June 2020: The Year’s Not Cancelled

“What if 2020 isn’t cancelled?

What if 2020 is the year we’ve been waiting for?

A year so uncomfortable, so painful, so scary, so raw —

that it finally forces us to grow.

A year that screams so loud, finally wakening us from our ignorant slumber.

A year we finally accept the need for change.

Declare change. Work for change. Become the change.

A year we finally band together, instead of pushing each other further apart.

2020 isn’t cancelled, but rather

the most important year of them all

– Lesie Dwight

To all those living in 2020, I remember in 2020, I told myself that this was going to be our year. The best year. Came January, everyone was starting strong with their resolutions and dreams. Then February came with Valentines Day and celebrations. And then March hit and everything has been down hill from there 😅.

First, came the shortage of toilet paper 😂.

Then came places closing down, businesses shutting their doors, work places sending people home, colleges and schools going online. So many things changed within the span of two or so weeks. Everything we knew as “normal,” went away. Because during those two weeks, we saw immense change and a shift to a new life, a new era. There is no going back to what we knew as “normal.”

We all quarantined for the most part, hopefully you did so too. I remember when the news hit, people were still going out or partying with friends and I kept thinking, “STAY HOME!!!!” I loved how celebrities were all endorsing everyone to stay the heck home when things were getting crazy in the world, and yet there were some people out there who would not listen (not to call anyone out or anything). But if there is a virus going around and people tell other people to stay home, STAY HOME. Because if people took it seriously then by staying home when people said to, maybe not as much people would have been affected if others listened. When places started to close, people were forced to stay home for the first time in a long time.

Staying home made people bored in the house and in the house bored, but it also forced people to slow down. It made people slow down and be present at home when maybe their lifestyle was always on the go. But with being home—-in one place—- it made people take a step back and breathe. It made people think about things that they pushed away or to mend relationships they pushed aside for work, school, or life. It made people realize how unhappy they were in a certain area, how dissatisfied they were with a certain job, or how unloved they felt in certain relationships. It made people take time they needed to focus on things that mattered.

I know a lot of people with the beginning of quarantine had a very hustle-like mindset and that’s fine because people tend to like to do work to keep busy. Some people also just naturally had work from school or work that they had to do. But I loved how when people had this limbo period of what the-heck-is-the-world-now, there was a moment when people paused. They reflected. They reevaluated. And it showed them what they should prioritize in life. I know a lot of families were reunited and quarantined together, something that may have not happened. I know a lot of people are playing games with family or watching more movies or shows they never had time to watch. I know people are cleaning, organizing, redecorating. I know a lot of people are working on passion projects now or starting a podcast or a Youtube or a side hustle because that’s something they always wanted to do. I know people are doing things that are meaningful rather than putting things off.

And we always say as people, “I don’t have time to do this,” or “there’s not enough hours in a day,” but right now, we have time to make time. We can focus on what’s important and what makes us happy because we are all literally staying home. Or you should be 🙈.

April went by and I don’t know if this was the month when people started talking about the murder hornets and the Egyptian moth and all those insects and things. And at this point, people were going crazy in their houses and having this news hit felt like one big WHAT THE HECK moment. I know I felt that.

Then May came. May felt longer than April, personally for me. In May I got done with my college classes and a lot of people were also graduating. It really hurt my heart knowing sooooooo many deserving seniors out there deserved a prom and a graduation. They deserved to have a normal high school senior year with their friends. And it just makes me sad that they didn’t get that before having to transition to the next part of their life. I know for me, walking down the stage to get my diploma was something I always dreamt of since I was in elementary school because it’s the one thing I was told as a kid to one day achieve. So when I had my graduation, it was everything and more. It truly was. Maybe, there are other 2020 graduates who had that same dream as me when I was younger and thinking about everything, it makes me sad that they don’t get to have that. It truly does. So to anyone who did graduate this year, I hope you know how proud you should be for not only finishing your educational journey, but doing so with such grace and resilience in such challenging times. You have my utmost respect and I wish you nothing but a bright future and better days. You will get your graduation top-of-the-world feeling. And trust me, this is just the beginning of your life and a whole new world as we know it.

Then the end of May hit and George Floyd was BRUTUALLY murdered. Ahumad Arbery was shot when running back in February and Breonna Taylor was WRONGFULLY shot at in her sleep in March. But George Floyd was the last straw before everything blew up. The Black Lives (BLM) Matter Movement came out to play and we played HARD.

The end of May until now has been devoted to the BLM movement, rightfully so because we have all been aware that racism existed. Maybe we didn’t know the extent of it or maybe we thought it wasn’t as bad as it was back then. But with all the news spreading and videos circulating people woke up. They woke up to what the black community have always faced because it never went away. It was always here, especially in America, but hidden in different outlets or ways to systematically keep black people oppressed. It disgusts me. And you know what disgusts me even more? The utter audacity police officers have to act so immorally to other people based on the color of his/her skin. Because if they really thought to ask themselves what would they feel if they were in that person’s shoes or if that was their kid being done these things to, they would feel ASHAMED. They should feel ashamed because I don’t care how a person was raised or what they’ve been through in life, but it does NOT, DOES NOT excuse taking another person’s life because of prejudice ideas you grew up with. No one is born hating other people, people are taught it. I have no right to judge anyone because I don’t know their story or what they were taught, but again, it does not excuse taking someone’s life. NOT AT ALL.

And I say the whole world is D-O-N-E DONE and FED UP with police brutality and racism. WE ARE DONE.

I AM DONE.

I AM DISGUSTED.

I AM APPALLED.

I AM ANGRY.

And we are all angry. Because it shouldn’t even be an argument at this point. It’s not an argument. It’s black lives matter—–trans, queer, straight, female, young, old, etc.—– and that’s a fact. It’s not up for debate. No sireé.

It made my heart beyond warm seeing so many people show up for protests on social media and to see people speak up about wanting change. I love seeing the way people untied during a FREAKING PANDEMIC, scary as it may be, to FREAKING PROTEST because they knew in their hearts what happened and what continues to happen is wrong and unjust. So when people say that people are selfish and rude, I genuinely don’t believe that of all people because we were able to come together to fight together and we will continue to do so until black lives matter each day and that they can live the lives they deserve—–with love, freedom, equality, a voice, representation, power, services, equity, and so much more things that have been taken away from them because America specifically made them inferior. I just love the way people all over the world are using their voices or their platforms to make a difference. There was literally nothing more chilling in the best way then going on social media and seeing all these influencers and people posting black squares on Monday night (the night before blackout Tuesday) and I thought to myself, we are going to be the change.

Sure it was just black squares on a feed, but my whole feed was black squares. And that speaks volumes for what people feel and what they want to do. And that whole week and to this day, social media has been a platform to be informed on all the issues going on in the world. All the change—good and bad that had come. Protesting does work, we arrested the four people who murdered George Floyd. One got out on bail because I think someone started him a Go Fund Me or something and I would jus tile to say, I have no idea who would give that guy money 🤮. SICK. There’s a Beronna’s law that bans no-knock warrants. Her killers are still out there, so we still need to get justice for her each day, but we will. I know we will. And if we don’t, we won’t stop until we do. Her life mattered. People have been painting black lives matters on streets and naming streets after the movement. Black authors and race books have soared because people want to educate themselves or support black authors. People have been looking into supporting black businesses, which I love. Band-aids has an array of flesh colored band-aids for all skin colors, which I mean, IT’S ABOUT TIME!! Sesame Street did something about race. I mean, a puppet show is more compassionate about race then the American president. It’s sad. And so many more amazing things have come from the black lives matter movement.

And it’s not over.

Each day we’re going to fight and we’re going to speak up. We’re going to use our voices.

And then when black lives matter. We will come for females lives, trans lives, immigrant lives, queer lives, different-releigion lives. And create a better world for every person out there. Because yes, all lives matter, and no one is saying that they don’t. But right now, this moment in history, black lives matter and that’s where the focus needs to be on. Because no lives matter until black lives matter. They haven’t been treated with the respect they deserved since the beginning of America and even before then with slavery and they DESERVE BETTER. And I hope we can create a better life for them each and every day.

Witting this on on June 15, I look at how the year has been so far and I think back to what I said in January. This is our year. The best year.

And I think I was right along there with everyone back when I felt like I was going insane in the membrane, thinking this year was hard or that this year was “cancelled.”

So did I this was our year?

No.

Did I think this was the best year?

NOPE.

Then I read this quote on Instagram (as written above).

And I stopped and I thought about it.

Really thought about it.

Because as much as things have been challenging, they have been helping us grow as people and a society. We might have not seen that because we focused on all these negatives. I get it. I thought like that too. I used to think, this was so hard, “I want things to go back to normal,” or “I miss normalcy,” or “Why this?” And I was so angry and sad all the time. I listened to a podcast, I’m not sure which, but it said something along the lines of:

Don’t think of this as quarantine is happening to you

Hearing that, I really liked the perspective because I thought of it as why is quarantine happening to me, which made me feel like I was distressed and all woeful; like I had no volition of it. But it shouldn’t be like that. Because this was an opportunity to grow and to focus on things that mattered. It wasn’t happening to me.

That really shifted my perspective of everything.

And then with the BLM, it really angered me and shook me. I have been aware of the BLM movement and racism being terrible in America because I have been in school where I was being educated about everything going on and I feel wrong that I never spoke up about it sooner even if I knew about things going on. As a reader, I was also aware of the type of narrative the black community faced, but when everyone was shaken awake, it gave me an outlet to finally use my voice and my education to speak up. I still need to educate myself because I get nervous saying things and it being wrong, but I’m learning and we should all learn.

Because this has been a scary, uncomfortable, painful year for a plethora of people—–for the whole world.

But maybe we needed this year to grow. Because maybe the “normal” we had wasn’t healthy. The always rushing around, the work, the stress, the cheating, the racism, the inequality, and all these issues we didn’t put first because we were all so disillusioned by this idea of a “perfect normal life.” There was nothing perfect about it because there were so many things we were hiding from, running away from, and not focusing on and this is the time—-the year—-where we can’t hide, we can’t run, we can’t blur it away. We have to face it, we have to run towards it, and we have to put our vision on a better future and a better life.

That way we can grow. Because maybe all of us weren’t growing anymore in the right ways. It’s like a beautiful flower garden. It’s been growing for years and years, always being tended to and watered, and all these things. But deep down inside, in the dirt, the roots were getting twisted, mangled, and pests were eating away at the flowers. What looked thriving on the top, had deeper issues way below. And that’s what it feels like this whole year has been for us. Because those flowers were not healthy and if it didn’t unearth those issues, it was bound to wither and fall apart. But those flowers had to be uprooted, to be dug up, and replaced so new flowers can be planted and grown.

We had to be dug up and unrooted—-unearthed—–so a new normal can replace the old and we can grow. Because what was going on beneath us and inside of us maybe wasn’t healthy and it was time to realize it. So we had to be uncomfortable, pained, and raw enough to see that. Forced to see that.

You grow when you are the most uncomfortable.

I heard this a lot when staring college: do the uncomfortable thing. Go outside your comfort zone. But when they say this, they mean it. Because people never grow from comfort. If we are comfortable in a situation, we grow complacent and we just accept things as is. But if we put ourselves out there and do the uncomfortable and feel it, we feel scared, we feel weird, we feel, well, uncomfortable. But those feelings help us face those situations next time because we know what it felt like the first time around. Those feelings help us become better people.

This is the year of our discomfort.

People are educating themselves. People are bettering their lives. People are showing up. People are awakening. People are unearthing. People are growing.

With so many social issues today, people are waking up from decades of slumber—-of thinking everything was “normal.” It wasn’t. It was a dream. Life was a dream back then. But we know the reality is much complex and harsh. We know to be better and toe educate ourselves on everything going on in the world to ask ourselves how we can all be better or how we can work together to combat the issues that need change.

Declare change. Work for change. Become the change.

As Leslie Dwight said so beautifully, we need to declare change, work for it, become it each and every day.

So when I ask myself this now:

Do I think this was our year?

I say yes. This is our year to realize what is important—-relationships, self-care, compassion, empathy, awareness, education, healthcare, equality, and so many more other things. This is our year where we work together to be better people during a pandemic and during social movements. The social movements won’t go away when black lives matter, because there will be other movements we will fight for as well. But this is the movement that matters the most right now.

This is our year to be better friends, family members, and citizens.

This is our year to wake up, show up, speak out, and change.

This is our year to educate ourselves on the injustices of this world.

This is our year to show the utmost compassion people can display.

This is our year to be better human beings.

This is still our year.

Is this the best year?

In a lot of ways for a lot of people, it really hasn’t been. And I get it. My heart goes out to you and I wish you nothing but happiness, healing, and good health for many years to come because you absolutely gosh darn deserve that. You really do. This year has been hard on all of so far with mental health issues, financial hardships, losing loved ones, accidents, injustices, and other things that I can’t fathom. But if you are reading this, know this: you are strong. You are here and you are living through so much right now that it is okay to feel sad, overwhelmed, angry, or hurt. It is okay. Feel that, understand your emotions, then focus on the positives.

Focus on what you are grateful for each day.

A roof over your head. To be home with friends or family. Food on the table. To online purchase things. To live in a day and age with technology so we can communicate with each other. Netflix. Online movies. Books. Putting on your shoes. Outdoor walks. There are so many things to be grateful for, so remind yourself of those things when you spiral 😊.

Focus on taking time to do things you love.

Read, draw, paint, watch movies, run, exercise, cook, bake, talk to friends online, etc.

Focus on what you are gaining and learning from this experience.

What have you learned about yourself? What makes you happy as a person? What brings you joy? What do you like to do? Are you happy with where you are in life? Are you happy with your work? Are you happy with the people you surround yourself with?

What implicit biases have you had? What actions have you done in the past that you see as wrong now? What can you do to further educate yourself? What can you do to help out with different issues.

Because there is always something to be gained from hardships. It might be hard to see it when you’re going through it, but I know when I look back on every rock bottom moment I have ever experienced, I look back with a bittersweet smile. Because those moments were gruesome, they were painful, they were uncomfortable, and they were excruciating. But they also taught me a lot about myself and how I could move forward in a healthy way. They taught me about the love I needed to give to myself and others.

With a pandemic, it can be hard to see the positives, I get it. But think of the environment healing. People spending time with family. With the BLM movement, think of all the people uniting, the laws created, the justice that will always be sought, the reformation that is going to happen—–the change.

And change is scary.

I don’t like change as much as the next person.

But change is how we grow.

If we didn’t have change we would be stagnant. So going into the future, there will be a lot of changes with everything that has happened so far in 2020, I’m sure of it. Change doesn’t have to be scary. It can be exciting, positive, hopeful, and necessary.

The changes so far, as much as some have been scary, there has been so much positive things to look forward to. Hold onto that.

As Leslie Dwight said:

What if 2020 isn’t cancelled?

What if 2020 is the year we’ve been waiting for?

What if?

2020 has been SUCH a year—-an understatement within itself—– but the last thing 2020 should be is cancelled.

It should be played.

It should be rewinded.

It should be.

Because right now, we are changing and growing in so many ways.

This is the year we might have been waiting for to do so.

So don’t give up on 2020 yet. It’s uncomfortable, it’s scary, it’s complicated, it’s messy, it’s all these things, but deep down has some beauty.

There is beauty in the mess.

We will get through this.

One day at a time.

Each day is a new day that things will hopefully get better

It truly is.

Take it day by day

Step by step.

We still have a ways to go where I hope we see better days, better months, and better years.

But right now, let 2020 play on and see how we can go and grow from here.

Stay safe, stay informed, stay kind 💕

And as always, with love,