Reminders of Him by Colleen Hoover Book Review

“Music still makes me think of Scotty, but thinking of Scotty no longer makes me sad. Now that I’ve forgiven myself, the reminders of him only make me smile.”

(pg. 314)

About

Author: Colleen Hoover

Genre: New Adult Contemporary

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Synopsis

After serving five years in prison for a tragic mistake, Kenna Rowan returns to the town where it all went wrong, hoping to reunite with her four-year-old daughter. But the bridges Kenna burned are proving impossible to rebuild. Everyone in her daughter’s life is determined to shut Kenna out, no matter how hard she works to prove herself. The only person who hasn’t closed the door on her completely is Ledger Ward, a local bar owner and one of the few remaining links to Kenna’s daughter. But if anyone were to discover how Ledger is slowly becoming an important part of Kenna’s life, both would risk losing the trust of everyone important to them. The two form a connection despite the pressure surrounding them, but as their romance grows, so does the risk. Kenna must find a way to absolve the mistakes of her past in order to build a future out of hope and healing. 

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To the reminders of those we love,

It has been a while since I’ve read a contemporary Colleen Hoover book.

I almost, almost, forgot how much a Colleen Hoover fully wrecks your entire being 🙃. It’s truly been an honor to be wrecked by Colleen Hoover, again.

I don’t even know where to begin. Reminders of Him is not a typical romance, and that’s one of the reasons I gobbled this story up. As an avid reader, I have read so many books that this year it has begun to feel like some books follow too similar a plot line that it has become monotonous. I understand that stories have a structure for a reason and I like the typical rom-com arc, but I also would like a lot more depth in rom-coms these days because it adds more to the story than just falling in love. So, reading Reminders of Him was refreshing in the way that the story wasn’t just about love, and that the story had different prose. Colleen Hoover, honest to gosh, has one of the best prose of our time. I love how no matter the book, I feel like I’m always relearning Colleen Hoover as a writer and storyteller and it’s wonderful.

She never ceases to make me want to read more, and never ceases to string words together in a way that packs a punch.

I mean:

“Whoever was the first person to say they fell in love must have already fallen out of it. Otherwise, they’d have called it something much better.”

(pg. 29)

Like ouch, but wow.

One of the other aspects to Colleen Hoover’s writing I appreciated and enjoyed was the sense of mystery of what happened with Scotty, Kenna, and Ledger. I had this sense that, obviously, something awful happened like an accident and that Kenna was going back to a town that she apparently feared. Then there was this whole thing with the cross on the road, which made me think about how maybe she and this Scotty dude was involved in an accident. But all these other questions started to domino, and I was only on page six. Colleen gave us the bare backbones of what was going to be significant in the story, but she wrote the backbone in a way that intrigued the reader to formulate these pondering. I literally was like who was this Scotty and what happened? Why did she leave this town? Why was she trying to find her daughter? Did she lose her daughter? What was this about Scotty crawling? Why did she go to jail?

The jail part tripped me up.

I know that on the back cover synopsis, the plot mentioned that Kenna went to jail. However, a sis did not read the back synopsis because I feel like a back synopsis can ruin the whole book. Reading a back synopsis is kind of like watching a movie trailer where the trailer spoils the entire plot with what the trailer selectively shows.

I don’t know. I read the back synopsis if I don’t know the author or I legit have no clue what the book is about. But, this was Colleen Hoover we were talking about.

Ain’t no body need to be reading the back cover to know they should buy a Colleen Hoover book 👏🏼😂!!!!!

I spit facts for a living.

But seriously.

The jail part tripped me up because Colleen never exploded a character who just got out of jail. I mean, Colleen Hoover really explores different situations and I love how all her plots are vastly different that you never know what is happening until it metaphorically hits you in the face.

Kenna had just got out of jail after being imprisoned for seven years. She was imprisoned for the supposed involuntary manslaughter of Scotty. Scotty was a guy she used to date, and one night they both high and were involved in a car accident. The story was that Kenna was driving the car and then left the scene to crash out at a hotel room because she was found at a hotel room. So the whole situation seemed like she drove the vehicle end fled the scene, leaving the person she loved to pass away. Scotty apparently crawled that night, trying to get help or to reach out for help. However, Kenna was not there when Scotty was crawling. If she had been there, Scotty could have been alive because she would have been strong enough to get him help. She was not there to help him, and he unfortunately passed away that night.

That is the summed up—-very summed up—-version of why Kenna went to jail; a very generic version too. Because the shortened version I just spieled out was the version most people in this town knew. But the only person who really knew what happened that night was Scotty and Kenna. And no one really asked Kenna what really happened that night. As far as I could discern from Kenna was that she was a nice person who was hurting.

She wasn’t a murderer. She wasn’t malice. She wasn’t cruel.

She was a person who was utterly devastated and in immense pain.

“Crying seems to be the only thing left I’m good at.”

(pg. 46)

I don’t think anyone who has that much sorrow or regret is someone who intentionally hurt others.

When Kenna returned to town after being imprisoned, she gave off this vibe that she was trying to be strong but she had a perpetual rain cloud over her. She didn’t know exactly what she was doing or how she was going to live, but she knew what she wanted and that was what was carrying her through. I do love how nice Ruth was to let her stay in that dingy apartment because it was better than nothing. I loved how Ruth basically forced Kenna to take a cat as a part of being a tenant at this apartment 😂. I took a college class where we studied the prison industrial complex, or I did research about the PIC, and I often think about how challenging it must be for people who return to the world after a long sentence because they do not have the means to support themselves because they return to the world with basically nothing. I think of all those wrongfully convicted and who come out on the other end and they do not know where to begin again because for one, they don’t have much to start again with, and two, not many will give them the opportunity to start again.

Anyway, that was my little spiel because I thought about the real life context of Kenna’s situation. But I’m glad Kenna had something because she didn’t seem like a bad person.

I oddly started to tear up when she was in the bar and she started to cry because she had her first cup of normal coffee in so long.

” . . . I take a drink of my coffee and close my eyes and cry because life can be so f***ing cruel and hard, and I’ve wanted to quite living so many times, but then moments like these remind me that happiness isn’t some permanent thing we’re all trying to achieve in life, it’s merely a thing that shows up every now and then, sometimes in tiny doses that are just substantial to keep us going.”

(pg. 16)

There’s so much truth in those words.

Life can be incredibly difficult and unfair and not every moment is going to be happy. So we have to find the happy moments or the moments that make us happy and enjoy them—-be present in them. We have to know that there will be happy moments and to have hope for them.

This moment also got to me because here was a woman who was crying over coffee because it was the first sense of normalcy she had in such a long time. I also loved that moment when she ordered whine and did not drink it, not because she struggled with alcohol, but because she wanted to remember her power and be in control. I loved that for her.

When she was in this bar, she caught the eye of the wonder, Ledger.

The whole part where Ledger notably noticed Kenna felt too instantaneous in like an insta-love kids of way because out of all the girls he has ever chose to notice in his bar, he noticed Kenna. Also, out of all the girls he told himself not to start something with, he kissed her. Not that Kenna isn’t an amazing woman to notice or kiss, but the whole relationship seemed a bit too sudden and fast for me. I mean, Ledger sees a pretty girl who looks sad and has a different vibe and the next thing you know they’re basically doing it in the alleyway after he told himself he would never kiss one of his customers. I didn’t know if he had a hero complex or he had a thing for sad girls, but 😅 wow wow wow.

“I can’t keep making out with her in an alley like she isn’t worth a bed.”

(pg. 35)

I’m SCREAMING.

What a gentleman 🤪.

Not going to lie, one of my favorite quotes from the book. He said, she deserved a bed!!!!!!

A BED.

Iconic.

They were both looking to feel everything they were not trying to feel that night.

“But I’m here on Main Street, hugging a really sad girl, wondering why she’s sad, wishing I didn’t think she was so beautiful.”

(pg. 32)

I will say, I appreciated how he genuinely listened to Kenna when he felt like she needed someone to talk to and someone to hold her. I also liked that he didn’t pry as to what was a significant or scary day for her.

But yea, the kissing part took me by surprise because of how sudden and quick they were to instigate something. But when Kenna recognized Ledger’s name, I was like, “Ledger is either someone she has some history with or he was Scotty’s best friend.” It was the latter! I mean, a name is not triggering unless it is for a reason. She kissed her boyfriend’s best friend and he didn’t even know who she was. I mean, like did she want to continue the ruse because Ledger reminded her of Scotty or because Ledger was the closest thing to Scotty’s memory she had. Either way, he didn’t know until he did.

Kenna’s big day was her going to Scotty’s parents house to ask to meet her daughter.

When Kenna went to prison, she had no rights to see her daughter and then she had to give up her rights or any connection to have a relationship with her daughter. It truly broke my heart the way that her own daughter was taken from her without Kenna ever getting the opportunity to meet, let alone hold, someone she had carried for nine months and birthed. I just don’t understand how that is possible or right. I mean, the least they could have done is let Kenna hold her daughter when her daughter was born. However, Kenna’s daughter was born prematurely and they had to rush the daughter to the NICU, so there was no time for Kenna to hold or meet her daughter. I could just imagine Kenna being in the hospital room, freshly flushed after giving birth and the doctors having taken her child to the NICU for Kenna only to sit there with no baby. What is that!!!!! I felt absolutely gut-wrenched for Kenna. I don’t think you need to be a mother to empathize or feel absolutely awful by the situation 😭

Like all she wanted was to meet her daughter!!!!!!!!

Let her meet her freaking daughter, gosh darn it 😫💔!!!!!!

I was soooooo upset.

I liked how Colleen Hoover touched on the realness of postpartum depression.

I never heard of postpartum depression until I was older, either because I was old enough to understand what postpartum depression was or because no one talked about it. Probably for both reasons, but postpartum depression is a very real experience that many mothers go through. I cannot imagine how heavy Kenna’s postpartum depression must have felt given that she didn’t even have the chance to meet her baby. I would have fell into the same abyss of sadness. Heck, Kenna’s body was going through all these changes after being pregnant, that that within itself is a whole other emotion. It’s terrifying when your body changes because we are so used to feeling a certain way in our body or we want to feel a certain way, and our body changing feels uncomfortable. I have so much—the absolute admiration—for women’s bodies and the way it changes, heals, loves, and grows because a women’s body is one of the strongest powers there is. Women’s bodies are a strong power because of the changes and battles that a women experiences physically, emotionally, and mentally for that women to be where she is. I like how there have been more conversations about the postpartum experience because I would have never known the real struggles that women go through if no one had talked about it. I honor and thank the women who have talked about their postpartum journeys and I respect the women who have not because everyone has different comfort levels. I just respect and admire women so much as a fellow woman.

I liked how Ivy was there for Kenna when she was going through these changes and depression.

A morbid slap to the face, but I was like dang.

“So, you decide right now, right here. Are you gonna live in your sadness or are you gonna die in it?”

(pg. 89)

Everyone can go through their sadness and depressive moments in life and there is no wrong or fault in that, but I do think that we need to choose how we want to live. We can spend our time constantly being sad or we can choose to ask for help or take the steps to slowly find our way towards peace or happiness—whatever that looks like for us at the time. But reading this line was brutally honest, and can be taken in many ways. The way I read this quote was that we can either wallow in the sadness and let that consume us for the rest of our lives or we can choose to do something about it.

Kenna spent her time doing something about it—-reading postpartum books. Reading books in general and writing letters to Scotty.

I loved loved loved the letters we saw Kenna wrote. I felt like the letters were a special touch because they allowed us into Kenna’s mind, but the letters were a cathartic point of healing. People are there most inhibited when they are writing. We don’t believe anyone but ourselves will ever read our words, so we let every thought and caution go—-we lay ourselves bare before the paper. So I really liked how we got to know Kenna, her story, and her love for Scotty through her words.

Speaking of Kenna’s story, I was surprised at her upbringing. Kenna had a tense relationship with her mother to the point where it felt like her mom was more of her enemy. Her dad was not in the picture and it seemed like her mom didn’t really care about her. Kenna’s mom left for a long trip once and Kenna was put into the foster care system because someone found her home by herself. Kenna was put into the system again in a similar instance. The mom got Kenna back each time, but I had the sense the mom just got Kenna back because it was what the mom was “supposed” to do rather than what she wanted to do. I just wanted to hug Kenna for how she never really had a family or people who cared about her.

Gosh, there was that scene where Kenna described how she tried to talk to her mom about being the grandmother so that Kenna could at least see her daughter; Kenna wanted her mom to petition for visitation rights as the grandmother so Kenna could have a chance to see her daughter. I was LIVID when the mom was so blatantly made excuses to Kenna so that she wouldn’t see her daughter. Any mother would have said yes to support Kenna, and any mother would be excited to see their grandchild. But this woman made me want to SCREAM. I was absolutely appalled when the mother had the AUDACITY to also throw Kenna’s childhood back in her face by saying that now Kenna knew how it felt every time they took her from the mom. The mom went as far to say that Kenna never appreciated the times she got Kenna back and that Kenna never said thank you. But I wanted to clap back because why did Kenna need to say thank you to her mom for getting her back when the mom was the one at fault for not being a great parent in watching her kid?!?!!?!?!? 👏🏼🙄

Kenna’s mom can suck my toes.

But I understood Kenna’s, I don’t want to say desperation because desperation doesn’t feel like the right word, but desperation, to see her daughter was because she knew what it was like to grow up with a mom who didn’t seem to want her. Kenna didn’t want her daughter to feel the same way she felt—-she wanted her daughter to feel wanted and loved by her mother. A mother that would fight for her.

I truly do not blame Kenna for her spiral thoughts of possibly taking her daughter one day because everyone was withholding her from seeing someone who was deeply connected to her. I would have felt those spiraling thoughts too if I knew I had someone out there that I birthed but was restricted from seeing. Kenna was not a bad person, so there was no worry in her meeting the daughter, just everyone held a grudge against her. I’ll get more into that later.

Ledger had a relationship with Kenna’s daughter, Diem.

Diem is such a cute name, and such a cute and wholesome little girl 🥺💙.

She had such an exuberant and imaginative personality. I loved how she thought you could buy dragon eggs from Walmart and how babies came from eggs, which she’s not technically wrong. I loved how she wanted to wear her cowgirl boots to a T-ball game, and how she swindled Ledger into getting her McDonald’s. I loved how she tried so many different activities like her personality was too big to contain itself to one thing. I just loved how loved Diem was by the people in her life because you could tell that Diem was well-loved. Diem had Grace and Patrick, Scotty’s parents, and Ledger who was the best friend and neighbor who always did everything to protect Diem—-her safety and happiness.

So when Kenna showed up at Patrick and Grace’s house, a lightbulb went over his head.

Nicole, aka Kenna, was Kenna who was Diem’s mother.

Ledger knew that Kenna had been released from prison a while back, but he didn’t think that she would actually return to town to do something. But heck, if he had only known what Kenna had been through to get to where she is now, he wouldn’t have held her back from meeting her own daughter. Also, if he had placed himself in Kenna’s shoes he would have probably done the same thing—do everything he could to see his daughter he never met.

“I sometimes want to scream at him for having been a wall between me and my daughter, but at the same time, I want to kiss him for loving her enough to be a wall of protection for her.”

(pg. 220)

But dang, I would have been PEEZED and frustrated and HURT if I was Kenna—-to be so close to meeting my daughter but to literally ripped from the moment of meeting her. What gave Ledger the right    ☹️!?!?! I know he was only trying to protect Diem, but Diem deserved to meet her mother and get to know her. Also, the freaking AUDACITY he had to ask Kenna that one time what value she would be adding to Diem’s life if Diem met her!?!??!!? I’m sorry, Kenna was Diem’s mother. MOTHER. What value my butt? She’s the mom, of course, Kenna deserved to meet her daughter even if it was just a glance of her daughter.

And I get it. I understood Ledger’s side that he didn’t want Diem to meet Kenna because of what happened in the past. Ledger was angry, protective, hurt, and resentful towards Kenna because not only was she responsible for what happened to his best friend, but she inadvertently hurt everyone around them.

“Somethings can be forgiven, but sometimes an action is so painful the memory of it can still crush a person ten years down the road.”

(pg. 93)

Even though I understood Ledger’s perspective, I was mostly furious that no one was even giving Kenna a chance to say her side of the story. Because, I’m sorry, we’re you there that night to fully know what happened. Because I don’t think so 🤪. I mean, they were so quick to jump and judge her without giving her a chance.

Amen to Roman.

“She was responsible for the accidental death of someone she fell in love with. As if that wasn’t hard enough, she went to prison for it and was forced to give up her own child. She finally shows back up hoping to meet her, and you do [gosh] knows what with her in your truck, and then you prevent her from meeting her daughter, and then you tell her to f*** off. . . You’re the reason I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere, Ledger. You gave me a chance when everyone else gave up on me. You have no idea how much I look up to you for that. But it’s really hard to look up to you right now. You’re acting like an a**hole.”

(pg. 96)

I quite LOVED Roman.

What an honest friend who will tell it to you straight.

Because here Ledger was thinking he did the right thing by driving Kenna back to her apartment after having just been close to meeting her daughter, and then Roman goes and tells him he’s being an a**hat. I mean, Ledger already sensed how dark and deep a place Kenna was in, so to have her last bit of hope ripped from her from him could have been a lot. And I’m happy that Ledger was at least a good enough person to recognize that he was an a** about the situation and went to check on Kenna.

I loved loved loved the way you could feel Ledger opening up his heart and mind to understanding where Kenna was coming from. I loved how you could feel his resentment and anger slipping off his shoulders, replacing itself with empathy and kindness.

As much as I was mad at Ledger, he wasn’t a bad person. He was just in a tough situation that made him choose difficult decisions. He was deep down a really nice person who wanted to do the right thing, and that’ why what Roman said really got to him.

Ledger knew, and Kenna deep down felt, that Patrick and Grace would never let Kenna meet Diem.

One of the scenes I thought was sooooo well written was when Diem was standing outside the door of Patrick and Grace’s house, contemplating their reactions. The prose was Colleen Hoover beauty in how the scene was written with repetition and the words revealed so much about what happened that night of the accident without going through this whole brick paragraph of what actually happened; I just loved how I got the sense of what happened that night without so many words to drag out what happened.

“Now imagine that girl . . . the one you hoped your son would grow out of . . . imagine after all the pain she’s caused you, she decides to show back up in your life.

Imagine she has the never to knock on your door.

Imagine she smiles in your face.

Asks about her daughter.

Expects to be a part of the tiny little beautiful life your son miraculously left behind.

Just imagine it.”

(pg. 71)

Gosh, could I imagine.

So vividly.

Like a wound in the chest.

You know how Kenna was not an awful person?

The fact that she could put herself in Grace’s shoes and feel all of that.

And it wasn’t as if Kenna wasn’t grateful for the way Patrick and Grace lovingly welcomed Diem into their lives. She was entirely grateful and knew that if she couldn’t be there to take care of Diem, that she wanted the people who raised Scotty with so much love to do so.

But all Kenna was asking was a chance to see the person her daughter became, and she deserved that.

There was this conversation that Ledger had with Patrick in the backyard of Patrick and Grace’s house. They were building Diem’s play slide thing for her fifth birthday and Patrick and Ledger sat down to reminisce about the good old days and just talk. There was something Ledger thought that was such a great point—one of the first cracks in Ledger’s anger.

“I want os badly for them (Patrick and Grace) to heal, but the loss of a child is a wound that never heals. It makes me wonder if Kenna cries like Patrick and Grace do.

Did she feel that kind of loss when they took Diem from her?

Because if she did, I can’t impinge Grace and Patrick would willingly allow her to continue to feel it, since they know what it feels like firsthand.”

(pg. 111)

DANG 👏🏼.

Grace and Patrick knew what it was like to lose a child—-to have their heart ripped to pieces at knowing they won’t see their child again. They were doing the same thing with Kenna by not letter her see her child. I know the situations were different, but the sentiment is still the same, that they were both hurting because one was grieving the loss of someone and the other was grieving the loss of something she could have but knew she couldn’t. No matter the situation, they both knew what it felt to lose.

Gosh, don’t even get me STARTED on when Kenna was SOOOOO CLOSE to seeing Diem in the grocery story parking lot.

So freaking close!

What is Diem?????? A celebrity with secret service?

Like you can’t even let Kenna have a glimpse of her??????

I WAS HEARTBROKEN.

I mean, there’s only so much false hope a person can take.

I teared up for Kenna after the grocery store near-run-in 😭. HOW SAD.

Ledger saw how devastated and angry Kenna was, felt how much Kenna lost even more in that moment, and he gave her some shred of hope again. He showed her pictures and videos of Diem from his phone.

I can’t even express how heart-wrenched I felt for Kenna in that moment to have so many things ripped away from her and all she wanted was to see her daughter because she didn’t even get that and then to get the bare0minimum of seeing her daughter through a phone screen. The bare absolute mime. I didn’t know whether to cry in happiness or pain that she finally could “see” her daughter or in sadness that the first time she saw her daughter was through a phone 🥺💔.

“Kenna becomes a different person right in from of my eyes. It’s as if I’m witnessing her become a mother. It might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

(pg. 140)

I wonder what Kenna looked like? Was there a newfound light in her eyes, an ease to her breath? A relief she never knew she needed to feel?

She deserved more than to meet her daughter through a phone though.

I loved how Ledger didn’t rob Kenna or rush her though acquainting herself with her daughter through every photo or video on his camera roll. That would have been like giving a kid candy and telling them they couldn’t eat it.

I greatly respected how amidst all this complication, Ledger ultimately wanted what was best for Diem. That was the best answer I have ever heard 👏🏼!

I mean, everyone was thinking about what was going to benefit their peace the most, but no one was thinking about Diem’s peace—-what was best for her. I think if Grace, Patrick, and Kenna considered Diem’s perspective more, they would want to do what was best for her—put her happiness first. I mean, Kenna did put Diem’s thoughts and happiness first because she contemplated leaving so many times because she didn’t want to cause complications to Diem’s life and routine. If Kenna was willing to leave her daughter after just getting a glimpse of her because she felt that her absence would be better, that is called love.

“”He’s right though. My presence here is selfish. He knows it. They know it.

I’m not here to fill some void in my daughter’s life. I’m here to fill a void in mine.”

(pg. 149)

But that’s not fair.

I don’t think it was fair of Ledger to make Kenna feel like Diem knowing her wouldn’t benefit Diem’s life. This was the conversation I touched upon earlier.

I mean, also yes, I could see how this situation would bring more peace to Kenna but Diem deserved to know her mother. I guarantee that in the future, that Diem would feel that void and that they wished they would have let Kenna meet Diem sooner. I mean, Diem was already asking about where her mother was and why her car was not big enough 😂. Okay, now that was funny; Diem asked why her mom was not at her T-ball game, and Grace told her that her mom’s car was not big enough. I mean, out of all the lies 😂 . . . that was the best one we could come up with????

Kenna said she would leave to do what was best for Diem, however, a sis didn’t have enough money to go anywhere else. SO Ledger offered her a job at the bar.

I had a feeling he was always going to offer her a job at the bar. I mean, the bar was the obvious place she should have worked at from the beginning because Ledger knew her history and he wouldn’t turn her away—-or maybe at first he would have.

I liked how Kenna formed all these relationships with the workers at the bar. I loved how when she said she didn’t like music, someone found her headphones to put over her ears; Kenna didn’t like music because they reminded her of happy and sad times. Or I liked how when Kenna needed help, the other person in the kitchen—gosh, I’m blanking on his name—was so welcoming towards her. I also liked how kind Roman was towards Kenna, even if he knew who she really was. What a great dude. But I was just so happy for Kenna because everyone else seemed angry at her, but here were these people who treated her like a human being.

Kenna was such a cool human being when you got to know here. She had just been through a lot and was going through a lot.

“It never once occurred to me that Kenna might have been hurting as much as we were.”

(pg. 134)

But she was.

Later on in the story, Ledger said something that I was thinking the whole time too. We both had the thought that Grace and Patrick were still blaming Kenna for what happened with Scotty, when Kenna very well lost someone she loved that day too. No one thought how much she lost from the accident—-they only thought of her as the villain. This perspective goes back, again, to how they didn’t know the whole story and were quick to point fingers at someone. I feel like it is easier for people to process their emotions if they have something to pinpoint or blame their emotions on; having something they can pinpoint, gives people a tangible reason to be hurt. But “at what point can we stop blaming” people?

“There’s no good answer. I’ve somehow immersed myself in the depths of an impossible situation.”

(pg. 200)

What I really appreciated about Ledger’s point of view was that he was the third party of reason. We had two complex sides of Kenna was in the wrong and Kenna deserved to see her daughter. With Ledger, we felt the push and pull of him wanting to be loyal to Patrick and Grace to respect all they had been through with Scotty and to respect his best friend himself. However, Ledger also saw how much guilt and sorrow Kenna lived with. And again, someone who feels that mush remorse is not a bad person, someone a product of a bad situation. So in a lot of ways, Ledger provided perspective that I feel like many readers would have felt. We are always so quick to choose a side as people—good or bad or wrong or right—that we should try to see a situaiton from all sides.

Btu dang, I would not have wanted to be Ledger because this was a difficult decision.

If he truly helped Kenna, he risked losing his trust with Grace and Patrick, and worse, his relationship with Diem. However, if he didn’t help Kenna, he wouldn’t be following his heart or moral compass that said Kenna deserved to meet her daughter.

I liked how Ledger gave Kenna breadcrumbs of her daughter like how he would tell her what personality Diem had or what parts of Kenna he could see in Diem. I loved that he shared those tidbits with Kenna because it made her feel closer to her daughter—like she kind of knew her. But I also felt sad that Kenna was getting to know her daughter through a wall or another source.

The more time Ledger spent with Kenna, the more he saw her as a human.

He saw how hard-working she was through her actions at the grocery store and now at the bar. He saw how friendly she was by how easily everyone accepted her working at the bar. He got to know what made her smile and what made her hurt. Seeing her hurt so much for Diem, allowed Ledger to feel the pain that Kenna was feeling. I liked that moment where Ledger showed her his future house he was building. Ledger hadn’t shown most people his new house, but I felt like him showing Kenna his house was sort of a metaphor for his walls coming down around her and trusting the person she was today. I also liked how Ledger talked about how he was building this house, but he no longer felt compelled to move to the house because he would be away from Diem. I don’t know what metaphor was in that sentiment, but Ledger’s changed feelings paralleled his changed emotions about who Kenna was.

Let’s not forget the fact that Ledger and Kenna were also romantically a thing.

I loved how they rolled around his house and then Ledger’s parents made a surprise visit. The parents knew exactly what they were up to before they came 😂. One of the most sweetest moments that made me want to tear up was when it was Mother’s Day and Kenna was going to join her friend, Princess Diana, and her mom for lunch. Kenna had set up all these tables and was getting ready for the day, and Ledger stopped by with flowers for her because she was a mother 😢. Like I’m sorry!?!?! Ledger getting her flowers on her first Mother’s Day outside of prison, made my heart feel so warm and happy because no one would have ever acknowledged her as a mother or celebrated her, but here Ledger was, trying to make her feel valued as a mother.

I loved that 💙.

The whole situation was even more complex because Ledger had very real feelings for Kenna—-feelings that would feel like a betrayal to Patrick and Grace.

Everything ridded up to forgiveness.

“Grudges are heavy, but for the people hurting the most, I suppose, forgiveness is even heavier.”

(pg. 236)

I thought this was such an interesting quote/idea.

I’ve had my fair share of being angry at someone or a situation. I might have held a grudge against a few people in my life because I was hurting for how they impacted my life in ways that I never knew possible. Holding a grudge is heavy because, grudges requires you to be resentful, angry, and hurt. When you carry around all that negativity, those feelings just attract more negativity that continues to bring you down. The only way to alleviate all those negative feelings, is a concept that is even heavier—-forgiveness. I do believe forgiveness is a heavier emotion because forgiveness requires deep introspection and letting go of the negativity. Forgiveness is saying that you don’t want the anger or the situation to hurt you anymore, and that you want to move on from the way you hurt so you can be free. But it is so hard, so so hard, to forgive because it is hard to forget. We live with the memories and pain of someone hurting us, wronging us, that it feels wrong to forgive them so easily after the wound they inflicted physically or mentally? How do you forgive someone or something like that? But I have learned over the years that you can’t ask someone to forgive you. They forgive you on their own time—-that can mean days, weeks, months, years. But forgiveness is given, it’s not required.

“There are people who find peace in forgiveness, and then others who look at forgiveness as betrayal.”

(pg. 288)

I also learned that you do not need to forgive someone so they feel better, but so you can feel better. Someone recently in my life asked me, “Can you forgive me?” In the moment, I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t ready to forgive this person for the way he hurt me so much. But his question made me think about how, unintentionally, he was asking for my forgiveness because he wanted to make himself feel better because he felt bad for the way he treated me, whether or not he actually felt that way. However, forgiveness doesn’t need to be given right away if you don’t feel like you have healed enough to forgive. Also, you don’t need to give someone your forgiveness when they ask for it so they can feel better. Heal for yourself so you can feel better; forgive for yourself so you can feel lighter. Forgive when you are ready. I know that sounds ridiculous because most people will say to just forgive and move on because life is too short to hold grudges, and yes, don’t hold a grudge forever, but it’s okay to feel hurt and to feel that pain. It’s okay to forgive on your own time as long as you eventually get there for you.

But that’s just from one person’s experience, so don’t take my words as anything 😅.

As much as I was angry at Grace and Patrick for continuing to blame Kenna, I did understand that they weren’t at a point where they forgave her. They didn’t forgive Kenna because they didn’t know what happened the night Scotty passed away—-they were still living in the past, grieving their son. I mean, they barely talked about him and the subject obviously was hard for them to bring up. Of course, they didn’t know how to forgive Kenna.

There was this moment where Kenna and Ledger were in the car, and Kenna finally read Ledger one of her letters to Scotty. The letter she read was the letter she wrote about the accident.

I love love love a good revealing letter 👏🏼.

Scotty and Kenna were very much in love and were having a typical lovey-dovey night. They were at a party and having a good time. I loved the moments where we got to know Scotty because he was this significant piece of the story. Anyways, they were drunk and high and went swimming in the moonlight by some dock on a lake. They were delirious on each other and life. They made a gosh awful decision by choosing to drive home that night when they were drunk and high; Kenna drove Scotty’s car, while Scotty rode in the passenger seat. Then the car was going fast and they slipped on ice. Everything happened fast and in a haze. I don’t blame Kenna fro not remembering that night clearly because for one she was on drugs, two, she was in a freaking accident, three, she must have felt so many emotions and traumatic feelings that she must have blocked some of those events out, and five, she was in an ACCIDENT.

Like, being in an accident is explanation enough to how she didn’t remember most of the night. That’s like asking someone how the party was when that person was drunk off their rocker.

In the moment, Kenna called Scotty’s name multiple times to no answer. Then she found him by the car and he was all bleeding and bruised. She checked for his pulse but found none. Then things spiraled. Kenna instantly felt the sense of her loss—-she just lost the love of her life. She tried to walk back to some sort of civilization and she would walk into the street, hoping to get hit by a car because she didn’t want to be in a world without Scotty. She went back to that hotel room they were staying out with plans to jump off the balcony, but her adrenaline got to her and she crashed out on the bed instead, which is why she looked like she took a nap instead of helping Scotty that night.

However, sh didn’t know that Scotty was still alive; that he didn’t have a pulse in his wrist, but he has a pulse somewhere else. She didn’t know that if she had just called someone for help, he would still be alive. I think that must have hurt worse than feeling like he passed away right then and there, the fact that she could have saved him if only she knew. So not only was she carrying this guilt that she drove the car that took the life of someone she loved, she could have saved him if only she knew. My heart ached for Kenna in the devastating way she wanted to join Scotty because of her guilt or love she felt for him. I just couldn’t process my emotions, so I had no idea how she was processing hers.

Kenna was stoic the day in court not because she felt emotionless and didn’t care, she had felt too much shock and emotion, that she was reeling. She was numb. She didn’t know how to feel. She had just lost Scotty. She could have saved him. She had blood on her hands.She was about to go to prison. She felt like she deserved it because she lived with guilt and she didn’t know how she could live in the real world with so much pain in her chest. Her emotions of feeling so heavy were valid. I wished someone saw how much she was hurting and asked if she was okay because it was not like she wanted to hurt Scotty. The situation was awful. Kenna didn’t even know she was pregnant until she was because if she had known, she wouldn’t have pled guilty as easily as she did.

“But you’re taking the worst moment of Kenna’s life and you’re making that moment who she is.”

(pg. 293)

Kenna was not the villain. She was the victim.

I was so happy that Ledger wasn’t PEEZED at Kenna when she told her side of the story. He was PEEZED at the way they had all been treating Kenna, though.

I mean, he should be angry at how they were so quick to dismiss her side.

There was something that Ledger’s mom said to him towards the end of the book. I just loved how Ledger’s mom also knew who Kenna was from the very first time she saw Kenna, but the mom said nothing. Trust a mother to know what’s up. But Ledger’s mom said:

“I think there’s room in tragedy this size for everyone to be both right and wrong.”

(pg. 272)

Now if that isn’t the most profound quote from this book, well . . .

No, but seriously. Everyone believes their side is right because they know their story. However, yes, this was an extremely complex situation that people can be right and wrong in their actions and reactions.

OOOOOOOOOOOOH, when Grace and Patrick found out . . . DANG 🤪. I mean, DANG 😩💔.

But you know, I meant the former.

Who knew Patrick had a can of whoop a** in him 😂?

Ledger was going to tell Patrick and Grace later on about him and Kenna, but they saw Ledger’s very bright orange truck at Kenna’ apartment complex, which I mean, that’s what you get for having the most inconspicuous car in history, Ledger *face palms*

I knew something had to go to shiz. This was Colleen Hoover we were talking about.

I wanted to hug Diem to my chest because she must have felt terrified and confused as to why her Nono punched Ledger. And when Diem was like, “I want to go with Ledger,” kick me in the ribcage, why don’t you 😫. Diem wanted to show Ledger her turtle, but they really darn kicked Ledger the curb.

But my gosh, what really SUCKED was the fact that Grace and Patrick made Ledger do the one thing we knew they were going to do and we all knew what Ledger was going to choose.

They made him choose between Diem or Kenna.

We all knew Ledger was going to choose Diem.

Kenna didn’t blame him for choosing Diem because Ledger had to.

Ledger was like Diem’s father and best friend—-he was Diem’s protector. Kenna wanted Ledger to be there for Diem even if she couldn’t because she knew her daughter would be in good hands. I wanted to sob uncontrollably, heck I did, at how Ledger had to walk away from Kenna because Diem was his world. In essence, Diem was Kenna’s world and by choosing Diem, it was almost like he chose her.

But my heart wanted to break at how Ledger was “welcomed” back into Grace and Patrick’s house because they wanted to move on from this morning for Diem’s sake. I loved loved loved when Diem showed Ledger her turtle and said she named it Ledger because she loved him 🥺. Trust a kid to say the darnest things at the wrong—right—-time to make you ugly cry.

Diem probably felt more protective or connected to Ledger because of what happened that morning, so that’s why she named the turtle Ledger—-she didn’t want to lose Ledger.

You know what, let’s just give Ledger the round of applause he deserves now!!!!!

Bro, really got me with his sneaky sneaky skills 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼!!!!

Go behind people’s back if it’s for the greater good 🤪.

But I LOVED that he sent himself a copy of Kenna’s letters to Scotty, then he printed the accident letter, and gave it to Grace and Patrick to read.

Can we get a halleloo!!!!!!!!!!!

We loved that he wasn’t going down without a fight. He said, let me show you the truth!!!! He said, this is her side—-read it and weep.

No, but when Grace and Patrick had that letter, I was like, darn, this could go really well or really bad in a second. I was also immensely proud of Ledger for not only choosing Diem, but choosing to support Kenna because of how much having Kenna in Diem’s life would benefit them both. I loved that by also handing them Kenna’s letter, they could hear her side, but most importantly feel her pain.

I was SOBBING when Grace went to talk to Kenna at her apartment.

Yea, Grace should have felt bad with how she treated Kenna and kept her from her daughter. But I was crying more so for the way they found forgiveness because I could tell that Grace had finally found some closure in what happened that night. When Grace found closure, she could let go of her anger and pain and see how her emotions had been effecting/clouding her judgment of people.

Gosh, what also had me in a fetal position was what Grace said about the ring.

I wanted to save this conversation for here, but I loved loved loved all the backstory moments we got of Kenna and Scotty. They truly were a cute couple from the beginning.

The plate story was something out of a dream 😊. Not going to lie, I had ideas of what it would be like to write about a story where a register worker fell in love with a customer, so it felt very cathartic to read the beginnings of Kenna and Scotty’s relationship. Scotty was soooo cute with how he would go to the store Kenna worked at and buy one plate just so he could see Kenna. I loved how Kenna just thought, “Wow, what a lonely dude that he would buy one plate.” And then Scotty would go back and buy another plate and then Kenna would think to herself how happy she was that this dude had company or friends that he would finally buy more plates. I laughed when after he bought his second plate, he went back in line two more times to buy two more plates just so he could talk to Kenna 😂. I loved when Kenna said she didn’t date customers, Scotty went to another line with all his plates and returned them just so he wouldn’t be considered a “customer” anymore 😂. I mean, that’s the kind of effort I would like to see 😉. From this story, Scotty sounded like such a flirty, but sweet guy. I loved that he knew he liked this girl and found ways to talk to or see her. I liked how cute he was around her—just really great vibes.

There was also the pigeon backstory between Scotty and Ledger when they were high, but they were sitting by a jungle gym and a peon landed nearby. Scotty said, “Is that a f***ing pigeon” and the line was the funniest thing to him. So whenever something didn’t make sense or was unbelievable, he would say, “Is that a f***ing pigeon.”

I loved the antique shopping story where Kenna and Scotty were on a date and were walking around. They stumbled into an antique store where Scotty told Kenna he would buy her whatever she wanted, and Kenna liked this ring. However the ring cost four thousand dollars, and Scotty was like “Is it a f***ing pigeon?” which I got to admit, I laughed at 😂. Scotty, however, did buy Kenna these mini finger rings for her fingers because they were cheaper and he could afford to buy one for each of her fingers. I just thought it was cute that he wanted to give her the world and he tried to. I also loved how sweet he was to kiss her fake fingers.

All this backstory to say how when Kenna was talking to Grace, Grace gave Kenna the ring Kenna saw in that antique shop all these years ago 🥺. Apparently, Scotty told his parents about the ring and how he knew that was the ring he wanted to propose to Kenna with and so his parents helped him pay for it so he could use it one day. I mean, get you supportive parents who don’t question why you want to buy a ring so early on. I also just loved how Scotty just knew that he wanted to marry Kenna that he would feel so compelled to buy this ring for her. Now, that’s the energy I would like—-someone who knows what they want 👏🏼. The fact that Grace kept the ring and gave it to Kenna, meant a lot because it highlighted how she was letting Kenna in—-that Kenna wasn’t a bad person if Scotty loved her and if Ledger now loved her.

When Grace and Patrick forgave Kenna, Kenna could forgive herself.

I loved loved loved the moment where Kenna allowed forgave herself 💙.

As someone who has been perpetually had on myself, I understand how daunting or wrong it can feel to let yourself be free from expectation and pressure. And as people, I believe we can be our own worst critique and incredibly hard on ourselves. But we should give each other grace, give ourselves grace—no name pun intended—-because we are imperfect human beings. We mess up, we make mistakes, we fail, we don’t keep some of our promises. But that doesn’t make us entirely bad people.

“‘Grace . . .’ My voice is a whisper.

Grace immediately walks over to me and pulls me in for a hug.

It’s an amazing hug. A forgiving hug. ‘Hey,’ she says soothingly. ‘Hey, listen to me. . . we go forward.’

I nod, because I can do that. I forgive them. I’ve always forgiven them.

It’s myself I’ve been hard on. But I think I’ve reached the point that forgiven myself finally feels okay.

So I do.

You’re forgiven, Kenna.”

(pg. 308)

The tears just kept coming 😭!!!!!!

I was just really happy for her and how she could be free of the guilt she carried. I also felt overjoyed that she could have this relationship with Patrick and Grace, a relationship that wouldn’t be perfect, but could heal.

They chose to forgive and move forward, which is the most liberating feeling.

But most importantly, she could have a relationship with Diem.

Golly, I was a WRECK when she met Diem for the first time 😭. Like someone ran me over and stomped on my heart.

A wreck I tell you, a wreck.

I appreciated and loved how there was no fanfare or this huge celebratory moment when Kenna finally met her daughter. However, I loved how honest and surreal the moment was written because you could feel how in-awe Kenna was of this human she created and could finally see in real life. I loved the sense of how Diem naturally welcomed Kenna into her life with no difficult questions asked or uncomfortable emotions felt. I loved when Diem asked Kenna to join her under the slide set she got for her birthday and Kenna introduced herself as Diem’s mom. I really wonder what went through Diem’s head to meet this random lady who claimed to be her mother. Because, yea, I could understand how Diem was too young to know that anyone was missing in her life, so Kenna entering her life felt like just another person but with a label. However, to Kenna, she must have felt like this was some huge reveal and didn’t want Diem to feel betrayed or uncomfortable about everything. I laughed when Diem asked if Kenna had a bigger car now 😂.

I loved when Diem was also so quick to include Kenna in her life by asking Kenna to watch her play sports. I SOBBED when Diem called Kenna her mom. I would have combusted if I was Kenna—brain short-circuited. Diem called her MOM 😭💙. That one word must have meant the world to Kenna.

The context that Diem used the word mom was also hilarious: “Are you gonna marry my mom?”

Yea, Ledger, are you going to put a ring on it 😂?

I bet he will down the line. Gosh, he should definitely use Scotty’s ring, but also maybe not because he shouldn’t propose to Scotty’s ex with his ring because that’s a whole other level of screwed up 😅. But I mean, the full circle emotions would be cool.

My heart also gushed at the moment when Patrick and Ledger had another heart-to-heart like in the beginning. I did wonder how Patrick felt about letting Kenna back in because we knew Grace talked to Kenna and forgave her, but what about Mr. Surprise-whoop-a**-Patrick. When Ledger and Patrick were talking though, I felt the tear streak down my face when they saw a pigeon 🥺. The pigeon felt like Scotty was there and was watching over them because he was happy that everyone he loved in his life was in a better place. I loved how the pigeon also felt like levity in a dark situation because everything was feeling lighter. There was more hope than sorrow because forgiveness allowed the pain to seep out and make space for the hope to trickle in; by forgiving, we move froward to leave what’s behind us to stay there as we figure out what to do next. There was also less tension with the way Grace and Patrick talked about Scotty because they didn’t harbor anger.

But genuinely, what a beautiful moment 💙.

“Maybe it doesn’t matter whether something is a coincidence or a sign. Maybe the best way to cope with the loss of the people we love is to find them in as many places and things we can possibly can. And in the off chance that the people we lose are still somehow able to hear us, maybe we should never stop talking to them.”

(pg. 315)

I have experienced a lot of loss in the last four years, especially within the last year. When you first remember losing someone, there’s this cloud over your head and an excavated hole in your heart where that person was. There’s also this shadow of missing the last hug, the last conversation, the last outing, the las laugh, the last meal with this person because you never knew it was going to be the last time. I do believe the best way to honor those we lost is to remember who they were and to talk about the love and joy they brought. Because if we keep those stories or memories inside, who else can bask in the light and love that was that person. I also feel like you can find pieces of people in everything you do. Whenever I eat certain foods, wear certain things, watching certain movies or shows, or go to certain places, I remember the person I lost and the love I had in that moment. There’s so much love to be had in the reminders of people.

Reminders are not something to bring us down because they hold os much weight or expectation, but to show us that there once was something beautiful there and to hold onto that.

The ending had such a different mood from the beginning of the story. I loved how you could just feel how different Kenna was as a person because she no longer carried this sense of perpetual melancholy or sorrow, but she was happy—-“Happiness looks good on you, Kenna.” She had a relationship with her daughter again and she found love with Ledger. Ledger lived next door to Patrick and Grace still and sold the old house he built. I freaking laughed at that scene where Kenna and ledger kissed or something and then Kenna was like, “You’re the best” and lightning struck, and they both laughed because it felt like Scotty heard them. But I like to think Scotty was happy for his friends who found each other because he loved them and wanted the best for them. I also was so happy for Kenna that music no longer made her sad because she had all this hope in the reminders of what she lost.

I did think it was interesting how Kenna and Ledger lived separate and had Diem still live with Grace and Patrick. I respected that they didn’t want to change too much in Diem’s life to move her. I wonder if they would transition to have Diem move in with them later on.

The epilogue really broke some more pieces. I felt my heart rip.

Ledger and Kenna had a baby boy and named him SCOTTY 😭.

Colleen Hoover didn’t need to go as hard as she did with that one!!!!

Their son would be their biggest reminder 😭.

I do still wonder if everyone in town knows her as Nicole still or they revealed who she really was. I wonder what people’s reaction to finding out she was Scotty’s girlfriend and the person in the accident. I wonder if people forgave her or saw how much Patrick and Grace forgave her and moved on, so they did too. I wonder how Roman’s doing because he was a good friend and quite funny. I hope he got Ledger’s house they built. I also hope Lady Diana is doing well too because we love a loyal friend who calls the guy you like but treated you kind of wrong (in the beginning), a jerk. I laughed whenever she saw Ledger and was like, “Jerk.” I also just wonder how Kenna is going to adjust to the real life again in the sense of finding work and if more people knew or understood her side of the story, would they treat her better than her supposed status as an ex-imprisoned. I don’t know, I feel like it’s so tough because she does have that label, yet she’s not a bad person nor did she actually do a bad thing.

Just thoughts I had.

Anyway, what were your thoughts about the. book? What was your favorite part of the book? Most tear-jerking part?  

Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

5 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: I loved how Kenna was someone you could sympathize with and understand because it’s so easy to paint someone as the villain or in the wrong, when we don’t know what they have been through. I also liked seeing her story arc to be where she was at the end.

Plot: I don’t know how Colleen Hoover thinks of the book ideas she writes, but her brain is a gold mine. Every time she writes something poignantly beautiful, funny, with a touch of sorrow.

Writing: Colleen Hoover can write about a cow birth and I would read it.

Romance: I don’t think romance was the forefront of this book, but I did enjoy Kenna and Ledger’s complex relationship. I also liked Kenna and Scotty’s sweet adolescent beginnings.