Heart Bones by Colleen Hoover Book Review
“If there’s nothing inside a heart that can break, why does it feel like mine is going to snap in half when it’s time for me to move next month, does your heart not feel that?”
Samson’s eyes scroll over my face for a moment. “Yeah,” he whispers. “It does. Maybe we both grew heart bones.”
(pg. 240)
About
Author: Colleen Hoover
Genre: YA Contemporary Romance
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Synopsis
Life and a dismal last name are the only two things Beyah Grim’s parents ever gave her. After carving her path all on her own, Beyah is well on her way to bigger and better things, thanks to no one but herself.
With only two short months separating her from the future she’s built and the past she desperately wants to leave behind, an unexpected death leaves Beyah with no place to go during the interim. Forced to reach out to her last resort, Beyah has to spend the remainder of her summer on a peninsula in Texas with a father she barely knows. Beyah’s plan is to keep her head down and let the summer slip by seamlessly, but her new neighbor Samson throws a wrench in that plan.
Samson and Beyah have nothing in common on the surface.
She comes from a life of poverty and neglect; he comes from a family of wealth and privilege. But one thing they do have in common is that they’re both drawn to sad things. Which means they’re drawn to each other. With an almost immediate connection too intense for them to continue denying, Beyah and Samson agree to stay in the shallow end of a summer fling. What Beyah doesn’t realize is that a rip current is coming, and it’s about to drag her heart out to sea.
Review
Spoilers Contained Below
To the CoHo’s,
Colleen Hoover did again.
She broke my heart bone 😂💔.
This book was literally a heart bone break waiting to happen and I LOVED it. I just don’t even know what to talk about because I feel like enough has been said 😂. Book review done!
Joking!🤪
But my gosh, did I enjoy the way Beyah grew throughout this book as someone who was so lonely, angry, despondent, hopeless, and hurt to someone who was letting love in, who had more hope, who had the beginnings of a family, who was gentle with herself and others. It was beautiful to feel how she grew and to see that from her.
When we first met Beyah, I was instantly struck with this sense that she was a very deep person.
“Not depressing. We’re deep. There’s a difference.”
(pg. 147)
Because she didn’t seem depressed to me. She seemed angry and fed up with the situation she was in and that made her think deeply about her situation and the world. Because she was handed such a shizzy hand to deal with from the minute she was born. Her mom had a one-night fling with a guy and now Beyah was out in the world with only her mother and her dad doing who knows what, who knows where. She lived in a trailer park practically her whole life, grappling to put food on the table, working her butt off to pay for herself, studying hard in school, practicing hard for volleyball so she could get a scholarship/a way out of this routine town she grew up in, and watching her mother deal with a drug addiction. All in her nineteen years of life. And that’s something no one should ever have to go through so young. None of those things piled up one after the other. She was just a kid, starting to become a full fledged adult, and yet she experienced all these things that no one even twice her age probably had to deal with or learn in their life.
“We just have too much piled on top of us as to know what we’re like when we’re not under pressure.”
(pg 147)
And because she had to deal with so many heavy loads growing up, it made her more mature, guarded, distrustful of people and the world, and angry. Honestly, I felt like Beyah was older than Sara. I always felt like she was, but then there would be parts that would remind me that, “Oh, yea. Sara’s the older one.” But experience does age a person in wisdom because it’s from the things we’ve been through that we learn the most and that helps us to grow. It helped Beyah to grow and know all these things Sara didn’t know. But before I get into that, I just wanted to talk about how Beyah practically raised herself and I have the utmost love and respect for her because that is no easy feat. And she should be proud of everything she did for her. She has such a good head on her shoulder and such a good heart that was hurt so much by the world, and it became this constant question throughout the book if Beyah lived in better circumstances would she have turned out like Sara or would she have been happier or would she have had a better life?
That’s such a great question, because it made me think about something I learned in all my psychology classes: nature vs. nurture.
Nature is the genetics you are born with. It’s in your nature.
Nurture is the environment you grow up in. It’s the people, culture, place, society, life-style, home, education, resources, etc. It’s the setting.
“I thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea people could become different versions of themselves in different settings.”
(pg. 189)
We aren’t really sure of Beyah’s nature because we didn’t know much about the mom except she had a drug addiction. I was curious as to why the mom had a drug addiction. Was it because her environment—–the town she grew up in was known for people falling into drug addictions? Or was it because she was sad? Was it a deeper reason? I do not fully believe people do not do things because they just want to, but there’s always a why. There has to be a why to Beyah’s mom’s actions.
I remembered there were moments Beyah would also question who her mom was before her addiction. Such a good question. Because I wonder too. Was the mom a lot like Beyah? Was she introspective? Beautiful? Loved the ocean? Passionate? Feisty? Guarded? Because I think, yes, Beyah might have been partially like her mom, but I would have liked to know in what ways. Also, I would have liked to know what Beyah meant, because what an interesting name.
Even though it was in her “nature” to have parts of her mom, Beyah was not her mom. She wanted to be more than her mom ever was or what her mom made of her life, and I respected that. And it makes me think about how some people in life we want as our role models and other people we want to be everything they’re not.
For Beyah’s nurture, it was all her. She got a job to feed herself. She worked for that scholarship. She did everything to put herself first and I admired that most about Beyah—she put herself first and she took care of her needs when no one else cared or would.
The only thing I think she learned from her mother was hard lessons, which made her more jaded of the world.
“I think when you’re the worst of people, finding the worst in others becomes a tactic of sorts.”
(pg. 2)
Her mother probably made her feel like people were innately bad because the mom was “the worst.” So Beyah was always judgmental of other people—assuming the worst in them or calling them locker room girls or always thinking people wanted something from her/out to get her. I also think she felt guarded because of the town she grew up in where the men were sleazy as heck and didn’t care about her. Her town also didn’t sound like a haven, it sounded like a heck. Beyah was right to get out of there because who knows if she would have fallen into this same angry cycle she was in, and I think most people in this town felt.
“It’s hard not to grow bitter when you spend so much time alone.”
(109)
I feel like the mom was also bitter and that reflected as anger to Beyah too. I don’t blame the mom for feeling bitter about her situation or how her “baby daddy” wasn’t around, but anger eats away at all the good in our heart and leaves us with the bitter remains. And it’s not a pretty picture. It’s a vicious cycle and everyone in this town fell to it. And this is not something that only happens in books, it happens in real life. There are places out there where there are people who live with drug addictions or other issues, and it creates this cycle of generations that follow the same lead as their parents or grandparents and no one gives these people the help or the resources to better their life or to beat their addictions.
“Are humans the only species who sabotage themselves and everyone around them with their addictions.”
(pg. 255)
We do these people wrong. Because people shouldn’t feel like they need to live with an addiction or to sell drugs or other things to feel like that’s the only way to live or make a living. There are other ways, but sometimes, I have learned in school, that people sell drugs or they sell things because that’s the only way for them to provide for themselves and others. And usually the people highlighted for doing these things are from marginalized communities, and it makes them look bad in the media, when more people from the majority communities sell things deemed as bad. But we don’t show it because we keep the oppressed oppressed, We generate fear over certain races and people in the media to make them seem like the bad guys, when they’re not. They are absolutely not. Most of them make a proper living, working hard. Sometimes, I don’t blame them, they do what they do to survive and provide for their families and sometimes that might not be the most morally sound job in the world, but it says more about a society that would put people in a position to do these immoral things or to even think about doing them rather than actually giving them the resources or means to better their life or to provide for their families in a respectable manner.
When I saw we, I mean society. And society sucks. Our system sucks. And I don’t mean to make this sound like a whole tangent, but sometimes we have to understand where people are coming from and the why of their actions—-the root of their actions.
People are innately good. But they are put in situations where they have to make difficult decisions and choices. And that’s where that line gets blurred of who is good and who is bad. No one is bad. Situations are bad.
Beyah—-like so many people in this world—-lived in a bad situation.
I honestly don’t blame her either for not crying after her mom passed away because her mom did not treat her well or love her in the ways Beyah should have been loved.
“Most kids get the kind of parents that’ll be missed after they die. The rest of us get the kind of parents who make better parents after they’re dead.”
(pg. 5-6)
It’s such a morbid sentence, such a deep sentence, that sadly, a lot of people can relate to. I’m sorry.
So much like with the debate of if a person is more nature or nurture, it is both. People are a product of the nature of how they were born, but the environment and how they are nurtured plays a big role in shaping who a person is also.
“Sometimes I believe personalities are shaped more by damage than kindness.”
(pg. 20)
Which I think is very true. It reminds me of the quote of how people say that the kindest people know the most pain, and how it’s because they know the most pain they are kind. They do not want other people to feel the pain they have felt—to live a life that is better. So I believe it’s our hardships that shape us into who we are. Some people choose to be rude, angry, and bitter because of their experiences, and others choose to be better—-to be more than that.
When Beyah had to uproot her whole life to go to Texas to be with a dad she didn’t even know, a step-mother she had no clue about, and a step-sister she did not want, she didn’t realize that it might have been everything she deserved in life.
We all deserve a family, love, safety, and security. But Beyah didn’t even have that.
You know what gutted me? The fact that she talked about how she would sometimes eat egg shells or paper because she was so hungry and that was the only food she could either find to eat or had to eat. Or that she literally took a piece of bread that these rich people were feeding to ducks on the boat. She took the bread because that was her dinner. That was the only food she had to eat. And that breaks my heart bones 😢. Because this is a reality in the world—–so many people without a home, without food to eat, without feeling loved or accepted in the world. People who slip through the cracks.
“There are children who grow up never having to worry about food, there are children whose families live off government assistance for various reasons, and then there are children like me. The ones who slip through all the cracks. The ones who learn to do whatever it takes to survive.”
(pg. 81)
And there’s so much to be said about the American system that does an entire disservice to it’s population because the system only concerns itself with the rich to keep them in an oppressive, vicious cycle. And it keeps minorities and poorer populations to fend for themselves, to appease them, to placate them, as much as the system can when the efforts they do actually do nothing to solve the actual problem of hunger, violence, oppression, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, the social justice system, or the judicial system. Nothing has ever been done to actually create change in these systems to benefit or help millions of people who go through life everyday trying to live as best as they can and make a life.
And that makes me so FREAKING upset and mad.
Doing little things here and there that “look nice” won’t actually bring change then actual change to the obvious brokenness of our American society. And I say this as an American because I have seen it for yeeeaaaarrrrssssss. I don’t understand why people think that having other people in power or giving a better life to people who don’t have a lot of wealth or power is wrong. I know why people would think it’s a scary thing and that’s why no change has been done—-out of fear—-but where has our human decency gone to let people fall behind and be so marginalized and forgotten in life just so other people can rise? What kind of people are we?
People without heart bones to start with if you ask me.
It just wrecks me that people fall through the cracks of society and this system and are forgotten. And when they are left to fend for themselves, they are deemed as wrong in their actions when they are just trying to survive just like the rest of us.
It’s not fair.
Beyah’s life was not fair and I’m angry on her behalf.
But I’m just glad she didn’t have a prick father who turned her away when she called to ask him if she could stay with him. If she did, I would literally have gone livid 😡. But he was a pretty decent guy. Funny 😂, but decent. Honestly, I liked her dad a lot and if he knew about Beyah’s mom and what Beyah grew up with, I bet he would have intervened sooner. Beyah should have told him, but it was also his fault as the parent for not trying harder to be in her life to get to know her. Sending a check every few months doesn’t make up for the missed moments with a father. She didn’t want money—sure it helped—–she wanted love, she wanted a family. Heck, most of the time the money didn’t even reach Beyah and that made me angry too! Heck, the dad even sent Beyah a phone, a phone she didn’t get 🤨. I bet we all knew where the money went and the phone.
It also made me sad how Beyah viewed her father. She didn’t know him and he might as well have been a stranger to her because he was. But everyone acted like they knew each other or they were close when they weren’t. And that made Beyah uncomfortable and angry because who was her dad or these people to assume the best in their relationship when the dad was barely around. It broke my heart when she realized he lied about going to her graduation because he claimed he had a “broken leg.” But then she saw him at the airport, practically running around and jumping on what was supposed to be a “broken leg.” And if I was Beyah, I would have felt disappointed, but not surprised. 🥺. I mean, the dad didn’t try harder to be in her life and then he faked a leg to get out of her graduation? That looks BAAD! Good for Beyah when she lied to him about having all these luggages 😂. I thought that was a nice touch! But I also felt sad to think about how she only had everything in one bag. I know people do that though for a minimalist lifestyle, which is perfectly fine, and heck even admirable because as people we can be wasteful and have all these things we don’t need. But Beyah didn’t have much because she didn’t grow up with much. So seeing her rich dad flex on her with a jaguar, buying a plane ticket like that, and a nice house? Gosh, I would have felt angry and bitter because why did he get to live it up all these years while she struggled?
That wasn’t fair to her.
It felt like a slap in the face.
The dad and her have a very complex relationship in the book where he doesn’t want to overstep Beyah because she’s an adult and he also knows he hasn’t been around in her life very much to have a say, which I love self-awareness and self-accountability! But gosh, when he punched Samson in the shower because he thought Samson was taking advantage of her when he was cleaning the jellyfish sting 😂. I WAS LAUGHING.
It was funny, but the sentiment was sweet. 😆 I mean, at least the dad would have no hesitation to protect his daughter if she were in a situation like that. I loved the gusto the dad had to just go in swinging 😂. But again, I liked it! I also liked how the dad made it a running joke throughout the book whenever Beyah would mention Samson and how the dad would say, “Good thing I punched him sooner” or something like that 😂. You know, the dad jokes. The dad protective jokes of interrogating or hitting the boyfriend 😂. Or when the dad caught Beyah and Samson sneaking out of her room after watching a sunrise together. The dad definitely woke up after that! And when Samson told him he jumped to her room from the balcony, he literally called him an idiot 😂. We love to hear it! I also loved when Beyah asked to sleepover at Samson and the dad was trying to convince Alana (the wife) and her no. But Alana was like, Sara sneaks in Marcos all the time 😂. He was not going to win the argument, and he didn’t. But it was funny when he was like, “Just sneak back in in the morning so I can pretend the whole thing didn’t happen.” 😂 LOVE the dad’s humor. The dad was a joy.
But there were some not so joyful moments between the dad and Beyah. In the beginning of their relationship, she kind of walked around him, but was open to having him in her life. That highlighted to me how Beyah wanted a family and she wanted love. She might be mistrustful of it and the people she let in, but she wanted to let people in, and that was not to be unnoticed. When she told the dad about the Pennsylvania scholarship, he told her he was proud of her. And I’ll admit, I was like, “Awww, he’s proud of her,” but then from Beyah’s perspective, she was like I don’t want him to be proud of me. And I understood it because he did nothing to ease her pain as a child in the first place and why he had to work so hard to raise herself—-get the scholarship—in the first place. So he had no right to be proud of her because he was no help to her. Beyah still was angry at him, and I don’t fault her for that.
But the moment I really liked between the dad and Beyah was their heart-to-heart at the end. Beyah was watching the sunrise alone and Brian (the dad) came out to watch with her. They look at pictures of the time Beyah was younger and visited him in California, but she doesn’t remember that. And it’s crazy how sometimes we don’t remember things like that—-the good times. But then they have this whole conversation of why the dad stopped trying harder for her. And they both needed to hear it or put it out there. Beyah didn’t hate her dad, she just was angry and hurt by him. And he said he felt guilty for causing her trouble with all this back and forth, but for her, she loved spending time with her dad. He didn’t know that. So we need to communicate what we feel and to tell people because they don’t know if we don’t tell them. The part I liked most about their conversation was how the dad was proud of the person Beyah was because she did it on her own because that acknowledges all her hardships, her struggles, and strengths. And she wanted to know that she did it—that she was able to be more than her mom ever was and to be this person she was today.
Beyah should be proud of herself 💖.
Beyah’s relationship with Alana wasn’t detailed, but I enjoyed it just the same. Alana never wanted to be Beyah’s replacement mom or she never made Beyah feel like she had to change to fit into the family they were, but they found a way to morph Beyah into the family. I also liked how Alana was so open and made it not awkward to talk about birth control and sex because that is an awkward conversation most people don’t want to have. Beyah certainly never had that conversation with her mom, so having it with Alana was new, uncomfortable, but it also felt positive to know that if Beyah ever had personal feminine things she wanted to talk about, she had Alana and her dad to support her without judgment. And I loved that 😊. It also made my heart burst when Beyah cried ini Alana’s arms and asked her for some sleeping pills because she wanted to sleep but her thoughts were everywhere. And when Beyah said:
“I wish you could have been my mother.”
(pg 269)
Literal tears 😭
It’s all about character, and Alana showed her more heart in the weeks she’s known Beyah more than her mom has in her 19 years of knowing Beyah. Beyah deserved so much more.
I also highly adored Sara💖.
She was very welcoming and friendly and that’s who Beyah needed.
At first Sara gave me really hype vibes—like she was hype to have a new sister—-which was fine. She also was very insecure about her weight and it made me sad to see how whenever Beyah ate, Sarah would eat too so she could be like Beyah—-skinny. Beyah was skinny because she had no food to eat. And I didn’t like how Sara would kind of talk down on Beyah about not wearing certain things or sizes because she wasn’t skinny enough. Every-body is beautiful in the way they come. What’s wrong in the ways society makes us feel like we all have to be one size or a small size to feel like we are worth something, when that is absolutely not true. But then they had these donuts and chocolate milk moments where Beyah told Sara not to care about her weight and to just eat what she wanted, that warmed my heart. I’ll admit, I had an unhealthy relationship with food too where I would compare what I ate to the people around me because to my mind it felt like if I ate less, somehow I would be skinnier than them. And that wasn’t a healthy mindset to have—-isn’t a healthy mindset to have. If I have learned anything, eat what you want in moderation. Eat what makes you happy because truthfully at the end of the day, the size you wear does not matter. It is all about how you feel in your body and if you want to lose weight or start a healthy lifestyle because you want to move your body or feel better in your own body, go for it. Don’t do it obsessively or unhealthily and remember you need to eat as much as you exercise and still find that balance. I know what it’s like to be obsessed with health and fitness in an unhealthy way, and trust me, it’s not something I would want any of you to go through. But feel good for you. Your body is yours. Losing weight or not, do it for you and there is nothing wrong with what you do or do not do.
But I felt like that was the first bonding moment between Beyah and Sara and then they started to like each other more. Beyah also thought Sara was this “locker girl” who was only fake nice for show and then later she would talk meanly. But Sara wasn’t like that and I’m happy she learned that about Sara because once Beyah let her in, I believe she started to realize not everyone is bad.
I also enjoyed the conversation between Sara and Beyah about happiness.
“. . . I don’t know what makes me happy. I’m kind of curious about it too. I’ve spent my whole life just trying to survive; I’ve never really thought about the things that lie beyond that.
Getting a meal used to make me happy. Nights when my mother didn’t bring home strange men used to make me happy. Paydays at McDonald’s used to make me happy.
I’m not sure why her question triggers so much in me, but I realize for the first time since I got here that the same things that used to make me happy aren’t even issues in my life anymore.
What does make me happy?”
(pg. 94-95)
To Beyah, she thought happiness meant surviving, but happiness and surviving are not the same things and just because you are surviving does not mean you are living or that you are happy. And so it made me sad to think about how Beyah didn’t even know what happiness was. I think most of us just want to be happy in life, it’s something I strive for and want everyday. And I used to ask myself that too: What makes me happy? And it’s a difficult question to answer sometimes. But it’s not money, it’s not wealth, sometimes we have to search deep for what truly brings us joy.
When Beyah first saw the open, it was such a beautiful scene. I grew up on an island and live on an island. I know the ocean. I’ve seen the ocean. And when Beyah talked about the ocean view—
“I’ve always been curious about that—if people who live on the beach appreciate it less than people whose only view is the back porch of their sh**** landlord’s house.”
(pg. 30)
So to answer this question, yes. Yes . . . and kind of no.
We absolutely do. Not all of us. But some. Sadly, I am one. Now hear me out. It’s not that I appreciate the ocean view less as someone who grew up around it her whole life, because I appreciate the ocean, I love the ocean, it’s a beautiful and powerful entity. But I don’t go to the beach or view the ocean as much as one would think a person who lives on an island would because I have the means to do so. So in that way, I would say I do not appreciate the ocean as much as I could—me not looking at it as much. But I do appreciate the ocean, maybe not as much as I should. And it goes with the idea I think of how as people we like what we don’t have. So I guess if you haven’t grown up near the ocean, let alone an island, you really want to be near it more because it’s new and curious. And as someone who has grown up not seeing farm-like areas or really high buildings or architectures, I’m curious about that. I always wondered if people who lived in Europe ever see the landmarks as regular things rather than how outsiders see it? I think it’s all about perspective and experience.
But I need to be better about appreciating the ocean and the wonders of nature. We all do.
But Beyah’s reaction was breathtaking because she understands the ocean and appreciates it. I think it’s because the ocean is calming and seemingly infinite, and to Beyah everything in her life has been a torrent—-crazy. She needed calm. So when Beyah was like, “The ocean makes me happy,” and Sara was like, “Let’s have dinner on the beach,” that made me happy 😊.
I loved when Sara reminded Beyah to live right now—today—-and I loved the moment they ate ice cream and Sara was like, “Dammit, I love having a sister” (pg 153). Because that’s what they were to each other now and I loved that 💖. I mean, they gossiped and talked about boys. Oh, gosh and don’t get me started on the high-five signal 😂. That was soooo FREAKING funny! Because Beyah’s not very forthcoming with guy stuff to Sara, but Sara wanted to know, so she was like, at least give me a signal like a high five 😂. And then, Beyah walked in on Sara and Marcos making out one evening and she was going to give them privacy, but then she walked back and high-fived Sara 😂. Because she realized that Sara had been nothing but open with her and she wanted to at least do the same, or at least give her a high-five. It was super cute and funny.
I also liked that moment where Samson gave Beyah the look when he was walking by on the beach, and Sara was like, “You’re being summoned” 😂. But the one thing I didn’t like was how dismissive Sara was about Samson when he got arrested (which I’ll get into soon!). I understood why Sara would be all bent out over Samson and how saying all these negative things about him was her way of showing Beyah she was on her side—I mean we all have those girlfriends who the second we say this guy or girl is trash, they are quick to say they are trash too out of support 😅. I didn’t like the trash talk here because Beyah didn’t want people to think of Samson as trash because he wasn’t. Once Sara realized how much Samson actually meant to Beyah, she knew not to. So I liked how she was just there for Beyah and held her when she needed it. I also liked how Sara could read the room and know when Beyah needed her space or not because I tell you a lot of guys do not know how to take a hint 😂. AKA Beau. I mean, that guy was a prick on prick on a prick. He was a player prick and he could not read the room if someone gave him a manual. I swear, if someone says no multiple times to you after asking to go out, the answer is the same 😅. It’s a hard no, so go away. Honestly, I loved it when Samson stood up for Beyah and when Sara also spoke out for her. Poor Beau had his ego attacked and got all angry because Samson didn’t want to fight him back, he got called out by a girl, and he got rejected by a girl. I have yet to find anything more stubborn than a male ego 🙄.
But I LOVED Sara.
You know who else I loved?
Samson! Let’s talk about Samson, shall we.
What an enigma! 😆
We truly got off on the wrong foot of meeting him because he gave off rich prick vibes.
“Is golf a smell?”
(pg. 36)
I literally cackled 😂.
You know . . . because golf is a rich rich sport. If golf had a smell I think it would be freshly cut grass with a hint of sand and sunscreen with a mix of the finest fragrance sprayed by the richest hands 🤪. If I was Beyah and I saw a random creepo with a big camera taking a picture of me at a pretty low moment in my life, I would have felt enraged too. Enraged enough to break the man’s camera? No. But I understood why. I also would have broken his camera too if the creepo gave me a $20 bill like I was asking for it. Just her luck she would get to know him over the summer. And the thing was, we could feel Beyah resisting wanting to like Samson. Deep down she did. But she didn’t trust men or like men because she never had the best examples of them in her life which I understood. She was also scared of Samson hurting her or being just like any other guy she met—-a guy who wanted something with her.
Beau and Dakota could be friends. They both sucked.
Dakota truly took advantage of Beyah because he knew what kind of situation she was in and that was not okay. If you are four years older than someone and you know they are going through it, that does not mean you use the situation to your advantage. Nope. ☹️ I just could NOT with Dakota because, of course, Beyah would rather take the money he gave her and do all these horrid things because at least then she would have enough money for food or her house. I could NOT. I have absolutely no judgments on Beyah, but Dakota? A mountain’s worth. He disgusts me. But Beyah didn’t want to be another $20 play thing to Samson. It’s also why she was so offended by him handing her $20 on the boat.
So Beyan had a lot to work through with guys and Samson just had a lot to be open about.
“You can’t really dislike a book you haven’t read.”
(pg. 205)
Which I thought was beyond true. I have been told multiple times in my life that I’m too much of a closed book, and there’s truth to that. But at the same time, you can’t dislike someone you don’t even know. I mean, you can, but that goes back to being judgmental before you even know someone, which was also a big theme in the book.
When trying to get to know each other, there were multiple conversations I enjoyed reading from Beyah and Samson. First, was the rich vs. poor talk. They had this idea of each other of being from two completely different worlds with him the rich guy who owned five houses and her was poor and grew up in a trailer that she just got evicted from. And Samson said that being rich wasn’t different from being poor, just with more money. It was kind of an insensitive response because being poor is not the same as being rich. I think the only similarity I can see is how no matter how rich one is, that person is still going to have all these issues that money can’t solve. But being poor is about surviving and security, but when you’re rich you already have the means to survive and feel secure. Beyah didn’t even have a real home. That’s not the same as being rich. I also liked the very honest conversations and questionings between them because it helped us get to know them a bit better. But you know, Samson was not giving anything up. He was the onion. He stinks 😂. I’m joking!
“I wonder what happened to him to make him so private and withdrawn.”
(pg. 132)
Honestly, after a while with all their conversations, I was like let me mark my FREAKING clattered for August 2nd because apparently that’s the tell all day and the only thing I’m looking forward to reading 🤪(just joking, I look forward to the entire CoHo book all day any day). Anyone else felt like that?
They also had that intimate conversation about her never being held by someone and I just wanted to cry for Beyah 🥺. Can I hold you?
“I’ve never been held by anyone. I don’t know what that’s like. I try to avoid it, actually. It seems like it would be weird.
“I guess it depends on who’s holding you.”
(pg. 121)
I’m joking, let Samson hold you 😏.
They had lots of moments where they could have hugged, but they didn’t because hugging was way more intimate than sex or kissing. And I heard this recently from the Wild til’ 9 podcast (I think) about how more teens today see cuddling as more intimate, and I can understand why—-you are literally holding a person and that feels personal. But what really got me was when Beyah played volleyball down at the beach with those three older guys. Beyah spotted Samson on the balcony watching her and then he disappeared. Beyah was thinking all these negative things of how jealous Samson was and how that’s not a good quality, and then Samson, my man, came out of his house with a chair, a chair 🥺. In those moments of Beyah questioning Samson’s character, I could imagine Samson going inside his house and saying , “Where is my chair?” 😂
And this dude plops it straight down on the beach in front of the game and cheers her on! 🥺 Because Beyah told him all about her volleyball scholarship and how it no longer felt fun for her and how no one ever went to her games. But he went to her game—-he showed up loud and proud. And I loved to see it! 💖 He literally cheered his heart out and it made Beyah fall back in love with volleyball and to enjoy it again. Because I think when a hobby becomes a career, sometimes we lose ourselves in our original love for our hobby because we think of it as work rather than fun. And Beyah lost that, but Samson gave her back that love and I love that.
And I loved it even more when he just held her after the game and her eyes sprouted tears. She felt supported and loved.
It was soooo beautiful to see Beyah feeling and experiencing everything she deserved and more—–everything that had been withheld from her for the last 19 years of her life.
“I feel happier. I don’t feel like I’m on the verge of breaking all the time.
I’m sure it’s more than just Samson. It’s a combination of all the things I’ve never had before. Decent shelter that isn’t rotting from the inside by termites. Three meals a day. A constant friend who lives right across the hall. The ocean. The sunrise.
(pg. 187)
And it goes back to nature and nurture and if Beyah had just grown up without all these hardships in the first place, she would have felt more love and happiness in her life than pain. But her pain made her the strongest person, the most compassionate person, the most understanding person. So as much as Beyah deserved better, there was some good that came from her situation because it led her to Sara, her dad, Texas, and Samson. It led her to the life she always deserved—-the life that was always meant for her.
Everyone in her life showed her love and appreciation and I loved that. And in turn, it made her feel that deep in her heart bones to find peace and to let go.
One of the other conversations that was wholesome between Beyah and Samson was the heart bones. I loved that 💖. Because we all say they broke my heart, but hearts don’t have bones. So it was beyond clever that Colleen Hoover found a way to make even the simplest saying into something poetic.
“Don’t worry. Hearts don’t have bones. They can’t actually break.”
(pg. 240)
They were also great at reading each other’s body language to know what the other person said or meant and that’s such a beautiful thing. Words say it all, but if you can read a person, you know them. And they knew each other more than they thought they did.
I also loved their whole sunrise sessions because I mean, how FREAKING ADORABLE 🥺. He literally set an alarm to watch the sunrise with her on his balcony and then eventually he jumped to her balcony to watch it with her. And no guy or no one just wakes up at the butt crack of dawn to watch the sunrise with just anyone. I also liked the moment they got tattoos with each other and how cute that scene was. I liked how she chose a Hurricane tattoo for him to connect with Hurricane Ike and Rake. I loved how Samson was so assured he was going to love the tattoo Beyah chose, that he didn’t even look at it. And his reaction to seeing the tattoo? Priceless. Beyah was probably like, I did good 😆. I also thought it was cute how Samson chose her tattoo of a pinwheel to symbolize the turn of her bad luck. I loved that 💖. I also just loved how the dad was so cool about letting her get a tattoo and how jokey he was about it too in saying how they were both getting tattoos of things they didn’t know that day 😂. He was probably thinking “idiots.” 😂. I also enjoyed their whole double date with Sara and Marcos and how Beyah never ate shrimp before so the waiter literally got her a piece of shrimp to try and everyone was watching for her reaction and Sara was like, “You’re watching her like this is life or death.” And someone was like, “Well, if she’s allergic.” 😂 And Sara was like “I just want to eat.” Love Sara. But on that date, what got me was the friend who called Samson Shawn and how he responded got me questioning everything we barely know about Samson. And the whole “getting out thing?” My mind first went to prison 😂. Then I thought rehab🧐? The answer I thought was lame was boarding school. Yea, right. I did not buy that.
But you know, Beyah and Samson had their nice, lovely, dove moment before everything turned to shiz as Colleen Hoover does 😆.
When Beyah woke up and saw police handcuffing Samson, I kid you not, the denial in me was like, “Is this role-play?” 😂 I was really holding out for that one 😂. But noooo, he was getting arrested, and I’m thinking WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!? Please tell me, not Joe Goldberg 🤪. Then my next thought was he’s a house breaker-inner😂. Then I thought Rake’s son?Abandoned? Lonely?
And then everything made sense. He didn’t want to tell her anything before because he didn’t want to put her in the middle of his problems and his lie. And I respect that he didn’t want to lie to the people he loved or cared about, but how honest he was to lie to in certain moments to protect them.
“Samson makes me wonder if there’s a difference between a liar and a person who tells lies to protect someone from the truth.”
(pg. 244)
He was always protecting them.
Samson lost his father, who was in fact Rake, to Darya the ocean—-hence why Darya broke his heart. And finding his dad’s bones on the beach on that one date they had, had to be pretty devastating and morbid. It also had to feel painful to find, especially knowing how Samson knew that that was his father, but Beyah only knew Rake as Samson’s good friend who lived on the beach. Samson was never going to the Air Force, but at the end of summer he was going to turn himself into the cops and serve his time for starting a fire in one of the houses he stayed in and for all the houses he broke in, so he was biding his time. Honestly, no man would just willingly turn themselves in for a crime they know they did unless they had a good heart. And I had no doubt Samson didn’t want to hurt Beyah.
He was just like Beyah. But he had it worse early on.
“Being locked up and released over and over is a cycle that gets stronger with every arrest.”
(pg. 253)
Which goes back to how we have a broken system in America of thinking that locking up people is solving the issue, when really it just makes the issue disappear without actually solving anything, and the result is we have all these people in prison with actual mental health issues or addictions that aren’t being solved, but are just stewing in the silence and gray-scale of a prison. What we need is to give services to these people who have been disadvantaged or hurt by the world to actually get to the root of their pain and to solve it. That’s how we fix a cycle and system from repeating itself over and over.
Prison’s are magic hats that disappear issues until they reappear again.
We need to give people help as much as we can, and sure, they have done wrongful, even maybe the utmost immoral act, but sometimes there are people like Samson who fall into bad choices because they do not feel like they have no other choice from a society that puts them in the same cycle over and over or lets people like him slip through the crack.
I just can’t stress enough how Samson was truly “a product of a fluty system” who was just trying to live and get through life as best as he could just like the rest of us. So Samson did the things he had to, not because he wanted to. And there lies the issue.
What I liked most was Beyah’s unwavering belief in Samson—-her belief that he was a good man put in a tough situation. A good man who deserved better. A good man.
No one else had faith in Samson, but her, and if it wasn’t for her, Samson wouldn’t have got a good lawyer to help him lessen his time. If Samson wasn’t a good man, he wouldn’t have gotten early leave in four years. He was good.
“Maybe you don’t need to know a person’s history to realize who they are in the present.”
(pg 164)
Beyah was quick to judge Sara. But she learned to not judge others based on what they look like, who she felt like they were, or their past. Because none of that takes away from the person they are today. Beyah had a difficult past, but it did not make her a bad person or a depressed person. Samson had a challenging, troubling past, but it did not make him a bad person either. Our past does not define us. Our past experiences of others should not make us be presumptuous of others either. And I really liked this sentiment because we never know what a person has gone through to be the way they are today. But there is good in every person and if that person shines through with love, kindness, and goodness, that is who they are. Not everything before that.
So I really liked how Beyah learned to stop being judgmental of others when she met them, and this helped her in the future when she opened her heart to others.
I respected Samson when he wanted Beyah to move on, and how he didn’t want to see her. He knew she was a force to be reckoned with because of how strong she was in adversity, but man he really broke Beyah’s heart bones. They made a pact of sorts to not fall in love of keep things shallow, but
“People sometimes still drown in the shallow end.”
(pg. 183)
And when Beyah told Samson she was drowning when he was pushing her away for her own good, that broke my heart bones even more 🥺. I also felt Beyah slowly breaking and falling into a deep sadness because she loved Samson and I could feel that. And out of everyone who left her in her life or who wasn’t there, Samson was always there “cheering her on,” and he left her too. I understand why it hurt a lot.
When she had that talk on the balcony with her dad, he really helped her realize her strength and worth again after all the heartbreak. Beyah was planning on staying in Texas, getting a job, and waiting for Samson, and I love that undying belief, but I was like, sis, don’t throw away your education for a man!
And the dad did good in talking her out of her thoughts of just waiting for Samson—giving away a whole future she built for herself just for a guy. And Samson didn’t want that for her. There was a part when Samson got arrested when Beyah questioned when she would ever feel happy again because she knew Samson would be in prison for a long time. And I thought to myself, this girl needs time on her own because if she’s clinging to the idea that she’ll only be happy when Samson is free, she forgot her strength.
Her dad reminded her of her strength.
“The only person who has ever been completely loyal to you is. you. You’re doing yourself a disservice by not putting yourself first right now.”
(pg. 300)
And she was.
“I’ve been through enough in my life that I don’t want a guy to change the things I like about myself the most.”
(pg. 140)
So I liked how she went to college, had a roommate, and tried to live out her four years in college as best as she could. She was still holding onto hope for Samson—an endless hope—while still living her life. She was mending things with her dad and finding a family. She was letting go of all her anger, and I loved that because it allowed her to heal and move forward to create this life she never even dreamed of for herself. And she did it all by herself.
I loved how she studied law because of Samson—–because of how broken the judicial system was and she wanted to be part of the change. I liked how she was going to go to law school 💖. I loved how she lived despite her pain—that she found herself, her passions in life, and created better relationships. I liked the whole time jump to four years later where Beyah’s waiting for Samson to be released. And it’s such a heart-breaking moment—-such a stunning scene. When Samson turned around and saw her? 🥺 TEARS 😭. Or when Beyah actually started crying? TEARS 😭. The way they held each other? TEARS 😭.
A whole lot of tears.
“Thank you for believing in me, Beyah.”
“You believed in me first, Samson. It’s the least I could do.”
(pg 315)
SOBBING TEARS!
But I loved the ending where Samson got Marjorie’s house—he finally had a home. Majorie believed in Samson’s kindness because he never asked for anything from the people he helped, so they wanted to help him. Honestly, I LOVED Marjorie. Cue Taylor Swift song! I loved how she was the random older lady who cracked nuts and had cheese-named dogs 😆. I think Majorie would be good for that guy in Ugly Love, you know the older guy who sat at the apartment complex . . . gosh what’s his name? I loved Pepper Jack Cheese! 😂 My dog! I also liked how P.J. resembled Beyah in how they were both strays and how no one thought to care for P.J., but Beyah did.
“Damaged people recognize other damaged people.”
(pg 37)
Or I guess, dogs too. But I loved me P.J.
I also loved how four years later Sara and Marcos were married and lived in a nice yellow house and how Marcos’s His-panic fashion line took off! POP OFF! 👏🏼 I also liked how four years later, Beyah and Samson still found each other at the ocean, and in love—-healing those heart bones 💖.
I’m kind of left wondering more about Samson because I would love to know more about him now that we know him, but that’s okay.
Overall, this story is definitely high on my Colleen Hoover scale, but gosh knows it’s hard to rate her books because all of them are phenomenal.
Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? In honor of Majorie, what is you favorite cheese? Anything I mentioned that you want to discuss more about? Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕
I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.
And as always, with love,
Rating
5 Full Bloom Flowers
Characters: Enigmatic, resilient characters who survived the worst hand and won with so much more.
Writing: Colleen Hoover’s writing? Gosh, what’s not to love?
Plot: I loved how this story was not just a love story, but a story of character, psychological topics, social justice issues, and family.
Romance: A heart-bone breaker for sure 💖