February 2020 Quote: Falling Out of Love

“Isn’t it kind of sad how

love falls out

in the way we both gave up

before we even tried?”

– floweringpages

To all those who have ever loved,

Love is such a beautiful thing, but it’s also very complicated in what it can be. I can’t say that I’m a professional at love because heck, no one truly is. It’s something you figure out as you can and no matter how well you think you know love, it will always find new ways to teach you things.

My love life is practically nonexistent and has always been so far. I’ve had crushes here and there, but nothing ever happened. So whenever anyone asked me, “Who was your first crush?” or “Who do you like?” I usually don’t tell anyone because there is nothing to tell.

Because I liked someone—-maybe not so much loved—-but it always fell out before we ever tried.

In any of these situations, I could have tried to initiate something because we live in such a progressive time where I can, but I’m a traditionalist and I would rather have the other person initiate something because, gosh knows, I become a nervous wreck and scared. I get the other person might be nervous and scared too, but I’m so sorry, my faint girl heart isn’t that brave to be like, “Hey I like you,” or flirt with someone. What is flirting, am I right? 😆

Nothing happens and it’s completely my fault because if I wanted something to happen I should have just hiked up my big girl pants and do something about it. I literally have no reason to complain or say, “Why doesn’t a guy ask me out” or talk to me when there is no rule that I can’t do that first. And I’m always hard on myself in this way.

More recently, I had a small crush on someone and if you want the real tea, I talked about it somewhere here on my blog and you can go find that post because I’m not going to point arrows at such a topic 😂 But it’s here, if you know where to look. 😉

Anyway, when I felt all these things for this person, deep down in my gut, something told me he liked he too. It was kind of the first time in a long that I felt that reciprocated and I knew it. This kind of beating around the bush if you will happened for about all of summer and fall, and then just like that, it fell out.

As time went on, I told myself to move on because if he liked me, he would have done something or I would have done something and something would have happened. But being me, and knowing me, I wasn’t going to do anything about it except stamp down my feelings and reduce them to nothing. It’s not the healthiest solution to this, but I knew I couldn’t keep hoping for something that didn’t seem like it was going anywhere. So I told myself, get over it. Stop thinking about him. Stop caring so much. Stop looking at him. Just stop.

Stopping is easier said than done when he was always there and I felt like he still liked me, but I was trying to move on.

That’s the pattern with my past “love-life” situations. I like someone, I can sense they like me, we beat around the bush, I tell myself he’ll never like me, I do nothing, nothing happens, so I get rid of my feelings.

It sounds like a recipe for just throwing things away and giving up before anything happens.

And I take full blame for that.

I should have tried.

Maybe the other person should have tried too.

Maybe if we both tried at what we both felt, it could have worked, but we were too scared to take those steps—-I was too scared.

The point being, take your chance and don’t be scared like me. If I can go back to any of these guys I liked, maybe I would have the courage to actually talk to them. I know every part of me is left wondering if they even did like me because it wasn’t like they confirmed anything. It would have also been interesting to see where it could have went. Maybe it would have taught me a lesson or maybe it wouldn’t have been meant to be. But at least I wouldn’t be stuck in this place of constant wondering of what could have been or mixed emotions. Don’t be stuck like me.

Love takes risks and it takes work.

It takes a first step on both sides to meet in the middle and find something that meshes between two people. I wished I would have been brave enough to take that risk and first step. Learn from me and know that you have to try before you give up and tell your feelings to pack its bags and move out. Don’t be quick to stop feeling what you feel just because you think that nothing will happen. Nothing’s going to happen because you manifest that for yourself, so when nothing does happen, you expect it. It’s disappointing, but it’s what you know of yourself—–it’s comfortable.

But the times where we are the most uncomfortable, are the times we grow the most in the sense that we know that feeling, and we can pick up on how we react if we’re ever in a similar situation like that again. So be uncomfortable, talk to the guy or girl and tell them how you feel. Be uprfront about it or maybe start small and just say hi. Do something.

Trying is half the battle and if you cross that line, you’ve already won.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost and it’s not a fun feeling.

Wondering.

Pinning.

Unsatisfied.

Empty.

Try. Try to be the love you want. Try to fight for the love you feel. Try try try.

If you try and it doesn’t work out, then heck, at least you know you gave it your all.

This doesn’t just apply to crushes, but sometimes love falls out between two people and they just give up because they don’t want to deal with it anymore. But if two people really love each other, they will keep trying to make things work and it’s okay if in the end it doesn’t because sometimes it won’t. Giving it your all is better than giving it nothing.

Love is everything. It needs everything.

Don’t let love fall when it’s on the precipice of turning into something amazing. Be the one to save it—-to have it.

And my gosh, I hope you find love in this life of yours because you deserve it.

I hope at the end of the day, you can at least try.

As always, with love,