April 2021 Quote: Stay Strong

“Stay strong. I promise that you won’t look back on these days and remember how hard they were. Instead, you’ll look back on them and be so beyond proud of yourself for pushing through the tough times because you’ll know how absolutely ‘worth it’ it all was in the end.”

– Charolette Freeman

@momentaryhappiness

* A friendly caution that I talk about divorce an an eating disorder in this post. *

To the strong person you are, We have all been through hardships. We have all been through hard things. We all had our bad days, bad weeks, bad months, bad years (talk about last year 😅). We have all been there. When we go through our hardships, it is difficult to see past it—-like things will never get better.

There’s this saying that when you are in the thick of the forest, all you see is the trees around you. It feels terrifying. It feels like you are trapped with no way out. It feels endless. But part of this saying is that when you look at the forest from above or when you are not in the thick of the forest, you see that there was this whole entity—a bigger picture. I could be butchering the saying, I probably am, but it went something like that. Nevertheless, what the saying meant was that when we are in the thick of the forest or the thick of our problem, we feel stuck, lost, confused, angry, or hopeless because there does not seem to be an end to what is around us. But when we distance ourselves from the forest and look at the big picture, we realize that we were never stuck, but to have hope. Looking at the entire forest also helps you to remember that there is a grander entity out there that you were a part of.

I have been in the forest for so many years, so many situations. But I have always found my way out of it, to find myself there again. A natural cycle; people go through things in seasons.

When my parents divorced, I landed on my butt in the forest. I stumbled, scraped myself, and hid in fear. I walked in the circles of my mind for years and let the fire in my heart burn as long as I let it. I held onto what was around me with a fierce grip because I already knew what it was like to lose what was close to you. I did not want to let go of the familiar. So I stayed in the forest, circling and circling, walking and walking. And it wasn’t until I looked back that I realized I was out of it. The fire in my heart stilled, my mind calmed, and I saw a peaceful creation of trees, birds, and life. I was out of my hardships. It took soooo many years until I found peace with what my family and I experienced, but I got through it. This reminds me of something Steve Harvey said, “Why would you stop in heck? Go through it.” Why would you stop in your hardship? Go through it. Because you are strong enough to do so.

You might feel like you are not. Give yourself a lot more credit.

About five years after my parents divorced, I struggled with an eating disorder. I did not know I had an eating disorder until I realized how far I took my ED. I was in the forest again. And it felt like being knocked down after getting back up. Truth be told, I had been hiking down this path for a long time from the shame, rude commentary, and dislike I formed for myself. And it wasn’t until I was fifteen I wanted to change. It was not a change for the better. So there I was in the forest, not eating, but surviving day to day. Everyday I would run, trying to stave off the words that haunted me and the hate that permeated my body. I ran and ran and ran. I ate less and less and less. I became less and less and less. I was unrecognizable. I was not happy. I went to the doctors when it was too late for my unhealthily habits and mindset with food.

Better late than never.

When I was seventeen, I wanted to heal. I tried and tried and tried. But if you have been through it, you know how difficult it can be to let go of the mindset or routine you have with food. I did not let go, but yet I thought I was healing. I was falsely healing. I was still in the forest doing the same things over and over again, but knowing I could get out, just not ready to. Because I felt if I got out of the forest and no one liked me for who I was or who I would be, then I failed.

It was not until last year that I felt myself even remotely in the safe zone of finding a healthier relationship with food. Five years later and I am still finding my way out of the forest.

Slowly, but surely. Progress does not equate to speed.

Some days I feel like I am out of the forest with my ED, some days I struggle really bad and I am retreating back to the safety of the thick of everything. But I know that there is a bigger picture—a grander forest—-out there to hope for. I know even if I have not completely recovered from my ED, that I look back and I see why I want through what I did and I do not hate myself for it. I know many people do recover from their ED, (and I am beyond happy for you, you don’t even know) but some people live with a hard relationship with food. They carry that with them in the forest and will always. I am one of those travelers. But again, I have my good days and bad days.

No matter my days, I know there is still a way out of the forest if I let myself.

From my parents divorce, my ED, a very intense sadness with my freshman year of college, and a overwhelming current phase due to the pandemic, I have been in the forest repeatedly. But no matter what I have been through or will go through, I know whenever I look back on these challenges, I do not look back with anger that I have gone through them. But pride.

I am a strong believer that you go through what you go through and it makes you stronger. It makes you a better person because of what you endured. You have been through what you have experienced to change and be the person you are today. I would not be the person I am today if my parents did not divorce. I would have not known what a healthier family relationship could look like if my parents stayed together. I would not be the person I am today if I did not have an ED because I would have not developed a better relationship with food and an understanding of myself. I would not be the person I am today if I did not feel extremely sad and alone my freshman year of college because I would not value or create the relationships I have today. I would not be the person I am today because of the pandemic if it were not taking the time to really figure out who I am and who I want to be. I am still figuring it out.

And you would not be the person you are today if not for your battles or hardships. You should be extremely proud—proud of the strength you have to go through something you’d never thought would get better. And if things are not better, trust me, you are well on your way to see why you landed in the forest. Things will get better and you will know why you went through what you did.

“Things don’t get easier, you just become stronger.“

– Unknown

I wrote a blog post about this quote too (I’ll link it below). But I really liked the message behind the quote. You go through things that make you stronger and the things you will go through will not be easy, but you will get through it because of the strength you gained from past hardships. Just think about how amazing that is!

You are so much stronger because of what you endured. Bask in your power. Bask in your strength.

Life does not get easier and you will find yourself in the forest multiple times, but always know you are strong enough to get through it. You will find a way out. You will look back and see how you journey shaped you. Do not fear the forest. Do not hide from it. Do not stop in it. Go through it.

It will be absolutely worth it in the end.

I am on this journey with you always,