Happily Ever Afters by Elise Bryant Book Review

“And that’s how,” I finish. “I had the makings of a happily ever after without not one but two guys. But because I couldn’t figure out which of those endings I wanted, I’m left with none.”

(pg. 331)

About

Author: Elise Bryant

Genre: Young Adult Contemporary Romance

Series: Happily Ever After book 1

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Synopsis

Sixteen-year-old Tessa Johnson has never felt like the protagonist in her own life. She’s rarely seen herself reflected in the pages of the romance novels she loves. The only place she’s a true leading lady is in her own writing—in the swoony love stories she shares only with Caroline, her best friend and #1 devoted reader.

When Tessa is accepted into the creative writing program of a prestigious art school, she’s excited to finally let her stories shine. But when she goes to her first workshop, the words are just…gone. Fortunately, Caroline has a solution: Tessa just needs to find some inspiration in a real-life love story of her own. And she’s ready with a list of romance novel-inspired steps to a happily ever after. Nico, the brooding artist who looks like he walked out of one of Tessa’s stories, is cast as the perfect Prince Charming.

But as Tessa checks off each item off Caroline’s list, she gets further and further away from herself. She risks losing everything she cares about—including the surprising bond she develops with sweet Sam, who lives across the street. She’s well on her way to having her own real-life love story, but is it the one she wants, after all?

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To those who always wanted a happily ever after,

Who hasn’t dreamed of having some sort of happily ever after or happy ever after (HEA)?

I sure have.

I’m a Disney girl through and through and grew up watching all the Princess movies, and for a long time, wondering when my prince would come. Nowadays, I know I don’t need a prince to come save me because I’m strong on my own and we don’t need a man 👏🏼, but we might want a man kind of mentality. But that’s where my dreams of HEA started. I guess we also learn HEA from regular shows and movies because we all want a show or movie to end nicely because a sucky or sad ending never made anyone happy or satisfied 😅.

With all this to say, I understood why Tessa wanted to find her happily ever after because she was a romance writer who was having a major case of writer’s block.

Tessa just got into this cool new school called Chrysalis, where it has these artistic conservatories that help students expand their creativity to one day pursue their passion. I loved loved loved the idea of Chrysalis because the arts are never highlighted enough, so to have a school that allows students to hone on their craft—encourages it—was super cool. I would definitely be in the writing conservatory with Tessa. What conservatory would you be in? My next conservatory I would do is probably visual arts followed by culinary. I’m no chef, but I do like to bake, so maybe that could be something. I really would have liked to explore more of the school because it’s such a wonderfully unique institution that we only touched the surface of the classes. Tessa had the normal academic classes at the beginning half of the day and then conservatory classes at the end. The class structure reminded me of my high school academy structure where we had normal classes, but we were in academies based on professions—health academy, human services, fine arts, engineering or graphics, etc. Then at the end of the day, we would have a set academy class like introduction to education or hospitality—-I was in human services.

Because Tessa had writer’s block, we didn’t see her grow as a writer in this book or see how the classes helped her. I would have liked to see that dynamic because she got into this amazing school and all we ever saw her was fake write something to make it look like she was writing, which wasn’t very fun. I wanted to know more about the creative process of writing and what all these writing teachers had to bestow on these writers to expand their creativity. If that was added, the book would have had another layer of fun to me. I’m just really into the writing/creative process, but we never really got that, understandably so, but still. My writer brain wanted more of her writing process.

I’m not a published author, but I like to think of myself as a writer. I’ve been writing short stories since elementary school and have recently written longer stories and even manuscripts now. Writing is not as easy as people think it is, and it wasn’t until I wrote my first manuscript that I realized how freaking incredible authors are. They write this story with characters, a world, drama, storylines, sub storylines, and all these other details from NOTHING. That’s freaking incredible and noteworthy. I found it difficult to balance storyline and character growth and sub-storylines and romance and detail but not too much detail, and it’s a lot of work. I’m always in constant awe and wonder with how authors create something from nothing and how they form these books with thousands upon thousands of words that make sense and have this balance I’m still trying to achieve. It’s pure magic. I give credit to all authors because it’s not easy.

Authors write stories they want to tell and the worlds they need to get down on paper. I have so much admiration for writers in general.

As a writer though, there’s a lot of pressure from others and mostly ourselves. Writing is mostly a solitary act, so we can be our own worst critic; we can be extremely hard on ourselves and degrade our writing ability because we think we’re not good enough.

Tessa battled with a lot of insecurity and imposter syndrome because she got into Chrysalis. She didn’t feel like she belonged there with all these other great artists because she was “just a writer.” When she was talking to Lenore and Theodore about their conservatories and she said she was “just a writer,” I felt terrible for Tessa because I could feel how unconfident she was about her talent. But I also understood why she said “just a writer.” Writing feels like such a basic act. You write words on paper or type words on a screen, big whoop right? Compared to dancers who train hours to create a performance, musicians who curate their own songs, visual artists who detail every fine line or select every shade of every color, or culinary artists who work hard to get the recipe just right. They all seem more exceptional in their craft because it’s grander than a subject they teach in elementary school—-writing. But like I said, writing is so much more than words on paper or the screen. It’s a balance, it’s a process, and it’s definitely an art. It’s not a dance or a painting, but it’s just as complex and time-consuming and beautiful. It’s an art. And I think Tess felt like writing wasn’t significant enough to be an art and she felt invalidated by what society thinks of writing. But when she called herself “just a writer,” she diminished how amazing she was because she was a writer. Writer’s are phenomenal because they create something from nothing.

She should be proud of herself. She wasn’t “just a writer,” she was a writer—-nothing to be ashamed of.

She also needed to give herself more credit. She kept patronizing herself because she thought she didn’t deserve to be in this school compared to others or the other writers. I just wanted to tell her sooooo many times that she got into this school for a reason and they wouldn’t have accepted her if they didn’t see something magical worth pursuing or cultivating. Kind of sucks to think if didn’t get into the school though 😅—I wouldn’t say someone who didn’t get in is sucky and doesn’t have something worth continuing because maybe it’s just not the right time or place. But Tessa got in. Not just anyone did. She should be proud of herself and to remember that she was a good writer despite what others might think or what others in her class were writing. She was desperate to be there. I’m not too versed with imposter syndrome, but it’s something I heard of a lot with influencers. But Tessa gave me imposter syndrome vibes because she didn’t feel like she belonged at Chrysalis with these amazing people—-like she didn’t deserve it. She wasn’t an imposter though, she earned her way there. It was hard to read her berate herself for most of the book because I could see the good in her writing and her skills, but she couldn’t. It’s weird how hard we are on ourselves and how much others can see the best in us when we don’t.

There’s also something to be said about how I felt Tessa tied her whole identity to writing.

“Writing is what I do, and who even am I anymore if I don’t write?”

(pg. 90)

I understood her. As a writer, I feel sucky if I don’t write something or I feel stuck on a scene and I don’t know what to do. Losing a passion is the same feeling as when you lose your phone 😅. You lose your phone and your whole life is in your phone, so it feels like you’re missing a part of you now because you never knew what it was like to be without the one thing you loved most. Sounds disgusting how attached we are to technology when I write it that way, and it’s okay because we are all self-aware to know. It’s okay. I go through bouts of where I’m on my phone way too long.

But the feelings are the same.

For me, I know that I’m a writer and that’s part of who I am, but it’s not all that I am.

I write, draw, bake, craft, run, dance, etc. I am a kind, introverted, respectful person and so much more. I am so much more than just a writer, you know? And I think Tessa was so focused on how writing was her entire identity and forgot that she was a full person who had all these amazing qualities. She needed to reconnect with who she was. She kept forcing or getting frustrated with herself if she wasn’t writing, and as someone who has had writer’s block, those things don’t help. It only makes you feel bad about yourself and more frustrated and you don’t want to write or if you do write, what you write turns out like shiz. What I really believed she needed was a break from writing. When you feel stuck, sometimes it does to help write through it, but I know I like to take a step back from whatever I’m working on and then do something else. If I become so fixated on what I can’t write or what I don’t know what to say, it’s only going to upset me more and take me longer to write, so I think she needed to step back and do something else not writing related. She shouldn’t force anything.

Also, I wanted her to know that her self-worth or value didn’t come only from writing. Because she based her whole identity as a writer, not being able to write made it feel like she didn’t think she was good enough for anyone anymore and that reflected as anger and doing dumb things to others because she was lost in this identity that wasn’t entirely her, but a portion of who she was. She was just being incredibly hard on herself. That’s such a natural teenage sentiment or human sentiment—-to be hard on ourselves. I am hard on myself. I didn’t realize how hard on myself I was until a teacher pointed it out to me, and I had to sit down and think about how if someone saw how badly I treated myself, then it must not be healthy. I’ve been trying to be better in praising myself or celebrating proud moments, but it’s a work in progess.

For Tessa, being sixteen, every emotion is freaking amplified to the point of bursting your ears, so I can understand why she was beating herself up for every little thing. I was the same way. It just feels like the whole world is putting pressure on you as a teen, and you barely understand your own emotions, so when something touches you in the slightest, it sets you off because you already have all these pressure points—-anything can trigger a reaction. I know that all too well. Tessa was really realistic in her teenage emotions, that’s for sure 🤪. I’m going to get into that later, but my gosh.

Also, her writer’s block came from pressure she felt from what others might think being judged.

I completely sympathize and know the feeling.

I don’t like writing in front of people because I feel like people are watching me and it makes me hyper aware of everyone else rather than my writing. So I like to write alone on a desk, on a couch, anywhere I feel comfortable. Having to write in a room full of writers and a teacher who’s a best-selling author had to be intimidating beyond belief. I wouldn’t be able to write in those conditions either. But what held Tessa back was because she was so focused on what others would think of her writing.

I get it.

“Being an artist means other people consuming your art and, uh, having opinions about it.”

(pg. 150)

In her Art of the Novel class, each person would have to go around and share their work in progress (WIP) and the class would provide feedback comments.

That’s terrifying.

For one, sharing your writing is such a vulnerable thing because you pour your heart out into this world or characters—putting little pieces of yourself and you truth in your words—-that when you share that with others, it’s terrifying because they can pick apart your writing and judge it, and by extension you feel like they are judging you. You might feel like they are judging you or who you are. You can also feel attacked if other people don’t like your writing and then you feel like they might not like you. You also can feel invalidated as a writer if people don’t receive your story well.

This goes into the next thing, receiving feedback is another hill to climb. Feedback sucks sometimes because if you don’t know how to take feedback well, it can diminish your confidence. I never took feedback well growing up because I always felt judged or attacked for my character, so when other people gave me constructive criticisms, I was so used to being attacked personally, that the constructive criticism felt like a personal attack. I would cry or blink back tears when I would get feedback because I was afraid of being right with people hurting my feelings and not liking me. I take feedback kind of well now because you have to remember that it’s not personal. People give feedback because they want you to grow as a person or in your craft, so what they say isn’t trying to hurt you as a person, but give you ways to improve. They are really trying to look out for you by what they say you can work on. I never had that mentality when I was younger, so maybe saying this now could help someone.

But Tessa didn’t want to share her work because I felt like she was afraid of receiving feedback that only validated her worst fear of not being good enough as a writer. That would crush her because her whole identity was writing, so who would she be if she wrote and everyone hated it and didn’t think it was good enough? It would ruin who she thought of herself. To me, I felt like she unconsciously stopped writing because it was easier to not write at all then to write something, share it, and have her worst fears confirmed; it felt like a defense mechanism. She still wanted to be a writer, she just didn’t want to lose who she was if she shared her work and she wasn’t good enough.

So she stopped writing. I empathized with her because I get it. She was anxious and had extreme pressure on her. You know what they say about intense heat and pressure? You eventually break—you know if we’re talking about plate tectonics here 😂. I felt like she broke because she was so afraid of what everyone would think of her, going back to her imposter syndrome. She also did everything she could to avoid sharing her writing in class. I thought it was hilarious because she would fake going to the bathroom and would rather everyone think she had bowel issues than to share her writing. Or how Nico stepped up for her that one time because he knew how nervous she was to share. That was probably the only nice thing he did in this book, but I kept wondering when she was going to share.

Honestly, Mrs. McKinney could have done more to support or encourage Tessa. It seemed like minimal effort came from Mrs. McKinney because if she knew Tessa was a new student and struggling to write, she should have done more to help her than make Tessa feel threatened by her grade or this impending sharing portion of the class. It was obvious Tessa was uncomfortable and something was wrong. The education major in me would have had a one-on-one conversation with her to ask her if she needed support or what was going on. I would have also built my relationship with Tessa so she would trust me and confide that she was going through a writer’s block. I find it very hard to believe that in the years the school has been open, that not one artist had some sort of block. They can’t really expect sixteen year old teens to not ONCE get a block in creativity. That’s unrealistic. It should be okay if student’s go through that block because sometimes the creative juices are dry and they aren’t flowing at the moment, but it shouldn’t harshly impact the student’s grade/standing because it’s not their fault for the block. It’s not like anyone wants a creative block. I just felt like the teacher could have done more. If she was a best selling author and teacher, she should have done more for Tessa.

Ms. McKinney needs to go back and get her education degree 🙈.

But back to Tessa, she loved writing. I could feel that in every fiber of her being.

I loved the conversation she had at the end with her mom.

“But I think there’s something to be said for making art just to make you happy. Not to win awards or impress others or get the attention of your parents who can be a little clueless at times. But art for art’s sake. Art for yourself.”

(pg. 340)

I freaking loved loved loved that 💙.

Exactly.

We don’t write for others, we write for ourselves.

We should write stories because we want to and they inspire us or push our boundaries. We shouldn’t write because we want to write what others want from us or what they expect from us because that adds so much unneeded pressure and expectation. I think it must be hard when you’re a published author sometimes because you have already shared your work with the world, and people have expectations about you and your work. It can add these layers of pressure and expectations and sometimes I wonder if published authors feel like they have to write the book the readers want? That must be such a difficult, visceral emotion to wrap a person’s head around because I would want authors to write the book they are passionate about writing and what they want to write. But yes, deep down as a reader, I would love a happy book 🤪 filled with all these things I would hope to happen. It must not be easy to write if all you’re thinking about is what others want because it’s not being true to who you are or your words. How can you write a book you aren’t even excited about? How can you write a book that you don’t even want to write?

I give so much credit to authors because they have to balance their sanity. I don’t blame them for not looking at reviews because if they don’t know the expectations readers have or the pressures, then they don’t ever need to think about it when they write their book and to me, that sounds good because if I knew all these theories or things that people wanted of my book, I would feel daunted and scared if I didn’t include or live up to what the readers want. But that’s so much pressure. I don’t know how authors do it.

It’s kind of why I do make theories sometimes, but I like to leave my hopes wide because I trust that the author has this path or they know what they want to do with the story. I mean, they haven’t steered me wrong yet. Trust your authors.

But I truly believe that everyone needs to write what makes them happy and that art should be for you. It’s not for others, it’s not for your mom, it’s not for your friend, it’s not for dogs or cats. It’s for you. If you are focused on making art for everyone else because you think that’s what they want, then you are making everyone else happy but yourself. 

Art is supposed to be fun and spontaneous and personal. It’s also one of the most subjective things ever.

Who cares what other people think!!!!! It’s not for them! It’s for you. If your art makes you happy or it makes you feel something, that’s all that matters!

People can dislike what you create or they can be rough on it, but it doesn’t take away from how proud you should be and how amazing you are at what you do. They just might not get it, and that’s okay. Someone out there will. They will relate to it and like it and understand it. And that’s such a beautiful thing how stories can connect with people and it’s fun to share those emotions and experiences. Don’t be so hard on yourself if not everyone likes what you do or if not everything you do is considered a win. Make art for you.

“Creating something for no one other than myself. That’s the way it used to be, when I first started writing down stories just for my eyes. When did I lose that?”

(pg. 340)

I loved this question 💙. Elise Bryant really asked the difficult questions.

Tessa lost herself because she was lost in everyone else.

Create things for you and that you are proud of is the golden rule of artistic endeavors ✨.

Kind of going back to authors, this quote made me wonder again how authors in how most times people write for enjoyment and it’s a hobby at first. But then one day, they query and sell their book and they become a published author. Being a writer because you love it and being an author are one in the same, but also has two different expectations. One writes without knowing or thinking that they would ever sell a book one day, and the other knows that it’s their career. Do authors ever feel like they write books for themselves or for others after a certain point? Or do they sometimes lose themselves in what others want? Are there any tips on how to stay true to the love of writing only for you? I know I mentioned some of these things earlier, but I’m genuinely curious because I feel like it can be easy to lose your passion for something once it becomes a career.

I don’t know. I heard it somewhere with how someone said you shouldn’t turn a passion into a career because it feels like work—like something you have to do rather than what you want to do. But if you love what you do, I think you would want to do it or you would have the I-get-to-do-this mentality. I know someone who used to bake as a hobby and then started selling treats but then they got tired of baking because it felt like they had to do it everyday and it took away the fun and enjoyment they used to get out of baking—-when there was no pressure. Again, I’m just wondering, but I do think if you love something it will always be a passion and that comes before the career.

All of this is to say how much I related and connected to Tessa. It was also interesting to understand where she was mentally at the whole book because it made for good growth for her when growing personally as a writer; growing personally as a writer is just as significant as growing professionally.

I really loved the end when she overcame her fear of sharing her work and letting go of what others thought.

“I thought you were nervous,” I say. “Not about your food, at least.”

That makes him laugh. “Of course I am! I’m fu****** terrified. I’d be crazy not to be doing all this.” He waves around the room. “But I have to push past the fear. I’ll never know unless I put myself out there.”

(pg. 360)

Exactly👌🏼.

There’s two quotes I heard: 1) Do it scared and 2) Being brave doesn’t mean being unafraid. The first one, I heard from a podcast and the second one from Crooked Kingdom from Leigh Bardugo.

But I love both of them because they always remind me that even if you’re nervous about doing something, that it’s okay. You don’t need to be “brave” or strong to do something. Do it scared. But just because someone is brave, doesn’t mean that they aren’t also a bit scared. You can be both and still do something and that makes you brave.

Tessa thought everyone at Chrysalis was confident, but they were all terrified to put themselves out there because they feared judgment—-it’s not easy to put yourself out there. But Sam, Theo, and Nico did it. They were all scared, but they did it because they knew that they would have never taken opportunities or to have someone see what they were capable of if they didn’t put themselves out there. There’s a lot that can be learned from that. Put yourself out there because no one is going to know who you are or what you can do if you don’t share it with the world. Sure, there will be mean people who judge, but there will be more people who will love and celebrate who you are. Trust me 💙.

“And that is the greatest risk, presenting something that you love and asking others to love it too.”

(pg. 362)

The risk is worth the reward.

When you risk yourself and your heart, the more it can touch others that you never knew you could connect with. It may also surprise you how many people also needed or wanted to hear, see, or feel your work because they want to love what you do.

You can’t expect anyone to love your art if you don’t let them in.

Being vulnerable is not easy, but what you gain from it is magical.

“I’m intoxicated with the magic of it all, being able to share my words with others. And I wouldn’t have been able to experience this joy, this rush, without first taking the risk of sharing myself. Without saying, Here. this is something I love, please love it too.”

(pg. 373)

I loved loved loved that 💙. Well said.

It felt like a long way from someone who was petrified and did anything to avoid sharing her work, to finally opening herself up to the world because she knew it was worth the risk. And she was happy, I loved that she was happy because she had part of herself back—better than ever now.

I also liked that she got her writing back because of everything she had been through! If what her school year HADN’T INSPIRED SOMETHING, I would have sued 🤪!

Tessa had quite the semester to say the least 😂.

AHHHHHH, I don’t know how to properly get into the rest of the book review now that I talked about Tessa’s writing. Tessa’s writing journey was one of the only things I liked about the book because it was relatable. But GOSH, I didn’t like Tessa with everything else🙈. I would just like to preface, me not liking Tessa isn’t because of the writing. The writing was amazing and it had authentic emotions and good lines. I like Elise Bryant’s writing and story-telling. I just don’t like idiot teenagers who make stupid decisions and who’s soooo irritating 😂. Again, nothing against Elise Bryant and her writing or the story, I just didn’t like Tessa. THat’s okay! Not everyone’s going to like every single character.

But Tessa was the main character and I wanted to like her, but she was sooooooo irritating 😂.

I’m going to explain myself, but I also think I should mention, I understand Tessa was a complicated main character (MC) or she had a teenage vibe because this is YA. But man, I don’t remember being that ridiculous as a teenage girl 🤪?!?! I get it though, teenagers make mistakes, they lie, they do dumb things, they act all high and mighty, they romanticize every last thing, their emotions and hormones are all over the creation. I felt the teenage in Tessa like no other. After reading so many New Adult (NA) books recently and wanting a YA read, I definitely go the YA 😂!! I guess, Tessa was true to being a teen, and that’s not to say all teens are like Tessa, but some teens do some of the things she did or act like how Tessa acted. So, it’s okay because I know Tessa was just being a teenager, but I just could not handle it after some point. Is this how parents felt? I don’t think I was like Tessa when I was sixteen, and no judgment if you were or are because you know, everyone’s adolescence differs.

Okay, so now let me say why I didn’t like Tessa.

She was selfish, kind of self-absorbed, she over fantasized about everything, she bordered Joe Goldberg creepiness, she made some DUMB choices, she didn’t stay true to her morals, and she she constantly lied.

I just could not 😩.

She gave me a headache.

First, she was a shi* friend 😂. I’m not going to sugar coat any of this because I have a bone to pick with Tessa.

Tessa’s best friend, Caroline lived in another part of California because Tessa moved with her family and got into this new school. Before I say more, I loved loved loved that Caroline was Filipino. As a Filipina myself, I never feel represented in the media or in shows or movies. Yes, yes, there have been more Asian, East Asian, and South-East Asian representation, but not really Filipinos. Only here and there have I seen it with Jacob Batalon and Lola in Spiderman: No Way Home and Olivia Rodrigo who’s killing the music game. Sure, there are Filipino actors and celebrities, but no one talks about Filipinos as much or it doesn’t feel like we get as much representation as we should. So to see a Filipina character made my heart so warm and happy; this was what I would have wanted to see when I was younger and reading Middle-grade or YA.

Tessa and Caroline tried to keep their friendship working through texts and FaceTime. I liked that they both wanted to put in the effort to make their friendship work, and I liked that we explored the complications of a long-distance friendship. But Tessa was insecure in herself and she reflected those feelings to Caroline who didn’t deserve it. Tessa would feel left behind because Caroline was making friends or had a new boyfriend, Brandon. Caroline all of a sudden went to high school parties now. And I could understand why Tessa felt insecure because it felt like Caroline had this whole new life that she wasn’t a part of or could connect to Caroline with; Tessa felt left behind. Tessa also felt left behind when Caroline was so excited to tell her about how Brandon and her were going to take the next step and have sex.

I JUST WANTED TO RAGEGGEGEGEGEGGEG on Tessa!!!

Her best friend was being so vulnerable and honest with her about such a big thing as having sex with her boy friend, and Tessa couldn’t even muster an OUNCE or. KILOGRAM of EXCITEMENT for her!!!!!?!!?!?!!?!!?!? ☹️

What kind of BEST FRIEND was she????? I was so hurt for Caroline because she was so excited and Tessa felt insecure about being left behind because here she was with no real boyfriend and pining after two guys and Caroline was going to have sex. I get it though. I would feel like Tessa, but at the same time, Tessa should have put aside her feelings and be excited for her friend or talk it through with Caroline because Caroline needed a friend and Tessa wasn’t being a friend.

She was being selfish.

I just always felt like it was the Tessa show in their friendship.

Every time they talked, it felt like it was always about Tessa, Tessa, Tessa.

It was Caroline helping Tessa write again. Caroline talking about the Happily Ever After plan. Caroline asked how the plan was going. Caroline asked how Tessa was doing. Tessa, Tessa, Tessa. It was never about Caroline and a friendship shouldn’t be so one-sided like that. And when it was time to talk about Caroline, Tessa would shut down or give one worded answers that would peez me off because Caroline deserved more after putting all this effort into helping her best friend get her writing back when Caroline didn’t need to go through this elaborate plan or do any of this for Tessa but she freaking did because she loved her best friend. But Tessa didn’t act like she cared or gave two hoots and a holler about Caroline’s life because it was always about her! And yes, yes, I get it, Tessa’s feelings were valid because moving away from a best friend and navigating that friendship is hard. But it doesn’t excuse not being a good friend. I mean, Tessa didn’t think for one second that Caroline might have felt the same way about losing her best friend to Tessa’s new friends and this entire new life? Didn’t Tessa ever think that Caroline felt left behind and Caroline was just trying to continue and build a life for herself because she wasn’t going to sit and wallow all day? I mean, what was Caroline supposed to do? Not move on because Tessa wouldn’t like that????

It made me extremely upset.

I was PROUD of Caroline after she visited Tessa and they had that awkward sex-shut-down not-really a conversation conversation. Caroline went back home and they didn’t talk, but when they did, Caroline was like, “I can’t do this anymore.” I was like FINALLY 😂. SET THOSE BOUNDARIES CARO 👏🏼!!!! Caroline knew she wasn’t being treated right and she called Tessa out on it as she should.

“I’m not just some best friend sidekick who only exists when you need her.”

(pg. 331)

Freaking exactly.

But I liked how Caroline knew she still wanted to be Tessa’s friend, but she wanted to take a step-back from their friendship because it had gotten to an unhealthy point where she was feeling unheard and Tessa was feeling uncomfortable. They needed a break out of love, and I think that’s such a mature thing to do. They could have raged at each other more or have a messy break-up, but I liked this break version better.

One of the smarter things Tessa voiced in the book was how she opened up to being a bad friend. We love when people take accountability for their actions 👏🏼. Yes, you were a shi* friend.

“I should have given her the chance to be fully herself instead of letting my insecurities and jealousness take over.”

(pg. 368)

She said it, not me. But it was about time she came to this realization. In all honesty, if she was just upfront with Caroline about how she felt she was falling behind or losing her best friend, I bet they could have had an honest conversation sooner and realize they were the same way. It would have saved them all this pettiness and not saying how they really felt. But I guess, you learn something by not being a good friend—-how to be a better one.

Caroline was a top-notch friend and I would have liked to read more about her because I actually liked her 🤪. Not sorry! Caro also came up with Operation HEA based on the idea that Tessa had never been in love, so to get her writing back, she should find love to inspire her again. I do think that people write based on what they know or experience because inspiration comes from somewhere. I think it’s why the last few years, I have felt the most uncreative or inspired because I haven’t been going out or experiencing things as much. I saw a few authors talk about this too last year when I thought I was the only one feeling like there was something wrong with my creativity. But lots of people felt the same lack of creativity or inspiration because we had nothing to tap into and we were going through a dark time. 

I thought giving Tessa new inspiration was a good idea and to find love was also possibly a good idea. I don’t think that you necessarily had to have been in romantic love to write a love story though because it’s not like you have to be a chef to know how to cook, you know? I always thought the same thing though—-that I needed to have fallen in love to know how to write a romance book. But I do think there’s a more authentic and relatable layer to writing romance if you have been in love because you know those feelings. As someone who has not been romantically in love yet, I know I struggle to capture romance well because I don’t know what it’s like. I can imagine romance in sweet ways because I know what romantic love is, but knowing something and experiencing it are two different things. 

Anyway, I thought their plan was good, but the list was ridiculous 😂. It was comical with all the tropes. I mean, get stuck in an elevator with someone or the one bed trope. Oh, and don’t get me started on the ferris wheel or rain one. They’re not wrong, but I didn’t see how getting stuck in an elevator or the one bed trope would realistically work for Tessa. They SCREAMED desperate. If they wanted her to find love, they should have had more realistic expectations and at least do the right guy!

Freak, I need to rage about this whole Nico versus Sam thing because honestly there was no caption in my eyes.

I DETESTED Nico.

What a loser 😂. He was a walking red flag.

Bro, I can’t even tell you how much I spent this book screaming my eyes out watching Tessa give Nico goo-goo romantic eyes because she was so fixated on how he looked like Thomas from one of her stories she wrote. Of course she was gaga over him—-he was literally her dream guy come to life in tight pants and boyish smile. What’s not to fall in love with? And she’s the type of person who has her sights set on something and she falls completely in love with the idea of the person rather than the person because a sis was compromising all her vales and looking past this red flag of a human being just because he was the guy from her book 😆. I’m not sorry for exposing her. It was GRUESOME 😂.

She was WILD.

I mean, whenever Nico would look at her, she would go all faint and weak in the knees because he LOOKED at her 😂. Bruh, anyone can look at you. I get it, I get it! She was in love and when you’re in love everything’s all rosy and filtered. But gosh darn, Nico could just breathe and she’d get nervous. Or when he would touch her or something and she’d overthink it as this huge thing where Nico loved her and was secretly holding out for her and everything. She created this whole narrative of how Nico felt for her.

“What if I imagined whatever that was between us?”

(pg. 209)

Sis, that’s exactly what you did with Nico. Everything was overly dramatized and romanticized in her brain because she “loved” the idea of a cool guy like Nico liking her. And I understand it because when a cute guy finally gives you attention, it feels special. It feels like the biggest deal in the world because, “Oooh, he must like me because he’s looking at me and giving me attention.” I was the same way 😂, so I can’t judge. But you know, I’m older and I cringe at my past self who would do the exact same thing, so this is why I cringe at Tessa. We are cringe-worthy. But Nico’s probably just being nice or flirty because that’s how he always is and it’s nothing special—-it doesn’t mean anything. I wished we both knew that. But we didn’t because we mistook it as love or someone finally wanting us. This goes back to Tessa and myself feeling insecure because when a person believes that they aren’t worthy of being loved or no one has ever loved them, the first person to give them attention is enough to make them believe that it’s love. It’s also that person’s way of holding onto someone’s attention or interest because they never had that before so they don’t want to lose that attention or interest because they don’t think someone else would look at them the same way or love them. it comes from a place of never feeling like you’re good enough or that no one will love you.

So I understood Tessa, I just wished she saw how terrible a person Nico was. And how terrible a person he was making her become.

I loved loved loved Sam 💙. He was honestly the best part of the book—-without a doubt. I loved him.

Forget the broody, “bad” boys, I want a nice wholesome, humble, respectful, and kind guy 🥺.

That is the energy you should attract for a partner 👌🏼! Bad boys are out, cupcake boys are in!

Here’s the thing, Tessa was BRUTALLY judgmental on Sam. We all have first impressions of someone and they’re not all pretty. I get it. But dang, sis really said Sam was gross because he wore Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, and wasn’t this stellar bad boy looking hottie. I mean, yea, who doesn’t like a rock hard cute looking guy, but man, Sam seemed was sooo sweet. Who freaking cares if he has poor fashion choices 😂? I mean, do we marry someone for their fashion or their heart? Sam had an incredible heart.

AND I WISHED TESSA SAW THAT!!!!!!!

I Was FREAKING going CRAzy over here KNOWING SAM LIKED HER and she thought nothing of him besides being a geeky fashion mess AND HER NOT SEE.ING HOW GOOD A GUY HE WAS 👏🏼!!!!!!! SIS 👏🏼👏🏼!!!! I would date him!!!!! He is a walking green flag 😆. I could not.

There was one point where Tessa was like, “Oh, being next to Nico is like being near the sun.” 🤮

You know what they say about being near the sun? It FREAKING BURNS 👏🏼👏🏼!!! And it’s BLINDING.

She was blinded by her romanticized notions about him that she couldn’t see how much she was getting burned. She couldn’t see that the right guy was supporting her and warming her up from the inside out, he wasn’t blinding her. The right guy was Sam!

I WAS SCREAMING.

Everyone else saw it but her, and Caroline saw Sam and Tessa’s chemistry in that one day she visited them. If everyone around her was saying how much chemistry she had with Sam, it was obviously something she shouldn’t have ignored.

When Sam overheard Tessa talking to Caroline about the HEA plan with Nico, my heart broke for him. The poor dude 😩💔!!!!! He liked her and now he had to sit there and watch her make a mistake with Nico because she couldn’t see what was right freaking in front of her the whole entire time, looking at her like she was the best thing to ever slam the door on his face the day they met!!! Sam!! I hated that he got all tense and uncomfortable about the Nico conversation because he shouldn’t have been put in that situation if Tessa realized why he was tense about it in the first place. For someone who writes and reads a shiz ton of romances, I find it hard to believe she had no clue that Sam liked her this entire time. Bro, it was right there in everything—-every single detail—-he did 👏🏼!

And don’t even get me started on how respectful Sam still was to Tessa and respected her plan. He went along with it and never made her feel judged (except that initial time) because if she was going to make a mistake, heck, it would be her mistake to make and he was going to let her do what she wanted if that’s what she wanted. I respected that he didn’t push her to not do the plan because of his own reasons. But man, I really wanted her to see him! . I freaking laughed though when Sam asked, “Ddi the plan help with your writing?” And she couldn’t say anything 😂. Yea, it felt like she wasn’t using her life as inspiration anymore, but much more like a distraction or excuse not to write

Sam loved Tessa in all the details 💙.

As I read, I kept a list of all the things Sam did out of love that Tessa never appreciated 😅 and all the things that made Nico suck, so let’s get into that list.

To be frank, if Caroline never pointed out the connection she saw between Tessa and Sam, I don’t think Tessa would have even begun to see Sam the way she did. I guess, someone had to plant the seed, but if no one told her about the connection between her and Sam, would she have ever found herself with him eventually.

“Now I just see him. This kind, funny, cute boy, who I want to make out with a lot more, preferably somewhere in private.”

(pg. 308)

It took her long enough for sure.

“How has this Sam been here all along? And how did it take me so long to see him?”

I asked myself that the same thing after every page 🙄.

I mean, they had cute moments together like chilling on the couch and watching movies together. But then Tessa would be texting or expecting a text from Nico on the side which was dumb.

OOOOOOH but I was FURIOUS when she went to talk to Nico and he confessed his “love” and she didn’t stop him!!!!!!! A sis could have told Nico not to touch her and she could have been more firm with that if she really loved Sam and wanted to be with him. But NOOOOOO, deep down she was still pining over this “dream” of who Nico was because he was Thomas from her book. I wanted to RAGE the house down boots!!!! YOU IDIOT. In her brief relationship with Sam, it felt like she didn’t want to go public because part of her was embarrassed to be seen with him. I also felt like she was holding out of Nico or something because he was this “dream guy” for her. Stop holding out for something you wanted rather than what you now wan 😡. But she was so consumed by what she thought was true love or this perfect spitting image of romance that she couldn’t see that she had so much more with Sam. But the fact that Sam saw Tess and Nico almost kiss made me want to start a riot 🙃. I knew he had to be standing in the doorway because of course.

But I give Sam sooooo much credit because at least someone in this book has self-respect 🙃.

“‘Can you tell me that I’m your first choice?”

(pg. 327)

Yea, you Sam!!!! You are not a second choice and you shouldn’t be!! I was sooo fizzed for Sam because he deserved so much better because he was giving Tessa his whole heart the entire time and she couldn’t be honest with him nor want to be seen with him. I was sooooo mad. I don’t like Tessa!! How could you treat Sam like he was second best when he was a better man than Nico ever will be. I don’t know what fantasy world she lived in, but wake up sister, you were breaking Sam’s heart. I don’t blame him for dropping her because he deserved someone who loved him and didn’t feel embarrassed by it.

Tessa didn’t deserve Sam.

Don’t even get me freaking started on her other STUPID choices. She kept talking on and on about Nico and Nico this and Nico that even though she knew Sam didn’t like when she talked about Nico. And then after she had this nice conversation with her mom on their mental health day—her whole about how she was going to change and make good decisions.

“There’s no guidebook, no eleven-step plan. No best friend or boyfriends leading the way. Just freedom to make the choices I want. I only need to figure out first what I want those choices to be.”

(pg. 342)

I wrote in my notes “Finally she’s getting her head out of her butt!”

This whole book felt like I was screaming FINALLY after everything because a sis was slow going 👏🏼!

But then she goes and does the STUPIDEST thing I have EVER read a main character do!!!!! I have read hundreds of books in my life and never have I ever just been so Freaking Frustrated, Angry, and Gobsmacked but how DUMB she was!!!! There’s two guys of dumb: 1) the funny kind of dumb decision that you see in fantasy books and then there’s 2) no, that’s just a really dumb choice. And she was dumb option number two the entire book!

I wasI INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTED at how she had the freaking AUDACITY to show up at this gala with freaking Nico on her arm because he was the only guy who remotely wanted her at this point!!!!!

What happened to making smart choices 😔.

She chose wrong and that’s a freaking fact!

That was DUMB and desperate. I really wondered what the FREAK was running through her mind to even remotely think that was the right choice?????!?!?! I’m sorry, she liked Sam, and then because he wasn’t talking to her now, she settled for what she thought she always wanted, but she knew it wasn’t what she wanted anymore, but she went with it anyway??????? WHAT?!?!

And then Sam’s at this gala, so it was like, what was she trying to do? It was like she was bragging or rubbing her new boyfriend in Sam’s face. That P****sed me off for Sam 😡. And then, it’s not even that. It’s the fact that after her whole argument with Sam, she went out with Nico—-not just her date to the gala but an actual relationship. WHAT THE LITERAL HECK???!?!

It was just messed up and wrong. I thought that was so stupid and ridiculous and I don’t care what raging hormones or mistakes she was making as a teenager, I just couldn’t believe her audacity, especially after I thought she finally was going to mature up. She made me redact my beliefs in 0.000001 seconds for sure.

Also, the fact that she knowingly and willingly was remotely OKAY with stealing someone’s boyfriend was the DUMBEST and DISGUSTING thing I’ve ever read from a main character. How the freak was that okay? I freaking laughed when Tessa asked herself, ” Does it make me a terrible person if my love story can only exist by taking down someone else’s love story/ Does it make me a terrible person if I want it anyway? (pg. 213).” YEA, IT F***** DOES 😡!!!! What’s wrong with her?!

If I was Poppy, I’d be peezed! No wonder Poppy hated Tessa’s stinking guts; she knew what Tessa was up to.

Poppy was not the villain. Tessa made her the villain.

And that’s such an interesting point in how we make people the villain in our stories, when maybe they’re really kind people but you weren’t the nicest to them or maybe weren’t seeing them in the best light. I think Poppy was nice but Tessa came for her, so Poppy did some mean things to save her relationship. Was it right that Poppy leaked Tessa’s story? No. But was it right that Tessa was going to steal her boyfriend? Heck No.

I misjudged Poppy because it was cool of her to take the higher road in warning Tessa that Nico was a shiz boyfriend and that Tessa deserved better. Tessa got what she wanted—-stole Poppy’s boyfriend—-but Nico wasn’t a prize. Poppy cared enough to save Tessa from making a mistake, and if that’s not admirable, then I don’t know what is. I want to read more about Poppy because she was did dirty in this book and she also deserved better.

When Tessa popped off on Nico, it was freaking about time.

She was too little too late in my eyes to make things up with Sam because she screwed up big time with freaking choosing Nico and then going to the gala with him like Sam didn’t matter. I wanted more from the ending than Sam just standing in the doorway, yet again, overhearing Tessa’s new work about a cute guy who baked and wore Hawaiian shirts. I knew that she would write a new book about their love story because that was a given, but I wanted more resolution. Were they going to talk and make up? What was going to happen to them? Were they going to stay friends or try again? What?

I would like to list a formal complaint that my book was printed wrong and is missing a few chapters and an epilogue 😂.

Honesty, if Tessa and Sam don’t work out, sign me up 😂! I mean, what a sweet and great guy! They don’t make boys or men like that anymore!

I also felt the ending was rushed because in the last few pages she suddenly turned her whole personality around and preached self-love 🤨???? I’m all here for self-love and choosing yourself first, but it just felt too easy how she changed and like she didn’t really work through all the mistakes she made or hurt she caused. She didn’t really rectify anything with anyone and she didn’t really do a deep dive into herself to realize her wrongs. She just wrote a story and then said I love myself and I’m all of a sudden confident and then the story was done. I wanted to see her make things better between her and the people in her life and I would have liked to see more about how she got to that place of self-love because I find it hard to believe that a person who was that down on herself could suddenly be so self-righteous and confident in a snap. Or how she remotely was over what other people think of her. I still don’t know how she got over it so quickly. Someone needs to teach me that because I don’t know how she did it. It just felt all too fast without doing the work to get Tessa to really change.

Again, nothing against the author, because the self-love proclamations were written well. I liked the part about how Tessa knew that she would be okay even if Sam never showed up to her sharing in Art of the Novel. It said a lot because she was okay to stand on her own and take up the space she deserved because she does deserve to be there. And I loved that she realized that she was good enough all along to be at this school. It was also about time that she shared in this darn class; she was finally ready to be vulnerable and let go of what others thought of her to welcome feedback. I would have liked to see her make more connections in the class because Fedora dude and her other classmates seemed nice, but Tessa never seemed to make the effort to be friends with them the same way they wanted to be friends with her.

Speaking of friends, I liked Leonre and Theo. They were solid friends who let Tessa into their lives and didn’t judge her. Tessa also wasn’t a good friend to them when she ditched them at lunch for a more popular crew. I thought that was pretty mean after they welcomed and helped her. I liked how when Tessa found out she had a cycle day, Lenore wrapped her scarf around Tessa’s dress so she wouldn’t go out embarrassed. Lenore was so cool, spunky, funny, and sweet. I wanted to see more of her. I also liked what we saw of Theo because he seemed nice when he wanted to be.

Tessa’s family was also stellar. I think her mom was wonderful and I loved that she gave mental health days. They also did their best as a family to support each other, which I loved because you have to support each other.

Miles lived with cerebral palsy. I never heard of cerebral palsy until I took special education classes in college as part of my education degree. So, I know some things but I’m no expert. But I could see Elise Bryant’s special education major showing, which I loved 🥰. Representation matters so much, especially disability representation because we don’t see it enough and if we do, people who live with a disability are rarely shown in a positive or authentic light. They are villainized, made to be lesser, a side character, made a joke, or whatever mean representation people do. People who live with disabilities or a disability aren’t any less human or capable than any other person. Sure, they have to do things differently or they live a different way, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t people with lives, feelings, or experiences. They want to find love, they have interests, they have things they are passionate and compassionate about. They are people.

And I liked that Elise Bryant talked about how Miles wasn’t this huge inspiration or someone who taught their family to be stronger or a lesson because I hear that a lot too. People think that it’s inspiring or a great lesson to live with someone with a disability, and to be honest it’s patronizing and diminishing when people say that because it makes it sound like that person is a battle or a struggle and that it has to be inspirational in some way. They are not. They are human beings navigating the world just like anyone else but in their own way. That doesn’t mean that some aren’t inspiring or that they can’t teach you new things just like anyone else can teach you new things, but it means that they are just as admirable and strong as anyone. They aren’t people to be sorry about or to make others feel like some great feat because they’re people. And we need to normalize the humanity of them and how capable, beautiful, and normal they are in their own way.

I too get rubbed the wrong way when people say those things because it’s not right and we push those who live with a disability to the side because we fear or we don’t understand. If that’s the case, get educated, learn more about people who live with a disability. Try to understand them or how you can advocate for them. That’s what we can all do and to be more inclusive in authentic ways.

I freaking loved Miles because he was human and he loved Dream Zone. I looked up Dream Zone and I was disappointed they weren’t a real band 😅. I kept thinking about that Ben Barnes band thing that he did for a music contest one time, so that’s why I thought they were a real band. But I also liked how Miles had different layers. He had his good days and bad days just like we all do. But his bad days are more amplified, which is okay because he feels things differently and has different ways to cope. Again, I’m no expert, but I thought at first Miles lived with Autism or was on the spectrum because he had a fixated love with Dream Zone, he seemed to love routines and if a routine changed or something changed, it would be natural for him to lash out like he did that one time. So that’s what I thought, but you know, I’m no expert, but I thought Miles was still a lovely person. He had people who loved him and he had jokes that made him happy. He had friends through Tessa who also loved him. He was loved.

I was freaking FURIOUS when she lied to her parents about her grades and then she told them she would present at the gala. AFTER ALL HER STUIPD CHOICES, I WAS SOOOOOOOO OVER IT. In my head, I was like, girl you’re grades are poor and you’re here telling your mom that everything is a-okay and then you LIE to her about presenting at the gala when you are the last person to present and then you have the AUDACITY to let your parents to continue to believe you are presenting at this gala that costs hundreds of dollars just so they won’t stay mad at you?????? How’s your fake pride feeling now because she was an idiot to me!!!!! I was just over it because she wasn’t being herself and that’s a big thing that happens when you are living for everyone else.

“That I’m trying to get myself back by not acting like myself anymore?”

(pg. 252)

When I read that, I was like, “Darn, right sis!”

She wasn’t acting with her head on straight anymore with lying, deceiving, stealing, hurting others. And for what anymore? To write a book that she wasn’t even writing? What was the point if she was causing all this damage? I just didn’t appreciate her poor actions and how she was dragging everyone else in her life just because she didn’t want to admit that she couldn’t write at the moment because she was deeply scared of how others saw her. I get it, but it just made me so upset because I felt like she was better than all these dumb choices.

I didn’t even feel like I knew her because she was making idiot decisions. I think she sounds like a good person, just maybe not in this phase of her life.

And overall, the story was okay, but Tessa really got to me. The other aspects were fun and interesting and my anger and fury were definitely there, but I don’t think this was a book to make me angry, but to feel romantic. I sure loved Sam. But yes, there were things I would have changed or added more of to create resolution. I also would have liked to see who Tessa was as a writer in these classes. Who was Tessa now that she had her writing back? For the sake of all of us, I hope she’s a better person. Maybe without her writing, Tessa gets what we call hangry, but she gets wrangy or something because she was a beast 😂. Okay, okay, I’m going to stop raging on Tessa. The book wasn’t bad, but Tessa was. The end.

I would read another Elise Bryant book for sure. I already like Lenore so I’m excited for the next book, One True Loves.

Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? 

What did you think of the book? Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

If you were in an artistic conservatory/speciality, what would you be in? I would be in writing or visual arts 🥰.

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

3.68 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: Sam’s a dear and I would happily be his best friend or partner in crime. Tessa needs to do some deeeeep reflection about her choices and actions lately. I don’t completely dislike Tessa because I think she has some good in her, I just don’t think we saw the good in her because she was making dumb choices.

Plot: I didn’t think the book would go in the direction it did in terms of Tessa. I would have liked to see Tessa as a writer and a good person rather than all over the place. But I think the story had good subplots and characters that made for an interesting read.

Writing: I liked Elise Bryant’s writing because she has some very well-written lines and I loved the supporting characters in the book. Although Tessa’s not my favorite character, I do think Elise did an amazing job with creating a honest teenager who does make mistakes and whose emotions are amplified.

Romance: I would give Sam my hand in marriage 🤪. He deserved better.