It’s Not Summer Without You by Jenny Han Book Review

“Nothing felt better than the way sand felt beneath my feet. It was both solid and shifting, constant and ever-changing. It was summer.”

(pg. 118)

About

Author: Jenny Han

Genre: Young Adult Contemporary Romance

Series: The Summer I Turned Pretty Book 2

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The Summer I Turned Pretty

You We’ll Always Have Summer

Synopsis

Can summer be truly summer without Cousins Beach?

It used to be that Belly counted the days until summer, until she was back at Cousins Beach with Conrad and Jeremiah. But not this year. Not after Susannah got sick again and Conrad stopped caring. Everything that was right and good has fallen apart, leaving Belly wishing summer would never come.

But when Jeremiah calls saying Conrad has disappeared, Belly knows what she must do to make things right again. And it can only happen back at the beach house, the three of them together, the way things used to be. If this summer really and truly is the last summer, it should end the way it started—at Cousins Beach.

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To the summer lovers,

The Summer I Turned Pretty felt like when Taylor Swift released Lover, and It’s Not Summer Without You felt like when she released Folklore. Both masterpieces in their own right, but one had a more somber, softer tone.

It’s Not Summer Without You had a somber and softer tone, which was such a stark contrast to the mostly upbeat, vibrant book that wasThe Summer I Turned Pretty. It’s not a bad thing that It’s Not Summer Without You was a more melancholy and darker book because I enjoyed every second of it, but the vibe was definitely not hot girl summer, but angsty, lost, confused girl summer.

I have to say, the time jump between the last book and this book shook me a bit because I thought we would get to see Susannah one more time with the summer boys and the Conklin family where she was fighting for her life and hopeful beating the odds.

“You always hear about people getting better, beating the odds. I was sure Susannah was one of them. Even when it was one in a million. She was one in a million.”

(pg. 30)

So it broke my heart to know that she had passed in the time the last book ended and this book began 😭.

I thought we were going to see her at least one more time.

“You never know the last time you’ll see a place. A person.”

(pg. 124)

We did get glimpses through Belly and Jeremiah’s backstories of what it was like to be there when Susannah was sick and fighting each day. There was that moment Belly had visited Susannah even though she didn’t want to. I understood why Belly didn’t want to visit Susannah at her house because it made it even more real what Susannah was battling/going through and to see her different was painful. It’s hurts when you know someone as one way and then to see them different like it’s not who they were at all. It hurts because you know they are hurting and you don’t want to see them like that—to see them in pain or like they are disappearing before your eyes. I know when my grandparents passed away, it was a surreal experience to see them so different at the hospital and it not be who they were to me when they were alive; that it felt like they weren’t even the same person who had so much life in them. It shocked and numbed me. I felt like I didn’t know what to do with myself because I knew I loved this person, but the person I saw wasn’t the person in my memory I loved. It’s so different.

When Belly saw Susannah, she was uncomfortable, which I understood. I liked how they had a nice, effortless conversation about boys and her life like they usually had. Then they circled back to more serious conversation.

“‘Connie’s having a hard time with all of this. It’s a lot . . . Don’t let him push you away. He needs you. He loves you, you know.’

. . . ‘Will you do something for me?’

Slowly, I nodded.

‘Look after him for me. Will you do that?’

‘You won’t need me to look after him, Susannah, you’ll be here to do it,’ I said, and I tried not to sound desperate, but it didn’t matter.

Susannah smiled and said, ‘You’re my girl, Belly.'”

(pg. 69)

Even in the last book, Susannah said the same thing about Conrad, which is understandable because Conrad bottled many things in and reacted in a shizzy way. Susannah knew that he needed someone to ground him and to confide in and Belly was that person because she knew Conrad loved Belly. But he sure as heck never acted that way or showed it 🤪.

Also, what about Jeremiah? He needed someone too.

I just felt like everyone forgot about how Jeremiah would feel. He was younger than Conrad and was going through it too, and even though he came off as a happy, go-lucky, flirty jokester, it was a facade for his vulnerability and the way he felt things deeply and didn’t want to confront those feelings because they were uncomfortable. So he hid the uncomfortable feelings with feigned happiness to make sure everyone around him was okay when deep down he wasn’t.

I loved loved loved how we got Jeremiah’s perspective in this book 💙. I absolutely loved.

I love Belly, don’t get me wrong, but seeing how Jeremiah felt and digging into his darkness was such a beautiful and difficult thing that sometimes it was hard to read; it was hard to think of Jeremiah as sad and to see him sad because he was such a optimistic and positive person. But he was a human being and he felt the full spectrum of joy and sorrow. He was also there the most when his mother was sick because he was living at home with her while Conrad was at college, so Jere saw more of the mom going through it than Conrad did. Jere had to step up and take care of her and be there for her than Conrad did. I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for him to see his mom slowly worsen each day and to feel like he couldn’t do more to help her because of how much he loved her. He was his mom’s boy. I really felt for him and wanted to give him a hug 🥺💙 .

He just didn’t feel like he had anyone to talk to and wished someone would have been there for him more. Belly wanted to call or message more, but she didn’t know what to say because it was such a complex situation and she probably felt anything she said wouldn’t mean much. I understood that, but also sometimes we just need to reach out to our loved ones to check in with them so they at least know that there is someone there that cares. Whether we text or call and just say, “Hi,” or “How are you doing?” It doesn’t need to be this whole deep conversation if that’s not the direction of the conversation. People just want to know that there is someone there. My heart hurt for Jere when he talked about how he wished Belly would have reached out to him because he needed a friend—-one of his best friends—and how part of him was hurt that she didn’t. This made it weird between them in the months after Susannah passed because Jere felt that hurt and wasn’t sure how to talk to her. They weren’t sure how to talk to each other after everything—the mom and Jere telling Belly he liked her.

I loved the backstory moment though when Laurel was at Susannah’s house. Jere was rushing to iron his pants for his senior banquet, and he was already late in picking up his girlfriend, Mara, at the time. Laurel came into the house where Jere just burned his hand with the iron, so he went to cool his hand off with water. When he went back, Laurel had ironed his pants for him. Then Susannah called for Jere and was going to go to her, but Laurel she told him to go and that she got everything covered.

“I was just grateful to have an adult around.”

(pg. 242)

Laurel being there and helping out Jere when he needed it and taking over when he was already late to his senior banquet, was a small but significant moment for Jere. He just had so much responsibility and heaviness on his shoulders that here he was, doing his best even if others couldn’t’ see it and he just needed help. He needed an adult around to show him the ropes or to take care of him too because he was just a kid. He was taking care of his mother. Laurel being there brought him peace and comfort to know that he wasn’t doing this alone and that he didn’t have to feel as much pressure if he was screwing up or getting things right with taking care of his mom. He was just a teenage boy 🥺. No one ever asked if Jere was okay.

The night of his senior banquet, Jere broke up with his girlfriend Mara because he was realistic in saying that he couldn’t do long distance with her when they went to college. I mean, at least her told it to her straight rather than continue a relationship he didn’t see going anywhere in the future. Mara was hurt, but at least he was honest. I also got the sense that his relationship with Mara wasn’t a huge deal because it didn’t seem like he liked her as much based on the Jere we know who feels things deeply. Then again, we only knew their relationship in a page and a half, so what do I know 😅.

But Susannah did pass away before the next summer 😔.

Belly found out early one morning when there was a call.

“The call came early in the morning. It was still dark out. It was bad news, of course; bad news is the only kind that really can’t wait.”

(pg. 30)

My heart ached for Laurel and Belly.

Belly went to her mom’s room where all the mom said was “Beck was gone.”

“This, this was heartbreak. The pain in your chest, the ache behind your eyes. The knowing that thing swill never be the same again. It’s all relative, I suppose. You think you know love, you think you know real pain, but you don’t. You don’t know anything.”

(pg. 30)

I think you don’t know real heartbreak or pain until you are sitting there gasping for breath after being knocked down.

When the tears leak out of your eyes uncontrollably and your heart hurts so much from a feeling you can’t describe but utter loss because that’s what it feels like—-a loss of so much more than a person but of the time that comes after where you live on.

I felt like Belly multiple times in my life.

You feel this hollowness like someone came and carved out a place where your heart used to be, and all you see is a reel of all the memories that you used to share and will not get to share anymore. When the mom hugged her, I felt like that was the best thing to do—-to be there for Belly.

But Laurel was grieving too.

She just lost her best friend in the whole world—her soul mate.

I think Laurel was numb and broken to her pain because she was still in shock from understanding that she was going to live a life without her best friend. There is no amount of time that can properly heal that wound because it will always stay with you. I didn’t think Laurel not crying made her heartless, it was just probably she was there for Susannah the entire time and now that she was gone, it didn’t feel real. She was still reeling and floating on autopilot because she was hurting and no one could understand that pain besides the person she lost. I wanted to hug Laurel because she carried all these emotions on her own. She also needed a friend or someone there for her. Throughout the book, we got to see Laurel function on this autopilot, and it hurt to see her like that, knowing the pain she felt. She wouldn’t eat, she poured herself in work, she barely was present and didn’t care much about where Belly was going or doing. She was consumed by her grief.

She didn’t seem like Laurel.

How could it?

She lost her best friend.

I did like that moment when Belly noticed her mom working and then made her a sandwich just in case. It was Belly’s way of saying she cared about her mom and wanted to take care of her because she knew the mom was grieving. They loved each other in the small, but powerful ways.

The day of the funeral was hard for everyone.

I’ve been at handful of funerals and it’s such a sorrowful event, but I feel like for the immediate family it hurts even more. Personally, I think it feels uncomfortable when people go up to you and say all these condolences and things about the person even though they didn’t even know them. Because sorry doesn’t bring a person back or quite amount to the pain that comes with losing a loved one. There really isn’t anything to say, but I guess, sorry does help. It just feels weird the way people look at you with sorrow and pity and that they hug you and try to make you feel better but it doesn’t because the only thing that can make you feel better is if that person were there with you instead. I started tearing up at how Jere was crying looking at his mother’s grave. I loved how Laurel took his hand and spoke to him because Laurel was like their second mom and Jere needed someone. He needed an adult. He just wore his heart on his sleeve and was hurting so much that no one cared about him the way he needed it.

“In some ways, he was the same Jeremiah, but in other ways, I could see how this had changed him. Had aged him. Everything took more effort, his jokes, his smiles. Nothing was easy anymore.”

(pg. 70)

Grief changes a person.

But it made Conrad the same a**hat 🤪.

After the funeral, they had a gathering at the Fisher’s house where Belly saw Conrad in the basement with that girl Audrey that he used to date. Belly hadn’t seen Conrad since when they broke up earlier that spring. Seeing Conrad with a girl he used to love knowing the short relationship they had together made Belly feel invalidated like he never loved her while he was with her. I would have felt the same thing if I saw the guy I used to date with his ex being all cuddly and close.

What pezzed me off was how Conrad used his archaic insult of “Grow up, Belly,” 🙄 when she told him she was sorry for interruption his moment. Maybe she said it sarcastically, but again, I would have felt hurt and said that sentence with a tone too. But his grow up comment insinuated that he still viewed her as a kid. But when she told him to “go to heck,” I was like OOOOOOOH, that’s a low blow. Sis! The way Jenny described the disgusted and hurt way Conrad looked at her after delivering such a line, was soooo beautiful written because there’s not a distinct emotion or expression Jenny described But I knew exactly what she talked about because it’s a lot I have given others and others have given me. I was just blown away at how Jenny perfectly described a feeling and an expression that is universal without stating the emotion. What a talent 👏🏼!

But Conrad kept treating her like a chid and yelling at her that she was one, which wasn’t helping anything if he did love her. Heck, I knew she harshly attacked him and he wanted to say something to hurt her too, and hey, maybe they were both being immature at the time, but gosh I could not with the way he repeatedly treated her like absolute garbage. I did think it was childish that she said she hated him and never wanted to see him again and then she ran away and fell on the stairs. They both made a scene at the house but honestly, it was from anger of Belly seeing Conrad with another girl like she meant nothing and the hurt Conrad felt at hurting Belly so he hurt her more. And also the absolute sorrow and tension of the funeral. They were both teenagers in pain, processing their grief and sorrow that it was natural for them to lash out. Especially as exes and the way they left things before the funeral. They had a bone to pick with each other. The things Belly said were more hurtful now that I’m thinking about it because Conrad had just lost his mom and she wasn’t considerate to think about how he felt but lashed out at him because she was hurt, so he reacted. But I don’t think they were both in a healthy mindset to see each other or converse.

The funeral was the last time Belly saw Conrad—-the last time where she said all these hurtful things and didn’t know how to rectify the situation.

Before the funeral, they dated for a few months. This was after the summer Belly was sixteen and she returned home. Conrad kept calling her that fall and he would help her with her homework over the phone until she understood the math she was doing. I thought it was very sweet how he helped her with school over the phone—that he took the time to do so. Him helping her made Belly feel special and important because he called her and not Steven. I freaking love Steven and how jealous he got whenever Conrad called and only talked to Belly. Honestly, Steven was done dirty in this series because he’s not there half the time 😂. I loved that Jenny gave Steven a bigger role in the show, though.

Anyway, I also liked that Christmas moment they had together. The Christmas or winter moment was the epilogue of the last book where Conrad called Belly to see her and he drove them to the Cousins beach house in the winter. I remember Belly saying in the last book how she never saw the summer boys outside of summer and wondered what they looked like or what they did. I think that’s so weird (in a cool way) to know people very closely but then to not know them past a season or moment in your life because you don’t really share the same life or time with each other. But the time and moments you do share feel like the only pure, true moments there are.

They went to the Cousins house because that was their second home and I loved how they had a normal conversation without arguing 😅. I liked how Conrad said he wanted to become a doctor because of his mom 🥺💙. I liked when they also talked about the mom and how optimistic Conrad was about the mom getting better even though she really wasn’t. But to have seen his mom make some kind of progress or to appear like she was getting better, gave him hope and I liked that he held onto that more. A hopeful Conrad, feels like a unicorn—rare. They also started making out a lot in the house.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, he did NOT kiss her in the last book 😅???? I’m pretty sure he told her he didn’t like her and that he was sorry that he wasn’t the one, and then Jere and him fought and then they found out about Susannah and they didn’t have time to talk about their feelings or whatever, but he never made a move to make it seem like he liked, right? And then all of a sudden he started calling her and was NICE??!?!?! And then now he was acting all nice and asking to see her and dating her without us really seeing what happened after she left Cousins???? Did he apologize for the shizzy way he treated her that summer and that’s why they made up and were all good? Because I felt like I was missing something in how they went from “I’m not the one, sorry” and to cursing her name to now kissing her insane. I don’t know. It just felt weird this time jump because I wanted to know what happened RIGHT after the last book and what they said to each other 🤔.

“Kissing him like that . . . it was cool lemonade with a long straw, sweet, and measured and pleasurable in a way that felt infinite. the thought crossed my mind that I never wanted him to stop kissing. me. I could do this forever, I thought.”

(pg. 108)

I liked how he checked in with her though and asked if she was okay when he was kissing her. He might have been a loser, but at least he was respectful 😂.

I loved that moment when they watched a movie in Christmas pajamas and he made her coco and he made a fire. I loved how they had an inside joke about coco being her speciality.

Their winter at Cousins was such a sweet, intimate moment that I wondered what the freak happened because Conrad seemed to be sooo nice and then he went back to being an a**. I kid you not, this guy makes me want to RAGE because I see how nice he can be and all the respectful, sweet, tender things he does when he’s in a good head space and not hating himself or putting pressure on himself but then he always, always, chooses to act like a douche canoe to everyone around him, especially Belly because he thinks he’s a screw up and will ruin everything or that he doesn’t deserve to be happy so he pushes her away to make her hate him, which he was sure as heck doing a good job of, but he just needs to get his act together 👏🏼😣. He’s such a good guy based on what Belly sees in him, and maybe it’s her twelve year old self romanticizing who he was, but if she saw him as a good person, then I trusted he was. Also, it was moments like this that made me go, “Huh, he isn’t awful.”

“How do you regret one of the best nights of you entire life? You don’t. You remember every word, every look. Even when it hurts, you still remember.”

(pg. 114)

Do you feel that?

OUCH.

But the PROM?!??!!?! 😡

I was LIVID. I was seething.

What. A. Loser.

Belly and Conrad had been dating at this point and she wanted to ask Conrad to the prom because duh, they were dating. But she knew in her heart that he wasn’t going to say yes or that he wouldn’t want to go, but she asked him anyway. The fact that he was like, “Can’t you go with your friends?” made me want to hurl. She was asking him, her boyfriend to prom, and he his lack of excitement was astounding. I know Belly kind of bit back by saying she could find plenty of other guys to go with, but it was like, he prodded her. The only reason he even considered going for 0.0000001 seconds was because he was jealous but then he didn’t even care later on when she said she was going to go with Cory Wheeler, but told her that she could wear her heels. WHAT AN A** 👏🏼!!!!!!

She literally had to BEG him to go to her prom and acted like it was such a chore or a nuisance for him, the boyfriend, to join his girlfriend at prom.

And then the fact that his mom made him go with her?????????!??!! He didn’t even go with her in the end because he wanted to, but because Susannah made him 😖.

I was bothered.

And not him promising Susannah that he would be sweet to Belly and give her a night to remember.

Yea dude, she sure will remember her prom night for the rest of her life 🤪.

Her sucky prom!!!!!!

The way he treated her was appalling. I’ve seen rats be treated better than how Conrad treated Belly the night of her prom.

For one, he forgot her corsage 😡.

Flabbergasted is not big enough of a word to describe how I felt.

Forgetting her corsage on her prom night, knowing he was going to her prom was STUPID. How did he forget something like that. I felt awful when Steven’s date gave Belly part of her flower to make a corsage because Conrad the dumba** forgot Belly’s corsage. And dude didn’t even get her the right corsage because Belly’s favorite flowers were daisies and his corsage was orchids. Kaz Brekker is shaking 😂.

I could not.

It’s one thing to forget her present on her birthday, it’s another to not bring her a corsage because the basically said that he couldn’t have been bothered or cared less to bring one.

He felt bad, but feeling bad didn’t fix the fact that he ruined her prom already.

He also made it seem like he didn’t want to be there and that the last thing he wanted to do was be with her. He wasn’t even present the entire time. I also was FURIOUS. And when she asked him to dance and he said, “Did I have to?” UHHHHHHH, are we not at a prom where dancing occurs? DANCE WITH HER, it’s the least he could have done after she begged him to go and he forgot her corsage.

You know what was so unbelievable on top of this gosh forsaken prom?

The fact that he dumped on her prom night 😂.

UuUUUUUUUUGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHG!!!!!

Not that it’s funny that he dumped her on her prom night, I was just in hysterics at this point because what the heck!!!!!!!! Susannah raised him better than this for sure. What the freak? I was just soo stunned that he thought that his behavior at her prom—the night that a teenager should feel special and magical—and he ruined it! And then he had the AUDACITY, the audacity to dump her?

And not him actually calling her a child again and not talking to her in the car when she asked him what was wrong. And then the fact that he got mad at her and that he didn’t even correct her or stop her when she said, “That we’re over. That, whatever hits is, it’s over. I mean it is, right?” He didn’t even correct her and just went along with it and he had the audacity to just leave 😡. After he was the one who ruined her entire night, he straight up left like he said he was.

Honestly, he’s not worth it.

“Conrad’s not worth it, okay?”

(pg. 85)

Honestly, what a great brother that Steven checked in on her the next day. When Steven mirrored my exact thoughts after reading the prom scene, I was like, “If the brother is saying he’s not worth it, he’s not worth it.”

That’s how you know it’s not worth it.

Because she deserved someone who treated her with respect and kindness and didn’t act like he didn’t care about her and then ruin what was supposed to be a special moment in her teenage life.

She should have took Jere to prom 😅.

He truly would have done it right. No questions or hesitations about it.

“I should have brought Jeremiah instead. If it had been Jeremiah, things would have been different. He would have said all the right things. It would hav been Jeremiah in the center of the dance floor . . . He would have remembered that daises were my favorite flower.”

(pg. 72)

Wrong brother, sis 🤪!

Ugh, but I loved when Jere chewed Conrad out for treating Belly like shiz at her prom 👏🏼.

As he deserved it.

Jere deserved the world 🥺💙.

He loved Belly, and had always loved her.

I’d known her my whole life. I’d never thought of her as a girl. She was one of us. She was my friend. Seeing her in a different way, even just for a second, it shook me up.”

(pg. 58)

Last summer, Jere saw her differently and it made him feel rattled because she went from a kid and a little sister best friend to someone he had new found feelings for. This quote makes me think about the meaning behind The Summer I Turned Pretty and how being sixteen changed how Belly felt about herself and when she was coming into a place where she felt pretty. Because of her new confidence, she presented herself differently and I liked that we had Jeremiah’s perspective so see how he felt about the new Belly. This quote gave us insight as to what he was thinking and the moment that changed everything for him—a game-changing moment. I liked that moment where Jere talked about how he made Belly laugh that first night and how good it felt to make her happy. But then Conrad came into the room and Belly only had eyes for him, and Jere knew that he loved Belly and wanted to be with her, but there was always Conrad that was going to be in his way.

“She was too busy looking at Conrad. For as long as I could remember, she had loved Conrad.”

(pg. 60)

Jere knew deep down that Belly would never love him the same way she would love Conrad.

I think it sucks when you love someone and you know they might never love you back because they love someone else—unrequited love sucks. But I think it also hurts to know that someone you love won’t look at you or feel the same way about you because their heart is already with someone else. I felt for Jere because I have been there and felt that. It hurts to constantly be second or to feel like you won’t ever be good enough compared to someone else.

Being compared to a brother or a sibling is the most damaging and complex thing.

The intensity of Conrad and Jeremiah’s relationship as brothers was something we got a taste of at the end of the last book. One of Jeremiah’s chapters better highlighted why there was always this tension. As a younger brother, Jeremiah admired Conrad because Conrad was naturally good at everything and it wasn’t his fault that he was. However, when you have a sibling who is better, it makes you feel like you aren’t and Jeremiah started to feel that way, especially when it concerned their dad. Jeremiah wanted his dad to love and care about him the same way the dad obviously did around Conrad. The dad would constantly tell Conrad good job or look out for him and it made Jeremiah feel like the dad didn’t care about him much. Jeremiah told this whole wrestling story where Jeremiah was going to beat Conrad and the dad still rooted for Conrad to beat Jeremiah rather than praise Jere for actually getting a leg up on Conrad. If I was Jere, I would have felt hurt that my parent didn’t seem to notice or care that I was doing good and only saw my sibling. I was tearing up when Jere said he cried because he realized that it wasn’t worth it to beat his brother 😢. That sucks. It sucked that Jere felt like no matter what he did to be better than Conrad, he would never beat him. I also felt for Jere because he just wanted his dad to love him, and I’m not a teenage boy but I know how valuable that father-son relationship is because he looked up to his dad for guidance. But his dad didn’t seem to care.

And here Conrad was, getting the girl even when he didn’t deserve it.

Jeremiah felt like he would never win again and that he was always second best, and he didn’t want to feel that way. I don’t think anyone wants to be jealous or resentful of a sibling but it just happens when there is that competition where parents seem to pick a favorite and excludes the other. It’s hard not to make that comparison. I have an older sister and know exactly how Jeremiah felt because I grew up constantly hearing how much more talented my sister was—the better dancer and singer—-and how she was more beautiful and skinny and louder. Where else no one said those things about me and it felt like in all the things they didn’t say, they were saying all the things they knew I wasn’t. And that hurt. It hurt for so many years and I carried that hurt like it was my fault when it wasn’t because it was the way others treated me that made me feel less than. Sometimes I think people think the younger sibling has it the best or the easiest, and yes, there are perks to being the youngest. But it’s also the hardest because you have all these other siblings before you who have more respect and love that when you want that same respect and love, there’s none left over for you.

But I liked that moment where I saw that they both felt heartbroken over the mom passing away—when Jere heard Conrad sobbing quietly in his room and then Jere went to go cry in his room. I loved how Jere wanted to comfort Conrad, but knew Conrad was crying alone for a reason. They were both grieving and hurting in their own way and understood each other.

But throw in now that they were both chasing after the same girl?

Complicated. Beyond relief.

Before I delve into the complexities of this love triangle, let’s backtrack to how it felt absolutely awkward that this was their first year not at the beach house for the summer.

It was like losing an arm to not be at the Cousins beach house because that house was a part of them. However, since Susannah had passed, no one made the effort to go back to the beach house. My heart ached because that house held so many memories and it felt wrong that they weren’t there like they were breaking the fabric of time by not being together at that house.

However, I understood why it was difficult to go back to the beach house. Even when they did go back to that beach house, it felt wrong to be there without Susannah knowing she was the heart of the beach house—she was the heart of all their connections.

“Becuase it was more than just a house. It was every summer, every boat ride, every sunset. It was Susannah.”

(pg. 254)

That house encapsulated Susannah and was what brought everyone together each summer. Wit her gone, it felt wrong to go back so soon.

Also, it hurts to return to places where your loved ones occupied so much and that they loved because it feels wrong to be there without them, knowing how different things are.

So Belly spent most of her summer at home and hanging with Taylor, but she constantly dreamed of being at Cousins with the summer boys. If I was Belly, it wouldn’t have felt like summer without the summer boys and the house. But that summer, Jeremiah called her and said that Conrad was gone and that he needed her help. It rubbed me the wrong way with how Jeremiah was tip-toeing on eggshells around Belly when he picked her up to find Conrad. It just felt weird knowing how close they were and how they would say dumb, silly things around each other and here he was constantly thanking her for helping him when she would always help him. I think he just felt as weird about their relationship and seeing her after so long—after everything had changed.

Jere and Belly went to Conrad’s dorm first to check if he was there or ask his roommate where he might have gone. Honestly, I’m offended that they didn’t think he was the Cousin’s house first 🤪.

When they went to Conrad’s dorm, it felt weird to know that Conrad had this whole other life with all these experiences that they weren’t a part of; It’s weird to think that people in your life have a different life that doesn’t involve you. Conrad’s dorm being desolate and unpardonable wasn’t surprising because he seemed like the type who wasn’t sentimental but clean—a simple man. But he couldn’t have had a picture of Susannah at least? In Conrad’s dorm, she found an infinity necklace in his drawer. The necklace was for her. When Conrad had been helping Belly with her math homework, he explained to her SOH-CAH-TOA and everything. I didn’t see how that connected to infinity, but oh well 😅. Also, not me being at a place where I actually know what SOH-CAH-TOA is 😂. Gosh, I feel old. But maybe infinity alluded to how he made the “impossible things make sense” (pg. 98) and his endless patience with helping her.

But the idea of the necklace was what was sweet to Belly because it meant he thought about her and cared for her. When she put on the necklace, I was like, “Nah, girl, don’t do it.” He probably didn’t give it to her for a reason, and also he should be the one to give it to her and explain why in the first place.

They did find Conrad at Cousin’s and he was just as every bit of closed off towards Belly as ever—acting like she didn’t exist.

What I thought was so interesting, but I secretly loved was how much Belly felt like her love wasn’t as strong for Conrad as it was beucase of everything he had done to hurt her in their short relationship.

“The ghost of first love past.”

(pg. 116)

Honestly, when I read this part below, I was like if that was the way their relationship was, that’s not healthy.

“At first sign of weakness, you attack full force. You strike and you use every weapon in your arsenal, and you don’t let up. No mercy.

(pg. 135)

I mean, if they are verbally attacking each other like they are at war to hurt each other, and they show no mercy, what kind of relationship is that? That’s not okay.

It was difficult to get Conrad to go back to school or open up about why he was at Cousins. I can’t believe they treated him like a mine field that needed to be treaded lightly on. Honestly, he needed to take his own advice and grow up because I was tired of the way he treated everyone like they were nothing and he never showed respect to them unless he wanted to and that he didn’t care how much people cared for him when he didn’t deserve it. I mean, not to be rude, but he just never seemed to appreciate how everyone looked after him and when they did, he lashed out at them. Maybe it was his repressed hurt and anger with hurting Belly and he hated himself for it, maybe some anger at the world after his mom passed away, but it was not okay.

He was at the beach house to save it from being sold.

“He didn’t run away for the sake of running away. He came to save the house.”

(pg. 146)

I had a feeling in the beginning when Belly wasn’t at the beach house that there was risk of it being sold. With Susannah gone too and them all getting older and doing different things in their life, I felt like the dad, Adam would sell the house. He went to the beach house after he got a message from the realtor abbot Conrad and others staying at the beach house telling her to come back. When the dad got there, he chewed all three of them out, mostly the brothers, about how adamant he was about selling the house. Conrad was pezzed with the dad the most because he knew what a shiz head the dad was for cheating on the mom and only being there her towards the end. Conrad didn’t think the dad was warranted his sorrow and that he sure as heck didn’t own this house—-it was Susannah’s. I agreed with Conrad that the dad didn’t know what Susannah would have wanted and that if he really knew her, he would have known how much the beach house meant to her and would have kept it, no questions asked. Jeremiah defended the dad because Jeremiah still wanted the dad’s approval and love and if he backed up the dad or at least played peacemaker, I felt Jeremiah felt like the dad would love him. It hurts to say this, but I think if they don’t already love you or see you for you, they won’t ever 🙁. I just know from experience that you can do everything you can to show someone you are on their side or that you love them and if they don’t return that—when they should have just been giving that to you naturally—they probably have never cared and won’t. So it really isn’t worth it. But I agree that Jere should have backed up Conrad against the dad because Jere wanted to save the house too. It just really hurt me to see two brothers who were already in such pain and animosity to continue to fight because I know beneath everything they had been going through the past year, they loved each other. But all the anger was winning out and it felt like more of a competition than a brother-ship.

It also hurt to see Jere bring up all his anger about how Conrad wasn’t there when their mom was sick. I knew he was keeping that in because he dealt with everything alone while his brother was at college. Jere needed his brother there with him too and he wasn’t. I know it was a low blow, but I knew where it came from. They were just releasing all their anger because they had been holding it in.

I don’t think it was right of Conrad to drag Belly into everything by revealing that she knew that the dad was trying to sell the house—Jere didn’t know until the dad showed up. In Belly’ defense, she didn’t know until that morning. I also felt awful that they dragged her into the conversation to pick whether or not she backed up Conrad or Jere. But to be fair she had them both fighting against her, so 🤪. But gosh, I do believe Belly should have backed up Jere, her best friend and partner in crime when he needed it. She also started this journey of finding Conrad with Jere and yet she still backed up Conrad when Jere was the one who wasn’t being an a**hole. If I could plop myself into a book, I would have ran after Jere to hug him because no one cared about our sweet, darling Jere and he was hurting 🥺💙!

I wanted Jere and Conrad to be there for each other rather than argue because they needed each other more than they didn’t. It sucked to think how the only person I think who would have gotten through to both brothers was Susannah 😢.

I give Jere credit for being upfront with Conrad in asking him if he still liked Belly. You know, now that I think about it, that meant Conrad had to have liked Belly for Jere to ask that. So he wasn’t just dating her for nothing 🤪. I’m sorry, it’s not that I detest Conrad, but I just have no patience for him, so I have no filter in the way I speak about him. Sorry, not sorry. I shook my head at the way Conrad looked into Jere’s eyes and said no.

“Conrad would never be that guy, the kind of guy Belly needed. Someone who would be there for her, someone she could count on. I could. If she’d let me, I could be that guy.”

(pg. 208)

We all knew he was lying, but it begged the question about why he was lying? Who was he trying to protect? Belly? Honestly, if he’s trying to protect Belly from himself, then she should protect herself from him; it goes back to that quote I read once about how if someone shows you their true colors, then believe it. If he treated her like shiz while they were together, he gosh darn would do it again at some point. Jere was absolutely right that he could be the guy Belly needed and deserved because Conrad wasn’t worth it. The whole wishy-washy, what-kind-of-lover-will-I-get-today guy wasn’t worth it. Not all that exhaustion, doubt, and confusion. I was tired of all of that for Belly.

She needed a good guy like Jere who actually treated her right and never made her feel like cr**, and someone who could make her happy. She needed a guy like Jere who had always been there for her and made her know that she loved him. Because Jere kept showing Belly he loved her and Conrad never did.

“You actually had to say it to somebody, show them that you cared. And he just didn’t. Not enough.”

(pg. 263)

Honestly, let’s go Team Jelly!!!!!

If you don’t know and I have not made this glaringly clear, I am Team Jeremiah all the way, aka, Team Get You Someone Who Treats You Right 👏🏼💙!!!!!

They had a party at the house to celebrate the possibility of them having one more night in their beach house. Belly got drunk off her head and started drunk dancing with Jere. When Belly tried to challenge and rile Conrad into swimming in the ocean with her when she was drunk, I was like, “That is not a good idea.” Has she never heard of all the stories of people getting drunk and swimming in the ocean? I appreciated that Conrad was the rational one in this situation and prevented her from doing an absolutely stupid thing like swimming in the ocean when drunk. So he had respect and morals 🤪—-the bare minimum.

But when Belly called her mom that night . . . 😭. She needed an adult. She needed her mom.

All the hurt and pain Jere, Conrad, and Belly faced, they needed someone to be their strength. And that was Laurel.

You know, Laurel is a bada** 👏🏼!

I never realized how much of a bada** until this book. She knows how to put a man in his place.

I loved the backstory of the milkshake and slurpee blender. Mr. Fisher/Adam had a social blend at the summer house, a blender that was a tacit that no one use or touch. However, Jere wanted to make Kool-Aid slurps one day, so Belly and Jere mixed black cherry and grape and started using the blender. I loved how Jere and Belly were both eight or nine years old and had no idea how to work a blender, but they tried anymore. When they went to stir the mixture, they forgot to put the cap on well and the grape mixture went all over the kitchen and on Mr. Fisher’s briefcase. When the adults got home, they were in big trouble. Mr. Fisher started chewing Jere out and made him cry. I wanted to punch Mr. Fisher for making Jere cry and calling him a baby. I know so many parents who chew out their kids to the point they are crying like that and the way a child feels after being punished or spoken to in such a way, will leave an invisible scar that will never heal. The child will always remember what was said to them and how the parent made them feel. I would know. I loved how we got a glimpse at Conrad defending Jere—how they used to have each other’s backs. But GOSH, when Laurel CHEWED MR. Fisher out!!!!?!!?!? What a woman 👏🏼!!! I wonder why Mr. Fisher was so terrified of Laurel and why she made him shake 😂. I mean, nothing says f*** off like a powerful woman who puts you in your place, but gosh, she really got through to Mr. Fisher and I loved how she looked out for the boys.

She always looked out for the boys like they were her sons.

So she was going to help them save the summer house too by talking to Adam/Mr. Fisher.

I loved that Laurel was there now because they needed an adult and a mother-figure to help them out because the three of them were just kids who were fighting things so much bigger than them, that only an adult would know what to do or say.

Belly didn’t see her mom the way other people saw her, maybe it was because they were so close that she saw the mom’s flaws. When Laurel first got to the beach house, I loved how it comforted Belly to know that they didn’t have to fight to save the house alone. But when she started to fight with her mom and said, “I wish Susannah was my mother,” (pg. 212), I was like ouch! But that slap thought when the mom hit her. That was even more of an ouch. I was surprised Laurle would do that. I don’t condone ever hitting you child, I don’t care how angry you are.

There was jus so much pain coursing through this whole house. I know Laurel didn’t mean to hit Belly and I hoped she regretted it. She shouldn’t have lashed out at Belly like that. I know Belly had a strong relationship with her mom, but yikes.I knew Belly just said that to hurt her mom because she wanted her mom to feel something—anything because it felt like ever since Susannah passed away or the divorce that he mother didn’t feel anything. There was that same argument or anger Belly had with her mom. Not to be that person, but Belly just didn’t understand the grief that her mom was going through because Belly didn’t know what it was like to go through a divorce or to lose a best friend forever. Because I’m older, and had parents who have divorced, I bet Laurel felt uncomfortable and pained because she still didn’t’ know who she was after the divorce. I don’t blame her for getting a divorce if she no longer liked her husband and that was fair of her to not string him along, pretending she was in love. She probably felt weird about not knowing why she felt out of love in the first place because it’s hard to pinpoint when that happens or why. She might have felt bothered by not knowing and that’s why she didn’t express her sadness in the divorce. She felt broken and numb to the changes around her that when Belly kept testing her, she did let an emotion fly—anger and hurt.

That’s not the wya. My hear ached seeing how much they were both hurting and hurting each other 😔.

They made up, but I still think they had more to say to each other and I hope we can explore a healthier relationship between them. I think a heart-to-heart about the divorce and how belly feels will help because I think that’s where most of the anger stems from.

I loved loved loved when Laurel clapped back at Adam 👏🏼!!!!

As much as I didn’t like that she hit Belly, she could clap back on Adam any time 😂.

I liked how she told the kids to get out of the room and they went to the stair to eavesdrop. But when Laurel was like, “Excuse me, but f*** you,” (pg. 232) I WAS SCREAMING. Let’s go Laurel!!!!! You tell him!

I loved how she appealed to his ethos and guilted him into keeping the house because the boys needed the summer house and to keep it for the boys. I agreed, after everything they lost and all the changes, the house was the only constant and the only good in their life. It was also their connection to their mom. The did deserve the house and needed the house. They could make more memories for themselves and their future families in that house. I know that it was hard on Adam because Susannah was the house, but he didn’t really love Susannah the way she deserved. When Laurel told him to “Prove me wrong,” for how Susannah took him back after ho he hurt her, and “to do this one last thing for her,” I was like, “They’re keeping the house!” 👏🏼

The dad would have had to been heartless if he didn’t say yes after Laurel convinced him to. He had to do this for Susannah—keep the house, the love, and the memories alive.

Laurel did that.

I loved loved loved the moment that they found out that they could keep the house. the dad would pay for the house and keep it if Conrad also got at least a B on all his finals, which he could do becuase Conrad was studious.

I wanted to mention the moment about how Conrad felt like a kid again talking to Laurel when he thanked her for saving the house. It was always alluded that Conrad had a special relationship with Conrad and had a way of making him feel comfortable to open up.

“My mother told me once that when Conrad was young, he called her ‘his Laura.’ ‘Where is my Laura?’ he’d say, wandering around looking for her. She said he followed her everywhere . . . He called her his girlfriends and he owed bring her sand crabs and seashells from the ocean and he would lay them at her feet.'”

(pg. 257)

Oh, so he does know how to treat a woman nice 😂.

Sorry, sorry, I had to go there.

But I loved hearing about their special bond and how Conrad always had a thing for Laurel, not in a creepy way. He just admired her quiet strength because I think he saw something similar in himself. They got each other when Jere always connected with his mom more. Laurel was Conrad’s as Belly was also Conrad’s.

I loved how Belly created this whole set-up with burgers for them to study. I loved the tag-team study efforts and how Conrad poured himself into his books because he had something worth fighting for again.

“I realized suddenly. I missed him. All this time. When you got to the underneath of it, there it was. There it had always been. And even though he was sitting there only feet away, I missed him more than ever.

Underneath my lashes I watched him, and I thought, Come back. Be the you I love and remember.”

(pg. 248)

She probably had to dig to the Mariana Trench to find the person Conrad was 😂. I mean, where was this good guy she kept talking about.

No, in all seriousness, Conrad is a good guy who just does dumb things and doesn’t know how to act around people he loves because he’s scared of hurting them but he hurts them anyway. I really wanted to see a nicer Conrad.

I freaking loved how before they left the beach house to drive Conrad to his tests, that they did an honorary belly flop 🥺💙! Dang, Steven wasn’t there for it. He really deserves a pay raise 😂.

I also loved how when they were driving back to Conrad’s school, they stopped to fuel up with slurpees and snacks.

“Happiness is a Slurpee and a hot pink straw.”

(pg. 256)

While waiting for Conrad to take his exams, Jere and Belly had a heart-to-heart of sorts where he opened up about how much he missed his mom and how he wished Belly would have called him. I liked that he let it out there because she didn’t know. But I also liked how it gave him the space to finally vocalize how he felt and all the things he was keeping in. I loved when he reassured Belly that that summer house was their house too 💙. When Conrad came back from his test, that was the only time I felt like I saw pure joy out of this man 😂. The way he lifted Belly in a hug and twirled her around, gosh, he was back to being a happy guy. We all knew what comes after happy Conrad 🤪. I felt Jere side-eyeing them and how jealous he was to see Belly happy with Conrad because he liked her.

But that kiss with Jere in the car had me SCREAMING 🙈!!! Let’s go Team Jelly, Let’s go!!!!! I was giddy! And when he asked her if she still liked him or whatever and was like, “Yes,” SOMONE CALL ME A SIREN BECAUSE I WAS I WAS OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD when I screamed!!!

OOOOH, but I screamed even more when Conrad saw them making out in the car!!!!!!! YIKES.

Honestly, I told you shiz head Conrad was going to make an appearance soon because I know this guy’s toxic patterns 🤪. You know what got me though? the fact that she was kissing Jere and she didn’t regret it because she loved him too, but then she chased after Conrad.

Dang.

It felt like she was choosing him again after she just smacked lips with his brother. I would have felt hurt and confused if I was Jere. I was hurt for him.

He asked for his infinity necklace back, which meant he knew she was wearing it and didn’t correct her. But asking for I back, felt like he was asking for his heart back because he didn’t want to give it to her anymore. Conrad had said some pretty shizzy things in the time we knew him, but when he told Belly two go to Jeremiah and that no one wanted her and that he never did, I was COMBUSTING. How dare he say that to her, that AUDACITY is appealing. The Nerve is ridiculous.

Conrad is not worth it!

If he really did love her, eh wouldn’t’ have said that no matter how hurt he felt in that moment.

I know seeing him kiss Jere felt like a betrayal and like the biggest slap to the face, but DUDE, he was giving her mixed signals this entire time, what else was she supposed to think or do????? SHe’s not going to wait for him to get his act together until he no longer had a stick up his butt! If she wanted to kiss a perfectly nice guy who treated her right, then she could! It’s not like he was making a move besides shoving her away. So he couldn’t be mad at her, only at himself.

He needed to get it together because ain’t no body got time for your games nor time for the poor way he lashed out at everyone.

And that AUDACITY he had to say to her at that motel that night that he didn’t mean it.

OOOOOOOOHHHHH MYYYYYYYY FREEEEEEEAAAAAKKKK!

I wanted to SCREAM.

Are you joking me? 🙄

Stop stringing her along 👏🏼!

We get it, Conrad felt like an a** as he should, but gosh let her go.

You know that night, love died 🙈.

“In his eyes, there was no trace of what happened between us earlier, and I could feel something inside me break.

So that was that. We were finally over.

I looked at him, and I felt so sad, because this thought occurred to me: I will never look at you the same way ever again. I’ll never be that girl again. The girl who comes running back every time you push her away, the girl who loves you anyway.

. . . I release you. I evict you from my heart. Because if I don’t do it now, I never will.”

(pg. 273)

YES, it’s about time 👏🏼!

But in a more serious note, I felt awful for Belly because she loved him, she really did, and that was her first love and she would never forget him, but it wasn’t healthy for her to keep him in her heart when all he did was break hers. It wasn’t worth the pain of trying to be with him if he didn’t show her that he wanted to be with her, and it wasn’t worth chasing after someone who kept running away. That only ended up hurting her. And it’s a sad day when love dies and your first love goes away because that’s the first time you felt something powerful—-the most powerful emotion in the world—go away. That someone wasn’t who you thought they were and could be. I wanted to hug her.

It felt like a goodbye when Conrad said he was leaving again with a friend and Jere was going to take Belly home. Jere was always there for her. The book ended with Jere driving her home with so many things left unsaid and so many possibilities.

That epilogue though was cryptic as heck and was one big tease if there ever was one. I don’t know how people waited a year for the third book with that epilogue 🙈!! Jenny knew how to keep the readers on their toes and wanting more. I sure did and I already read the books and had them all.

I really wanted to know more about what Belly’s future would look like with Conrad and Jeremiah. It seemed like she was getting married in the epilogue and running away with someone else, so I had a hunch but I didn’t want to believe it. I also wanted to know how she could recover her relationship with Conrad after the absolute most hurtful thing he could have said to her. I wanted to know what he was going to do to improve himself and be a better man because he was not acting like one. I wonder if she was going to forgive him or really move on. I think she owed it to herself to move on because he continuously treated her bad and she didn’t deserve that. I wanted her to date Jere or choose him because he would treat her right. He still drove her home even after they kissed and she chased after Conrad. I wonder if they talked about what happened in that car ride home. I wonder if she will date Jere and that’s who she marries but she runs away with Conrad because that’s her first love ugh 🤮. I don’t know.

I want to see Conrad and Jeremiah’s relationship in the third book and to see them talk about their feelings for Belly like real brothers and how to navigate their feelings in a healthy way. I want to know how they are going to mend their relationship because loving the same woman is hurting the kinship they have with each other and it’s sad to see the rift between them—to see two brothers fight. I don’t think Susannah would have wanted them to fight.

I also want to explore more of Belly and Laurel’s relationship past Laurel’s grief. I think Laurel should get help or talk to someone to heal. I also want to see more Conrad and Laurel moments to see their special bond in how they always understood each other. I wanted to also know if they were going to go back to the summer house in the upcoming summers and what that dynamic will be like.

Another thing I wondered was how Belly recovered or would mend her relationship with Taylor. I didn’t talk about Taylor much, but there’s still that low-key animosity between them where I feel like Belly still resents Taylor for controlling her. I liked that Taylor covered for Belly when she snuck out with Jere to find Conrad—Laurel thought Belly was staying with Taylor. I liked how Taylor was also on Team Belly in reminding her to let go of Conrad and to not let him get to her the way he always does because he was her first love. She still looked out for Belly. But then they had this big fight where Taylor thought Belly was shutting her out again from her life at Cousins, and it’s not something personal, but Cousins was sacred to Belly that she didn’t want to share. Taylor should respect that. Belly wasn’t being selfish. I do think that they had the same argument of Belly growing up and the she was selfish. I do think the way Belly talked to Taylor was rude because Taylor did cover for her and supported her through everything with Conrad and then she just told Taylor to shut up. That wasn’t nice. I also didn’t know how we got to Belly not being fun anymore, which, duh, she just lost someone in her life, of course she was grieving. They were just spewing things to hurt each other because they both felt attacked and didn’t know how to healthily communicate what they were feeling. they should have used I statement and not you statements because they were on the defensive. But that’s the wya their friendship was left and I wanted to know what they were going to do or say to fix it.

I still think they need to talk about the power control they feel in the friendship because that’s where Belly’s anger comes from and I think Belly really needs to listen to Taylor when she says that Belly doesn’t listen to her because I could see how Belly wouldn’t listen to Taylor about her problems. I know we’re in Belly’s head, but still, Taylor was going through her own things and her best friend wasn’t even there for her or didn’t listen. A very complex friendship because I know that they like each other, but there’s also that sprinkle of anger there that I don’t know if their friendship is healthy and they are just forcing themselves to be friends because of their history.

Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? What did you think of the book? 

Who do you think Belly will end up with?

Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

4.23 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: I loved how we still got to be in Belly’s head, but explore more about how Jeremiah felt about the entire situation. It was heart-wrenching, yet eye-opening to understand Jeremiah because he had a lot more depth to his character than I originally thought. Conrad’s still doesn’t’ have my sympathies 😂

Plot: A more somber storyline than the first book, but it also gave way to more depth and complexities of these characters that made me love or dislike (I’m looking at you Conrad) them in new ways. I really enjoyed the dual perspectives because Jeremiah had so much more to tell in his story and I loved that we got to hear it. I also loved seeing how much loss brought about so much hurt, but above all, love.

Writing: Jenny Han beautifully crafted anther story that balanced love and loss past and present, with an uncertain, but enticing future 💙

Romance: Belly should just date Jeremiah and call it a lifetime because Conrad will never treat her the way she deserves to be treated.