Permanent Record By Mary H.K. Choi Book Review

“I want to be happy… I want to be interested and challenged by whatever verb I elect to noun in any given moment of my life. If I am healthy, my family’s healthy, and I am of sound enough mind to sustain my curiosity around my work, then I am blessed.”

(pg 406)

About

Author: Mary H.K. Choi

Genre: Young Adult Contemporary

Other Books by Mary H.K. Choi: Emergency Contact

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Synopsis

On paper, college dropout Pablo Rind doesn’t have a whole lot going for him. His graveyard shift at a twenty-four-hour deli in Brooklyn is a struggle. Plus, he’s up to his eyeballs in credit card debt. Never mind the state of his student loans.

Pop juggernaut Leanna Smart has enough social media followers to populate whole continents. The brand is unstoppable. She graduated from child stardom to become an international icon and her adult life is a queasy blur of private planes, step-and-repeats, aspirational hotel rooms, and strangers screaming for her just to notice them.

When Leanna and Pablo meet at 5:00 a.m. at the bodega in the dead of winter it’s absurd to think they’d be A Thing. But as they discover who they are, who they want to be, and how to defy the deafening expectations of everyone else, Lee and Pab turn to each other. Which, of course, is when things get properly complicated.

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To the Pablos,

I don’t know, but I’ve been on an Asian kick with books lately, especially Korean because right after I read this, I read Frankly in Love, and frankly (see what I did there 😉), I’m kind of mixing up the plots, so I’m going to try to remember everything about this book and not Frankly in Love. But you can bet I have a Frankly in Love book review coming soon!

I REALLY wanted to like this book. I really did. Because I like Mary H.K Choi. I never met her, but she seems like a good person and I wanted to read this book to see if I would like it more than her other book, but sadly, that didn’t happen.

I’ve read Emergency Contact by Mary H.K Choi, and if I’m being honest, I didn’t quite connect with it as much or didn’t like it as much as I thought I would. That’s not to say Mary H.K. Choi isn’t a good writer or that her story was bad, just not the one for me. And that’s fine because I’m here to write an honest review. Same with this book, I didn’t quite connect with it as much and didn’t really love it. I thought the writing was good and the plot was relatable and interesting at times, but there was something that didn’t click for me with the romance and the plot. There were a lot of things that were slow or didn’t make sense to the overall story.

The only thing that I could relate to with Pablo is his Asian-ness and his confusion in life. I am also Asian, so I could feel how Pablo felt in his marginalization or otherness. I thought he was a good person and a hard worker based on what he did at the store, but part of me felt like Pablo felt a little discouraged in life because he didn’t know what he wanted to do. I feel like we can all relate to this on some degree. There’s always this awkward time in between after high school where you’re not really an adult, but you kind of are. People also expect that you should be going to college, but I think with so many non-traditional occupations these days, that sometimes college might not be the right choice. And that’s okay. College isn’t for everyone. I’m not saying don’t go to college because you can learn some valuable information and life lessons in college, but if you know college isn’t for you or won’t help you with what you think you want to do, then don’t waste your time and money on it because college is expensive. If you’re confused on your path in life, I suggest maybe taking a gap year to work and figure out what interests you or gives you passion because it’s not always so clear cut to know what that is. I want everyone to do what they love because it makes them genuinely happy and not because it fills their wallet. So take a gap year. Or maybe go to college or a community college to take some classes to see which subjects spark that joy for you. But that’s enough with my college tangent.

I feel like Pablo got a lot of hate for dropping out of college. Hate from his parents and hate from himself. As an Asian child, you’re expected for greatness and parents have these expectations for you to be the good son/daughter and go to college to get a high paying job. They don’t want you to work at a bodega or as a diner worker because Asian immigrant parents know what it’s like to work those kind of jobs. They know what it’s like to work worse than those kind of jobs and that’s why they moved to the states—-to create a better life for their family and their kids to have opportunities. So I could understand where Pablo’s parents were coming from, especially his mom, but I also think that having those expectations for him or any child, really confines them and makes them feel ashamed if they don’t live up to what their parents want of them. That’s why I say Pablo’s hate also came from himself when he dropped out of college because he knew he wasn’t living up to this great Asian destiny. He felt embarrassed. I felt so bad when all those bills would come in for him and he would just push them aside because he didn’t want to think about it. The truth is, a lot of people go through the same things Pablo has gone through with having all these bills and a low-income job as a young adult. Part of me felt like he should have asked his parents for help to pay his bills or to tell them about it so that he wouldn’t be in more debt or trouble, but because he dropped out of college, I feel like he felt like couldn’t ask more of them. He already used part of his parents money to go to college and then left and ever since that moment, he felt the need to be independent as to not disappoint his parents.

I thought it was also fitting that Pablo lived with a bunch of roommates because I feel like that’s what you do as a college dropout with a decent job. His roommates were all crazy in their own ways, but I really liked Tice who really was such an honest and loyal friend. I loved that when Pablo called him with an emergency, he took it seriously and cleaned the whole house and even Pablo’s room. I also liked that Tice told Pablo straight in how he wasn’t being a good person or friend lately with his secrets and that life isn’t all about him. I think we all need a friend like Tice who can be so blatantly honest and call you out when you aren’t being your best self.

Something else I enjoyed about Tice was his little side storyline of being an actor. I like how it was thought of as very “New York” of him to want to be an actor, but heck, I think being an actor from New York is hard because there are probably others who want to do that too. When Tice got the role on a CSI show as a muslim, Pablo gets really offended on behalf of Tice based on his culture and what he can claim too. It wasn’t like Pablo didn’t want to be happy for Tice, I mean, his best friend finally got a role, but I feel like Pablo couldn’t be truly happy for Tice because he didn’t like that the only reason Tice got hired for this role was because he was Muslim—–that the only role he could play was based on what he looked like. He probably wanted more for Tice and wanted him to play an honest person and no this stereotypical idea of a muslim on television. I understood completely where Pablo was coming from because it is a sad world where people are only hired based on his/her appearance and if its relevant to a part or image. It shouldn’t be like that. A person who is muslim, shouldn’t be just a muslim on TV, but a person, a person who is Asian, shouldn’t be a typical Asian on TV, but something real.

Anyway, back to Pablo.

So what was Pablo’s secret?

Well, he had a famous girlfriend named Leanna Smart.

Did I like the relationship?

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm . . . . .

not really 👉🏼👈🏼 😅

Sorry.

I thought the way they met was cute in how Leanna came into the bodega and bought all the right ingredients to make a sundae with the ice cream and the chocolate syrup that hardens. Something else I liked about Pablo that I want to mention now is how he’s very observative. I feel like maybe it comes out of boredom in being in the store everyday, but he knew who came into the store, their names, and what they got. He really liked his job because he got to know people. I think he would be good in customer service or retail or something to do with ice cream because he loves ice cream. I mean, who doesn’t?

Anyway, I thought it was cute how he tried to play it cool around Leanna even though he knew she was a celebrity. I haven’t met a celebrity before, but I know I wouldn’t be able to keep my cool. I bet I would though if I wanted to come across as not crazy 😆 But you best bet, that I will be FREAKING out inside and screaming my head off if I met a celebrity, especially if his or her names are Zac Effron, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Tom Holland, Shawn Mendes, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, or Zendaya. I WILL BE FREAKING OUT. Thoroughly. Which celebrities would you freak out about meeting?

Their relationship was very interesting though, in how it really gave you insight as to the complexity of celebrity relationships. I didn’t really know that someone would have to sign a contract to be in a celebrity relationship in how that person can’t post or tell anyone, which I get because, duh, privacy. But I feel like that’s so intimidating and scary to be the only one with the contract in that relationship and to have all that heavy responsibility on you. Being in a relationship can be hard in itself, but Pablo had even more things coming for him because if he slipped up, he could be sued for even more money than he already owed. I also thought there relationship happened a bit too fast for my liking where I didn’t really feel the connection between Leanna and Pablo. I could tell they liked each other and I liked there conversations, but to me it felt more like they liked each other because he was a normal boy in her big world and she was a famous girl in his small world. To both of them, it was a chance for something different and I felt like they rushed through things because they felt like they wouldn’t have enough time together.

I mean, Pablo went on a freaking plane to California with Leanna Smart when he barely knew her and the next thing is that he’s sleeping with her. It just seemed a bit unrealistic in a way because why would someone just fly all the way across the country with a girl he barely knew? I mean it could happen, it just seemed weird. I also knew that Pablo flew across the world because he didn’t want to confront his issues back home and you know what they say, you can never truly run away from your issues.

I also didn’t like how he flew with her to Hong Kong or Korea and then she left him in the room to fly to China without him knowing that. I mean, the poor boy got locked out of the hotel room after that because he didn’t want a key and was hungry so of course he went out to look for food. Then he ended up getting lost and feeling confused in his home country—-I think it was Korea. When Pablo was exploring Korea on his own, what I related to was how he felt like going to the country of his ethnicity would feel more like a homecoming—–he would feel like he belonged—-but to him it made him feel like even more of a pariah because here was all these people who were Korean in their culture, their language, and cuisine, when Pablo only felt connected to his Korea based on his ethnicity. I haven’t been to the country of my ethnicity, but before reading this, I used to also think that it would feel like that homecoming in belonging somewhere because there would be people who looked like me. But now I understand that if in the future I do travel to the country of my ethnicity, that it might not feel like that.

Something this book touches on is that divide in being confused as an Asian-American. Asian kids can understand this sentiment a lot in knowing that he/she are one ethnicity, but also knowing that you grew up in an Americanized culture, that it feels like that’s more so who you are than that one ethnicity—-that divide. But part of that person also wants to connect to his/her cultural ethnicity because that’s who he/she is. And I most people want to be rooted in who they are. I think at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with being Asian-American if that’s how one feels. There’s nothing wrong with being just American or just that Asian identity either. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to that because as long as a person feel rooted and know who he/she is, that’s all that matters and no one need to explain that to anyone or to stake claims on one side or the other or both. Everyone can just be them without that label.

But I just didn’t like how Leanna left him like that. And then she found him on the street wandering around like a lost puppy. Then they had a whole argument that blows up way out of proportion in the hotel room about how she has this life and he has his. It was so hard to read that because even though I didn’t like the relationship, I still wanted it to work out for them—to beat the odds of a small town boy being with a big time girl.

There was also the secrets Leanna kept in her tattoo of 2.22 and her relationship with her manager. Kind of a weird side storyline that I didn’t really enjoy that much in how she used to live and sleep with her manager after she emancipated herself from her parents. The manager had the same tattoo as Leanna, which I thought was aca-awkward because you don’t get matching tattoos with someone you haven’t felt remotely in love with for a time. I also didn’t like how she would shy away from Pablo’s questions about the manager because Pablo should know if they want an honest relationship. But at the same time, those are her secrets and if she’s not comfortable telling them yet, then that’s fine, but at least give him something to know that that situation wasn’t weird.

She didn’t give him any reassurances. She couldn’t because there lives were complicated.

Pablo flew home.

He was in a funk and no one knew why.

He didn’t have his job at the bodega because he left for Korea on a whim and all his friends didn’t know what was wrong in a sense. His parents didn’t know what was wrong.

I’ve read a lot of romance books from female perspectives, but it was interesting to see the heartbreak from a male perspective and how he felt the same thing—–the sorrow, the pain, the missing the person.

It took some time for Pablo to get his act together, but when he did, I was proud of him. It’s hard to rise back up when you fall down or when you feel like you’ve lost something important. He talked to his mom about his bills and she told him about his college fund that she would use to help pay for them so he wouldn’t be in debt. He also got that really sweet note from Mrs. Kim who worked at the bodega, and can I just mention, I really liked the Kim’s because they always cared for Pablo like a son. I liked how Mr. Kim took Pablo in his office after that California trip and asked him what was wrong or if he was struggling because he had all those bills. I just loved that they cared that much about him because sometimes when you have a boss, they don’t give two hoots about your life, but the fact that the Kim’s reached out or took notice of Pablo in that way highlighted a lot about how generous and loving they were. The note from Mrs. Kim was also very sweet and I loved how it was mentioned that Mrs. Kim never sealed the envelope so he could reuse it because Asians love to re-wrap and regift. I do it too sometimes, within reason of course 😆

I also enjoyed the moment when he spoke to that person about going to college classes again and how he got the help that he needed to figure out a path for him. To me, it really highlighted how he wanted to be better for him and to stop wasting away moping over a girl, but to really pour his energy in bettering himself. I feel like that’s the best thing a person can do—-take the love you gave to someone else and give it back to yourself when you need it. He needed it. I loved how he also worked on the side. Again, such a hard worker as a son. His mom raised him right in that area.

Speaking of sons, Pablo had a brother! I loved the relationship he had with with his brother. Pablo acted as a kind of father figure to his brother and I loved when he got the call from the school to pick up his brother because he was selling sex toys. Then the mom found out and instead of raging, she laughed. LAUGHED 😂. I thought she was going to smack him for it. She did punish him with cleaning the house and all these other things, but her laughing? Did not expect that. I feel like if Pablo did what the brother did, he would have got smacked because he was the first child. Anyway, it also hurt my heart when the mom found cigarettes in the brothers room because he was smoking and how disappointed she was. All parents could probably related to what the mom felt in feeling like they didn’t raise their child right enough to not do such a thing. I wanted to take the mom and hug her and tell her it’s not her fault. Darn peer pressure! I’m joking, I don’t know if it was peer pressure, but its sad how the youth smoke because they think it’s cool. Newsflash, there’s nothing cool about damaging your lungs kiddos. Not even vaping. Thank you for coming to my TED talk 😂

Pablo smacked his brother upside the head when he found out and good for the brother because he was being a dumb teen.

I didn’t know if we would see Leanna Smart again because she wasn’t mentioned as the book came to a close, but then Pablo got this invitation to the premiere of the role Leanna really wanted when she was dating Pablo. Pablo wasn’t going to go, but he decided to not be a buzzkill because his friends were invited to and they should have the chance to go to a premiere. So they all went and it was so cute to see the excitement of everyone there, but the only person who was nervous was Pablo.

He got pulled aside by Jess, Leanna’s assistant, and brought him to her dressing room or something where they reconciled. They missed each other and wanted to try make things work again, but they knew that they came from two different worlds and were on two different paths and that things might not work.

They could just be.

After I read this book, I kept wondering why was it called Permanent Record? I don’t know, I like understanding a title of a book because I feel like it speaks volumes to the story. But to me, I interpret it as how Pablo is going to engrave this time in his life on permanent record in when he fell in love and was lost in his life. He’s going to commit this time to memory in when he fell for a famous girl and did all these things that felt too good to be true. He’s going to look back on this time with appreciation and wonder in knowing that he actually did live through it and grew from it. I hope that Pablo does find his passion in life and that he keeps focusing on being a wholesome person and to find himself. Sometimes we all rush into love or into something because we think it’s what we need, but sometimes we are where we need to be exactly at the right time and place to grow and to learn. I feel like this was Pablo’s growth and learning period.

AND GOSH!!!

I forgot the dad. Darn, Pablo’s dad was a real one. I could see a lot of Pablo in the dad if I’m being honest. The parents were divorced and the dad was thought of as this man-child who only ate grilled cheese because that’s either all he had or all he knew how to make, which was hilarious 😂 That’s me in ten years! The dad just makes you want to hug him and shelter him from the world in how innocent and kind he seemed. I feel like Pablo didn’t really want to be close to his dad in some ways because he didn’t want to be like him——living in a run-down apartment, eating grilled cheese sandwiches for the rest of his life, and switching jobs every time.

I loved how he said he was a playwright, but to Pablo the dad was trying to be a playwright because claiming to be a playwright already means success in some ways and the dad wasn’t officially a playwright you know what I mean. I liked that Pablo actually took the time to see his dad’s practice of the play he wrote and that he actually went to his dad’s play. Pablo thought his dad’s play was going to be idiotic or lame, but I loved how Pablo loved the play and that he actually saw his dad as a playwright. He saw his dad as a success. And that just warmed me up so much from the inside out. I loved the pride Pablo felt after watching that play and how he saw people reacting to his dad’s play with so much enthusiasm because Pablo was always embarrassed of his dad in his childish or skittish ways. But seeing his dad do something he set his mind to even if everyone thought it was ridiculous, showed Pablo that all you have to do is believe in yourself and try to make your dreams come true for you.

But the thing I highly admired about the dad was his heart.

“I want to be happy. . . I want to be interested and challenged by whatever verb I elect to noun in any given moment of my life. If I am healthy, my family’s healthy, and I am of sound enough mind to sustain my curiosity around my work, then I am blessed.”

(pg 406)

This is the quote I put in the beginning, but I’ll put it here again because I absolutely loved everything this quote spoke to. The dad just wanted to be happy in what he loved and for the people in his life to be happy. Such simple sentiments that we need to really be grateful for each day: health, family, happiness, and passion. We have to do what we love and what makes us happy. We have to surround ourselves with people we love and makes us happy. That is what matters. It’s not the money, it’s not the fame, it’s the small things in life that have the biggest meaning and I loved the dad for putting it in such way that just makes you look at your life and truly appreciate it.

I appreciate my little things.

“Life isn’t a destination. It’s the continual practice of things that make you wiser and happier.”

(pg 407)

I mean the dad should just go back to being a poet, am I right? But he’s such a good father and I really liked how he showed Pablo that it’s okay to not have things figured out, but to keep trying and to find something that does make you happy. It’s all in the journey.

We may not all have it figured out after high school, and that is okay, but keep learning and growing. You will find something you are passionate about and that makes you happy.

If you read this book, wha twas your favorite part? Least favorite part?  If you could date a celebrity who would you date? I mean I would date Zac Effron or Shawn Mendes, but one of them is taken 😆 Anyway, let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and whereever you might be reading this.

And as always, with love,

Rating

3.34 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: Pablo was someone I could relate to to an extent. He’s sounds like a good kid with good intentions, but I think right now in his life he’s very lost. Leanna Smart also seems like a good person in her own ways, but I would have loved to understood her more because there was something kind of distant about her

Plot: Sometimes slow in some parts, but I think anyone out of high school or college could learn from Pablo

Writing: Mary H.K. Choi has a very deeper writing style that can be hard to get into, but not bad writing at all

Romance: The romance wasn’t my favorite, but I liked the relationship with the dad more.