February 2022 Quote: Sense of Worth

“Being alone is not linked to a lower sense of worth, but to a higher sense of knowing what you’re worth.”

– April Green

To all those who never felt alone, In the past few years, I think it’s safe to say we have all felt more alone than we have before—-some more or less. I know I have felt that way. I spent all of 2020 in my bubble with my family and 2021 in that same bubble, but with a few visits from friends and going to school. But I never felt as isolated as I did in 2020, and I’ve felt alone my whole life. But there was something different but how the whole world shut itself into our houses, away from each other. How we put up walls, barriers, and masks because we were terrified of this deadly unknown sweeping the world and not knowing what to do with ourselves because we have never spent so much time in one place for a long period of time.

We all got a sense of being truly alone whether or not we ever wanted to or needed to.

I have talked about being alone and self-worth before, but I liked what April Green said about being alone and self-worth.

I was taught by society that if you were alone, then you were never good enough for others, sometimes yourself.

Because I was always alone growing up, I had a lower sense of worth because I never thought people liked me or that I was good enough for others. I was “too shy” or “too quiet” or “too weird.” Other times, I let myself be alone because I didn’t know any way other than to be just that—-not when I felt like no one could understand some of the things I was going through. It was those difficult moments that I was even more alone in my hardships because I thought I was the only one who had ever faced them. When you go through something alone, you feel even more alone because you feel like no one understands what you feel.

Going through low moments in my life only rippled my loneliness until I realized I was the pebble that sank underneath while everyone else was sharing love, laughter, and community. I hit rock bottom and no one could even hear, see, or feel it because I was nothing but a weight on the ground left to my devices. I had to find a way to save myself. I had to find a way to rise again.

But how could a rock rise again when it was heavy?

How could a rock rise again when it had no one to help it rise?

I was completely and utterly alone.

Reading this quote by April Green and thinking about how much I felt like a sunken pebble, I realized that I had it all wrong. Because I wasn’t not good enough because I was alone.

But in that time alone, I realized how much I was worth.

A special rock under intense heat and pressure turns into a diamond. I heard diamonds are heavy.

Not to call myself diamond, but I feel like I was that diamond.

I felt nothing but intense heat and pressure my entire life, and I thought that made me less than everyone else—-like I was falling behind because here I was surviving but not living like everyone else. But surviving requires strength, it requires focus, it requires knowing that you are worth something to keep pushing through whatever you’re going through. And it’s a different kind of strength all together to be the one helps yourself through whatever hardship you’re going through. I was the only one who knew what I was going through and got myself through it.

I could have asked someone to help me, but the things I was going through felt like something I had to do alone.

Looking back, I deserve to give myself more credit for pushing myself out of my darkness and rising despite the odds. I deserve to give myself more credit for not giving up on myself when I knew I wanted to. I deserve to give myself more credit for moving on even after I never got the closure or apology I needed. I deserve to give myself more credit for trying to find a way to be happy after all that darkness. I deserve to give myself more credit for healing despite not wanting or thinking I could heal. I deserve to give myself more credit for everything I have ever been through that I did all alone.

Because in those moments that I battled by myself with myself, I developed my higher sense of self-worth—-my inner strength. The person that I know will keep fighting for myself when I know the environment or the people in my life didn’t know.

When you spend more time by yourself, you also realize that you are the only person you are going to be with for the rest of your life. I heard someone say that recently and it stuck with me because she was right. We will stay with ourselves and we should know ourselves, and sometimes that means spending time alone—knowing your ins and your outs, what makes you sad or happy, etc. Knowing ourselves, is knowing our worth because we have spent all this time alone, not comparing ourselves to others and not trying to be others, so we know we are confident and assured in ourselves.

When we spend time alone, we get to know ourselves.

And that’s powerful.

To know and love yourself when you are at your worst and your best and all the in-betweens.

Gosh, knows it’s not easy to be alone and no one said it is. And heck, no one likes to be truly alone, and I’m not saying go be alone for the rest of your life. But know that sometimes you should spend time by yourself to be in touch with your higher-self—–the you that loves you and knows your strength the best. The you that fought to be here everyday. The you that chooses to love everyday. The you that is entirely you and no one can come close to how incredible you are because you are worth so much more than how others view you because you are alone.

Being alone is not a bad thing. It never was.

Being alone is part of love.

Being alone is worth it.

As always, with love,