her body.

With warring personalities and conflicting goals, Morgan and Clara find it increasingly difficult to coexist. The only person who can bring peace to the household is Chris—Morgan’s husband, Clara’s father, and the family anchor. But that peace is shattered when Chris is involved in a tragic and questionable accident. The heartbreaking and long-lasting consequences will reach far beyond just Morgan and Clara.

While struggling to rebuild everything that crashed around them, Morgan finds comfort in the last person she expects to, and Clara turns to the one boy she’s been forbidden to see. With each passing day, new secrets, resentment, and misunderstandings make mother and daughter fall further apart. So far apart, it might be impossible for them to ever fall back together.

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To the Coho’s,

Where do I even begin?

There are so many things to unpack from this book that made me frustrated, sad, and touched all at the same time. Honestly, if you ever need to be reminded of human emotions, just read a Colleen Hoover book, it does just the trick 🤪.

But I swear, I was sitting on my couch, reading the first sentence and I said to myself, “Wow. I already love this book.”

I’m not joking.

“I wonder if humans are the only loving creatures that ever feel hollow inside. I don’t understand how my body can be full of everything bodies are full of— bones and muscles and blood and organs— yet my chest sometimes feels vacant, as if someone could scream into my mouth and it would echo inside me.”

(pg. 1)

I mean, wasn’t that so beautifully written. I swear Colleen Hoover is a queen.

Or when she wrote

“I’m quieter than she is, and more often than not, my laughter is forced.”

(pg 1)

Been there, felt that.

I liked how the book started in the past—-the day Morgan found out she was pregnant. I thought the way Colleen Hoover wrote the opening chapter was beautifully done because in those few pages, I felt like I understood the dynamic of Morgan’s life. She had a perfect boyfriend who liked her and her life was good. Her Mom wasn’t around, so Morgan basically raised Jenny. I think a lot of Morgan’s maternal instinct comes from how she never had a mother around growing up. Jenny to me screamed, not so much a wild child, but an outgoing child who was obviously more careless than Morgan. She wanted to do all these things that a typical teenager did. Morgan being the cool older sister, watched over Jenny to make sure she wasn’t doing it badly or got hurt. Being that Morgan was more of a supervisor than a friend, it made me feel like Morgan always felt disconnected from Chris and Jenny because she took on a mature role in their friend group. When they were out partying, Chris told her to come have fun with her and how he liked it when she was drunk because that was fun Morgan. In my mind I was like, that’s a very shizzy thing to say—-that someone is only fun when their drunk. Morgan was the DD, cut her some slack. I also got the vibe that Chris and Morgan weren’t really into each other or that they weren’t a perfect match.

So from the get-go, I supported Jonah and Morgan because they seemed like they would be better together. Chris and Jenny gave me chaotic energy, but Jonah and Morgan gave me calm and peaceful admiration. Because I could tell that was what they were doing because they were in relationships with the “wrong people,” which I’ll get more into later. But I liked how Jonah never made Morgan feel wrong for being who she was and how he checked up on her and listened. I think a guy who listens and supports you, is a good guy. Jonah was a good guy.

She should have been with Jonah.

But that’s not how it worked because you know . . . the baby they had.

Here’s the thing, I understand why she stayed with Chris all these years. They had a baby together. I think that that is a very honorable and respectful thing to do, but I think that if two people have a child and they are not in love together, then that does not mean that that parent is obligated to stay with the other parent. I’m not saying it’s okay for a parent to leave without at least trying to make things work or talking things through or both parents out right abodonding the baby, but I think it’s not fair to expect two people not in love to stay together just because they have a kid together, you know? Because the baby they share makes them happy, but being together doesn’t and there probably is someone out there who is a better match for them. Most people probably would not agree with what I said about that and I understand. It’s traditional that if two people have a baby, they get married, they share a house, they start a family. But these days, I think it’s okay if that is not the route two people who have a baby choose to go.

Morgan, however, did go that route. She married Chris—-very unromantically if I must say—they shared a house, they raised Clara, and they never had another baby. Morgan stayed home to take care of Clara while Chris worked and provided. Morgan was going to go back to school after Chris got his degree, but Morgan never went back to school, she became more of a housewife. Nothing was wrong with that, but it’s a very traditional story. It’s a story I felt Morgan was tired of and didn’t want of her life.

The story fast forwards to when Clara is seventeen—–so Morgan’s age when we first met Morgan. I thought that was an interesting time jump and I liked it. It was Morgan’s birthday, and there was something Morgan said that I resonated a lot with.

 “It’s my birthday and I’m surrounded by everyone important to me, but for some reason, I feel more alone than I’ve ever felt. I should be happy right now, but something is off. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe I’m getting bored. Or worse, maybe I’m boring.”

(pg. 45)

Honestly, I relate to Morgan so much and I’m only a newly 20 year old (one month in) 😂. I just feel like Morgan and I are the same in how we feel like we are “boring” to others or how we are more people watchers.

Oooooh, but when Morgan talked about her routine, I was like man, I feel like I’m a 34 year old woman in a 20 year old body 😂.

” I waste mine away watching cable. The same shows every night. My weeks are so routine. I go to bed at the same time every night. I wake up at the same time every morning. I go to the same gym and do the same workout routine and run the same errands and cook the scheduled meals.”

(pg. 47)

It’s truly like Morgan and I are the same.

And it just made me sad how despondent she felt about her life and her birthday. I think she’s coming from a place where she wants more from her life because as much as she says she’s content or happy with her life, she wants to be more than just a housewife or a mother or to do the same thing everyday. It feels almost tiresome to do the same thing everyday because at that point it feels like we are going through the motions rather than taking the initiative of our life. Morgan mentioned this feeling later in the book in how:

“I seem to be going through the motions of life without actually being aware of any of the motions.”

(pg. 100)

And golly, did I understand that a lot too. There have been so many times where I felt like I was just doing things without feeling them or just thinking about what I would rather be doing—-traveling, relaxing, reading, writing, or things for myself. And it’s people like Morgan and I who feel stuck, but we don’t know where to go or how to go because we’ve been in the same place for years, it just feels wrong of us to move and do something for us when our whole life has been controlled by others.

So I could understand Morgan on a personal level like no other.

It was also obvious how sad she was in her life because she wasn’t in love with the mean she married. Obviously to us, she loved Jonah, but she couldn’t be with him because she was married, Jonah was dating her sister and they had a child together. So she was feeling hopeless about her life because she didn’t believe she would ever have the love she always felt with him.

Clara and Morgan’s tradition of their manifestation or birthday goal board is such a cute idea! I might have to use that someday because that would be fun to look back on one day and say me or my (hopefully future) kids did that. When Clara called her mom predictable . . . I was like YIKES.

I mean, I think people would say I’m pretty predictable too, but gosh, predictable truly does have a negative connotation. I mean, if you call someone predictable it makes them sound like a boring dud who does absolutely nothing different and is not exciting.

I would not want to be called predictable.

I felt bad that that was the first thing Clara thought of her mom. And this whole despondent birthday and the predictability really set up the place Morgan was at mentally and physically in her life, and from what we read when she was 17, her life really sounded like that—-predictable. Traditional. Not that that is a bad thing in any way shape or form, but that Morgan never saw herself where she was today and it was obvious she was happy, and maybe people would say she had regrets in her life. But truly, I think we all jokingly say we regret a certain moment or decision, but when we think about it we wouldn’t change it because it helped us be where we are now.

But gosh, did I just feel for Morgan and her sadness in life.

Meeting Clara was interesting. She honestly sounded like she had a good head on her shoulders if she literally turned around to give Miller Adams, the guy who eats suckers and moves poles to make the town line bigger just so he can eat pizza, a ride. That was a complete run on sentence and I’m aware 🤪. But, I will give Miller credit for creativity. I mean, moving a pole? How heavy is this pole? 😂 You would think people would mount a city limit pole to the ground just so people like Miller wouldn’t move it. But then again it’s not like anyone wakes up thinking let me go move the pole outside so I can order pizza. Man, if I saw a dude outside my house moving a pole or just standing by a pole each day, I’d be suspicious. Weren’t there traffic cams in his neighborhood to see what he was doing 🤪. Miller must have had all the gosh darn time in the world to move poles 😂.

But we’re not talking about poles, we’re talking about how kind Clara was to give Miller a ride home because it was hot outside. My first impression of Miller was that he was a player, trying to be too cool, rebellious type. I mean the guy moved poles, ate suckers, and apparently had a dad in jail.

The way Clara was written was *chef’s kisses* if you ask me. She really portrayed a typical teenage girl. Her angst over Miller’s mixed signals of following her and then unfollowing her and then following her again, spot on 👌🏼. It made me sad to see how Clara would go to Jenny with her boy troubles or news instead of Morgan. It gave us some insight of how close Clara and Morgan were, but I understand why Clara would rather confide in all these things to the aunt rather than the mom. But at the same time, it’s still nice to have a close relationship with one’s mom and to be comfortable enough to go to her first with boy troubles. It also made me sad how Jenny got all the credit for her mom’s advice. The mom was helping out Clara more than Jenny and I think Jenny was more of the middle man. I don’t know why their relationship was so uncomfortable before everything, but it made me wonder why?

“So . . . you like him because he ignores you, eats suckers, and has a weird grandpa?” Aunt Jenny makes a concerned face. “That’s . . . those are weird reasons Clara.”

(pg. 55)

When Clara puts it that way, it does sound weird 😂. Truly us girls can be confusing, and I’m guilty of that.

But then everything goes downhill from here my friend.

Like not even downhill, but like we just arrived at the precipice and we are going DOWN.

Like Anna, Olaf, and Kristoff falling off a mountain DOWN.

My gosh when Morgan and Jonah got the call that both Chris and Jenny were in a wreck . . . RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE. Coincidences exist, but I did not think this was the case. And then it was said Chris was driving Jenny’s car. Red Flag. Or even before that when Morgan got to the hospital Jenny was supposed to be starting again after her maternity leave and she wasn’t there. She was scheduled for tomorrow but she told everyone how “excited she was to go back today.” RED FREAKING FLAG.

Ladies and gents, we had an affair. ☹️

Disappointed, but not surprised.

But gosh, did I just feel for Morgan and Jonah and Clara. I just wanted to give them all a hug because their whole life changed not only with the wreck, but with each scandal that kept coming up and how Clara was kept out of the loop.

“It’s like the day I found out I was pregnant, I became someone else. I guess that happens when you become a mother, though. Your focus in no longer on yourself. Your life becomes all about this beautiful tiny little human you created.”

(pg. 48)

I understood why Morgan did not want to tell Clara the truth because it’s part of her maternal instinct to protect her daughter. She also did not want Clara to think less of her dad or her aunt and she also knew Clara was already going through a lot emotionally at just 16, and adding in that her dad and aunt had an affair, might have brought her over the edge. Or Clara would have not believed it. So Morgan kept everything under wraps, but when doing so there was this whole miscommunication of the situation and it made Clara even more angry, hurt, sad, and alone.

First, Clara kept saying that the wreck was her fault, when gosh I just wanted to shake her and tell her no it wasn’t sis! Your aunt wasn’t even driving that day when you texted her. But Clara didn’t know that because she thought her aunt was driving and got a flat and the dad went to help her change her tire and there was an accident. And if I was Clara, I would have felt responsible too. Because I didn’t know the full story to know that it wasn’t my fault. And it pained me to read for so long how Clara lived with that guilt, and how she felt bad that she took away her mom’s sister and husband and their happiness.

“Not only have I stolen lives because of my disregard for Aunt Jenny’s safety while she was driving, but now I’ve stolen the smiles of all the people my father and Aunty Jenny left behind.”

(pg. 164)

There were so many moments where she felt guilty for being happy when she and Miller were starting to become more of a thing. I wanted to tell Clara that she should not feel bad for being happy and that it’s okay to live on with her aunt and dad in her memory and heart—to carry them with her—-and live. Because they probably wouldn’t want her to be sad for the rest of her life because of her guilt or this burden she felt.

So I just felt like if Morgan was honest with her about the situation after a while—-like let Clara process the wreck and grieve—-and then tell her the truth. Clara’s 16, she’s not dumb. She’s not a baby. And sure she might still be a kid, but she understands things and understands more than people give her credit for. Sixteen year olds, genuinely, want to be treated like a respected adult and to be told the truth. Her mom wasn’t giving that to her and to Clara it came off as closed-off, depressed, and angry.

The double POVS were stunning as they were insightful because it’s a good reminder that the same experience or moment may happen, but the way a person lives it or sees it is completely different. It was interesting to read how Morgan felt and what she was doing as a mother who felt like she was protecting her daughter and doing what was best for her and to also feel what Clara felt, see what she was going through, and how she saw her mother and the situation. Both were getting it mixed up and wrong because they both weren’t on the same page.

What really made me think about this was the scene where Morgan became a straight HAMMAH! 😂

Oh my gosh, Morgan had every right to be sad, but I also felt confused along with her. Was she supposed to be sad she lost her sister and her husband? Or was she supposed to be hurt and angry that they left her this mess or that they betrayed her? A good, hefty mixture of both I assume. I would feel all that and more.

When Jonah and Morgan found out about the lingerie and the hotel . . .OOOOOOOOH. That’s the worst. If Morgan’s heart was an airplane, it was on it’s descent DOWN. Man, that sucked. It also sucked because now she was left with all these questions like when did it start, what happened, why, or how? And we’re still left wondering those things.

But at first, naturally, Morgan was sad.

She felt numb.

But after heck and over, and washing baby cups and hoping for the worst, she took a freaking hammer and raged at the door 😂. I don’t judge. I’m glad she raged! But she needed um, you know, professional help too. They both did 😅. My goodness, but when Clara just walks back in and sees her mom with a hammer going to town on the door, I could just imagine the blank, most dumbfounded stare on Clara’s face. Gosh, if I was Clara, I would think my mom finally lost it and not for the reasons Clara probably thought.

But what Morgan said to Clara after Clara made that joke about being better off a homeless runaway, was absolutely heartless and insensitive. And I mean heartless and insensitive.

“Run away, then Clara.” I say flatly.”

(pg. 132)

Who tells their child to run away?

And to do so so stoically? Like they’re serious about their child running away?

I just wanted to hit Morgan awake to let her know that just because you’re angry and hurt doesn’t mean you can take that out on your daughter who’s also hurting in more ways than you know. Grow a heart.

“I wasn’t serious. I was frustrated. I need to stop taking it out on her, but her attitude is making her an easy target.”

(pg. 132)

And Morgan knew she was displacing her anger and hurt on Clara and she kept saying it, but yet she kept hurting Clara, when she really wanted to be there for her. So I was soooo confused by Morgan’s mixed signals towards her daughter. But I understand, Morgan was going through the grinder and she had every right to feel the very real and honest emotions she was feeling, but golly, I wish she didn’t take it out on Clara because it just drove her further away. And also, Clara only has an attitude because she wants her mom to care about her. I don’t know where I heard this from, but someone once said that kids/teens who act out, act out because they want attention or they’re angry and they want someone to notice. I think the mom wasn’t giving Clara enough attention or care during this time, which was understandable because gosh knows the mom was going through her own pile of poop, but she should have checked in with Clara at least each night, asking her if she wanted to talk or if she was okay. Or offering her the therapy early on. I think if Morgan did that, maybe Clara wouldn’t have felt so guilty in her thoughts or alone.

Because Clara was in pain.

“For the past five days since Jonah’s mother showed up at my school to take me to the hospital, it feels like I’ve been inside a snow globe that someone shook up, then dropped. I feel like the contents of my life have shattered, and fragments of me have spilled out all over someone’s dusty hardwood floor.

I feel irreparably broken.

And I can’t even blame what happened to them on anyone but myself.

It’s unfair how one event. . . one second. . . can shark the world around you. Toss everything on its head. Ruin every happy moment that led up to that earth-sharttering second.

We’re all walking around like lava coats our throats. Painfully silent . . . It’s like we’re living in a nightmare—one where we don’t want to eat or drink or speak. A nightmare where all we want to do is scream, but nothing comes out of our hollow throats.”

(pg. 74-5)

I could just feel Clara’s pain in every crevice of her heart and every word. The raw emotion Colleen Hoover wrote here is something I feel we all have felt or, sadly, will feel one day in different painful moments of our life. It’s a feeling I know well.

I don’t fault Clara for wanting to leave her dad’s funeral. I mean, the girl went to two funerals in the span of two days. That’s rough. Beyond rough. I would feel the need to escape from the heartache and pain too.

Man, I love Miller. I mean, no guy just shows up to a person you barely talk to dad’s funeral just because. Sure, he was paying respects, but he went. Some people don’t do that unless they care. And I liked how no questions were asked, he just took her away from the funeral when she needed it. I don’t think it was wrong of him because he was there for Clara and she needed that. She needed to breathe.

I don’t think it was okay of him to buy her weed, but you know

“Such a gentleman. Buying me weed and disposing of it for me.”

(pg. 83)

Miller’s a class act for sure 😂.

I also liked how he did not judge her for saying she wanted to do that, and instead did what she wanted and helped her. Not condoning her getting high or him buying the weed, but I don’t know I just liked how he was just there for her. Minus the weed.

If only the mom knew the full story that it was not Miller who talked her into doing weed in the first place. Because from Morgan’s point of view I could understand why she would be iffy of Miller because it seemed like he took Clara away from her dad’s funeral and they went to get high together by the theater. That’s not something a mother wants to see of her child.

But I also liked how they had the most confusing, but cute interactions where Miller pulled up in his car next to hers and just looked at her. Then she got in the car and the mod felt like they were about to kiss, but then Miller told her to get out of the car because he felt confused around her. Boys, they are just as confusing as girls, I swear. 🤪 Or when Miller broke up with Shelby—-his college girlfriend at the time—and then got back together with her, but he was still talking to Clara.

I was proud of Clara when she was DMing Miller and then she got his number, and then she thought to herself she didn’t want to be Miller’s second choice or other woman. She wanted a guy who liked her for her and would choose her first.

“I remember the last thing Aunt Jenny texted me. “You don’t want to be the other girl. Trust me.”

(pg. 108)

Jenny would know 😏. It kind of makes me wonder why Jenny said that. Did she feel guilty? If she felt guilty why would she betray her sister like that?

I thought it was cute how eventually Miller and Clara found love and how Miller put her first. The coffee date at Starbucks was super cute! I liked how they just talked for hours about everything and how it seemed like a timeless conversation. I heard that if you can talk to a person for hours and lose track of time, there’s something special about that relationship. And that’s what I felt from Miller and Clara because everything was tense at home with her mom, which made me disheartened because they were both going through a lot and were pushing each other away or driving each other away by their hurt—-like a competition of who can hurt who the most—-but Clara would light up around Miller. With Miller. And Clara needed light in her life. They had a very cute first kiss peck in Starbucks and it was sweet how shy and natural it was.

Then of course, they had to talk it to the car 😂.

But there was such a naturalness of them together and I loved that 💖.

Can we also talk about how wrong I was about Miller’s character?

Honestly, that’s why I liked him even more.

I kept asking myself who raised Miller because, my gosh, he is one in a million.

I mean, the dude opens up the doors for the ladies—chivalry is not dead!

He’s not afraid to be vulnerable and honest about his feelings.

He never takes anything too far.

He’s patient.

He knows the golden rule of never walking away from a fight in anger and hate.

He supports Clara in her dreams and encourages the best in her.

He puts Clara’s happiness first.

He knew just when she needed to get away and breathe.

He gave her free popcorn and movies.

He liked Sounds of Cedar (we love a CoHo reference) 😉.

And he was a hopeless romantic that was always in love with her.

I mean, he’s just so DARN SWEET!

He’s such a good guy and Clara’s a lucky girl.

It sucked that there were these preconceived judgements from Morgan and Christ and kind of myself about who Miller was because of his family. But it’s a good reminder that people are not their family or their parents. And Miller is such, such a good person.

I liked how after their date at Starbucks he had to call Clara to tell her the truth of how long and he liked her. I loved that! I loved how he told her how much in awe he was of her acting at that one play, and that meant a lot from Clara not only to hear how much Miller adored her, but he loved her because of her passion and her talent, not her looks. No guy just ever calls a girl to tell her these things 🙃.

When Clara went to Miller’s house again, I liked how he was respectful to not take it too far with her because that’s what they wanted. I thought it was kind of corny that they planned when they were going to do it—-at the end of prom. I also liked the camaraderie she had with Gramps. Gramps sounded like a fun older man, and boy did I want to know the story of Miller at 15 😉.

It was also sweet how whenever Clara needed someone, Miller was there. Or she went to Miller at the theater and he would tell her which theater to sit at where he would give her popcorn. Must be nice to have a theater boyfriend to get you free movies and food. Oh! It was sooooo sweet when he told her to go to the empty theater that one time after they got detention for pecking lips in the cafeteria and he brought her a whole spread of food to eat and they just talked. They had very funny and honest conversations. I liked how Miller never talked Clara out of her dream or questioned what she wanted to do. It helped that they both understood where each other was coming from with what they wanted to do. I could also not stop laughing about their orange conversation 😂.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on their orange mockumentary 😂. That was the most RIDICULOUS, FUNNY, ODDLY WEIRD thing I’ve ever read all in a good way. Here I was thinking they would make a very inspirational or heartfelt film about loss and love, and hope, but no they talk about Chromophobe and the color orange. I could not. All the people who like orange are not laughing. They are coming for Colleen Hoover because she did orange dirty 😂. I like orange. Is it my favorite color? No. But is it a nice color? I would say so. Gosh, Miller is shaking 😂. It was also hilarious that Clara got the most atrocious orange dress for their prom. Oh, honey, I love to see it. Her wedding dress should be orange and her bridesmaid should be orange and they should have their wedding at the Nickelodeon amusement park 😂. Also, we can’t forget how when they were doing it or something, I think Miller asked her if she was wearing orange underwear or maybe it was her asking him that. I don’t know. But I do remember Millers wearing pineapple underwear because Clara likes pineapple on pizza, so maybe she likes pineapple on underwear, which honestly where does one buy pineapple on underwear? 😆 They’re CRAZY. Crazy in love.

They were just so cute.

But I was not here for it when Clara texted him to sneak in and halve sex with her. She was margin a very rash, hasty, anger-filled decision and I knew she was going to regret it later. It should have been more special than it was for her. It wasn’t not special, but from the way I read it, Clara wasn’t there with Miller. And that’s a very intimate situation she was in, but she wasn’t feeling it or wasn’t present because she was thinking of her mom and how angry she was and how she wished she waited. I didn’t like how she did it to spite her mom, and in the end it hurt Miller.

Because he loved her for quite a while and when they finally shared an intimate interaction, it wasn’t out of love, it was out of anger and hate. Not for him. But for Morgan. And that would feel pretty dirty and it would feel like getting used. So I understood why Miller was hurt and angry. I would feel hurt and angry if I was Miller. But when I say, he’s the most pure boy out there, I mean it. He could have yelled at her or left her crying, telling her he hated her or they were through. But no, Miller said he was mad at her and he forgave her but was still mad at her. And he held her while she cried on her bed because she felt guilty and sad.

And, my gosh, wasn’t that the purest thing.

I respect Miller like no other.

But Morgan was a capital PEESED. She was livid. Gosh, Miller sure did his walk of SHAME 😂.

Poor him. They didn’t even fully sleep together, but of course the mom would think that was what happened because I would think so too if I was Morgan.

But poor Miller had to wait for his shirt from Clara and then he was going to book it out the window but then Morgan was like just take the door 😂. She wanted him O-U-T out! Awww, the baby.

It was a very heavy scene the day of Clara’s birthday. One of the moments was the argument with Miller and how she thought he was breaking up with her on her birthday. But Miller was just hurt by what happened the other night. It was pretty dumb argument in the most teenage way possible because Clara was getting all heated and questioning if they were broken up and Miller was all here amused and all because he wasn’t breaking up with her. He was just angry at her and wanted to talk about his feelings. I like that. At least he’s honest. But they both needed time to cool down and for Clara to see how her lack of thinking of her actions really hurt someone she cared about.

Her mom also essentially forgot her birthday in the morning and that had to hurt. Your own family forgetting your birthday? That sucks. And then she wasn’t even sure if she was getting a celebration? Sucks even more. And then there was the whole Clara throwing the phone at Jonah part in class. And I just felt like Clara was going through the whole grieving process very hard. And all by herself.

First it was the shock of the accident. I don’t think Clara went through denial because she knew what happened was real, but boy was she ANGRY! This whole book it felt like she was overwhelmingly angry—-at her mom mostly. And that’s why Clara acted out a lot and it felt like she was angry at her mom for running this image she had of Jenny and for possibly having an affair with Jonah—to do Aunt Jenny wrong like that. But boy, Clara didn’t know. In the beginning, Clara was sad and interspersed were bits of sadness, mixed with anger, which was natural to feel. Like when she threw her phone Jonah. She was mad at her mom, she was mad at Miller, but deep down was sadness.

“I hate myself for this, but I lean into him and let him hug me while I cry. I miss my dad so much. I feel more sadness than anger right now, so I let Jonah hug me because it feels better than fighting.

I miss him so much.”

(pg. 254)

I really liked this moment between Clara and Jonah because we got scenes of them together, but nothing this intimate and heart-felt. Jonah is not her dad and he’s not trying to be, but he is a figure in her life and he cares for her. I liked how he didn’t punish Clara badly for acting out in class—testing his authority. It highlighted how he probably knew there was more to what Clara felt and that he wasn’t angry at her, but at the world and everything she’s been going through alone. I mean, the girl went straight back to school after everything happened and life went on. I don’t think she properly had time to process all her emotions or talk to someone about that.

My heart also hurt when Clara said how much she missed her dad 😢. She lost her aunt and her dad. So soon. So unexpectedly. That has to hurt.

And I felt Clara’s pain and hurt.

I wish her mom felt it more because Clara needed assurance and love.

So let’s talk about Morgan and her shiz.

Truthfully, I don’t blame Morgan for not paying attention to Clara as much and assuming the worst in Miller. I think Miller was always represented at the wrong moments because he was a good guy.

But I felt for Morgan more than I felt for Clara. Morgan was misunderstood by Clara, and I feel like a lot of parents are because kids paint their parents out to be these all-knowing beings who have it all tougher, but the truth is parents and adults are just older kids. They do dumb things, the make mistakes, and they don’t know.

“I think that’s the problem. Teenagers think their parents should have it all figured out, but the truth is, adults don’t really know how to navigate life any better than teenagers do.”

(pg. 321)

And this is a lesson I learned years ago when my parents divorced and everything happened. Because I thought they were adults and had to be perfect. But I realized adults make mistakes and sometimes we don’t understand them because they do not tell us things because they think it protects us, when in reality it hurts us to keep guessing and wondering why or what if. And I felt that with Clara and Morgan constantly. If they were just honest with each other, it would have saved them from all this blame and guilt and miscommunication to understand the situation. But as kids, we tend not to see it from our parents point of view because we are living in our own world and figuring out our lives, that we don’t see that our parents are going through hard things too. And I think this is something I read about in psychology (I’m not a psych major, but have taken psychology classes), and it was something but egocentrism. It’s more for kids where they do not understand someone else’s point of view or life experiences because they are focused on their own. Teens can be egocentric and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but a natural thing. But sometimes we need to look outside of ourselves and realize we’re all just people and we live and experience things differently and to check up on each other.

The first thing that pained me for Morgan was the cheating of her husband and sister. I just didn’t understand. Did Jenny not know the freaking girl code?! Or SISTER CODE?! What was up? I was angry on behalf of Morgan.

OOOOOh, and how the sister and Chris had their little footy conversation at dinner with Jenny being like, “I’m soooo excited for tomorrow.”

I’m sorry, what excites you about being a backstabbing, cheating, uncouth, little son of a sister?

YOU NASTY 😠.

I could not.

And do NOT get me started on the moments that were stolen from Morgan.

First, there was the painting Jenny bought for Chris because “Morgan didn’t know him better than her.”

I’m sorry, how in the freaking world do you know Morgan’s husband better than her ☹️. That was sketchy and messed up and weird. Who buys someone’s husband a painting as a gift? That’s like saying, “Here have this painting in your house to remember me when you don’t want to remember your wife.” SICKO.

Thank goodness, Morgan egged, mayod, ketchuped, and RUINED that gosh darn painting in her house. What an ugly reminder and what an ugly thought to have. And good for Morgan getting rid of every last inch of that lying, cheating, scumbag.

Throw away that pillow and toothbrush!

OOOOOH, but the toolbox. Man, it’s always the most manly things men hide things in because they think women won’t look there. I mean, they’re not wrong, but from the minute Morgan said that thing was locked up, I was like Chris is obviously hiding something. And what do you know?

FREAKING LETTERS in Jenny’s handwriting.

SICKOS!

If I’m being honest, I was HIGHLY DISAPPOINTED we didn’t get to read the letters and I kept telling myself, “Morgan can you read the letters so I can read the letters?” 😂

I love myself a letter.

But sis, tore them to pieces, which I get. She didn’t want to hold onto her anger—

“Resentment is a heavy load to carry through your life.”

(pg. 330)

Which it is. It’s a freaking mountain to carry around.

“I know that I loved the best versions of Jenny and Chris. But they fell in love with the worst versions of each other—-the versions capable of betrayal and lies.

I’m always going to have memories of them because they were a huge part of my life. But these letters are not my memories of them. They aren’t ones I want to know or keep in any capacity.

(pg. 335)

But gosh, do I like a GOOD LETTER.

She should have given them to me to read because I wanted answers for Morgan.

But I get it. I loved it when she said how she loved the best versions of them—-Chris as a good father and Jenny as a good aunt and mom. But they both fell in love with people who were cheaters and liars and those were not the best part of them. I also thought it was admirable that Morgan wanted Jenny to still respect Chris and Jenny despite what they did.

Then there was the matter of Elijah. That hit my thoughts after we read about the affirmations. So when Jonah went to Morgan saying he was done because when Elijah smiled it looked like Chris’s smile, I was disappointed, but not surprised.

I knew it.

I don’t blame Jonah for giving up and walking away because it was not his son and he was dragged into this whole lie so Chris and Jenny could save face that it was Jonah who was the dad. Honestly, it makes me wonder if they panned it like that because Jenny knew she was pregnant, but then she did it with Jonah to make it look and sound like he was the dad. But I felt for Jonah.

Thank goodness Clara went to this house and talked some sense into his itty bitty brain 😂. But she walked into his house and it was all a mess? I said to myself, “Typical.” 😂 Dirty dishes, laundry everywhere, mess everywhere, no clothes on. Sounds like my brother. But Clara guilt tripped him like no other in saying how her mom was going through a lot worse than he was and how he was going to miss out on Elijah’s life. I thank Clara for speaking for her mom because it was her way of helping her mom because gosh knew she knew her mom was going insane in the membrane 😅 and needed a break.

“You didn’t have to stand on the sidelines and watch the girl you were in love with build a life with your best friend.”

(pg. 225)

Jonah, Jonah, Jonah.

A silent presence, but a caring one. Those are the most complicated, but special ones.

I give him a lot of credit for knowing when he needed to walk away to not make a mistake with Morgan. That takes a real man to know when to walk away and not hurt anyone.

But gosh, Jonah and Morgan were always meant to be and I said if in the beginning. There was just something about Jonah that understood and cared for Morgan more than Chris ever did. I couldn’t tell you how badly I wanted them to kiss in that moment after they ruined the painting. I wanted them to kiss.

But darn Clara had to also walk in when they did kiss and then blame both of them, especially her mom for being disrespectful to her dad and Aunt Jenny. Oh, girl you don’t know NOTHING.

“I’m worried we got it wrong.”

(pg. 155)

When Jonah said this, I was like, “HECK YEA, you both got it wrong!” I really liked the flashback moments Morgan shows us because it builds up Jonah and her’s romance as this forbidden thing they both wanted so badly, but weren’t going to allow themselves too because they were already with people. And they really wanted to be together, but Morgan had to go tell him she’s pregnant, which was fine, she was honest. . . but DARN. And it goes back to the question if she never had a baby with Chirs, would she have been with Jonah.

It’s kind of ironic that Chris and Jenny cheated on them and that Morgan and Jonah loved each other this whole time but never cheated. It goes to show how Morgan and Jonah were stronger people for knowing what was moral and right in the complex situation they were in. Morgan and Jonah could have cheated on their loved ones at any point in their life, but they didn’t and I respect them for that.

But given the situation they were in, I felt like even if they kissed or became something more, I feel like no one should be mad at them for it. I mean, sure it’s kind of weird, but I think it does not matter what others think. If anything people might have thought grief brought them together. And heck, like they said, they get a six month pass to be shizzy people 😂.

But to Clara, her seeing the two people who should not be together was like a punch in the gut, and if I was in her shoes, assuming the things she did, I would feel hurt too. Because Clara knew Morgan and Jonah went to the hotel and lied about it. She didn’t know it was to pick up Chris’s car or the things from Chris and Jenny’s affair and that would be pretty sketchy to me.

There was also that pool moment day Morgan talked about where she almost kissed Jonah. It was such a sweet, but heart-wrenching scene because we all knew why she was angry and hurt that day.

“I’ve been lying to myself, doing everything in my power to convince myself that the feelings Jonah stirs up inside me are nothing more than anger.

I’m a terrible liar, though. I always have been.”

(pg. 278)

Morgan, stop lying to yourself about how you feel about Jonah! 😆

I loved the moment she just went to his house and was like “Yes.” And he’s all confused 😂. But she meant yes, she would have left Chris for him. Love that for Jonah. Love that for her.

Then they do it and finally admit that there was always something there, and it was such a needed moment between them because they did the right thing in not hurting their loved ones, and they deserved to finally be happy and be with the person they loved.

But I liked how in the end, everything worked out for them as a couple and how eventually Clara came round to them just being happy together. I also liked the full circle moment where Morgan is honest about how much she loved and loves Jonah. Because it took her a while to even confront or admit those feelings to herself because they felt wrong when she should have loved Chris. She never allowed herself to love someone else though. And Morgan’s such a loyal heart. I admire that 💖.

I loved how they had that moment where they cuddled on the couch in the end and Jonah was like:

“We’ve never been with the person we belonged with until now.”

(pg. 328)

Got that right!

But I also admired how Colleen Hoover wrote about Morgan as a 34 year old woman falling in love again and how she wrote about something like they were kissing like teenagers. It made me think about how love knows no age and it’s never too late to fall in love again. And I loved that. It’s also never too late to find yourself or your passions. If there was one thing I highly admired about this book was the message that it’s never too late.

“. . . I’ve always felt it was too late. It’s not, though. I’m a work in progress. Maybe I always will be. I’m not sure I’ll ever feel like a final draft, and I’m not sure I want to. The search for myself is becoming my favorite part of my new journey.”

(pg. 335)

I absolutely LOVED that 💖. As people, we’re always evolving and it’s not fair to say anyone over X-age is too old to do something or that they have to always be something/one. I am currently going to college, and I have classmates who are thirty, forty, etc. in my classes. I have seen older women who are 50 or 60 in college or finding love. Men too. And there is nothing shameful about that. We should stop making people feel like they have to have it all figured out when they’re 18 or 20. You don’t. You probably will not have the same job for fifty years before you retire, and that’s okay. And if you do, that’s okay too. Because people are different and we are all searching for our passions and ourselves each day. And that’s exciting.

Morgan was going to go back to college 😊. She was going to do something new for herself. She was working on herself.

“The day I found out I was pregnant, I stopped living life for myself.

I think it’s time I figured out who I was meant to become before I started living my life for everyone else.”

(pg. 157)

And that’s the vibe I got from Morgan throughout this entire book: she always put others before herself.

I think it’s her maternal instinct and mindset that put her child’s happiness first, and then other people’s happiness first, that if her family and her kids were happy, then it did not matter to her if she was happy. And that is beyond such a special trait to have. I’m not a mother, but I heard from many mothers how when you have a child, the world ceases to revolve around you and your needs, but your child’s needs, the families needs. I can completely understand that because you have to take care of your child and your family. And along the way, I understand how easy it can be to get lost in caring so much for others and not putting love and care into yourself. And I will say this time and time again, I may not have had the best relationship with my mom, but I respect all mom’s in the love, passion, care, and understanding they put into their life and their love. Women are strong and you cannot tell me otherwise. Mothers are stronger, though.

“This parenting sh** doesn’t come with a handbook.”

(pg. 322)

It absolutely does not. Being a parent is the most terrifying, confusing, but worthwhile journey a person can go through. And the way one person parents is not going to work or be the same to how another person does it. It has no handbook, and like life, we learn as we go. And I just want to shout out to any parent out there that you are doing the best you can and your best is more than enough. Don’t forget that. And also, take care of yourself, you do not have to always put others before you 24/7. Take some of that time back for you. You deserve it 💖.

I felt bad whenever Morgan would feel like a sucky mom to Clara. And in some ways, she wasn’t sucky as a mom, but she could have been more honest, trusting, and sensitive to her daughter during such a difficult time. Also, I wouldn’t say it was her parenting that was bad, but there were a lot of heated and mixed emotions that they both felt. I found it kind of ironic how both felt like they were walking on eggshells around each other at some point. This really emphasized the power of perspective again.

Suffice to say, Morgan and Clara had a very angsty, complicated, anger-ridden relationship this whole book where Clara did everything to test her mother from smoking weed, dating the ‘bad guy’, ditching school, having sex, and now getting shizz faced drunk on her birthday.

Can we stop and talk about how much I loved Lexie as a best friend? She’s such a pride and true and how she was protective and jokey when Miller and Clara started dating. I liked how she told Miller to find her a mans 😂. I also couldn’t stop laughing at how Lexie was like I like them 6’4” and then Miller gets her shorter boy 😂. We love Efren and how he said he would convert to Christianity for her 😂. I also liked how Lexie grounded Clara and told her to not forget about her now that Clara was dating Miller. I also liked how Lexie was there at the drop of a pin for Clara when she needed someone to talk to. I want to know more about Lexie because I feel like there’s an interesting story there. I wondered why she would lie about going on Tinder dates when she worked at Taco Bell for seven days a week? 🤔

But she was a good friend.

And Morgan was a good mom.

It was such an intimate, quiet scene when Morgan held Clara’s hair back as she vomited in the toilet and how she tucked her into bed. I also liked how she sang to Clara like all mothers do to their baby’s when they’re little. What I loved most about the scene was that no matter how much Clara had been acting out, that she still loved her. All parents still love their kids no matter what they do.

But I will say a drunk Clara is a ruthless crazed Clara. She goes HAM. Just like her mom 😂.

And her mom grounding Clara from books? Sounds about right to a bibliophile like me 😂.

But it was Clara throwing everything in there that brought her joy that really made me think Clara was losing it and had enough. Morgan told herself she would talk to Clara in the morning, honestly, sis you should have talked to her sooner and in her words they were “long overdue for a heart to heart.” Got that right 🙃.

And when they finally talked to each other, did they understand? Or Clara understood everything once she started questioning her mom about why Chris was driving Jenny’s car. And then Clara put two and two together. Told you 16 year olds are not DUMB. But I feel for Clara.

Clara needed Miller and so she sat in a theater by herself to think. And this is where I feel Clara reaches the acceptance phase of grieving where she sees things from her mothers perspective.

And it took me back to that first word Clara said to her about the mom being predictable. But sitting in that theater, feeling disappointed and defeated, Clara said the word selfless.

Morgan was selfless.

She was.

“Since the day I was born, every design she’s ever made for herself was made in order to benefit me. I’ve always known that about her. But I’m not sure I appreciated it until tonight.”

(pg. 317)

As a daughter, we don’t understand why our parents do the things they do or keep the things they do from us to protect us, but sometimes we have to know that it was never meant to hurt us. They are putting our happiness before theirs and it might not seem like that. But we should appreciate them for what they do because we don’t always see it or know it. So it made my heart warm thatClara to appreciate her mom and stop hating her and being angry at her. It made her ache for her mom because she’s been through a lot more than she has.

I loved when Morgan went to the theater and sat down next to Clara. They needed to let it out there about what they felt.

What I didn’t like was how Clara started to question herself as a cheater. She thought back to the car moment where she was going to be the cheatee? where she kissed Miller. And that made her wonder if because Chris was a cheater, that made her a cheater. Again, we are not our parents or their mistakes. She was not a cheater and sure Clara might be capable of cheating, we all are, but it’s what we chose to do.

“Attraction isn’t something that only happens once with one person. It’s part of what drives humans. Our attraction to each other, to art, to food, to entertainment. Attraction is fun. So when you decide to commit to someone you aren’t saying, ‘I promise I’ll never be attracted to anyone else.’ You’re saying, ‘I promise to commit to you, despite my potential future attraction to other people.”

(pg. 323)

Gosh knows we will always be attracted to things as people. But it’s not about not being attracted, it’s about choosing to love who or what you love and sticking with it despite those attractions. And that was the difference between Morgan and Jenny and Jonah and Chris. Two were committed and two were not.

You know, Clara’s a good, smart, sensible kid when she’s not angry 😅. I just liked how she knew that nothing is an excuse to cheat.

“Somehow, we’re both smiling. I appreciate she took the news so well. I realize her feelings could change again tomorrow. She’ll go through a lot of emotions, I’m sure. But for right now, I’m grateful to have this moment with her.

Maybe that’s something I need to learn to cherish more. Our relationship isn’t always going to be sunshine and roses, but whenever there’s a break in the storm, I need to take advantage of those breaks. No matter what mood I’m in or what’s going on in my own life, I need to bask in these moments of sunshine with Clara.”

(pg. 324)

Especially with mother-daughter relationships, they are COMPLEX.

It’s always a tug of war or love-hate that never ends. But it does and there are moments of peace where we just need to enjoy them because it won’t always feel like that, but it will never not feel that way. And it’s natural to fight, but people who love each other will sit down and talk and find ways to fix things.

“I’m learning that sometimes you have to walk away from a fight in order to win it.”

(pg. 84)

When Clara and Morgan walked out of the theater arm and arm—together—-I felt like they won.

I also loved how Miller seemed to love Clara even more in that one look when she walked the theater with Morgan 💖.

We LOVE Miller.

The guy with two beer names 😂.

But the thing that really got me was Miller’s promposal video to Clara.

I MEAN I LOVE MILLER.

Such a good kid.

Get you someone who inserts himself in the randomest of moments to say “Will you go to prom with me?” on video? Get you someone who will purposely move a pole just so he can talk to you. Get you someone who manifests that you will turn around just and says that if you turn around in your car to talk to him it will be meant to be. Get you someone who supports your dream and falls in love with you the minute he sees you in a school play and just knows you’re the one. Get you someone who names his car after the school play character he/she fell in love with (honestly, my uncultured Beatles brain didn’t know Nora wasn’t a song 😂. I’m ashamed I know).

So basically, get yourself a Miller.

Not a Miller Lite. But a Miller Adam’ s because he’s a gem!

And I laughed when Morgan and everyone was like, that should be the film you turn in instead. Honestly, the Chromophobe one was funny, but people like a romance 💖. Said the girl reading a romance book 😂.

But once Morgan let go of the past and her hate, she was able to finally look herself in the mirror and think she was going to be okay. I loved that. She finally felt like she had passion, drive, and love in her heart. And she was healing.

Healing is not a straight path. It’s not an easy path. It’s not a quick path. But we all get there.

And it might not be the same as we knew before, but that’s okay. We are all works in progress and so is life.

Do not live with regrets or resentments. Live with selflessness, compassion, and truth.

I loved how Morgan said she never regretted anything in her life because those were all her choices. But she could regret the choices other people made. Those, we can not control. Disappointed, and defeated. Big moods of the book. But it’s a purposeful reminder to live without regrets in knowing every choice we made—-good or bad—-are our choices and they lead us to where we are meant to be—-either the hard or easy way. We can regret the choices others make and we can hold onto the pain we feel when we think about that, but ultimately we need to live and move on.

Such a touching and beautiful story of complicated love, regrets, truth, and mother and daughter/parental relationships. It was different for a Colleen Hoover book, but I love how Colleen Hoover writes about such real things in an authentic way everyone can feel.

I definitely felt the heart of Regretting You.

Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? What is your least favorite color? Anything I mentioned that you want to discuss more about?  Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

4.98 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: I loved Miller. Truly, if there was one character I had a constant love for it was him. But I loved Clara and Morgan as individuals and how they both are so different, but have the same heart.

Plot: Beautifully written story about loss, love, relationships, and healing.

Writing: I thought the double POV was very purposeful and insightful to see how both felt during such a difficult period in their life and to also see what both experienced.

Romance: It’s the Clara and Miller bad ship name for me 😂

Heart: Lots of it 💖