A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas Book Review
“Never again. Never again would she be weak. Never again would she be at someone else’s mercy. Never again would she fail. Never again, never again, never again.”
(pg. 402)
About
Author: Queen Sarah J. Maas
Genre: New Adult High Fantasy
Series: A Court of Thorns and Roses Book 5
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Synopsis
Nesta Archeron has always been prickly-proud, swift to anger, and slow to forgive. And ever since being forced into the Cauldron and becoming High Fae against her will, she’s struggled to find a place for herself within the strange, deadly world she inhabits. Worse, she can’t seem to move past the horrors of the war with Hybern and all she lost in it.
The one person who ignites her temper more than any other is Cassian, the battle-scarred warrior whose position in Rhysand and Feyre’s Night Court keeps him constantly in Nesta’s orbit. But her temper isn’t the only thing Cassian ignites. The fire between them is undeniable, and only burns hotter as they are forced into close quarters with each other.
Meanwhile, the treacherous human queens who returned to the Continent during the last war have forged a dangerous new alliance, threatening the fragile peace that has settled over the realms. And the key to halting them might very well rely on Cassian and Nesta facing their haunting pasts.
Against the sweeping backdrop of a world seared by war and plagued with uncertainty, Nesta and Cassian battle monsters from within and without as they search for acceptance-and healing-in each other’s arms.
Review
Spoilers DEFINITELY Contained Below
To the ACOTAR queens,
A Court of Silver Flames has been a long time coming, and I’m glad it’s here š§”. Honestly, when news of the next ACOTAR book came out, I thought it read A Court of Silver and Flames, but I was wrong until I had the book in my hands š. Oh well. Did anyone else think that? Anyway, this book brought me all the nostalgic wonder and feels of being back in Velaris, most notably the Nightcourt, and I was THRIVING. My memory wasn’t thriving because it’s been YEARS since I read the ACOTAR books, including A Court of Frost and Starlight, but once I got into the book, things clicked for me and it was such a grand time.
This book began where A Court of Wings and Ruin and A Court of Frost and Starlight left us. So it was after the war with Hybern and the Winter Solstice party where our beloved Inner Court and family were spending the nights. Everyone was there, including Nesta.
Nesta, Nesta, Nesta.
Let’s just get this out of the way . . . I didn’t like Nesta that much in the ACOTAR books š¤Ŗ. Not that I hated her, but I just didn’t like her because she was rude to Feyre, she seemed kind of stuck up, she was mean to pretty much everyone, and she didn’t seem like she had a heart.
“So Nesta had become a wolf. Armed herself with the invisible teeth and claws, and learned to strike faster, deeper, more lethally. Had relished it. But when the time came to put away the wolf, she’d found it had devoured her, too.”
(pg. 60)
However, she would have these moments in the series where her guard would be down and she would be nice—like there was a real person beneath all her anger and hate. And I understood her anger and hate, especially after she was forced into the Cauldron and turned High Fae. I mean, she never asked for this life—the High Fae life—but yet she was a High Fae now. She was peezed. I got it. She was rightfully angry for a while, and that’s okay. But then overtime I got over her anger because I didn’t think it made it okay anymore to hate everyone around her or chew their head off. Because that’s what it felt like—like after the war, she chewed everyone’s head off. And that just ticked me off because I was like, “why was she so callous?” Suffice to say, I wasn’t Nesta’s biggest fan because she wasn’t nice.
But ACOSF was Nesta’s redemption in my eyes—it was her healing. Sarah J. Maas did a wonderful job with highlighting such a powerful character driven story. this ASOSF book was more character driven than the other stories, which focused more on the background action. I felt Nesta was front and center of this story to the action and in some ways I liked that because we got to feel Nesta’s journey a lot more. But I am a sucker for Sarah J. Maas’s action scenes and drama in her stories. We still got all that and then some in this 757 pages of absolute wonder š§”, but personally I love the action stories a lot more.
Honestly, Sarah J. Maas makes me a stronger reader because she keeps writing these long books that test my reader ability.
I digress. I genuinely enjoyed each page and plot that occurred because they all intertwined together to create a beautiful and honest portrayal of healing. I loved how Nesta’s healing didn’t happen overnight or within a few days or weeks or even months because healing happens for varied lengths of time and it can be rough. There can be good days, hard days, sad days, triggered days, and utterly defeated days. Sarah J. Maas highlighted all those days and I loved that. I know when I went through hardships in my life, I just wanted things to get better in a snap. But that’s not what happened, and it took me about five years and still to this day to heal from the hurt I felt in the past. Healing is never linear and it’s not easy. It’s a challenging path. It’s a spiral. Speaking of spiral, I loved the whole metaphor with the 10,000 step spiral Nesta would go down whenever she had heavy thoughts. Nesta’s thoughts brought her to these deep dark places in her mind, and it felt like a spiral. And sometimes that’s what hardships and trauma can do to your thoughts. In the beginning, she could barely make 100 steps, but as she trained and found her center, the more steps she could tackle. I knew she was going to have to trek all 10,000 at one point because it would be pretty weird if she didn’t. I honestly got Mulan vibes from the whole staircase thing because of the scene where Mulan has to climb the mountain with the two water buckets in her arms. Or when Mulan tried to climb that pole thing to retrieve the arrow, but for Nesta it was climbing these stairs. Something I kept asking myself as Nesta trekked those stairs was how FREAKING long did she take to climb 10,000 stairs? I’m sorry š¤Ŗ. My house has like fifteen stairs and I think it takes me a solid thirty seconds to climb that, but 10,000? I swear, that must take like the whole day to climb or seven hours at least. I need a timeframe because gosh darn, if Nesta be climbing 10,000 or 1,000 stairs in an hour . . . I need her calf muscles š. Gosh, I bet Nesta has nice legs š. Ugh, is that how Cassian has nice legs? I could not climb 10,000 stairs for the life of me.
I kind of got ahead of myself with talking about Nesta’s trauma, but let’s start with how bitter, angry, lifeless, hopeless, and numb I felt Nesta was at the start of the book. She just felt like a hollow shell who was going through the motions of life without really living life or understanding what she was doing because she really didn’t care what she did or who she hurt. She drank herself into oblivion and did it with any guy she could find so she wouldn’t have to have all these heavy thoughts in her head, which I understood. I mean, sis was first dunked into the Cauldron against her will, fought in a war, watched her dad pass away, and nearly watched someone she loved die as well. And on top of all that, she also was still dealing with the trauma when Tomas raped her. I can’t even begin to express how angry and disgusted and awful I feel for Nesta. To have her body be used and abused in such a way just makes me want to rage in her silver flames. I honestly started to understand Nesta a lot more.
With the Cauldron, she had to live through fighting it’s darkness and everything she took from the Cauldron. With the war, she had to choose between saving Cassian and a 1,000 or so soldiers. She saved Cassian and she blamed herself for saving him when she could have saved all these other people with her power. She lived with incredible guilt, but I just wanted her to know it wasn’t her fault. Choosing what to do in that situation had to be incredibly difficult. But I felt the main source of darkness in Nesta’s life was her father passing away. It’s complicated because Nesta never had the best relationship with her dad. Feyre had the better relationship with their dad, while Nesta was the mom’s champion. We never really heard much about mother Archeron in the ACOTAR series, but we learned that the mother prized Nesta more. The mom knew Nesta was lethal in a blazing sort of way, so she knew Nesta would go far in marrying a prince and being this regal lady. But the mom sounded kind of toxic in the way she made Nesta feel like a blade rather than a daughter. I felt like Nesta received hard love from her mom and she never knew that much love from her dad, so Nesta only knew how to act out of hard love like the mom. Especially the grandma, who was briefly mentioned. The Grandma seemed like someone who also doled out tough love. But Nesta kind of resented her father because she thought him weak. She thought he was weak for sleeping in front of the fire of their cottage rather than the bed, but in actuality he was sleeping in front of the fire so Nesta and her sisters were comfortable. The dad lost everything, but he still put his daughters above himself and Nesta never saw it that way until later.
There was also this heavily despondent moment where Nesta was still in Act One of her healing and Cassian looked at her and he felt the life go out of Nesta’s eyes. I can’t even express how wretched that made me feel. When you see people you love feeling that lifeless and numb—dead on the inside—it makes you just want to take their pain away so they don’t have to feel that. When I went through my ED when I was fifteen, I went through a depressive period afterwards, trying to figure out who I was and what felt healthy for me. I remember I felt numb inside—like I had no life. Things that brought me joy, didn’t make me even smile or have a happy thought. Everything felt dark and heavy and everything I saw was steeped in grayscale. I just remembered being in such a desolate and isolated place mentally and emotionally that when I look back at pictures of myself, I cry for the girl who was fifteen and sixteen who had literally no life in her swollen and big eyes. Because it’s hard, you know. When you go through all this trauma or pain, sometimes you reach a point of feeling utterly defeated and tired of your thoughts or feeling like you can’t feel. It’s worse than not feeling anything because you don’t know how to feel. I felt like Nesta and I related so much with our pain and I understood how tired she was. She just wanted to get better—whatever better was for her. And that’s tough because most of the time we don’t know what better is until we fight for it. And Nesta was a fighter š§”.
I really liked the moment she went with Cassian back to her old cottage in the mortal lands. It felt odd, different, and nostalgicā-the feeling you get when you visit a place after so many years. Like the place itself hasnāt changed much, but you have and it feels weird that you feel different and time feels like it hasnāt changed that place. You know? I digress. I loved seeing how even back then, all three Archeron sisters knew who they were even before fate led them to where they were nowāhow each drawer of their dresser had a symbol to represent them. Feyre painted herself stars, Elain had flowers and vines, and Nesta had fire. Itās crazy how they manifested that. But what got my heart too was seeing the dadās wood carvings on the mantelpiece and how Nesta took the rose carving home with her. It just gave me an ode to ACOTAR vibes, which I loved š¹. But I think Nesta needed to go back to her childhood home to remember where she came from and to see how far she had come. Sometimes doing things like that can bring clarity and some closure, especially with the dad.
In the Hybern war, the dad named his boat after Nesta. He came to fight beside his daughters after having never helped them before, but he helped them when it mattered. In the end, Nesta felt she could have saved him, but she didn’t. And she lives with that guilt because one of the last words the dad told Nesta was that he loved her. Then his neck was snapped by Hybern. I read that moment in ACOWAR, but I guess it never resonated with me how pivotal this scene would be for Nesta. Deep down she loved her dad because he was her father. He might have not shown his love for her explicitly as he did Feyre, but he did in subtle ways because that’s how Nesta was. Nesta wasn’t the extravagant person and I think the dad felt she wouldn’t talk bold proclamations of love like Feyre or Elain, but he loved her in all the ways he knew. I think he should have told her he loved her more often because she never felt like he did until that final moment. Nesta shouldn’t feel guilty for not saving her dad because that wasn’t her fault. She tried her best. She did her best. And she certainly shouldn’t blame herself for not saving her dad right after he told her he loved her—-like she didn’t deserve his love because she didn’t save him. Like my heart šš„ŗ. That’s so hard. I want to give Nesta a hug.
Throughout the beginning of the book, Nesta always refused to have a fire in the room. I kind of thought it was because she had silver flame power and she liked the cold better. But no. She didn’t like the wood cracking sound because it reminded her of her dad’s neck snapping. It was her trigger. There is so much to be said about triggers because they do take you back to the moment you experienced something extremely painful. Whenever anyone mentioned the dad, Nesta would be triggered because she carried the burden of not saving him. I think about the time when Nesta was still in the beginning process of being in the House of Wind and Elain went to visit her. Elain said something about the dad, and Nesta went off and chewed Elain’s head off, which pushed Elain further away. At the moment, I was like Nesta stop being a grade A beach to your sister!!! I gotta say, I was proud of Elain for standing her ground against Nesta’s hateful words. I mean, she really tried. I didn’t like how Nesta knew her words would hurt Elain, and how she wanted them to hurt. Because there’s a saying I love to say: “Hurt people, hurt people.” And that’s exactly what Nesta did with everyone around her.
“You tear people you love until they eventually give up and leave you alone? Is that what you want?”
(pg. 210)
To me, that’s what Nesta was doing š.
Nesta felt hurt on the inside and she didn’t know how to express her pain and trauma, so instead she hurt other people because it was easier to push them away. The thing was Nesta had all these people who genuinely cared about her even if she was a grade A beach to them, and I loved how unwavering their love was for Nesta even when she made it hard for them to love her. It was because they knew she was in pain and that they didn’t want to give up on her. But because Nesta knew she had all these people in her life who cared about her, I felt like she felt that if they got to close, they would see that she was really hurting—that she was maybe not as strong as they thought her to be—and she didn’t want them to see her like that. So she pushed them away. She put her guards up and her wolf on and bit at them. And that wasn’t the way. I guess she was acting like a dog with a prick in her paw. She was angry and hurt.
“She had failed every aspect of her life. Utterly and spectacularly failed, and keeping others from realizing it had been her main purpose. She had shut them out, had shut herself out, because the weight of all those failures threatened her to shatter her into a thousand pieces.”
(pg. 267)
But Nesta also talked a lot about how she pushed everyone away because she felt like she didn’t deserve their love š„ŗ.
That was the biggest reason Nesta was a beach to everyone. That broke my freaking heart. Shattered it. Because I understood how she felt. Sometimes we feel like we donāt deserve the love or kindness other people give us when we feel like we have failed them or that we only hurt them in the end. But one thing I have learned over the course of the last year is the power of being kind to ourselves. I am my harshest critic, and we can be our own harshest critic. We can tear ourselves down, rip ourselves apart, talk negatively about ourselves, and think we donāt deserve happiness or love because we think something is wrong with us or that we are too horrible a person to ever deserve love. There are some moments in my life where I still find myself thinking I am not deserving of love or happiness because I live with an eating disorder or I battle depression, anxiety, and OCD tendencies. Knowing all this about myself, sometimes I think no one would love me because Iām too ābrokenā to love. But then I remember, no. I am deserving of love because your mental health or your pain you carryāthe pain you very may well carry the rest of your lifeādoesn’t make you ābroken,ā they make up pieces of who you are. And someone will come along one day to love all your pieces. But most importantly, we have to be able to know all our pieces and love themāaccept themābecause they are a part of us. You know? And Nesta deserved love and happiness because her darkness and trauma and guilt did not make her a bad person. Her lack of saving her father and making difficult choices wasnāt the result because she was inherently terrible, but she just didnāt know what love was or how to love others.
Also, with her relationship with her sisters Nesta felt like she didn’t deserve their love and kindness because she didn’t step up as the big sister when she needed to. Nesta, Feyre, and Elian had to survive together because they grew up very poor. When things turned awful, Feyre was the one who provided for Nesta and Elain, and I think Nesta lived with the guilt of not being the best older sister—-being the one who stepped up to provide. Nesta felt like she failed Feyre because Feyre risked her life to take care of them when Nesta thought that was her job as the older sister. Nesta and Feyre’s relationship was complicated as every sister relationship can be. I have a sister and gosh knows we don’t get along most times and we had a difficult road together. But sisters love each other from different places and we show that love in various ways. Nesta loved Feyre deep down, but again, Nesta didn’t believe she deserved Feyre’s love because of the pain she felt Feyre endured with stepping up. With Elain, Nesta felt like she failed her younger sister by not protecting her also. I am the youngest of my siblings, so I don’t know what it’s like to be an older sibling, but I could imagine the weight one must feel to protect your younger siblings because you are the eldest. That has to be hard because you’re just a person who’s older and that doesn’t mean you know everything or know what to do.
I loved how honest Nesta’s self-deprecation and doubt was. Not that I am saying that I loved reading her self-deprecation and doubt, but it was authentic because doubt comes unhinged at the worst and hardest times in our mind and no matter how far we come on our journey, those thoughts always creep in. So, I understood why Nesta kept feeling like she didn’t deserve love and happiness, but I knew that those were just very natural thoughts. I didn’t agree with her thoughts, but I understood why she felt that way. It’s always safer to tear ourselves down and beat ourselves up than it is to believe that we deserve the best—like somehow that feels right. I don’t know. Isn’t it sad how that’s how it feels sometimes? š
Anyway, to help Nesta heal, Feyre and the Inner Circle wanted Nesta to train at the House of Wind. They wanted her to focus her mind, to curb be mindless drinking and f********, and get her act together. It was a good plan done out of love, but I could understand why Nesta felt ambushed/attacked by her loved ones. I mean, Elain was already packing up Nesta’s things back at her gross apartment. That had to feel like an attack. Can we take a moment to talk about the dream home Rhysand built for Feyre!!!!? š Gosh, they need to adopt me because I would LOVE to live in that house! I loved how Rhysand really said happy wife happy life and let Feyre decorate everything š. I also liked how Feyre had all these paintings like a true royal manor. We love to see a queen artist—a High Lady artist indeed. I can’t believe that Nesta turned her down when Feyre asked her if she wanted to decorate her own room. I would gladly take Nesta’s room. Oh, and the fact that Feyre didn’t have a portrait of Nesta made me kind of sad. I would have felt left out if I was Nesta, but they didn’t have a portrait with Nesta because Rhysand hated her freaking guts.
I honestly had to ask myself why Rhysand hated Nesta’s freaking guts. Then I remembered who Nesta was in ACOTAR and I was like, oh, yea, it makes sense š¤Ŗ. Joking. But I mean, it wasn’t like Nesta was the amiable sister in-law like Elain. Gosh. The Rhysand and Nesta relationship is a whole other thing I can get into later. But they really didn’t like each other because of how Nesta constantly hurt Feyre’s feelings—kind of stomped all over Feyre—and Feyre didn’t mind because she loved Nesta no matter how difficult she was being. Rhysand also feared Nesta because he had powers he didn’t even understand. When you don’t understand something, you tend to fear it, so in this case Rhysand feared Nesta. Especially because Nesta was in a highly unpredictable and unstable place, so he wasn’t sure how she would lash out or react to Feyre or the Inner Circle. He was just being cautious of those he loved. Also, Nesta spent a hefty amount of their money on alcohol, so there’s that. How do Illaryians make money? š¤
But can I just say, I kept CACKLING at all the times Nesta would talk shiz about Rhysand and Cassian would be like, “Don’t you dare talk about Rhysand that way!” I could just imagine Cassian’s eyes becoming all dark and hooded, his voice a low growl š. We love to see someone who respects the High Lord as he should šš¼š. That’s the respect I have!!!! Don’t you dare talk down about Rhysand, he is precious!
I digress, so Nesta was put in the House of Wind against her will. I laughed when she went to training the first couple of days and she sat on a rock. That sounds like something I would do. But to Cassian, it was a low blow because he had all these males looking at Cassian—the commanding general—and Nesta. And he couldn’t even get Nesta to train when he told her to, so the male warriors probably thought less of him because Nesta didn’t listen to him. So that took a blow to Cassian’s status. Nesta knew what she was doing by sitting though. She really said I am not your beach. I laughed when Mor checked up on them in training and she saw Cassian all sweaty and Nesta wasn’t. And Mor was like, “Good training session.” Yup, she sat on a rock! š¤Ŗ
After consistently sitting on a rock, Cassian figured out the key to getting Nesta to train. He held training in a secluded area away from male judgement and eyes, which I thought was so much better for her. Gosh, I would have been intimidated too if I had to train in front of a bunch of stuck up males. I liked how Cassian understood what Nesta said after a while. We love a person who can understand the context of what a woman says š¤Ŗ. To fully get Nesta to train, Cassian made this bargain. Bargains in Fae were basically lawātattooed on your back and everything. The bargain would only break if it was fulfilled. I thought the bargain was kind of too easy for Nesta because she just had to train for a freaking hour, whereas Cassian had to do her a favor. But, hey anything to get her to actually train, am I right? It was kind of funny how everyone wished Cassian good luck in training Nesta because it would be more strenuous than anything he has ever done before. But I gotta hand it to Cassian for even offering to train her because he cared for her. Also, he loved her, so there was that. And you know what happens when you leave two people together in a confined space? š
Let’s just get this part out of the way because gosh KNOWS we all came for the new adult content š.
I swear, there was something almost illegal about reading Sarah J. Maas smut scenes. She really put the smut in SMUT. She really said UNLEASH. She really said NEW ADULT šš¼. She said I will bring the FIRE.
I found it funny how they teased in the beginning who would go to who’s bedroom and things like that. Cassian really lost because he went to her bedroom first, and I just have to say when Sarah J. Maas says new adult, she says NEW ADULT. Sarah J. Maas said I am UNLEASHED š. She was just waiting to write all these sexual tension scenes; she literally said I am not holding back. Was ACOTAR books that explicit with those types of sex scenes? I’m pretty sure not, so she really brought the fire to silver flames š„. You could just feel the tension oozing off of both of them, and I’m still unsettled with how they can smell lust or desire on each other. If humans could actually smell that, I would be uncomfortable and concerned. No wonder we don’t have high keen smelling. But gosh, they would fight and then just do it, and each time I was like, “that escalated quickly.” š I respect Sarah J. Maas though because she was transparent in the sex scenes and desires. As a young adult, sex topics make me uncomfortable still, but I liked how she was trying to be open about how people pleasure themselves or they have desires and that is okay. I think sometimes we might feel wrong with having desires, but to realize it’s natural but to not do anything violent or harmful with those desires. I am not sure if I am saying that right, I don’t know. I’m awkward.
Suffice to say, those scenes were definitely something else š.
They kept doing it whenever and wherever they could. I LAUGHED when Az interrupted them in the dining room before Cassian could return the favor. And Az was so casual and still wanted to eat even if he knew what they did on that table. I love Az š§”. Gosh, they really took the dining out of dining room.
As much as those scenes were steamier than steam, I felt really bad for Cassian. For Nesta, she portrayed sex as just a friends-with-benefits thing between them when really she wanted him to stay with her after a while. Whenever Cassian would leave right after, part of her felt like telling him to stay, but she didn’t know if she deserved that or if he wanted that from her. To Cassian, he just went along with what Nesta felt comfortable with and he respected her wishes that they just have sex and it not mean anything else. But I could feel Cassian feel wrong about having “just sex,” with Nesta because to him it was more than that. He loved her and wanted to build a life with her, but at the time, Nesta wasn’t ready for that. I admired that Cassian respected Nesta’s terms, but I also thought how difficult it must be for him to love her so much, but to know it only stopped with sex; It must have been painful to kind of separate his feelings of wanting more with her and knowing where she stood. He wanted all of her—her love, a future with her. I wanted that for them too, but I think Nesta needed to heal and figure out what she wanted.
After a while, whenever he would leave, Nesta would think that he didn’t care that much to stay or want to stay. So it was a miscommunication thing, but really it was him respecting what she wanted. I hope she knew how much he really did love her. I mean, he showed her all the time how much he loved her š. Gosh.
You know what made me laugh? When Emerie and Gwyn would tease Nesta about sleeping with Cassian. I CACKLED. Cassian could hear them š.
I’m getting ahead of myself because I didn’t even mention Emerie, Gwyn, or more of the training. So, back to training š¤Ŗ. I liked how we got to see Nesta go from shaking to honed steel. It’s funny how they started with the feet like some sort of feet fetish training. But it made sense why Cass wanted her to focus on her footing and finding balance. Then they eventually worked up to core work, which made me laugh. Core work is freaking hard. It takes a while to build up a strong core to do exercises and it also takes patience and endurance. Working out is not easy. I felt like most of us could relate to Nesta being sore all over the next day after training. As each day went on, I loved seeing how strong Nesta got and how much more stairs she could climb. I smiled to myself whenever Nesta would do lunges or some sort of training exercise in the library. Cute. I also loved to see her mind starting to focus on something other than drinking and sex. She just had this renewed clarity. I loved how she was reading books and becoming best friends with the House.
Don’t even get me started on Nesta and the House’s love affair š. If there was another relationship in this book, it was Nesta and that House.
The House gave me Smart House vibes. You know the Disney movie? I would love living in the House if it gave me meals whenever I wanted and whatever I wanted. I would also love a drawn bath for myself. Oh, but I LOVED how the House would just leave her books on her nightstand. We love a smut house š. I loved that Nesta was a smut reader—I never knew she even was a reader.
“The book,” Nesta repeated to herself, staring at her porridge, ‘is about a book.’ She cupped her forehead in her hands. ‘Idiot.’
(pg. 187)
It made me sad though that Nesta gave up dancing because she used to dance when she was younger and happy. But after the war and everything else, she didn’t dance anymore because she felt like she didn’t deserve the one thing that brought her true joy. Music was also her second love, or maybe her first love too, but she didn’t have music at the House. Nesta thrived off a different sort of art from Feyre, and I felt she deserved to be happy doing and listening to something that brought her joy.
The House also symbolized Nesta’s darkness. The House of Wind had the dark basement in the library where Baryxis was—I think this was the monster that could show a person their worst nightmare. Nesta worked at the Library of the Priestesses in the House as part of the deal with the IC. Nesta shelved books based on what Clotho and other priestesses left on her cart. Sometimes Nesta would have to venture to the lower levels of the library where Nesta believed the darkness of Baryxis still lingered. So Nesta would try to avoid the lower levels as much as possible, but she also felt drawn to the darkness because she had darkness within her. There was one night Cassian wasn’t there and the House sent Nesta on a scavenger hunt to the lower levels of the library to show her that the House recognized and related to her darkness. I thought that was an interesting scene because Nesta understood that the House was like her and that’s why the House liked her. I think seeing the House’s deep core darkness also made Nesta realize she had darkness in herself and that it was okay to confront it.
The library of the priestess was investing. I liked being immersed into the library–duh š—and getting to know who the priestesses were. Not all of their stories because not all are told, but it broke my heart to know why they were all there. Most of the priestesses in the library never left the library and they lived in church-like quarters glamoured near the House. Only Rhysand and probably the IC knew where the priestesses lived. The priestesses all have heavy stories, pertaining to violence and abuse. That just utterly broke my heart. I can’t even explain how angry I was for them and how I just wanted to rage on everyone who had hurt them and made them feel powerless. The library was their home—-it was their safe haven away from the violence and abuse of sick, twisted, foul men. Just thinking about all the women there made my heart sad š . . . to even think of what they have been through.
The priestesses wore Invoking Stones on a band around their forehead. The stones represent healing, protection, and another holy quality I am blanking on. But there was one priestess who did not wear her robes over her head or her Invoking Stone: Gwyn. I liked Gwyn the moment she put more books on Nestaās cart. There was a spark in her the other priestess didnāt display yet, which was completely understandable. But Gwyn felt different and she interested meā-like there was more to her story. I liked how friendly she was to Nesta and how she helped Nesta whenever she needed it. I also liked how Nesta began to take a liking to Gwyn and even helped her switch those books before Mereill, Gwynās wicked boss, could rage on Gwyn. I want to know more about Mereill and what her problem was. She just seemed like she had a stick up her butt the entire time! I mean, sis, be nicer š. I also would have liked to know more about Clotho and her story. The priestesses are interesting people who all seemed respectable, kind, poise, and who wanted to be more.
When Nesta first started training—her sitting on a rock days—she went to a village store where she met Emerie. I quite loved Emerie too. My heart continued to break hearing part of her story with how her father cut off her wings because of traditional ideals of what a woman should be. Here’s the thing, when I read ACOTAR I was fifteen or fourteen, depending on the month, and during that time I never knew as much as I did now to recognize how When Nesta first started trainingāher sitting on a rock daysāshe went to a village store where she met Emerie. I quite loved Emerie too. My heart continued to break hearing part of her story with how her father cut off her wings because of traditional ideals of what a woman should be. Hereās the thing, when I read ACOTAR I was fifteen or fourteen, depending on the month, and during that time I never knew as much as I did now to recognize how patriarchal the Illyrianās were. But now having grown up and gone to college, I have a much more informed reader perspective to recognize the patriarchal aspects of their society. So I liked how Sarah J. Maas brought the workings of society up and started to question the norms. I liked how Rhysand and the IC were trying to enact change in Illyria, but like everything change is slow. But more so in Fae terms. That makes me overwhelmingly unsettled because there needs to be change in the way male Illyrianās view and treat women. How they view and treat women now is absolutely not okay. To cut off Emerieās wings because she had tube the one āconfined to her home,ā was utter garbage and they need to take that mindset back to whatever olden age year that idea was born. Gosh what year was it in Velaris š¤? Honestly, I would hope that the Illyrians would be progressed enough to allow women to fight with them and lead. I guess, like most societies, they are just scared that women would be stronger than them and that would take a hit to their male egos š. Letās go women!!!! I mean, I respect good men, but we need to respect good women too and the strength they have insideā-not cutting it off because we refuse to allow them to be strong.
I adored the friendships Nesta was forming with Gwyn and Emerie because they were all alike. They bonded over past trauma—like calls to like.
” . . .but everyone’s traumas wore different masks.”
(pg. 283)
I really loved this quote because we never know what people are going through and the pain or stories they hide behind a smile. Always remember to be kind to one another because we don’t know what they are going through.
Once Nesta progressed in her training, she came up with the idea of opening training up to the priestesses and other women who wanted to learn to fight. I LOVED that. Loved, loved, loved. It felt like Nesta had a noble passion to bring to fruition and I was soooo excited to see her passionate about something and to help others. I loved how Cassian gave her advice to keep lending out her hand—the advice Amren gave to him when thinking about how to get Nesta to train. Nesta had this whole sign-up sheet she put in the library where the priestesses could sign-up. She knew, however, that the priestesses would be hesitant to sign-up because most do not leave the library and would be uncomfortable around men. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the priestesses being distrustful of men when that could be triggering or uncomfortable to them. But I was kind of disappointed like Nesta and Clotho when no one signed up day after day. I know Nesta put the sign-up sheet mostly for Gwyn to sign-up, and I kept hoping she would.
I loved Nesta’s idea though. She was clever in tricking Clotho and hopefully the other priestesses into training while stacking her books. Cassian had to go to the library to tell Nesta to stop training while she worked, but she fooled him into demonstrating how respectful, polite, and patient Cassian was as a teacher. I loved how all the priestesses watched their little demonstration because it showed them that Cassian wasn’t going to touch them, talk down to them, or hurt them. He would let them set the pace. And when Gwyn’s name was on the sign-up sheet, I literally pumped a fist in the air! You go Gwyn!! Because Gwyn seemed like a strong woman! I laughed when Nesta and Cassian were like, “Show me your feet.” š Not the feet.
I also liked how Nesta got Emerie to join them in training. I liked how Nesta and Emerie’s friendship built when Nesta went to Emerie’s shop for lunch one day and they had a nice meal together and talked about spices. I liked knowing more about Emerie and the complex dynamics with her family and how Nesta could relate to her. I loved how oddy nice it was of Nesta to gift Emerie spices because of their conversation about how Emerie grew her own spices and used them to cook. It was a bribe to send the gifts, but I loved that Nesta was thoughtful in her gift to Emerie. I did think it was kind of harsh to call Emerie a coward when Nesta asked Emerie to come train with her. When Emerie did show up, my heart smiled. Their relationship was honestly beautiful because of how they found each other and bonded over something that empowers them to be stronger. I absolutely loved how each of them had their reasons for wanting to train. Loved that for them.
“‘Because I don’t ever want to feel powerless again,’ Gwyn had said softly, and all those easy smiles and bright laughs were gone. Only stark, pained honesty showed in her remarkable eyes.
Nesta swallowed, and though instinct told her to pull away, she said quietly, ‘Me too.’
(pg. 273)
Because if training was healing for Nesta, maybe it could provide healing for all the other women who felt powerless and who were navigating their trauma.
I loved how Emerie and Gwyn instantly bonded š„°. I also loved how Emerie, Gwyn, and Nesta all shared a love of reading. I mean, they should have started a book club together and then ask me to join š¤Ŗ. No, but seriously, how cute would it have been if they had a book club? I could not stop laughing with how much side eye I imagined Cassian giving the three of them as they squealed over smut novels. Bless Gwyn who was going to be introduced to smut š. I also loved seeing Emerie, Gwyn, and Nestaās relationship bloom in full flourish as they trained together. They helped and encouraged each otherāthey felt each otherās pains. I loved how they would drink water and gossip like school girls at PE. I loved how Cassian would hear them. I also loved how we got to see more of Emerie and Gwynās personalities. Gwyn was still demure in a way that was purely Gwyn. But she was also brave, bold, and determined. Emerie was just as strong, powerful, brazen, and loyal as I knew her to be. She also embodied bravery. But boy was Emerie also super funny! She would make all these teasing little jokes to Cassian and Azriel, and she also had a competitive side, which I loved. Donāt underestimate women šš¼!
What I loved the most was how more priestesses joined their training sessions š„ŗš§”. It felt beyond empowering when more priestesses showed up. We got to see more of Roslin, Diedre, and Anake. I liked how overtime, they all found comfort in letting their guards down or in their case, their hoods. I teared up when Diedre let her hood down and she had a long, gashing scar across her face and down her neck. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to hug all of them. It made me smile though how Azriel joined their training sessions because there were too many of them that Cassian couldnāt train alone.
Throughout all of this, I knew they were trying to rebuild the Valkyries. Let’s talk about that! The first time I heard of Valkyries was when I watched Thor: Ragnarok š¤Ŗ. Valkyries are a part of Norse mythology and they were a band of strong female warriors. In the same sense, Valkyries in Velaris were a band of Fae warriors before the seven lands were created with the High Lords. They had been around for centuries. In the library, Gwyn was helping Mereill write the Valkyrie history again to document it. So that’s how Gwyn and Nesta knew about the Valkyries. When Valkyries were first mentioned, I was like, Nesta is going to create her own group of Valkyries because it will give her purpose. And that’s exactly what she did with the strong women around her. I loved the powerful moment when Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie do the Mindstilling together. Mindstilling reminded me of yoga to be really honest. When I first did yoga, it was so hard to just focus on my breath and not let my thoughts take over. There really is power in understanding your breath and focusing on it. I liked the additional clarity and peace that Mindstilling brought to the three of them, especially Nesta. I liked how throughout the book, Nesta remembered her training and Mindstilling techniques to focus on her breath. The whole moment felt like a big shift for Nesta in tackling her rioting thoughts she used to just drown out with numbing distractions. So I loved how she was regaining control of herself and taking back her life.
With the whole Valkyries thing, I liked how Cassian and Az were so open to training the women with part. Illyrian and Valkyrie techniques to create something new.
“Nesta smirked. ‘If we are to be Valkyries born again,’ she said, ‘maybe we should combine the Illyrian and Valkyrie techniques.'”
(pg. 465)
I liked how excited everyone was to do something different. Also, with the Valkyrie thing they had the ribbon they had to slice in two. If they could cut the ribbon in two, they would be deemed a Valkyrie. Emerie tried to cut the ribbon first, but it didn’t work. It didn’t work for the lot of them, so they continued to train. Honestly, the whole training continued to give me Mulan vibes and I loved it.
One of my absolute favorite parts of the book (I would say second or third favorite) was Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn’s sleepover. When Cassian was away to look after his warriors, Nesta felt alone in the House, so Emerie and Gwyn came over and they had this cute little sleepover. I was grinning from ear to ear the entire time because it was just such a normal, teenage thing to do š„ŗš§”. I felt like with all they had been through, none of them had the normal pleasure of having a typical sleepover. So I loved that for them. I liked how they conjured up all these random things from the House—the miniature Pegasus, the bubbles, and the bath. They were really living it up š¤Ŗ. My heart melted at how they also created friendship bracelets! I mean, their charm bracelets were essentially friendship bracelets. Honestly, all they needed was a pillow fight and we could call this a full fledged sleepover! CUTE!
I loved how they each chose bead colors for each other and how Nesta couldn’t braid a bracelet to save her life š. I also loved how Nesta said the wish for them all:
“I wish for us to have the courage to go out into the world when we are ready, but to always find our way back to each other. No matter what.”
(pg. 619)
I loved that! I also knew that the bracelets had to mean something because they might be split up at one point and had to find their way to each other. I just wasn’t sure yet. I also loved the part where Gwyn gave Emerie and Nesta a solstice gift—a part of the Mereill Valkyrie writing with their stories in them—their training and everything. I thought that was sweet š„ŗ.
“Our stories are worth telling.”
(pg. 573)
Yea, they were!
But back to the sleepover.
Besides the bracelets, the bubbles, and the mini Pegasus, I loved what the sleepover and bracelets meant to them.
“A small gift—for the friends who had become like sisters.
A chosen family. Like the one Feyre had found for herself.”
(pg. 619)
I was in tears š¢. Nesta found her own family.
Because the IC really weren’t the family that she chose—those were in all honesty, Feyre’s friends and people. Not Nesta’s. Nesta needed to find people who related and understood her. She found that with the Valkyries and her two other sisters. The Archeron’s definitely did not have a simple family dynamic, and there’s a lot to be said about choosing your own family and finding people who love and understand you for you. Sometimes it’s not the people you are related to by blood who get you. The found families are just as—and even more so—powerful and meaningful. I was happy for Nesta š§”.
After their sleepover, they had a stronger bond. Everyone could feel it. I loved how that was the day each of them could slice the ribbon in half. Because it took cementing the bond they had—strengthening it—to reach their full power and potential; they were stronger because of each other. I LOVED that. But let’s give it up for the new Valkyries shall we?! šš¼ They were going to kick some major butt and they were going to come for those ego-inflated Illyrians! I was so excited for them to kick some butt and show up all those men who thought them weak or too fragile because they were girls.
I liked how towards the end, Cassian and Az amped up their training with all these obstacle courses they changed everyday—anyone think of the Maze runner? But I loved how the trio were the leads in every obstacle course with Deidre, Anakia, and Rolin behind them. I liked how Cass and Az brought the male Illyrians to watch them train so they could see that the women did not mess around and that they were equal to them. However, it would take a lot of change for males like Bellius and Delvon to not ridicule women who trained. Because what garbage was it that they said to burn the weapons any women touched like the weapon had cooties on it? I’m sorry, were they five. But the Valkeryies really showed the men up and I liked how the obstacles were really qualifiers for the Blood Rite.
So I have come this far without really talking about Cassian because I wanted to build up Nesta and what she went through before I added Cassian into the mix. But I have a lot to say about Cassian’s storyline.
Cassian, Cassian, Cassian.
My darling Angel. You know Rhysand’s the shining star, Cassian’s the darling angel, and Azriel is the swift slick shadow. We love š¤.
Cassian was the rock that was in Nestaās river. Gosh, what was that quote about the rock and the river š. Something like that. But he was the immovable rock because he was unfalteringly there for Nesta through her rough patches and her good moments. The thing about Cassian was that he always loved herāfrom the ACOTAR books when they met to now. He loved her through her hurt and because of her hurt, but he respected never making a move without it being on her terms. I respected that so much. But loving her and seeing her in this dark place was hard on him because he knew who Nesta could be without this hate or anger that consumed her. It just meant a lot that when people were so quick to write Nesta off as not good or not getting any better, he still believed in her. I loved how he kept telling himself to hold out his hand with the training because he never gave up on him. By continuing to hold out his hand and take his time with Nesta, she eventually came to him. Thatās the same thing with people in real life tooāyou just have to keep trying to reach out to your loved ones and when they are ready they will come to you. The best thing you can do is be there. So I loved how he was there and never gave up on Nesta š§”.
To be really honest, I would have LOVED more of Cassian’s perspective because I just love Cassian so much š„°. I mean, Nesta’s okay and I liked her healing journey, but gosh, I would have loved to been in Cassian’s mind more often and how he felt about taking on the role of courtier or helping Nesta heal. We do get some perspectives with those emotions, but I would have just liked more.
Nevertheless, the perspectives and scenes we did get with Cassian were wonderful. I will say it again and again I love Cassian as much (maybe a little bit less, but just as much) as I love Rhysand. They were good men. I enjoyed getting to hear the more vulnerable sides of Cassian and to know his story. Everyone called him a brute or a bas**** child because he wasn’t royalty. Even Nesta threw that in his face when she was hurting and pushing him away. When Nesta was in the pits of her darkness, I admired how Cassian spoke about his own darkness and pain because it made Nesta feel comfortable opening up about what she felt. I think when people are vulnerable with you, it makes it less nerve-wracking to be vulnerable back.
I want to mention how much I appreciated that Cassian and Nesta had multiple breakdowns and vulnerable moments because it highlighted how trauma wasn’t just one thing that healed all at once, but different parts that formed a person’s trauma—various parts she needed to work through. I loved when Cassian said this to Nesta:
“Whatever you need to throw at me, I can take it. I won’t break.’ No challenge laced the words. Only a plea.”
(pg. 214)
Cassian wanted to bear the weight of some of her pain with her š„ŗ. It was after he told him about what he did to the people in his mom’s village. But this quote made me feel like Cassian was the only one who could truly see Nesta and who would take what she threw at him because he loved her.
Cassianās mother was taken advantage of and she gave birth to Cassian in a tent in the middle of the winter. There really needs to be something done to these vile people, primarily men, and their disgusting and vile actions. I honestly donāt blame Cassian for raging heck on the entire town he was raised in. I understood why he was angry that no one treated his mother right when she passed away. I donāt blame him for what he did. Was it kind of brutal? Heck yes. Do I condone violence? No . . . because killing all those people didnāt make him, Rhys, or Az better. But I understood it, especially the person who took advantage of Cassianās mother. Cassianās upbringing was nothing like Nestaās, but it had similarities in how they were both poor, they had to survive, they would do anything for the ones they loved, and they lived with the pain of losing loved ones. Sharing his story made her understand him and be more sensitive to how she spoke to him. I liked thatā-when Nesta realized how much his past hurt him, she no longer wanted to use it as leverage to hurt him. She knew she hurt him enough already with the insults she struck at him before. But she was learning.
Another thing I loved learning about Cassian was how he was a true romantic. He can rip out my hopeless romantic heart š. Whenever he would look at Rhysand and Feyre, he would have these thoughts about finding love or starting a family because he wanted something like what they had. And that made my heart sad because he deserved happiness and love too š„ŗ. It was interesting when Cassian was talking to Gwyn, Emerie, and Nesta during a training session, he mentioned how he used to love a Valkyrie, which was interesting. It just continues to boggle my mind how old Cassian and the IC are š. I mean they literally grew up when Velaris was created, soooooooo . . . they have seen and done A LOT.
I couldn’t stop laughing though when I thought about how Feyre was like twenty-one and married to a 536 year old. I’M SORRY š¤Ŗ. And I think a twenty year age difference is A LOT????!!!!!!
Like I’m genuinely curious, was Rhysand ever married or dating other women in his 536 years?????? He probably did, but I forgot. But now that I think about it, how BONKERS is it that he knew he would find his mate one day, but when did he know? Because if he knew he would meet Feyre one day and he had his mating dream at like 18, a bro really had to wait 518 years to meet the love of his life. I’m SOOOOOORRRRRRY. That bonkers my mind š. I don’t know how I would literally feel as Rhysand or Cassian or any of the IC for that matter. And Nesta was 25 and Cassian was 538??????????????? Excuse me while I go question everything š. WHAT EVEN is this age gap?? I’m not mad at it, I’m just curious and overwhelmed by how Feyre was literally nineteen when she met Tamlin and Rhysand. A sis lived a full life š¤Ŗ. WOW.
I digress.
I also loved the conversation with Azriel about starting a family. I loved all the Cass and Az moments we got š§”. I loved when Cass and Az went head to head during one of the training sessions and they both took off their shirts and beat it out. Gosh, Nesta really got a show that day š. I mean, I would have LOVED to sit on that rock with her and watch two strong hot men beat each other up. Gosh, throw Rhysand in there, Iām a goner š¤Ŗ. Honestly, I would be HONORED to be in the presence of Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel and to watch them beat up each other. Thatās the dumbest sentence I have ever written, but I donāt regret it or not mean one bit of it. When Nesta started to think of a threesome with them, I was like SIS!!!!!! š Youāre not wrong, but you gotta save Az for Elain!!!!! UGGGGH, donāt even get me started on Az and Elain! I will talk more about them later on. But back to Az and Cass. I loved whenever Az would walk in all smug because he knew what Cass and Nesta were up to; Az was the chaperone. We love to see it. I also loved how Az accompanied Cass to various outings like the dynamic duo they were.
Cassian was tasked by Rhysand to take on the courtierās role because Rhysand believed Cassian was ready for more than just being the General. So he gave Cassian the responsibility of overseeing their allyship with Eris and to find out what was going on with the Human Land Queens. There were seven (I think) human land queens, where most of them were not-so-good people. The main queen to worry about was Brialynn because she was turned by the Cauldron during the war, and when trying to take the Cauldronās powers like Nesta, she became old and haggard looking. So Brialynn wanted the Cauldron back to regain her youth. However, after the war, the Cauldron laid the format hidden in Crete with Drakon and Miryam (pg. 40). Whoever those people were because gosh knows I forget š . I also didnāt remember who the FREAK Brialynn was š. I felt soooooo dumb. But now I know who she was, and she didnāt seem like she could pose that big of a threat because she was a human queen, but then again she had Cauldron powersāshe was Madeāso she was a threat. I mean, the girl just wanted to look young. Cassian needed to find out what else Briaylnn was up to after the war, so he met with Vassa, Lucien, and Erisāthe Band of Exiles somewhere in the Spring Court.
Vassa was the only āgoodā human queen left who was betrayed by her other queens and was turned into some sort of firebird during the day and a woman by night. Honestly, I donāt remember her either š . Yikes. But her powers seemed kind of inconvenient. Even though I didnāt remember her much, I did remember Lucien and Eris. I mean, how could I not? Lucien and Eris were brothers from different mothers with the same shizzy dad. The dad, Beron, who was a grade a prick and who would do anything for power. Eris wanted to take his dad down and take over the Autumn Court, so he and Rhys had an allyship because they had a common enemyāBeron. However, I donāt like Eris. He seemed like a prick in waitingā-someone similar to his father. But I donāt know . . . Eris gave me nature versus nurture vibes because if Eris had a good father to raise him, I think he wouldnāt have turned out as prickly as he was. I donāt like Eris for what he did to Mor, but I just felt like he had to have some sort of heart in himāsome good. But I also felt like Eris just did anything he could to gain power because it made him feel worthy or somehow ābetterā than his father. However, I didnāt think any amount of overthrowing his dad in the Autumn Court made Eris more powerful. It just made him power-hungry. Because Eris felt more concerned with power and control, I didnāt trust him because he could literally tell anyone what Cassian and Az told him. I mean, what stopped Eris from turning on the Inner Circle if someone else had more information? I didnāt know, and thatās why Eris felt sketch. Also, there are just some people who give you bad vibes and Eris was one of them.
It’s probably my hazy memory about the ending of ACOWAR, but did Tamlin turn full beast afterwards? I know he came through with saving Rhysand’s life and gave him some of his power, but what happened afterwards to him. Because everyone hinted that he was back in the Spring Court as a full beast that prowled the grounds like some sort of sorrowful lion. Like what is doing with his life š!? I’m sooooo sorry, Tamlin, grow a pair of big boy pants and move the FREAK ON!!!! She’s married and she doesn’t love you and being a bitter lion isn’t going to woo you some women! Heck, he shouldn’t even be in a relationship, but still, he should clean up his act or something. You know, what would be cool? I didn’t like Tamlin after ACOTAR, but I think maybe he could be a better person š¤. I don’t know. Maybe. Who knows? But I would like to see Tamlin in person form and to figure out what anger he holds inside because truly he should only be angry at himself for being a toxic and manipulative lover to Feyre. Also, I would love to know more about Lucien and what he’s been feeling since essentially not being BFF’s with Tamlin all that much. I mean, how’s Lucien doing? oh, don’t even get me started on him and Elain. I’m going to talk about them in the end.
But Eris provided insight that a group of his soldiers were stolen and were acting strange. He also said that Beron aligned with Briallyn if she starts a war. Briallyn was also working with the Bone Carver’s brother—Koschei—because of course the Bone Carver had a brother. Koschei was trapped in a lake and he was using Briallyn to get out of the lake for his own purpose. Koschei was helping Briayllyn by telling her about the Dread Trove. The Dread Trove were objects that the Cauldron made (Made objects) and they had immensely powerful Cauldron powers that would most likely be attracted to those who were Made—-Nesta, Elain, and Briallyn. Originally many objects were made, but only three were left: the Mask, the Harp, and the Crown. The Mask could raise the dead/control them; the Harp could open any physical or non-physical door; the Crown could control anyone’s mind through a powerful mental shield or fog. Used together, they could track the Cauldron because they were Made objects.
The question that came to me was who used to own the Troves? How did someone just use them? And how come we havenāt heard about the Trove sooner? I mean if they were powerful controlling objects, why didnāt Hybern concern himself with it, or the IC? But Amren said that they didnāt concern themselves with the Trove and the Hybern war because it seemed like Hybern didnāt even know about them. It wasnāt until Nesta, Elain, and Briallyn were Made, that the Trove probably reawakened all these years and wanted to be found. All this made sense to me, but I was still curious about what happened if a person used all three of the Troves simultaneously? What would happen? They were just an interesting topic to understand.
The human queens were also itching to start a war and it was up to the IC to stop it so they could all freaking have a moment of much deserved peace. Mor was also ensuring that Vallahan didn’t start a war and they signed the peace treaty Rhys and the IC came up with. Callahan and the other Fae Realms could start a war by moving into the human lands and taking up their territories because the wall was down and there was no border. And after the Hybern war, people would be angry enough to fight for more land. So, Cassian, Az, Rhys, and Mor were doing so much work behind the scenes, I’m amazed at how they handle so much chaos everyday. No wonder they workout all their stress. Honestly, I missed Mor so much š¢. I felt like we saw her in bits and pieces, but I love seeing her. I felt like this book didn’t have enough more in it. She was in Vallahan half the time and if she was there, she winnowed in one moment and out the next. I would have loved to see her reaction to Feyre’s news or to see her more with Cassian and Az. I forgot how changed the IC was after ACOWAR and would have loved to see how they were mending their changed dynamics. I think one of the upcoming ACOTAR books has to be a Mor book. I mean it HAS to be. I just feel like there’s a lot not being said about Mor for a reason. I want to know what’s making our fierce ray of sunshine so gloom and kind of withdrawn. What’s going on with our sweet Mor?
Besides Mor, they now had to find this Trove. I don’t know why the first thing that came to my mind was that, “Oh, the next three books we’re going to find all three items.” I underestimated the power of Sarah J. Maas to squeeze all the adventure into this book—in a good way of course. But she really said challenge accepted with flawless ease.
Sarah J. Maas still worked the action plot with Nestaās healing journey. The only efficient way to find the Trove before Briallyn was for Nesta to scry. But the last time Nesta scried, Elain was taken and thrown in the Cauldron. So Nesta didnāt want a repeat of that, and I donāt blame her for being nervous to scry. Eventually Nesta did result to scrying because time was running out to find the Trove. Elain could look for the Trove too, but Nesta still cared about Elain even if their relationship was tenseāshe would still protect Elain. Honestly, besides that one conversation at the House of Wind, we barely saw Elain until the end. I wondered what she was up to all this time when Nesta was looking for the Trove? Like what stopped Elain from trying? She seemed like a strong willed woman like her sisters who would at least try. Iām curious š¤. After scrying that first time, Nesta literally had this creepy darkness dream that scared the heebie jeebies out of me! When she was burning with silver flames in her bed, I was like, NESTA!!!! I was so worried for her! She didnāt know how to control her powers, yet alone use them. Rhysand came to help her and counteract her powers, but that was even challenging for him. The whole scene felt so eerie and gave me chills. The window broke, Cassian was beyond worried for Nesta because she was in pain. Gosh, thank goodness Az was there for his brother when Cassian wanted to do everything to help her. I think it really terrified Rhysand to not know Nestaās powers and their extent. I could feel him shaken. But I loved how Cassian slept by Nestaās side the entire time, and how sweet it felt that she woke up and saw him. He stayed with her because he loved her š„ŗ.
Nesta scried a second time with Cassian, Rhysand, and the whole IC there. I laughed to myself with how Cassian really said true love’s kiss to himself when he kissed Nesta back from scrying. I was also like, “LET’S GO CASS!” he just straight up kissed Nesta in front of everyone to bring her back. He was her home š§”. From scrying, Nesta was able to find that the Mask was in this place called the Middle in Oorid. The Middle was near the Under the Mountain area where Amarantha trapped everyone for 50 years. It was a place where horrid creatures went to live peacefully and unbothered, however they would come out if disturbed or if there were people. Most people avoided the Middle because it was a place where the creatures who were made evil, did not get punished for who they were. I thought that was an interesting concept. It was also interesting to hear what the heck the Middle was. When Cassian, Az, and Nesta flew to the Middle, I got dirty, dark, dreary, eerie, and oil-slick vibes if that makes sense. I imagined a barren, craggily wasteland in my mind. I couldn’t believe that Cassian just left Nesta in a tree while he and Az fought off the Crown-fogged soldiers in the middle of Oorid. Gosh knows I knew Nesta wasn’t just going to stay in a tree. I mean, couldn’t something crawl into that tree and get her. When she climbed out of the tree and near the bog lake, I was literally holding my breath for her. Then the Kelpie came up to her and I literally shivered in disgust and horror for her. I wanted Nesta to pull a Forest Gump and RUN!!!! Honestly, if I were her I would have been shocked beyond belief to do anything and I probably would have peed my pants too. I imagined the Kelpie to look like Venom, but a million times worse š³. And when that Kelpie dragged her? I SCREAMED.
Cassian get your woman!!!!!!!!
My heart kind of broke for Cassian when he didn’t see Nesta in the tree. He really should have seen that one coming. But his utter desperation and fear gutted me. But Nesta underwater with the Kelpie truly wretched my heart. It felt so woeful to see Nesta so vulnerable and stunned into not knowing what to do. The Kelpie really said let me drag and seduce you. That sicko thing š¤¢.The part that made my stomach twist was how the Kelpie was going to take advantage of her like Tomas did. I just wanted to rage on Nesta’s behalf. So, I LOVED when Nesta found the Mask and it went to her hand and she put it on her face! She was going to take that darn Kelpie down because no one was going to mess with her again. No one was going to make her feel powerless.
“Though she had fought back against Tomas, against the Cauldron, against the King of Hybern, they had all happened to her. She had survived, but she had been helpless and afraid.
Not today.
Today, she would happen to him.”
(pg. 369)
Yea, she would!!!!!! š
AND MY SIS literally said OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!! šš¼šš¼ At this point, Nesta should have some sort of wall where she puts the heads. That would be revoltingly disgusting.
But honestly, if Feyre Archeron is Curse Breaker, Nesta Archeron Head Breaker š.
Literally, though, A Court of Silver Flames truly gave me Mulan, Alice in Wonderland, Rapunzel, Shadowhunters, and Hunger Games vibes. This sentence will make more sense later on.
When Nesta came out of the water with the Mask on, all glowing, I was like this sis was ETHEREAL!!! She was power—she was the silver flame!!! A kick-butt moment for sure.
Another kick-butt moment, or maybe just a cool moment, was when Cassian took Nesta to see how swords were made. He wanted her to appreciate how weapons were created so she knew where the weapon came from when she wielded one. When at the Blacksmiths, she really said let it go and slashed those blades into the fire. I bet doing so was highly therapeutic for her. It was just kind of epic how Nesta crafted fine swords from her anger. But little did she know she created a new Trove. Nesta put her silver flame magic into the three swords she hacked at. The Blacksmith gave the swords to Rhysand because the Blacksmith knew they were cursed or something. I am still curious to what the power of the swords were because if they were a new trove, that must mean they have immense power. When in the wrong hands, they could be highly dangerous. It felt unsettling how weary Rhysand was of the swords because there hadn’t been Made objects in years. I found it funny how when Amren said not to touch them, all three of the bros touched them with their powers just to see what the swords looked like. But they never used the swords because that could be a whole other thing within itself.
While talking about the swords, Amren mentioned something about how the last great Made sword was Gwydion (pg. 443). Gwydion was created by High Priestess Oelnna when she dipped the sword into the Cauldron. Gwdion was last wielded by the last High King of the lands, but the sword was lost around the same time the Trove was lost. The whole High King thing was INTERESTING. I loved being schooled in Velaris history š. Before there were Fae, they were monsters called the Daglan who ruled for many millenniums. They enslaved Fae and people alike until Fionn, a Fae, rose up against the Daglan to overthrow them. After the Daglan were overthrown, there was peace and the land was divided up and then there was another hint of war. The precursor to the courts were all fighting with each other and Fionn rose as the High King to unify everyone, but his queen and his best general betrayed him. They killed him and took his weapons and I think a war started, but Iām not sure. But after that, the seven courts were created with the High Lords. So no High King has ever ruled since (pg. 553-54). There was also another sword during the time called Narben that could kill those who were deathlessāthe death lords.
What made me kind of laugh was the idea of the Wild Hunt. Mark Blackthorn is shaking š¤Ŗ. Iām joking. If you know, you know. But the Wild Hunt was similar to Cassie Clareās Wild Hunt in how they killed freely. I honestly am curious what mythology or history Sarah J. Maas and Cassandra Clare read because it sounds like the Wild Hunt had to be a thing back then for both of them to write about such a group. But learning all this history made me go WHAT? More of like a I-have-to-process-all-this sort of what. Because that was a lot that we didnāt know before.
Amren wanted Rhysand to become High King to prevent war and unite the people. She was trying to convince him to take to be High King because she said it was a sign from the universe and fate that Rhysand should be High King. I AM ALL FOR RHYSAND UPGRADING to High King. But gosh, he just wanted to be a good husband and father first š„ŗ. Rhysand was already going through so muchāheavy, heart-breakingāthings and now he had this weight on his shoulder that he could become High King to bring people together because he was powerful and honorable enough to do so. I kind of agree with Amren that if anyone should be High King, it should be Rhysand, with Feyre of course, as High Queen. But I think Rhysand just needed to process this information and he needed time to figure things out. I just wanted to hug Rhysand. Like genuinely hug him for everything he has to evaluate and process each dayārunning the Nightcourt, caring for his wife, worrying about the possible war with Brialynn, his family and friends, and now this. THatās a lot. He just got out of a freaking war, give the dude a break!!!
But I feel like at the end of the series, I FEELLLLLLL Like Ryshand will become High King and Feyre High Queen. I’m going to manifest that. Or it’s someone from the IC. But I don’t think so. It’s Rhysand and Feyre darling for the win. Because everyone loves and respects Rhysand and Feyre and I think they would be noble and fair leaders. I am also a GREAT believer that at the end of the ACOTAR series, we will FINALLY know Rhysand’s last freaking name and who his parents were. I think we might get more information about Rhysand’s background, because I’m pretty sure we don’t know all of it. I think there’s one big secret revelation there. Maybe he’s related to a big bad and he’s scared to admit that that’s his lineage because people wouldn’t trust him? Maybe he’s related to a big hero and that’s why he’s the most powerful Illyrian. There’s some sort of secret he’s not telling us š¤. I see you Rhysand last name unknown for a reason! I am coming for your secret and your last name!!!! I guarantee you we will find out. I KNOW.
Since we’re on Rhysand and Feyre, let’s talk about what I forgot when I read Kingdom of Ash. FREAKING FEYRE WAS PREGNANT!!!!!!! In A Court of Frost and Starlight Feyre and Rhysand wanted to start a family, so it made sense that most likely she would be pregnant in ACOSM. The hints were all there even without having read KoA. I mean, first there was the protective bubble around her, which for one I did not buy for a second that Rhysand was just trying out a protective bubble conveniently around his wife. And two, Rhysand didn’t seem very hands-on with everything because he was probably spending more time with his pregnant wife! I mean, I wrote in my notes that Rhysand was probably training Cassian to play the Courtier role for when Rhysand took up responsibility as a dad. All signs pointed to she was PREGNANT.
I loved how they revealed it š„°. It was when Nesta and the IC sans Mor were all at Rhysand and Feyreās house and they discussed Briallynās plan with the Trove and why Feyre couldnāt help find itāshe was pregnant. The shock Nesta had was priceless. No, no, Cassianās reaction was PRICELESS. That is the kind of joy we all needed š. He was so cute, when he WHOOPED and pumped his fist in the air. I loved when he tackled Rhysand in his excitement. Good thing he didnāt tackle Feyre š. He couldnāt either way because of that bubble. We love to see a supportive friend šš¼ . The first thing that went through my mind after reading Cassianās reaction was he and Az were going to be uncles š„ŗ. They would be such fun unclesāfuncles. They would also be overly protective uncles. I could just imagine their little baby and Cassian teaching the baby how to flirt and Az teaching the baby how to train. They could train together. They would be so cute. Or I imagined the baby going to his Uncle Cass or Az whenever he got in trouble instead of Rhys. I mean, how cute š„ŗ.
“Cassian laughed. ‘Now wonder you’ve been a moody bastard, Rhys. I suppose we’re about to learn a whole new level of overprotective.'”
(pg. 234)
Rhys as a dad!!!!!!! š„ŗ š§” I HAVE to see it! He would be a good dad. I’m not tearing up, you are!
“But I didn’t realize how much I wanted a boy until I knew I’d bear one.’
‘Likely because having sisters was so horrible for you.’
(pg. 237)
Is it wrong that I cackled because of that š¤Ŗ. In all honesty, being sisters is more difficult than being brothers sometimes because sisters tend to bat heads more often and are more passive aggressive that way. I say this as a sister myself, but that’s not to say all sisters are like that. But every sibling relationship takes work.
I thought it was cute that the baby was a boy because of how much Cassian, Az, and Rhys could raise the boy to be a good man. I loved it though when Feyre said she wanted to tell Nesta first what the babyās gender was. Elain already guessed Feyre was pregnant, so Feyre wanted to give Nesta this piece of information before Elain. Feyre wanted to include her sister in her motherhood journey. That warmed my heart because Feyre just wanted Nesta to let her in, and this was Feyreās way of saying she wanted Nesta in her life. But I felt Nesta was uncomfortable by Feyreās act of kindness and love. It makes me sad how Nesta always feels like she doesnāt deserve peopleās kindness and love because she doesnāt believe herself to be a good person. She was in her own ways. Sure, she wasnāt as gentle as Elain or altruistic as Feyre, but she had a fierce heart, and thatās just as powerful.
Then came the utmost devastating, heart-gutting, mind-hurting news š. So . . . their baby had wings. Wings were cool. I would love to see Uncle Cass and Az get into mischief with a flying baby. The baby having wings posed devastatingly risky complications. Feyre and Rhysand conceived their baby when they were in full Illyrian form. Love to know the details š¤Ŗ. But before Feyre knew she was pregnant, she shifted back to her High Fae self, but if she shifted back to her Illyrian form, she could harm the baby. Feyre in her High Fae form had different birthing parts that would make it nearly impossible for her to give birth to an Illyrian babe with wings š°. When a High Fae gave birth to a baby with wings, sometimes the wings would get stuck during labor and the mother or the baby would not make it. Cutting out the baby would also harm the baby, so that wasn’t an option. Just a question though: what else was different when Feyre changed from an Illyrian to a High Fae?
Suffice to say, Rhysand had the WORLD on his shoulder, and now he had to live with the fact that Feyre might not make it . . . My heart PLUMMETED. Straight down. Titanic level. FEYRE WAS GOING TO LIVE!!!! She had to. RHySSSS!!!! š A big part of me felt like he blamed himself because he was Illyrian and he had wings. Feyre was also Illyrian, but he was by birth an Illyrian. Also, I felt like he felt like this was his fault because he put Feyre’s life at risk. But he couldn’t have known—they couldn’t have known. I understood why he didn’t want to tell Feyre about the horrific risk she would face because if he did it might take away the happiness Feyre felt with being pregnant. He didn’t want her to look at the baby differently or to resent herself of the situation. He just wanted her happy, which I liked. However, he should have told her because it was Feyre’s life and her body and she deserved to know the truth even if it was the utmost devastating truth she would hear. But everyone kept this secret from her. Everyone except Nesta.
With the sword trove Nesta created, Rhys and Amren didn’t want to tell Nesta that she had the power to create Made objects because they feared she would create more if aggravated. I understood the fear, but similar to Feyre’s situation, Nesta deserved to know what her powers/herself was capable of so she could control the situation. I liked how Rhysand really said let Feyre be the deciding vote because happy wife, happy life š¤Ŗ. Feyre of course voted for her sister to know, so Cassian told Nesta about the trove she created and it came out as a mess where he told her the IC voted for her to know. I don’t blame Nesta for being upset about the IC not wanting her to know. It felt like they betrayed her because they wanted to keep something from her that was her very right to know—her power, her life. I would also feel enraged and revolted that everyone had the AUDACITY to vote on something that concerned her. That feels sucky. Especially because Nesta lived her whole life with things happening to her; it felt like they didn’t even give her a say or an option to choose for herself. I would be mad. She wasn’t a person, not an option.
But Nestaās RAGE didnāt give her the right to THROTTLE Amren and Feyre. I thought the first time Nesta would climb all 10,000 steps, it would be more triumphant. No, it was done out of cold-blooded fury. She really walked into Amrenās cottage-house-thing where she was doing it with Varien. Poor dude, had to run practically nude in the streets after being kicked out š¤Ŗ. But Nesta and Amren used to be friends. I kind of remember their friendship from ACOTAR, but I know Nesta drove Amren away too. Or I think Amren saw Nesta was wasting her life away because she didnāt want to be part of that, so Nesta probably lashed out at her. Gosh, itās time for a reread. But either way, the entire book they had a tense relationship because they used to tolerate each other as friends. They had a like-driven-to-like relationship because they were both lethally fierce women and Amren was the only one who sort of understood her power. So the fact that Amren wanted to keep such a secret from her made her put off because they used to be friends.
“‘I stopped having your back the moment you decided to use that loyalty as a shield against everyone.'”
(pg. 482)
Because Nesta thought if she had Amren as a friend in the IC, that was the one person who was her in. But Nesta also pushed Amren away because Amren chose Feyre. But Amren wasn’t choosing anyone against Nesta, but to Nesta it felt that way. In this new life, she had Elain and Amren on her side—people who felt like hers and not Feyre’s. But when Amren wanted to work with Feyre and when Elain chose the Fae life—Feyre’s life—it felt like everyone stopped being her person/on her side. She felt alone and betrayed. She felt alone. So she pushed them further away because they hurt her and she wanted them to hurt. That wasn’t the way. I understood Nesta’s pain though. She just needed to find people in her new Fae life who felt like her people. She found those people with her training.
But the part that UTTERLY GUTTED me and made me want to rage heck down on Nesta was when she told Feyre that she might not survive the birthing process. That wasnāt for her to tell, and the way Nesta said it lacked compassion and delicacy. Nesta was a pure WOLF, a BEACH, A SAVAGE for breaking Feyreās heart like that. When Feyre started to cry, I just wanted to cry and rage all the fire into Nesta for purposefully hurting her sister in such a vile way. I thought she would have been past hurting people like that. Nesta still had obvious work to do š. And with trauma, thereās always going to be moments where we need to constantly work on ourselvesāmoments that we are going to be triggered back into old habits. I get it. Nesta was hurting and I didnāt hate her, I just didnāt like or respect how she told Feyre and the intent behind it.
A sad Feyre = a devastated me.
I felt like Nesta literally spat on Feyre, kicked her like a puppy, ran her over, backpedaled, smooshed her with a boot, jumped on her shattered pieces, then vacuumed them up, released her into the ocean, and let a whale eat her remains. Or that’s how I felt for Feyre. SAVAGE.
Nesta was gosh darn RIGHT to run her butt out of there afterwards because I said it right then and there that RHYSAND WAS GOING TO KILL HER š¤Ŗ. I knew not in the literal sense, but he was going to be royally PIZZED at her and he was going to RAIN HECK AND OVER AND NESTA. You know, at least Nesta felt awful for marking her sister cry and for ruining her happiness. We love to know she had a heart in there to know how she said the news was wrong.
Because even if I DETESTED Nesta in the moment, I understood she also came from an honest place. Feyre did deserve to know what would happen and it wasn’t right for Rhysand or her friends to keep that from her. However, Nesta needed to break the news with care and delicacy—not as a weapon. I think that’s what hurt me more.
It broke my heart how disappointed Cassian was in Nesta after the whole reveal to Feyre and her angry trek down the 10,000 stairs. Cassian flew her and Nesta to some deserted mountains where they had to climb back home or something. Cassian was told by Mor that those mountains were used for healing those who were inquired in body and mind. There was a lake in the mountains that could bring a semblance of recovery and Cassian felt they both needed time to recover and heal. It was unnervingly despondent how reserved and obedient Nesta was with following Cassian. It also felt weird to see Cassian so general-like with Nesta and kind of harsh to be honest. He really should have checked on her more in the heat they were walking in, but I understood why he was mad at her. Rhysand was still mad at Nesta, but Feyre calmed him down. Honestly, let’s give a STANDING OVATION to the High Lady who was so cool, poise, calm, and collected even after the bomb Nesta dropped on her. Feyre really took the news in stride and I loved her unwavering optimism and fearlessness. That’s our Feyre š§”.
It hurt to see how deeply Nesta hated herself afterwards. I can sometimes be guilty of this too. We feel like we aren’t good enough to others or we keep ruining things that we feel undeserving. There really had to be something to be said about how depressed I felt Nesta was on those mountains. She really thought the worst in herself, and although I partially agreed that what she did was unbelievably rude, I didn’t think she was the absolute worst.
“She couldn’t quell that relentless, churning anger. Couldn’t stop herself from lashing out before she could be wounded.
She was no better than a rabid dog. She had been a rabid dog with Amren and Feyre. A beast, exactly like Tamlin. She hadn’t even cared that she’d made it down the House stairs at last—did it count, when it was driven by her fury?
Did she count—was she worth being counted?”
(pg. 500)
Her thoughts continued to crack my broken heart. She began to feel like she didn’t even matter anymore—like her life wasn’t worth it or important because she hurt everyone. I can’t even say anything to how much I felt her pain—I understood her pain. Her life mattered so much and she was so loved. Our mistakes are not who we are, and Nesta was not her pain or her greatest mistake/hurt. The moment that got me was when she cried. It fractures every piece of you when you see someone who you thought of as strong cry. I think it’s because we think of them as strong and crying has often been thought of as a weakness in society, so it feels somewhat wrong or worrisome when strength breaks like that. But we have to remember that even the strongest people need to cry—need to be vulnerable and let it go. I was happy Nesta allowed herself to feel the darkness in her and let it out in a torrent. That was her river.
I liked that Cassian was there to support her through the trek. He never spoke to her because he didnāt know what to say and he wanted to give Nesta time. He also just wanted to be there for her when Nesta was ready to talk, which I always believe is a wonderful way to communicate with people who are going through a lot.
The trek on the mountain was therapeutic and cathartic for Nesta. She needed to put her body to work and carry her burdens on her back to release them. She also needed the clarity of nature to release all her pain. She finally opened up about some of the trauma she lived with after the war—the deaths, her father, fires, her power. Even in her breakdown, Nesta wept about how she had these dark thoughts and how she felt like she deserved nothing. I was crying along with her. Our minds can be soooooo powerful and we can beat ourselves up about every little thing we feel like we failed at. And we tell ourselves that we don’t deserve happiness or love because we believe we are bad people, but we have to be kinder to ourselves. Cassian communicated the traumas he had to live with everyday. I loved how he didn’t sugarcoat that things will be okay and that she was okay, but how it will be hard and painful, but things get better. I liked how he told her to hold onto life and to fight to be on the other side of her pain.
” . . . And I can’t tell you when, or how, but it will get better. What you feel, this guilt and pain and self-loathing—you will get through it. But only if you are willing to fight. Only if you are willing to face it, and embrace it, and walk through it, to emerge on the other side of it. And maybe you will still feel that tinge of pain, but there is another side. A better side.”
(pg. 505)
There always is. Trust me.
I also loved what Cassian said about forgiveness. Nesta needed to hear it.
“‘Forgiveness is something we also grant ourselves. And I can talk to you until these mountains crumble around us, but if you don’t wish to be forgiven, if you don’t want to stop feeling this way . . it won’t happen.'”
(pg. 506)
Cassian wasn’t wrong. If we can’t forgive ourselves for the hurt we caused, we can never move on because we’re going to be stuck in a cycle of hating ourselves because we believe we deserve the worst. That is no way to live. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and take steps to be better to honor the forgiveness you deserve. Because when someone apologizes to a person, most times people say “it’s okay,” when they should say, “you are forgiven.” Saying the latter means that that person needs to show that they won’t make the same mistake twice. Same with ourselves. We need to say we forgive ourselves and try our best to be better—to not hurt ourselves.
“‘But I still don’t know how to fix myself.’
‘There’s nothing broken to be fixed,’ he said fiercely. ‘You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much—and perhaps hurt others, too.'”
(pg. 506)
Healing from trauma is a torturous climb up a mountain. Sometimes it’s a spiral of thoughts going down 10,000 stairs. Sometimes it’s raging at everyone you love. And other times it’s putting you hand in someone who keeps reaching out to you. It’s giving shy smiles to people at libraries or small shops. It’s finding joy in the little things. It’s shaking legs, bruised fists, and a sweaty core. It’s breaking down at the foot of a lake. It’s all this and more.
But the journey to healing helps us as much as it may not feel like any progress at all. It’s because part of us wants to be better and know we can. We just don’t know how. That’s okay. It takes time.
Nesta needed this mountain trip because it caused a monumental shift going forward.
After the mountain trip, Nesta and Cassian went back to the House of Wind to train. They also had to find the Harp.
When trying to find the Harp, Nesta knew she had to scry again. However, she took Gwyn up on her offer to go to the priestesses church thing or service where they played and sang ancient music. Gwyn was part of the priestesses who sang, which I love that for her! Nesta lives for music and dance as I talked about earlier and going to the priestesses service was the closest thing she had to music in ages. The music took over her and it made her feel more like herselfāhappier. But the music literally took her to another place because she had this vision of the Harp in some deep bowel part of the Prison. She was able to scry the Harpās location because the church area where the priestesses sang was composed or surrounded by sticks and stones (what she needed to scry). So she had this big scry without even realizing it. But since she knew where the Harp was, she and Cassian left for the Prison to retrieve it before Briallyn could. When going to the Prison, Rhysand allowed Nesta to take the big cursed sword she made. Nesta named the sword Ataraxia, which I wondered what that meant to her and why Lanthys laughed at her sword name. Lanthys was deathless and he was one of the monsters Cassian put into the prison after trapping it in a mirror. But when retrieving the Harp, Nesta had a vision with Briallyn where Briallyn wore the Crown on her head and could see Nesta and the Harp. They needed to get out of there because Briallyn would find themāshe already found them and had soldiers at the Prison. So Nesta said something quick about opening the doors for them to escape.
I knew when they went to the Prison, Lanthys would escape because why else would Rhysand feel the need to give Nesta this sword he feared.
And escape Lanthys did. I knew Nesta was going to weild Ataraxia at it!!! I mean, she had to! I was excited to see what power her sword wielded. When the Lanthys attacked her, I think he showed her this image of her and him ruling the lands like back in the olden days . . . I was like, I’m sorry get you sick talon demented claws off her!!! She is not your mate! I’m still curious what the dream vision meant. But besides that, I kind of had a feeling that she could kill him with her sword because he feared it. I mean, he had to fear Ataraxia for a reason!
Honestly, she had Lanthys head to add to her taxidermy collection š. I’m JOKING. But gosh, she said HEAD BREAKER!!! She strikes again š¤Ŗ She’s giving the Queen of Hearts a run for her money.
The Harp gave me CHILLS.
Kind of going back to how I knew they were pregnant was because I distinctly remember reading Kingdom of Ash and Aelin fell through this portal thing that she fell through Velaris and Rhysand and Feyre were looking at the stars—-I’m thinking it was Winter Solstice—and Feyre had a baby bump š. I recall FREAKING THE FREAK OUT when I read that because that opened up the Sarah J. Maas multiverse as I will discuss more after. BUT GOOOOSH! Our Feyre darling was with child!! But the whole Aelin falling through Velaris scene made me think about how the war in Throne of Glass occurred after the ACOTAR war. The TOG war was still going on! That blew my mind.
Honestly, if Sarah J. Maas wants to write more cameos or crossover books, I will be here for it! She can write a 4,000 page crossover and I will THRIVE š¤Ŗš§”. Truly, I live for the day—the possibility—of a SJM Multiverse crossover. Who’s with me?
Because Sarah J. Maas really said there’s 26 dimensions. TWENTY-SIX. LET’S go!!!!
So is Sarah J. Maas literally telling us that her Fae universe—Erilea, Velaris, and Crescent City—are three dimensions in the 26? š¬ Please tell me that’s what she means!! The twenty-sixth string on the Harp was special, which I will get to later, but the other strings could maybe portal her to other Fae realms if you know what I mean. So if there were twenty six strings, maybe there were more Fae realms we needed to explore. More book, possibly š§.
Either way, I am here to stay in the SJM Multiverse.
After finding the Harp, they needed to somehow get the Crown out of Briallynās head š¤Ŗ because gosh knows she could wreak havoc with it. The problem was that they couldnāt get too close because they might succumb to the Crownās powers. In the meantime, they hid the Trove away using protection spells with Nestaās blood. I didnāt mention this earlier, but it was terrifying how Nesta didnāt want to know how to open up the wards to where the Troves were because she was scared to succumb to their powers as well. She could feel herself wanting to use them because of the power she had. But I admired that she recognized how dangerous it would be for her to wield such objectsāso she protected herself from them. That proved she wanted to do good. But it had to also be difficult for her knowing that the Troves provided her peace from her dark thoughts.
But after all this time, it was nearing Solstice and a Christmas of sorts, so that meant a ball and gifts. And we all know what happened last Solstice š.
But Nesta really said I CAME TO PLAY at this ball!!! She said, I am the Queen’s Gambit!!! She said, I will chew Eris out and spit his traitor ways! There’s this tale as old as time about Nesta that she seduced a Duke back in the Human lands at a ball. Nesta was fourteen and she could dance like a dream, so she drew in this duke because this other girl hated Elian. Nesta wanted to get back at this girl and make her jealous because the girl liked the duke. So Nesta danced with the duke and he even proposed marriage, and was desperate enough to wait for her. This story gave me queen vibes because Nesta does not go lose šš¼.
Nesta is a fighter and a blade. Honestly, I loved learning she loved to dance. It made sense to how she also thrived off of music.
Seeing Nesta genuinely happy and in her element at the ball brought a whole other level of joy to my heart. It was just sooooo nice to see her happy š„°. She truly dominated the dance floor and had everyone captivated. Gosh, the amount of twirling she did??? DIZZY. Everyone wanted her to dance with Eris as a sign of trust because Eris and Cassian were caught in the Spring Court by Tamlin during one of their secret meetings. They thought Eris might start talking or that he was up to something, so they needed to make sure Eris kept secret the information they entrusted him with. Feyre or Elain could have danced with Eris, but Feyre was pregnant and Nesta wouldnāt let Eris near Elain. So it was Nesta who danced with him. Boy, was he easy to get under her fingers. Sleazy, but easy to trick š¤Ŗ. Iām still unsure why Rhysand gifted Eris one of Nestaās Made daggers if the new Trove was dangerous and unknown. I mean, that was kind of a dumb move and still is to me. I didnāt trust Eris all that much because like I said, he was highly self-motivated so if someone else had information, I didnāt put it past him to betray the IC for his own interests.
What made my heart swell with giddiness was when Cassian interrupted Nesta and Eris, and was so nervous to ask Nesta to dance š„ŗ. He really pulled a HSM, and said, “Can I have this dance?” Cute. Throughout the book, I noticed Sarah J. Maas would point out how Rhysand, Az, Amren, and Cassian were nervous or scared through repetition. Because we know the IC as these unshakeable, fearless people, but to see them choke up at the most mundane things like asking a woman to dance, was cute. Humbling. Normalizing. They would even choke up about things that were terrifying but they were thought to be brave about, but it highlighted how human they were—of Fae/normal.
“All the world a song and this heartbeat it’s core melody.”
(pg. 631)
I LOVED their whole solstice Christmas gift exchange. I loved how wholesome and normal it all was. I was sad though that Mor wasn’t there. I needed more Mor! It made me sad to see how Nesta felt like an outsider to Feyre’s chosen family. I felt like she felt like more of an observer than included because Amren and Rhysand and Elian didn’t really like her like her. Oh yea, Elain! Nesta and Elain were still not on the best terms after their conversation at the House of Wind in the beginning. I felt like they really needed to talk things out because in the end they didn’t really talk much. I would have liked to see more resolution with Nesta and. Elain. But back to the gift exchange. I loved Feyre’s Christmas gift to Cassian. It was super thoughtful—a painting of the three bros on the mountain. And this is a testament to the difference between how women give gifts and men—but Rhys got him a warfare book and Az some beef jerky š. I CACKLED. How funny. I mean, what do you get someone who’s 500 years old? Az literally said I give zero hoots and I ran out of ideas. Here’s some beef jerky š. Love that for him. But I also loved loved loved how Az got Nesta such a thoughtful gift. He gave her this reading wand so she could read in the dark. I love it when people give you gifts that you didn’t ask for, but shows that they notice you and what you love š„ŗ. Doing so shows that you see that person, and Az saw her. It also warmed my heart because no one else thought to get Nesta a gift like it was a tacit not to. But when Nesta hugged Az . . . my heart š§”.Cute.
But Cassianās gift to her was incredibly sweet. Get you a person who goes the extra MILE to create a gift for you! I just adored how his gift was extra thoughtful in how he made a music box/egg thing with songs from the ball. He went back and asked the band to play the songs and play other songs they didnāt play at the ball, and he bottled it up for Nesta to listen to whenever she wanted. I was like, sis you better jump his bones after this š¤Ŗ!!!! I mean, he was soooo nervous to give her the gift after last year when she stormed out and stompedātrampledāon his heart and he ended up throwing his ring box gift into the river. Oh, get you a man who goes back into the river to get the box. Poor Cassian. He didnāt want her to hurt him, but he also wanted to get her something this year. When she said she couldnāt accept the gift, I was like, āNESTA, accept this ONE kind thing he wants to do for you!!!!!ā šš¼ I just felt Cassianās broken heart, re-break. She just kept breaking his heart.
But then Nesta broke down because she felt she didn’t deserve his kindness—it always came back to her self-hatred and thinking she wasn’t good enough. And that broke him more because he saw her as more than good enough. Heck, he thought he wasn’t good enough for her because he was some “bastard-born brute” (pg. 606). I didn’t know whether to be angry or happy because she went from telling him no, to saying I’m going to marry Eris, to I always love you, to making love. I WAS CONFUSED š¤Ŗ. There’s something to be said about how quickly they escalate or change a situation. But I liked how this time when they did have sex, it wasn’t rushed or it wasn’t f******. It was them making love because they actually loved each other and allowed themselves to feel that. I thought it was symbolic to how all the other times, they were just f****** around because they were pushing down their feelings or weren’t ready to say they loved each other, but this time they truly did. I liked how golden and magical the whole scene was because it highlighted this change between them.
I LOVED that at the end, she asked him to stay in her bed and he did š„ŗ.
I’m disappointed though. Where was this snowball fight POV from Cassian????? I wanted to read it!
“Nesta just laughed. “You three—the most feared warriors in all the land—have an annual snowball fight?”
(pg. 613)
I’m ingraining the most BRUTAL snowball fight ever. We were robbed of a great opportunity with this scene šš¼.
After making love, they had a lightness to their relationship. I liked how Cassian was becoming comfortable and more assured as a courtier. When he was first given the role he wasn’t confident he understood the games or communications that Mor or Rhysand often did as the courtier. But over time and with Nesta’s strength, he learned to talk like a courtier. I also liked the change in Nesta. She was able to climb down the 10,000 steps again, but she didn’t do it in rage. I loved it though when she turned right back up and began the ascent because all she ever wanted since being in that house was to escape. She wanted to get to the bottom and drink herself silly in Velaris. But knowing she chose to go back up to the House was monumental because that was her home now—it housed the people she loved. It’s where she was happy. I also loved how when she got back up to the house, she had this childlike wonder and exuberance to her that we barely see in Nesta. She looked around at the stars and she laughed.
“She hadn’t realized that such beauty existed in the world. That she might feel so full from wonder it could hurt, like her body couldn’t contain all of it. And she didn’t know why she cried then, but the tears began rolling down her face.
The world was beautiful, and she was so grateful to be in it. To be alive, to be here, to see this. She stuck out a hand over the railing, grazing a star as it shot past, and her fingers came away glowing with blue and green dust. She laughed, a sound of pure joy, and she cried more, because that joy was a miracle.”
(pg. 631)
Cue the tears!!! š
After all she had been through—battling her trauma, wars, depression, addiction, numbing thoughts—she won. She was healing and she was happy to be alive. That was more than she ever felt or could say in the beginning of the book. I was happy for her and there’s no other way to say that. She deserved it.
I loved the whole moment when Amren came up behind her and they made up.
“‘That’s the key, isn’t it? To know the darkness will always remain, but how you choose to face it, handle it . . . that’s the important part. to not let it consume. To focus upon the good, the things that fill you with wonder.’ She gestured to the stars zooming past. ‘The struggle with that darkness is worth it, just to see such things.'”
(pg. 633)
I LOVED that š§”. That is what we need to remember when going through something.
My heart warmed when Amren was like, “Welcome back to the Night Court, Nesta Archeron.” š„ŗBecause Nesta was back. She was slowly living again and being gentle with herself. She was healing. And she was there. I loved that.
As much as she was living again, it broke my heart when she and Cassian fought. He wanted Nesta to admit/say that they were Mates. After they made love, she knew they were Mates. Heck, they both always knew they were Mates but they never said anything because Cassian didn’t want to push her away or scare her. But Nesta still wasn’t ready to admit that Cassian was the one. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when Cassian was like “I am your mate, for f***’s sake!” (pg. 642). Not with that mouth š¤Ŗ. It was a pretty hefty scene. But I COULD NOT when Nesta chose that FREAKING moment to use her bargain!!!! Sis, literally said don’t talk to me for a week until or until I come to you. Go away. If only we could do that in real life š. But I appreciated how much Nesta had grown because she didn’t want to lash out at him or say something mean to hurt him like she usually would. So she chose to send him away. I understood. She needed time. But really, a week????? That reeked of bad idea. I felt so bad when Cassian took his heavy wings and heavy heart and flew away. Poor baby š¢.
It made my heart swell when Nesta went to Emerie for comfort and to cry it out. I loved how Mor winnowed Gwyn to Emeries house so Gwyn could be there for her friend. It was the first time Gwyn left the House in forever, but she did it for Nesta. I loved that. I’m curious though, how does Mor and Rhysand just know to winnow people? I’m sorry, like someone better tip them for their winnowing services š¤Ŗ. But I COULD NOT when Nesta and the girls got kidnapped. I FREAKED THE FREAK OUT!!!!! What do you mean someone attacked them. I WAS SHOOK.
Because Cassian couldn’t come save her!!! She told him he couldn’t speak to her for a week or until she talked to him, but he couldn’t go to her!!! What happened?
Darn.
The Blood Rite.
When the Blood Rite was mentioned in full detail in the beginning of the book, I was like, Nesta’s going to be in the Blood Rite. I mean, it made sense because she was training and she was now a Valykrie. So she would somehow go to the Rite. I just didn’t know when or how. How the freak it is fair to be kidnapped into the Rite is beyond me.
The Blood Rite was when an Illyrian warrior gained his/her full power and was officially an adult. Each clan sends three to four people to the Rite. The people in the Rite wake up on some mountain with no weapons, powers, or food, and they had to survive a week and/or make it to Ramielāthe sacred mountain. Ramiel was the mountain that represented Velaris with the three holy stars above itāArktos, Carynth, and Oristes. The only way out of the Rite is to survive the week or to touch the stone on top of Ramiel to win and be transported out of the Rite. But no one can go into the Rite to interfere once it starts. If a person interferes or tries to rescue someone from the Rite, they have to kill that person and they person they tried to save from the Rite. At the end of the Rite, there are different titles for the status of the warrior in the Rite. If a person survived, they were Arkotsian; if a person made it to the mountain; they were Oristian; and if a person scale the summit of the mountain were Carynthian. Rhys, Cass, and Az were part of the only five who have ever touched the stone (pg. 190). They touched it together and they were made some of the powerful warriors in Velarisāhence, I think their status.
The Blood Rite was created in honor of Enalius. On Ramiel was this thing called the Pass of Enalius where Enalius held the line to protect against enemies. He fought near this archway and he passed away protecting his fellow warriors against the enemy. I think Enalius might have fought during the pre-court days because they said he fought in the war between Fae and ancient beings who oppressed them. So I’m thinking it was the Daglan times?
The Rite gave me mini Hunger Games vibes because everyone basically had to go against each other and kill one another to survive or make it to Ramiel.
So that’s where the kidnappers took Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn š. Wonderful!!!! Joking. Rhysand better RAGE on the people who took the three of them to the Blood Rite. Like what the literal heck. I was SHAKING for Gwyn because she didn’t leave the library often, heck this was her first time, and what do you know? She gets taken to the Blood Rite???? I would be SHOOK.
Nesta and Gwyn woke up before everyone else because they weren’t Illyrian born. Nesta woke up by herself because they were all scattered. I feared for all of them because they were women who had been taken advantage of before and now they were in this Rite with sicko men. The first thing that struck me as wrong was how there were weapons. The Blood Rite wasn’t supposed to have weapons. So I immediately felt like someone kidnapped the three of them as a distraction to something bigger—something Briallyn related. Not sure what yet. Nevertheless, I knew Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn were going to bop to the top! If anyone could, they would.
I was nervous for Nesta when that one man attacked her. But I knew my sis could hold her ground!! She said, OFF WITH YOUR HEAD š. She didn’t slice off her head, but she knifed him in the balls. I CACKLED. That’s the best line of defense š. When she stole the man’s clothes, I imagined her with Matthias Helvar (SoC books) clothes on her, trekking through the wilderness. Nesta was off looking for her friends. This was where the charm bracelets came into play, which I LOVED. They really said true north—Mal tracking š¤Ŗ. I loved the bracelets though because it led her to Emerie who hit her head on a rock when trying to escape brute men who were living it up with a fire. I liked how there was that one nice, or decent man who showed Nesta and Emerie mercy. He told Nesta where a cave was so they would be safe during the night. He didn’t want to be on Nesta or the IC bad side, so he was kind to them. I kind of liked Balthazar because he was okay. Did I trust him? No. But he seemed like he just wanted to survive as much as them. Emerie was knocked out cold, but she slowly regained consciousness. When she did, they worked to find Gwyn.
Letās give it up for GWYN!!!! šš¼ For someone who never left the library, she said I AM BOLD. I LOVED that. She tricked some monster beast into attacking a camp of males who used Gwynās bloodied night gown as bait for Emerie and Nesta. But Gwyn used the men as bait when she woke up some beast and ran it to them š. Clever that one. I loved that for her. But I loved it when she said: āItās what sisters do.ā (pg. 682). CUTE. Also, I kept wondering who the FREAK is the Mother? š¤Ŗ Did I miss something in ACOTAR? After they reunited, they were determined to reach the stone. I thought the Rite scenes were epic and action-packed, but they seemed too easy for the three of them. I thought things would be more difficult because they didnāt have powers and they would encounter more ruthless men. I mean, I was here for them not getting challenged, but I thought they would face more obstacles..
One of the obstacles they did face was getting to that bridge that led to Ramiel. They had to outrace Bellius—Emerie’s sicko cousin—to the bridge so there would be no way for them to get to the mountain. I shrieked for the three of them to RUNNNN! The whole scene was epic with Gwyn getting shot in the leg and then Nesta having to think quickly about tying a rope to Gwyn, Emerie, and herself so they could drag Gwyn to the other side. Then Nesta had to hack the bridge rope down before the men could get there. I literally held my breath for them. Such a well-written, gripping scene.
Anyway, I also laughed when Emerie was like:
“‘F****** bit****!” one of the males roared.
‘Oh, shut up!’ Emerie bellowed across the ravine, helping Nesta lead Gwyn into the snowy trees, their breaths puffing out before them. ‘Find something new to call us!'”
(pg. 692)
I guess Illyrian men don’t have two brain cells either š.
They were on Ramiel, but they weren’t sure if they could hike to the top because Gwyn lost a lot of blood and was going pallid. But my gosh was Gwyn strong.
“‘Is it living, though? To take the safe road?'”
(pg. 693)
The scene before hiking Ramiel–the Breaking—-was probably my second or third favorite part of the book. Honestly, Nesta’s bond with Gwyn and Emerie was one of my favorite parts of the book overall. But this scene in particular where they all voiced their trauma. Because we knew Gwyn and Emerie had lived through pretty hefty and unspeakable things, but not fully. But they voiced it all right now because they wanted to release all their trauma and know who each other was before they endured the trek together. I loved that š§”.
Gwyn. Where do I even begin with how heavy I felt for Gwyn. She was raped and attacked by Hybern in Sangravah. They were raided in the house and Gwyn tried to hide her and her sister, Catrin from the soldiers. But they didn’t believe Gwyn when she said the children had been taken to the mountain, so the soldier beheaded Catrin and other priestesses. Then the soldier took advantage of her body and more were going to like the TRASH they were. I was shaking for Gwyn. But Az came before the others could harm her further and he killed them all. That day, she was winnowed to the library by Mor. Gwyn didnāt talk for months afterwardsācrying, screaming, retreating. Then she started singing again, and not long after Nesta came. Gwyn was drawn to her because Gwyn could tell Nesta was going through somethingālike called to like. Gwyn didnāt wear the Invoking Stone because she didnāt feel holy after not having saved her sister and with being a victim of the utmost horrible thing that no one should EVER ever have to experience or go through. Gwyn made me ball my eyes out because her story was similar to Nesta in many waysāhow Nesta was taken advantage of, not being able to save her dad, retreating into herself. But they found and saved each other.
Emerie’s story also broke my heart. Emerie had an abusive dad/abusive male figure in her life. The dad was seen as this nice, charming man on the outside, but he was vile behind closed doors to the women in his life. No one came to save her from her dad because no one knew who he truly was. This made me think about how often we let men like Emerie’s dad get away because we excuse their abuse or manipulation with other things, but we need to see it as what it is. We need to tell people. It wasn’t Emerie or the mom’s fault. Absolutely not. The dad was filth. It broke my heart how Emerie also had her own trigger—the sound of the dad beating her. Nesta’s trigger was the fire. After talking about her trigger, I liked how Nesta sat with the sound of the fire. It was painful for her, but she did it. That was her win. Emerie training and wanting to regain her power, was her win.
When Nesta shared her trauma, I felt another layer of her healing shed away. Nesta needed to be honest with her chosen family about who she was. Them not judging her for her past made her feel relieved, validated, and loved. They knew her for her, and yet they were still there. That’s love š§”.
They all had trauma and it made them stronger and better people. That’s not to say they deserved the trauma they experienced. So, they would climb the mountain together. I loved how they took each step with each other and how when Gwyn was beyond walking on her shot leg, Nesta carried her on her back! The stupid males caught up to them, so Nesta decided to pull an Enalius and guard the arch so Emerie and Gwyn would be safe. Gwyn refused to go without Nesta because no man left behind sort of thing. Gosh, when Nesta used some sort of sleeping technique on Gwyn to get her to go, I was like, DARN. Nesta!!! She loved her friends enough to save them—to protect them. I loved the moment Nesta stood under the arch and she picked up one of the swords they had. She thought of Ataraxia because ataraxia meant inner peace. I loved that—she felt inner peace as the warrior she was, protecting her friends.
I loved that Emerie and Gwyn made it to the top, and I’m still disappointed Nesta didn’t because how kick butt would that have been? The three Carynthian Valkyries. But honestly, Nesta didn’t need a title to know her worth. I thought it was unfair that Bellius threw all his men at Nesta to wear her down before attacking her. I mean, this guy was a coward who wasn’t fighting until it mattered. Nesta was beyond tired and I could just feel her wanting to give up, but I was like NO SIS! BEHEAD HIM!!! šš¼She was going to give up, but then she remembered all the things and people she was fighting for.
“Bellius snorted. ‘You really think you can beat me in hand-to-hand combat?’
Blood flowed from her mouth to her nose. But Nesta smiled anyway, it’s tang coating her tongue. ‘I do.’
. . . And Nesta hissed, ‘Because my Mate taught me well.'”
(pg. 716)
YEA HE DID!!!!!! HE WAS HER MATEEEEEE šš¼š¬.
I can’t even when Briallyn showed up out of freaking nowhere to end Bellius. That was supposed to be Nesta’s blow.
Let’s back up to when Cassian found the love of his life missing.
I still kind of don’t understand how Cassian got around the bargain—something about how Nesta should have worded it better because he could still be near her, maybe not talk to her? I think so. But either way, I’m glad he at least knew she was missing now. He couldn’t do anything about it because it would risk his life. Rhysand couldn’t do anything either. I also liked how Cassian said that he wanted to do something to save Nesta, but he knew he couldn’t take this away from her—the opportunity for her to save herself. I liked that.
Even though he understood he couldn’t—and wasn’t going to save Nesta, he still worried about her, which duh. I liked how he trusted that Nesta was strong enough to be okay because he trained her. He also knew he would feel something if his Mate didn’t make it. So he was reassured in that way.
Good for him and Az that Cass didn’t just sit by the entire week, but they had to go after Eris who was captured by Briallyn. They had to get Eris because he knew all their plans and secrets and they didn’t want him to reveal it to Briallyn. Also, at this point they didn’t know if they still trusted him. They waited Eris out where they knew Briallyn to be, but they couldn’t fly too close because they didn’t want to get trapped in the Crown’s hold. I told myself that shiz was about to go down because I felt like Cassian and Az or one of them would get trapped in the Crown’s hold and then it would be this whole thing where Nesta would have to choose between saving Cass or Az and telling Briayllyn where the other two Trove objects were. I was partly right. But let’s go back to Eris. They waited Eris out, but it was a trap because he was mind controlled by the Crown to get Cassian in Briallyn’s control, which she did. But Briallyn also used Koeschi to get Cassian and Az to come. I still think we’re going to see Koeschi in the future because he’s still out there somewhere. I don’t know where, but he’s still dangerous.
With Cass under Briallyn control, they showed up at the Rite and you could just feel my heart DROP. He was under her control!
My HEART Ripped from my chest thinking how Briallyn was going to use them against each other. When Briallyn commanded Cassian to kill her, I was GUTTED. Like. A. Fish. How dare she. Cass was trying sooooo hard to fight the power that commanded him. When he held the knife over Nesta, I was like NOOOOOO. The description of his arm shaking????? I was SHAKING. And then he pointed the knife at himself and then I SHOOOK. CASSSISIISISISISISIANNNNNNN!
I wanted to scream with Nesta!!!! CASSIAN COULDN’T DIE.
But to be really frank, I LAUGHED when Briallyn incinerated off of Nesta’s screaming flames. Mother Gothel was that you? š Sorry, not really.
I was worried about Cassian, but this son of a mother faked stabbed himself and I have never been so proud!!!! He had me worried. And then I thought we would catch a break because you know Briallyn was ashes, Nesta just screamed her lungs out, Cassian almost died, and this gosh darn Crown was theirs now. BUT NOOOOO! Feyre had to be in labor!!!! š°
Nesta scream part two anyone????? FREAK. I knew she was going to give brith in this book because it felt like it was set up that way. But had it really been eight months since the beginning of the book. Wow. That’s bonkers.
But gosh . . . Feyre’s water broke but the true breaking was my heart. HONESTLY.
The Feyre birth was MY FAVORITE moment of the book—a bittersweet favorite. I was ugly crying š. Like Nessian move out the way, my Feysand heart is hurting!
“It was agony—pure agony that filled Rhys’s face. And fear. Feyre slipped her tattooed fingers through Rhys’s.
Amren asked sharply, ‘Why?’
Rhys stared at the tattoo on Feyre’s fingers, interlaced with his. His throat bobbed. Feyre answered for him. ‘We made a bargain. After the war. To . . . only leave this world together.’
Amren began massaging her temples, muttering a prayer for sanity.”
(pg. 655)
Have I been sleeping on this bargain???!!! When did they say this?! I need to re-read! Timeout, forfeit!!!! š°I had pure agony in me now. I was Rhysand and Amren all in one. I literally had to put the book down because my stomach hurt and I was UNWELL. WHAT?????!!!
NOOOO. Rhysand can’t die. Feyre can’t die. Their baby can’t die. But if one of them did, they all did. WHAT KIND OF BARGAIN????? I mean, the sentiment is sweet and endearing, but what the literal heck. Now that I’m writing this review, why couldn’t we use the Freaking Harp to go to a different world together š. I mean, they left the world together, right???? Honestly, this bargain means that Feyre and Rhysand were going to long live as High Queen and King because they were not going to go away unless Sarah J. Maas wants to OBLITERATE her fans š. I don’t think so. If she did, her fans would be smithereens.
Honestly, this bargain explained a lot. Rhysand just seemed more passive than usual with the action and that’s not just because this book wasn’t his POV. It also wasn’t because he was becoming a father. I mean, Rhysand is powerful and mighty and I just want to see him out there doing things, you know? But what does this bargain mean in terms of Rhysand being the fearless leader we know and love? I feel like we need to get rid of this bargain because it’s sweet, but it’s not Rhysand. Rhysand shouldn’t just fear going out and fighting because this bargain is on his literal back. But he should be able to be who he is, and Feyre should too without them both worrying about each other. I get it though. Their love. But golly, this bargain wasn’t it.
When I thought Nesta crying would make me pained, Rhysand crying and sobbing and begging on his knees to Feyre’s bleeding body shook my core and my foundation. I was UNWELL.
Did anyone else just read Chapter 76 and 77 with blurry eyes? š
I hit page 729 and I literally couldn’t see the words anymore. Take my tissues. Feyre was bleeding out like a lot–gosh darn and they decided to try to cut the baby to possibly save him. But Rhysand feared her life and his family. I got chills when I hit page 730 and the world went quiet. How eerie and breathtakingly DEVASTATING.
Then Nesta plucked the twenty-sixth string from the Harp because she called it to her. The twenty-sixth string represented Time. She stopped time to say goodbye and I love you to her sister. That was the first time Nesta said I love you to anyone. I LOVED the entire moment. I loved how Sarah J. Maas came full circle from the Cauldron intro chapter to now with the:
“In the beginning
And in the end
There was Darkness
And nothing more.”
(pg. 733)
My tears still flowed as I read Nesta walk to Feyre’s dying body and she looked at the people around her—the people who she came to kind of love and who her sister loved. I loved how Nesta talked about how much she loved her sister. Saving Feyre was part of Nesta’s healing in some ways. She couldn’t save her dad, but she saved her sister—someone who actually cared for her and looked after Nesta and Elain. When Nesta told the Cauldron that she would give it back it’s powers to save her sister, my tears started again. Nesta kept repeating show me as she held Feyre and I just got chills. It felt like the scene from Rapunzel when Rapunzel held Eugene’s body and her hair started to glow, but Nesta held Feyre’s body and the power seeped itself into Feyre. Chills š§”. Then Time started again and everyone watched as Nesta gave her powers back and Feyre came to life. I BAWLED like a baby when Feyre woke up and she said she loved Nesta too š„ŗ. I BAWLED when everyone else saw Feyre come to life, and how Rhysand felt breathless knowing his Mate lived. And the baby lived too š„ŗ!
I just let out a breath of fresh air when everyone was okay.
But I loved the part where Rhysand, an honorable man, went on his knees and thanked Nesta. They didn’t have the best in-law relationship but I think Rhysand now knew Nesta loved Feyre and meant her no harm. Rhysand would work on mending his relationship with Nesta because she saved his Mate/her sister. I loved when they hugged. It wasn’t at all a complete make-up for their relationship, but it was a start.
The baby’s name was Nyx. I wonder why? š¤
I also wonder if Feyre will have another baby? Because Nesta changed her pelvis, so did that mean she also changed Feyre’s pelvis too? I hope so! If not, can I just say on behalf of everyone, please don’t put Feyre through this process again! Unless, the Mask could bring Feyre back safely, then it’s a no from me.
But Nesta wasn’t her all powerful self anymore š. She still had some of the Cauldron powers. I wonder how much? I wonder why the Cauldron allowed her to keep some of her silver flames? I am sad that Nesta doesn’t have all the silver flame power. Nevertheless, she is powerful in my eyes. I would have liked to see what she could truly do if she harnessed or explored her powers? But maybe that was the point. She had too much power that she shouldn’t have and wouldn’t have been able to control. So it was right that she gave it back and had a more manageable amount that she could explore. It also felt fitting for Nesta that she didn’t have all this magical power because the powers were never hers/didn’t feel like her. So I was happy for her because she felt happy. She saw Gwyn and Emerie and they were both okay. I think this is not the last time we’ll see them.
Nesta and Cassian also had their moment after the birth. I teared up with how Nesta finally told Cassian she loved him š„ŗ. I laughed when Cassian was like, “You want babies now?” I mean, LET’S GO!!! He said, I can make that happen. I mean, Cassian as a DAD????? MY HEART š§”. Then Rhysand would be the uncle. If Cassian had a baby girl, that would be incredibly sweet because he would be gentle with his little girl and then Nyx and the little girl could grow up as BFF’s and fall in love if they want š„ŗ. Don’t even get me started on Az! I’ll talk about him later.
But after Feyre gave birth, things were better between the sisters and the IC. Nesta still battled her trauma, but the darkness didn’t consume her that much because she had love, a home, and a family. It does get better š§”.
Rhysand gave her the House of Wind (sans the priestess area and library) because she saved Feyre and Nyx and the House liked her better anyway. He probably gave her the House as well because it probably smelled like Cassian and Nesta š. I wonder if Az will be staying at the House still. I think it would be SOOO CUTE if Emerie and Gwyn moved in! How fun! Rhysand also showered Nesta with gifts and was planning the most ostentatious Mating ceremony for his best friends and his sister in-law. I LOVED that. What I didn’t love was not seeing the Mating ceremony!!! That’s the content I need! I except a ceremony next book, please š¬.
I also loved the full circle moment when Feyre gave Nesta a painting of her own. It was Nesta in the Pass of Enalius like the warrior she was—sorry, Valkyrie. I loved how her sister finally painted her.
I also loved loved loved how the story ended with doing something Nesta needed to do because it was the main source of her darkness. She visited her fatherās grave. She went with Elain, Feyre and Nyx. They showed the dad who Nyx was. Then Nesta had a silent moment alone with her dad. When she said thank you, my heart cried. I cried. Because she lost her dad, and even though it was painful for months afterwards, she gained so much more than she could have ever hoped for after she lost him. She learned she deserved loveāshe was working on deserving itāand continuing to heal and mend her wounds. But she would still be her feisty, fighty, and flamey self.
I just had so much more respect and love for Nesta after 751 pages because she was going through a lot and she thought many negative things that made me see her in a negative light all throughout the ACOTAR series. I also didn’t quite like her in the beginning of the book because she hurt people. But it came from, again, a place of hurt. So I understood her anger. But seeing Nesta find her chosen family, hone her body and mind, accept love, save her sister, and ultimately save/fight for herself—it was such a beautiful journey that I can’t help but admire her strength and perseverance. Nesta reminds me that there is light in the darkness and there is hope on the other side of whatever darkness or pain we feel each day. It is worth fighting through and there are greater things worth fighting for. I loved that. I love Nesta. I love Nessian.
I’m kind of sad that the next book won’t focus on Nesta and Cassian, but excited because I have A LOT to say about other characters.
So . . . what questions did I have after reading ACOSF? What are my hopes for the other books?
Glad I asked myself š.
First and foremost, what of the Trove?
I mean, they have to hide the Dread Trove pretty darn good now or else there will be utter chaos. Then thereās the fact that thereās still Nestaās Knife Trove or something. What does the second blade do? We saw Ataraxia, not much of the dagger, but what about the second blade? What kind of insane power do these Made objects have? If Nesta can create Made objects, does that mean Elain and Briaylnn could have?
To be really honest, I thought screaming Briallyn away was too easy.
Will Elain create a Trove?
Elain, Elain, Elain. The girl we know little to nothing about. She’s going to have a book for sure. I bet on it. The thing is Elain gives princess, proper, ladylike, nature vibes. She seems innocent and beautiful and she can see the future and whatnot, but what is she doing? I mean, she didn’t seem all that present in this book and if she was she told stories and she walked around. I want to see Elian in action. I want to know more about her powers and what she can do. I want to know why everyone protects little Elian when she should take more responsibility in her life. I also want to know this whole thing with Lucien and Az.
Here is where the next book ideas come in.
IIt has been said for many ACOTAR novels now that Lucien and Elian are mates. I donāt quite like them as mates because Lucien seemed too try hard and creepy around Elain. Elain also doesnāt seem to like Lucien that much and he makes her feel uncomfortable. Or thatās the vibes I got. It seems like Elain does her best to avoid him either because 1) heās a creep or 2) she saw the future and knew she ended up with him and doesnāt want that future. Elain was hung up on her ex/to-be betrothed, Grayson. He was the human person who she let go of her virginityā-gosh, whatās a better way to say that? I donāt want to say lose her virginity because that seems wrong. So she was hung up on this guy for who knows what reasons. I mean, she has the whole other Fae world of HOT men, stupid men, but hot men. She just needed to find a good man. So, I donāt know. I donāt like Lucien and Elain.
I liked Elain and Az. I remember in the first four books, they had a very cordial and kind relationship that seemed more genuine than Elain and Lucien. So I loved Elain and Az together. I also felt like in this book, Az would clench up whenever Elain was mentioned, like he was jealous or worried about her. A person only does that if they like the other person. So did Az like like Elian? I’m pretty sure. He just gave off the vibes that Elain made him nervous because he liked and cared for her. But then we met Gwyn. I like Gwyn. Sheās bold, brave, sheās fun, and she has depth. There were moments where Gwyn stared at Az and they shared looks. It could just be the fact Az saved her that day, or maybe thereās something more???? š§ I mean, it would be pretty cute if Gwyn and Az fell in love. Because Gwyn understood darkness and Az was darkness itself. Gwyn was a singer and Az was a shadowsinger. They could bond more than Az and Elain ever could. Thereās a whole Reddit page I spiraled down about Gwyn, Elain, and Az. Iāll link it below! They truly turned me into an Az and Gwyn shipper.
I liked the theories there š§”. I could see it.
One of the theories mentioned was how convenient it was if all three Archeron sisters ended up with the three bros. I mean, I thought how lucky and weird that would be if that was the direction of the book because how do three humans end up with the three most powerful Illyrians? Thatās some gosh darn luck. So I donāt think that Elain and Az could be the path because it will be expected. But thereās also this idea that Elain doesnāt belong in the Night Court. I agree. Throughout the book, Cassian mentioned how Elain didnāt look good in Night Court black. Not in an offensive way, but like Elain wasnāt suited for the color like Feyre and Nesta were. Also, when visiting the Spring Court, Nesta said Elain would like it there. Elian likes to garden. Elain would be good for the Spring Court. So that brought me back to maybe Lucien taking over the Spring Court with Elain as his High Lady. Maybe thatās how they create a safe alliance with the Spring Court because Elain would rule it. I liked who said this theory because it would make sense that we rebuild the Spring Court or at least go back to it.
Hereās a bonkers idea. What if Elain fell in love with Tamlin?????? Not that I condone him or his toxic ways, nor would I want Elain to be with him. But maybe he redeems himself, like truly redeem himself, and then Tamlin and Elain live happily together and then thatās how she rules part of the Spring Court. This would be the route if Elain doesnāt go with her Mate. I think Sarah J. Maas might write Elain or Lucienās story where they donāt end up together to show that sometimes the bond doesnāt work. I think thatās an interesting story. So if Elain doesn’t mate with Lucien to save the Spring Court, it might have to be Tamlin—maybe. Either way I think we need to go to the Spring Court and redeem it. I think weāre going to see Tamlin more in the next books. Iām laughing thinking about how if this was Elainās path, Rhysand and Tamlin would be brother in-laws and that sounds AWFUL š¤Ŗ. So maybe not this theory.
But that left me thinking, then who would Elain end up with if she doesn’t end up with Lucien or Az?
Grayson. I don’t think so. Maybe a new guy we haven’t met? I don’t put it past Sarah J. Maas. Gosh. I’m curious. I just want Az to be happy. It has to be gosh darn discouraging knowing your two best friends found their Mates and you haven’t. I would feel like that. Maybe Az likes Elain out of desperation of wanting to have a Mate. I don’t know.
I just want the next book š¤Ŗ.
Oh, and someone said in one theory something about Mor and Emerie. I wouldn’t be mad at that. We need a Mor book.
OOOOOOh, wait. I have a breakthrough. Maybe Elain ends up with Eris???? Or maybe Mor and Eris makeup and they actually do marry. THAT WOULD BE BONKERS. Not in a bad way, but a WOW kind of way. You see, I donāt like Eris, but hey, I didnāt like Nesta. So he could change my mind in the next books. The thing was I had more compassion and sympathy for Eris at the end of the book when Cassian called him a coward (pg. 747). Cassian wasnāt wrong, but I feel like thereās more to Erisā story because itās obvious Beron was abusive. Gosh, I unlocked another idea! Maybe Eris ends up with Emerie???? They could bond over their abusive father figures and they could connect. Hmmmmm š¤. I like that. I think Eris would be a good person if he didnāt have a shizzy dad growing up who beat him and put all this pressure on him. I think Eris is similar to Rhysand in wanting to save the Autumn Court, but heās not doing it in the best way and that makes him no better than his father. But I see hope for Eris being a good person because I can tell he wants to be, but like Nesta he kind of doesnāt know how. So maybe him and Emerie would be good together. I donāt like the Eris and Mor idea, but it was just a thought. Elain and Eris? I donāt know. I donāt see it. But it could happen.
You never know what happens with a Sarah J. Maas book.
My last few questions are what of Beron? Will there be another war with him because he will want more land? What of the Vallahan treaty and the Fae realms? Will there be a war because they won’t sign the treaty? What of Vallahan and Mor? Does Mor have a lover in Vallahan? What about Koeschi? Will it work with Boren to take down the lands? Is that how we get Rhysand to take up being High King? He’s forced to unite everyone as one land and they have to agree to him? What about Vassa, Jurian, and the other queens? I feel like Vassa and Jurian like each other. What about the border? Will they create a new wall?
Also, I am going to manifest that we will learn Rhysandās last name. I read somewhere thatāa theoryāthat maybe we will learn that Velaris is named after Rhysandās sister and that is why the Night Court and Velaris means so much to him. That when he protects and looks after Velaris is because itās like heās still looking after his sister. I forgot which blog I read that on, but gosh darn I loved that theory. I need to know.
Other things I hope to see in the next book are Feysand, Nessian, Mor, Amren, and Nyx. We also need to see Elain, Az, Lucien, Tamlin, and Eris so they can work out their obvious issues. I would love to see Gwyn and Emerie again. And we need to see Boren because heās been causing a lot of issues. I hope to see a Nessian mating scene and a scene with the funcles and Mor as an aunt š„ŗ. Gosh, what if Nesta was pregnant in the next book? I doubt it. But what if?
Anyway, I just want to bow down to the High Queen herself, Sarah J. Maas. It takes a queen and a warrior to write such an epic, enticing, thoughtful, and intricate story. Writing is not easy, especially with multiple character plots, subplots, arcs, drama, romance, and action all rolled up in a cohesive story. Thatās freaking difficult! I doubt Sarah J. Maas is reading this, but if you are, thank you for writing stories that my fifteen year old self fell absolutely in love with. And thank you for writing stories that I am still absolutely in love with. It boggles my mind how Sarah J. Maas can write a literal bible length of a book and write multiple series at the same time. Thatās a superpower. Thatās awesome. I have so much adoration and admiration for Sarah J. Maas. Thank you. š§”
I can’t wait for the next book . . . however long I need to wait. Honestly, I need to reread the series during that time so I’m more prepared š¤Ŗ. That won’t be hard to do because I love the ACOTAR books.
Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? Anything I mentioned that you want to discuss more about?Ā
What did you think about A Courtof Silver Flames? Was it spicy? Was it epic?
What court would you be in? I think I would live in the Night Court and Velaris, but I thrive off of sunshine, so I’m thinking the Day Court. But the Night Court has my heart š„°. Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all š
I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this š.
And as always, with love,
Rating
5 FREAKING Full Bloom Flowers
Characters: If you didn’t like Nesta before, this book will honestly provide insight as to what Nesta was battling her whole life and it changes your mind about her. There will still be moments you will think to yourself, well gosh I still don’t like her. But when you see her go through this journey, you will appreciate those moments and realize Nesta was just working through her darkness, and doing so is never easy. I also enjoyed all the IC characters as always š§”. However, we needed more Mor.
Plot: Everything felt honest and heartfelt and difficult based on Nesta’s growth. I also enjoyed the action behind the scenes, but felt like there could have been more development or closure with Briallyn’s plot.
Writing: Sarah J. Maas is the Queen writes with the sharp edge of a sword and the delicacy of a Queen š
Romance: When Sarah J. Maas said new adult, she said NEW ADULT šš¼
Action: There really is never a dull moment with a Sarah J. Maas book.
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