I Was Told It Would Get Easier by Abbi Waxman Book Review

“Well, that’s good. Sasha already told me I’m ruining her life, I don’t understand anything, and she hates me. I haven’t even had my third cup of coffee.”

I grinned at the phone. “The holy trinity! Congrats on hitting your goals for the day already.” I added a trophy emoji.”

(pg. 65)

About

Author: Abbi Waxman

Genre: New Adult Contemporary

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Synopsis

Jessica and Emily Burnstein have very different ideas of how this college tour should go.

For Emily, it’s a preview of freedom, exploring the possibility of her new and more exciting future. Not that she’s sure she even wants to go to college, but let’s ignore that for now. And maybe the other kids on the tour will like her more than the ones at school. . . . They have to, right?

For Jessica, it’s a chance to bond with the daughter she seems to have lost. They used to be so close, but then Goldfish crackers and Play-Doh were no longer enough of a draw. She isn’t even sure if Emily likes her anymore. To be honest, Jessica isn’t sure she likes herself.

Together with a dozen strangers–and two familiar enemies–Jessica and Emily travel the East Coast, meeting up with family and old friends along the way. Surprises and secrets threaten their relationship and, in the end, change it forever.

Review

Spoilers Contained Below

To the mother and daughters,

I’m no mother, but I am a daughter and was a teenager, so I know all to0 well those emotions.

I Was Told It Would Get Easier had such an interesting premise because I never saw many mother-daughter books, so this was a refreshing read. So I really appreciated seeing an angsty, sort of typical mother-daughter relationship through both Jessica (mother) and Emily’s (daughter) eyes. The dual perspective was one of the things I enjoyed most about the book because it was fun to be inside the mother and daughter’s mind and see how they saw each other, and how most times they weren’t on the same page.

Jessica and Emily were not close. Jessica was a kick a** lawyer who focused on her job and was mentoring an up and coming lawyer, Valentina. Jess also supported another female lawyer named Janet. Jess was highly respected in her job because she had all this credibility and successful cases, but her boss was a sexist pig who didn’t want to hire Valentina and Janet as partners because of some dick move another guy did. I honestly wanted to punch a roof because it was ridiculous that John wouldn’t make those two highly qualified and intelligent women partners because they might be viewed as part of this other guy’s scandal. But what made me even more furious was how John the Pig was going to make two other guys partners 😡! I’m sorry, what?! Valentina had been passed over as partner over and over and over again, and this was supposed to be her year, but nnnnnoooooooo they might be associated to someone else’s STUPID actions. Honestly, it wasn’t Valentina or Janet’s fault so I don’t get why it mattered if they were made partners. They all seemed like DUMB excuses. WHAT A PIG. But good for Jess for standing up for the women in her work and threatened to quit. I loved that for her. Stick it to the man. F*** the patriarchy, key chain on the ground!!!!!

We don’t like a sexist pig.

Suffice to say, Jess was top of her job and spent all her time at work to the point she hired a nanny. I understand that thought. That she wanted to focus on her career and make a more powerful name for herself. Go her. But I also thought she did need to spend time with her daughter because it was obvious she was feeling neglected and jealous. She felt neglected because the mom put her second to her work, or it felt like that. Whenever Jess had a phone call, Jess answered it without batting an eye to the no-phone rules. I get that her work is important, but still, she should create better boundaries between family time and work. I could also feel Emily’s resentment toward Jess’s work because Jess’s job took up more of her time than Emily did—-Emily felt second best to her mom’s work. Also, it didn’t help that Jess mentored Valentina, someone who Emily would feel compared to as not being good enough because Valentina was going to be a partner and Emily wanted nothing to do with law. If I was Emily, I would also feel jealous and insecure about my position in my mom’s life because after not spending time with me, and spending time with another woman—an ideal woman—that’s scary.

Because they didn’t see each other much, it made sense why they didn’t understand each other/could read each other. They needed a better connection and to really converse and relearn each other again. It made me sad how much I could feel they loved each other and wanted to understand or talk to each other, but they didn’t know how.

That’s another thing—-communication.

Communicating with a teen can be tricky.

Jess would always be on the verge of wanting to do something or say something to Emily, but then not doing it because she thought it would make Emily mad or be a losing battle. I mean, yes, pick your battles. But then it was interesting to hear Emily’s side of things with how she wanted the mom to talk to her or do something because it felt like the mom gave up on her by not speaking or acting. I understand that because no response, especially given her mom wasn’t around much already, probably made her feel even more like she didn’t matter because her mom didn’t try. But I could also understand Jess’s perspective because she didn’t know how to talk to Emily without seemingly brushing against her nerves.

I say that as someone who was a moody teen. It’s hard. You feel like other people don’t understand your feelings, so you lash out at others. Your hormones are all over the place and everything feels amplified and everything is a big deal. You feel like the slightest touch or word can set you off. You feel too much, you don’t know how to feel. Then you go and say something you don’t mean in the moment because you were overwhelmed and weren’t sure how to react.

I can’t speak for all teens, but that’s how I felt a lot during my teens.

Gosh, thinking about who I was at thirteen years old gives me the heebie jeebies. I was SOOOOO Awkward and weird and sweaty and hormonal and uncomfortable.

I wasn’t a fan. YIKES.

Sixteen was rough too, but for a different reason.

Honestly, give teens more credit because they feel everything so monumentally and amplified that it’s freaking difficult to navigate those emotions and they’re doing the best they can. Disrespect and illegal acts are when to draw the line, but teens are going through it, be gentle with them.

“Everyone tells you middle school is fun, and then you get there and it sucks. Then high school is going to be fun, but then you get there and it both sucks and is really hard. Now, apparently, college is going to be fun, but it really seems like one more hurdle standing between me and actual happiness. Whatever that is.”

(pg. 157)

I have to agree. People constantly say middle, high school, or college is going to be the best four years of your life. I want to know who said that because I don’t think so 😂👏🏼!

It’s the most uncomfortable, awkward, and cringe time in your life if you ask me.

It’s rough.

The college application process is ROUGH. It’s freaking gruesome. It’s tiresome. And it’s ridiculous.

I applied to college four or five years ago, and it was tiring. I didn’t even go hard on applying to all these schools or Ivies or whatever because it’s not like I could afford them anyway. Also, they didn’t have my degree, so it would be pretty useless for me to go to these “prestigious” schools to name drop rather than to actually study. My parents weren’t super nitpicky about college either and they weren’t hard on me to go to a fancy college and do all these things. They just wanted me to go to college or have a future plan, which I understood. With that being said, I think people have it much rougher when it comes time to apply for college because they feel like they have to have the best test scores, they have to get into a “prestigious” college, or they have to make their parents proud. There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, but there’s a fine line between achieving all these things because you want to make other people happy rather than yourself happy.

One of the biggest things I say about the college application process is do what you want and what makes you happy. Your parents or friends aren’t going to be the ones studying your degree for the next four or more years. Your parents aren’t the ones who are going to be walking on that campus everyday. You are. Pick a degree that inspires you or makes you excited or passionate. Pick a campus where you feel like you genuinely belong because it just clicks for you. Don’t do what other people want because you want to please them; this is your life, not theirs.

Another piece of advice I have is, literally any college you go to is going to give you a good education. Don’t stress about if your college is popular or an Ivy because at the end of the day, the college you went to is the least interesting thing about you. You are not your college. You are a full person with interests, friends, family, a heart. Sure, school might be a part of that, but it’s not who you are. You are not defined by the college you go to. I also say any college you choose is going to be okay because you’re still going to get an education, and it’s how you view and what you do with that knowledge that matters. If you don’t go to class or you half-a** your way through college, no matter what college you go to, you get out what you put in.

You get out what you put into college.

That’s such a big thing.

I didn’t go to a prestigious college. I didn’t even go to a prestigious adjacent college. I went to a local college everyone would roast and talk poop about. I never understood it because it’s not a bad college. It’s an older college, not a bad one. I have learned so much more than I thought I could learn about fashion, culture, botany, education, and psychology from my college. Is it to Stanford or a Harvard level? Probably not, but does that mean my education is inferior or invalidated because of where I learned it? No. Absolutely not. Because I’m still getting a good education. I have had the best professors who were so understanding, hospitable, personable, and kind. I wouldn’t change the college I went to and who I learned from.

So, don’t stress or put pressure on yourself about going to the fancy schmancy colleges because they are the best. Sometimes name dropper colleges aren’t, they are all mucked up to be. Sometimes they are, though. But you can get a good education wherever you go.

I will say that yes, you can learn certain things—-law, medicine, engineering, computer sciences—- better at Ivies or specific colleges, but if you don’t really know what you want to do or you don’t have a targeted focus like the things I listed above, then any college will teach you what you need to and it will be good. Trust me, it will. You probably won’t go to a college and say, well I didn’t learn anything and it sucked. I don’t know, maybe you will say that. But most times you won’t. You’ll learn something and it will be perfect for you, just you wait.

“I mean, I know what I’m supposed to do, we all do: I’m supposed to finish high school and go to college. In college I’m supposed to make several romantic errors and have one meaningless relationship and maybe question my orientation.

Then, having amassed the appropriate mix of rueful/hilarious memories and life experience, I’m supposed to take a job in a field related to my degree, struggle for a few years to perfect my adulting skills, then launch a real career . . .get married, have kids, grow old, and push my kids through the whole cycle all over again. This is how capitalism perpetuates itself; I learned it on Khan Academy

(pg. 119)

This has also been the traditional path people would follow for the longest time. You go to college, get a job, get married, start a family, and it begins all over again. It almost seems like your life is planned out for you before it even begins. I think of the moment Jessica said how when the minute she got pregnant, she started worrying about Emily’s future and that meant college.

Here’s the thing, times have changed. A person does not have to go the typical route and go to college to live a successful or stable life. People can become influencers, brand marketers, social media marketers, videographers, and all these other things that don’t necessarily mean you need a degree to be good at. I know some people do go to college or they take classes to further their skills in what they love, but not everyone needs a college degree these days depending on what they want to do. Not going to college is such an unusual shift for parents because they grew up in the generation where they had to follow the traditional path because if they didn’t, they were seen as failures or slackers; they were expected to stick to the path. Also, the previous generation followed the traditional college path because their parent’s generation knew all too well what it was like to struggle financially, so they wanted their kids to have a successful and stable future. And that meant going to college to earn their degree to get a good paying job so they didn’t have to fight to make ends meet like how they did. So it was a different time back then when people made college a necessity. I’m not trying to say don’t go to college if you want to go to college or you are interested.

What I’m trying to say is that college is not the only path you can follow these days.

“Don’t feel like college is the only way to go, life is much bigger than that.”

(pg. 247)

You can work right after high school to gain experience and figure out what you want to do.

You can take a year or so off to figure out what brings you passion. Honestly, we spend thirteen or so years in school up until high school. That leaves little time to really focus on our growth as a person and figure out what we want to do in the future. I mean, we grow up during this time, but we aren’t given the freedom to figure things out. So a year off is a feasible and much needed reprieve from school and its pressures to focus on who you want to be.

You can travel for a year or so. Again, gain experiences and immerse yourself in different cultures and lifestyles.

You can do freelance work and figure out if that’s where your heart lies.

You can go to college after high school and take a bunch of different classes to see which one draws your interest.

You can literally do anything you want after high school, but the main thing is to do what you feel is best to figure things out.

You don’t have to have all the answers right away because gosh knows it’s difficult to know what you want to do for the rest of your life when you are seventeen or eighteen. You’re still a young adult. You still have things you probably want to do rather than work yourself to the bone everyday. You want to live. Go live.

And know that even if you don’t know what you’re going to do after all that time, that’s okay. It’s perfectly fine. Maybe you stay at a job that’s okay but you don’t love it. That’s fine. Continue to explore what you might love. One of the biggest pieces of advice I learned recently is that your first job or career doesn’t have to be the thing you do for the rest of your life. You grow as a person, so naturally, your interests change. You can change your job or career as you get older to better align with who you are. Changing careers or jobs is terrifying, but you can do it once its safe to do so.

Don’t feel stuck to one path or one job or career.

Also, when you find something you love, make sure it makes you happy.

One of the other best work advice I read in a Colleen Hoover book once was:

Would you do this job for free?

I really liked that question or sentiment because if you wouldn’t do your job for free, that means you’re probably not in love or happy with your job and you’re only doing it for money. Don’t do a job just because it pays well. Heck, you can be a doctor and have all this money, but if you go home each day hating your job and your life because you aren’t happy, is that worth it? All that money but no real internal happiness? But if you would do your job for free, that means you must love your job because money doesn’t matter, it’s the internal gratification that brings you joy. That’s what it’s about.

“Work isn’t supposed to be your life . . . Your life is supposed to be your life.”

(pg. 221)

Work shouldn’t be your entire life and I loved that. We all need to remind ourselves of this sentiment more often because we can get caught up with work—-job-related work, school-related work, or life-related work—-that we forget that there’s more to life than doing just work. We should be making memories with family or friends. We should be spending time on ourselves on what we want to do. Our lives can sometimes get so wrapped up in work that we forget to live it. And that’s what always makes me sad whenever I see my dad and older siblings all come home and then do work and then they look sad because they don’t really do anything else. I feel that way about college in how I go to class and then come back and do school work every day and weekend and I feel miserable on the inside because I know I have to do all this work, but at the same time I want to live my life but it feels never ending. Also, this pandemic hasn’t been helping because I feel even more stuck in what I can’t do and the experiences I wish I could have.

I just appreciated this conversation because it was a reminder that work isn’t our lives and we should try our best to put aside/down our work to live our life.

The college process and expectation is vastly different from Jess’s generation. She lived in a different time. It’s interesting because they didn’t have all these enormous pressures teenagers feel today. I know I felt like I had to do everything and more just to get noticed by a college.

“How can you be a studious visionary who understands the secret language of employability but still be ready to cut ties with the ruling class and change the world while being a feelers artist and successful athlete? They do realize we’re only sixteen years old, right?”

(pg. 61)

It’s ridiculously overwhelming what colleges expect you to be nowadays.

I can’t even express the things I did just for show 😂. I joined clubs I didn’t want to join just so I could put them on a college application. I studied for all these dumb standardized tests because somehow a test score is the equivalent of your intelligence and value—-a snapshot in time. I studied every night and weekends, pouring my life into school just so I had perfect grades for colleges to see how great I was. And it freaking sucks when I think about how much of myself I gave to trying to be perfect just so I could get into college. I don’t regret my grades or studying for school tests, but the other extra things are exhausting. We’re teenagers, we want to do things besides school, but yet we have to balance school, clubs, grades, being a good daughter or son, trying to take care of our mental and physical health, and all these other things. The pressure is boiling up in a teen. No wonder they lash out. They have the weight of so much expectations on their shoulders, they’re falling and no one sees how hard they are going to land because they are so focused on how “perfect” they need to look while doing so.

Give your teens a break 👏🏼.

They are going through so much more than you know. So much more. Personally, academically, emotionally. Stop being hard on them.

Also, one thing I found interesting about the college process is the parental perspective. Applying to college feels like a competition or bragging rights to parents like their child’s college success is a reflection of how they raised their kids. I could see why a parent would feel like what college their child gets into could reflect their parenting. If a parent never took the time to support their child, they would think that that was why their child didn’t get into a good college as opposed to if they did support them growing up. I don’t think that it’s completely on the parent because the child also has to want to put in the effort and work. But as someone who is an education major, I know that parental involvement in a child’s education is significant. If a parent shows interest and is involved, the student feels encouraged and they can improve. If a parent doesn’t care about a student’s school work, the student feels neglected and like that student shouldn’t care about his/her/their work because the parent doesn’t care about it either, so why should they? Most times, students who are struggling a lot and don’t have parental support continue to struggle—-they are the very ones who could benefit from help at home. And I’m not trying to make any parent feel bad if they are not involved in their student’s academics because parents are extremely busy with work, keeping the house in order, and providing for their family. But check in with your student once in a while and ask them what they are learning in school, what they are doing, how they are doing, if they need help. These kinds of questions go a long way. Even if your student is in middle or high school, ask them these things because it’s nice to feel like your parents care about what you are doing. Usually parental involvement in a child’s education declines as a child gets older because the parents want to give their child independence, but checking in still helps. At the elementary level, work with your child and try to understand how they are learning and help them as needed. And if you don’t know how, ask a teacher how you could help your child at home because they are more than open to wanting to help you support your child. Most times they want parents to work with their child, but don’t want to overstep because they know how busy parents can be. But they can give you pointers or talking points or little worksheets/games to work on with your child to help them grow.

My education knowledge really spieled over there 🤪. Suffice to say, the college a student gets into isn’t always a reflection of a parent’s success. And don’t be hard on yourself or blame yourself if you feel like you didn’t do enough or you could have done more. It’s okay. We all are busy, we all are trying our best. You did your best. Whatever college your child gets into will be the best for your child.

What college a child gets into also shouldn’t be something we want to brag about to others because it can be petty. As a teenager, to me, it feels like a brag. I laughed when Abbi Waxman mentioned how the parents on the trip were all posting college photos with captions like, “Her future journey,” or whatever nonsense parents come up with 😂. Those posts make me uncomfortable because I know my parents post it so everyone else can see and talk about “wow, look at the college she got into.” We all know that when we post something, there’s a part of us that hopes others see how great our life looks so other people can compare or be jealous. It’s not healthy. I mean, yes, post those college photos out of pride for your child, but don’t post it just so you can brag to other people. What college your child gets into, isn’t a competition. It’s a celebratory moment for that child, so don’t make it into this one-up thing.

This brings me to the college tour.

I have never been on a college tour because there’s only a handful of colleges where I’m from. But I did go to college tour days to check out a campus. Those were awkward enough and I can’t imagine going on a whole tour with a bunch of people who want to brag to each other about which college they want to get into. And don’t even get me started and those awkward ice breakers everyone makes you do because they’re supposed to make you closer friends.

Ice breakers are cringe 😂.

As a teenager, they are cringe if you are doing it with people you don’t know. But if you dice breakers with people you do know, it’s not as uncomfortable so not as cringe.

But gosh, let me tell you a story. I remember I was touring this college once and they had a whole ballroom filled with kids and they gave us the ice breaker bingo. You know what I’m talking about 😅. They made us go around the entire ballroom and ask for people’s signatures like we would all bond and be friends. I remember feeling so uncomfortable and awkward because I had no idea who these people were and frankly I didn’t see them after this day or remember anyone. So, the ice breaker didn’t work for one. Also, it was just weird because I would go up to people and they would just give me their paper and I would give them mine and they would sign it and we would be done. No interaction. Yea, way to make friends. I mean, I could have tried more, but we were all feeling nervous and awkward, so it’s not like we were going to. It was weird. Or for me it was. I can’t tell you what I gained from that experience 😂. More awkwardness. Discomfort.

I like ice breakers, don’t get me wrong. More so in a small group with people I kind of know. It makes me feel less overwhelmed. Also, it’s. not like teenagers want to answer awkward questions about themselves. Most of us have probably been there and done that.

Anyway, I thought the college tour was a great experience for Jess and Emily to bond.

They had that conversation at the end about how Emily felt like her mom never made time for her and how she felt like a failure because she didn’t want to be a lawyer—she was no Valentina. Jess needed to hear that because it was bothering Emily for such a long time and it was making Emily miserable feeling like she was second best and never good enough. I liked that Jess reassured Emily and supported whatever Emily wanted to do. But I wanted more from the conversation or more emotion. Maybe they could have talked about how Jess always worked too much and never made time for Emily. They could have talked about Jess setting boundaries to put down her phone and be present with her daughter. They could have worked out a plan where Jess and her had more mother-daughter days once a week or two times a month so they could connect. Doing so would have laid out a plan for how they would grow their relationship.

They had that conversation at the end about how Emily felt like her mom never made time for her and how she felt like a failure because she didn’t want to be a lawyer—she was no Valentina. Jess needed to hear that because it was bothering Emily for such a long time and it was making Emily miserable feeling like she was second best and never good enough. I liked that Jess reassured Emily and supported whatever Emily wanted to do. But I wanted more from the conversation or more emotion. Maybe they could have talked about how Jess always worked too much and never made time for Emily. They could have talked about Jess setting boundaries to put down her phone and be present with her daughter. They could have worked out a plan where Jess and her had more mother-daughter days once a week or two times a month so they could connect. Doing so would have laid out there a plan for how they would grow their relationship.

I also wanted more said about Emily and Jess’s fears and to really dig deep into that. For Emily, it was not being good enough for her mom and feeling like she was second best. I wanted to see the conflict there and what would happen before the mother reassured her later on. What happened if the mom chose Valentina or chose to do something that made Emily feel not good enough, who would Emily and the mom work through that hurdle to bond or come to an understanding? I wanted to work more on Jess’s fears or problems with not knowing what to do or what she wanted as a strong woman if she did quit her job? What conflict could we have given Jess to work through the unknown? Or maybe her problem with if she did push Emily away too much and if she said the wrong thing to her? What would happen to their relationship and how would they mend things? I wanted some sort of conflict between Emily and Jess that pushed their love and patience for each other, but ultimately brought them closer together because they worked through their biggest fears or insecurities in themselves or with each other. I also wanted them to express their insecurities to each other because that way they could have been on the same ground to finally reading each other or understanding that they were  both people. Sometimes we view parents as these all knowing people but they don’t know much. They are just adult kids who are figuring it out as they go too.

If these things were explored more with their relationship, the book would have run deeper and be more wholesome to see their relationship change.

That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy their relationship. I did, I just wanted more.

I liked how they were more similar than they thought they were—-the hanger was real. They are also two women, and sometimes women can be catty and argumentative and I say that as a woman who has been in the room with my sister and mother. We get into it if we stay long enough 😂. Not going to lie. But we also have a mutual understanding most times if we don’t like the same person.

I mean, Alice and her mom, Dani. Alice seemed like a typical mean girl who was trying too hard to seem cooler and better than everyone. She wasn’t very nice to Emily in the beginning, teasing her about Emily winning the penmanship award like that made Emily a loser. A penmanship award sounds cool to me. I don’t get why that’s something to tease her about. I also didn’t really care for her character until maybe the end when she was nicer to Casper. Casper was a cool dude. I liked that he liked geology and he wore science and math pun shirts almost like a Cisco Ramon from the Flash. Dani was also not my favorite person. She seemed like she wanted to one-up or brag to everyone too much, almost like she felt like she had to prove her worth to other people. She was also bribing her way through college admissions counsels, which is a whole other thing.

There have been more college admissions scandals lately. I do think getting into college is unfair based on socioeconomic status and who you know because if you are rich and you know all these people on the board or whatever, most likely you will get into that college unless the grades and scores suck. But I know sometimes parents do anything and everything they can to get their child into a college, and that rubs me the wrong way. They would do anything to get their child ahead. People have to work hard to get where they are today, and just because someone has money, doesn’t mean they should suddenly be given the pass to everything in life. But sometimes, that’s how it is and it sucks. Bribing is wrong and people who accept it are even more in the wrong for tolerating it.

“You can’t blame kids for their parents, any more than you can blame parents for their kids, though they all seem responsible for everything we do.”

(pg. 113)

You can’t blame kids for the actions of their parents. It’s not fair to hold them to what their parents do because that’s not who they are. 

And you can’t blame parents for their kids for the same reason.

This quote can be taken in multiple ways, but I think that it’s important to realize that we can’t place blame on ourselves for someone else’s choices or actions.

It didn’t surprise me that Dani was bribing her way to gain Alice’s admission to top schools, but it also didn’t make sense because Alice was already set to a school. The only time I thought Dani wasn’t a bi*** was when she had that once vulnerable mother conversation with Jess. They both expressed how they thought that they weren’t the best mothers because they weren’t around enough and wanted to hang out with their child. It made me think how when a person is a mother, sometimes they are in their own world because they’re focused on their family and on themselves that they don’t realize that other mothers probably feel the same way—-that they aren’t doing enough. I think it can be a universal mom guilt thing because mothers are the ones who used to stay home and take care of the family, that when a mother works or wants to do her own thing, she feels guilty for it because she could be taking care of the family and the home. To all my moms out there, don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first. You put everyone else first for so long that if you want to work and make a name for yourself in your career, GO DO IT!!! If you want to do a girl’s night or go to that exercise class even if that means you can’t cook dinner that night, GO DO IT! Put yourself first and don’t be wrong or remorseful about it. You need time for yourself. If you have an empty bucket, you’re going to have nothing left to give. Fill yourself up first. I’m not saying neglect your family or responsibilities, but know that there’s nothing to feel guilty about when you say I need to put myself first.

“We’re all doing the best we can, for ourselves, for our kids, for the whole shebang.”

(pg. 324)

Mothers, daughters, friends, students, everyone is doing their absolute best.

It’s not easy being a human being in many roles. We’re all just trying to balance it as best as we can, and we don’t always balance things nicely. We let things fall, we give ourselves more to other things, we have less time for things we want to do. It’s hard.

It’s also interesting because we only see people as their roles sometimes—-mother, daughter, teacher, doctor, dentist, etc. We barely see them as beyond those things.

So I loved that we explored Jess through different lenses and Emily got to see her mom as someone who was a young adult, student, and friend.

We saw the mom as a young adult who used to be quite a hottie who had all these flings and did things spontaneously. I guess when you grow up, you have to be a bit more orderly, but also let loose sometimes. That guy David was disgusting and he was just looking for someone to hook up with because he was lonely after his divorce. The way he talked to Jess in front of Emily was repulsive and it showed a lot about how he didn’t grow up. I just felt like if he was a self-respecting man, he would have kept Jess and his relationship more of a secret between them than tell Emily about it. I loved when Emily stood up for her mom when David didn’t get the hint that it wasn’t okay to hold the mom’s hands. He needed to read the room because obviously Jess wasn’t feeling it no more 👏🏼! The stalking bit was more than creepy. Thank you, next. Boy, bye.

I loved Helen. She was such an interesting woman. Philosophy is such an internal and extroverted topic of discussion and I find it fascinating the things you can wonder or ponder. I liked how Helen took Emily seriously and always made her feel like an adult. I also enjoyed hearing how Jess was as a student as well because we heard another side of Jess, which built her character. I’m still not sure why Jess needed to go back to college—maybe she wanted to learn something new. Not that there was anything wrong with her going back to college or anything, it just didn’t make the most sense to me considering how she was already highly respected in her job. I mean, if she wanted to expand her knowledge, by all means. Just curious. 

I also liked Jess the friend. I can’t believe she got high with Robert and Amanda 😂. An unencumbered Jess was my favorite! She was sooo funny. Not that I’m saying you should smoke or drink to be fun. But I sure had a laugh when her sleazy boss John kept calling her about his client, and then Jess kept hanging up on him because he still hadn’t made Valentina or Janet partner. I was like YES JESS!!! You stick it to the man!! You show him who’s boss!!! She had to do a last minute client thing in Boston during one of their tour stops, so she left Emily alone. I thought that was uncool because this was her time with her daughter and her work wasn’t respecting her boundaries and had her gallivant for this. Jess should have chosen to stay with her daughter because that would have shown Emily that Jess chooses her first. But no, Jess went, which I get. But at the same time, Jess talked up this guy to have Valentina on his account, so now that guy wanted Valentina and Jess. But Jess said she wasn’t going to be on the account unless Valentina and Janet were made partners. I can’t believe it took Jess hanging up on him to actually make them partners. I mean, was it that hard? He sure did act fast after he so claimed that “the board won’t agree with it.” I wonder what changed his mind so quickly 🙄. It was just dumb because he could have made them partners in the first place.

Jess and Emily also had their fair share of romance on this trip. I wanted more romance between Emily and Will and Jess and Chris.

Emily and Will were cute. I liked how kind Will was and nonjudgmental because he knew what it was like to be judged. I laughed whenever Jess would say something Emily thought was a bit embarrassing. I also thought it was cute how Emily would get passionate and nerdy about something and she would feel embarrassed, but then Will would one-up her on his nerdiness. I loved that. But the thing I didn’t like was how he shamed Emily when she told him about being a snitch of those girls at her school who were going to cheat on an AP test. I was like, “What’s up with him?!” He seemed so nice and supportive, and then he straight out freezes her out because she did the right thing by not letting her friends make a dumb decision like cheat on an AP test. She did them a favor because it would have ruined their names much more if people found out they cheated and then they would have regretted it a lot more. I get it though, no one likes to be a snitch or be the snitch, but someone has to because it saves someone from doing something they’ll (probably) regret. I don’t think being a snitch is a bad thing unless it negatively hurts someone.

To be honest, I thought Emily was one of the people who cheated. It felt that way because she was hiding something that made her want to run away from the school in the first place. Also, she was also apprehensive about the school calling the mom like she did something bad. I thought the FBI thing was a bit much. I mean, was this case really that big that they needed the FBI on it? Apparently, there was a secret ring of people selling AP tests and they wanted to know who. I still didn’t feel things were resolved with the FBI and AP test case because Alice wasn’t the one doing it. I thought for a second it could be Cassidy because she was a freshly graduated college student who might have needed money. I don’t know. I give Cassidy credit, she had a difficult and a cringe job—-handling parents and teens.

When Will apologized to Emily, I was like, “Well, it’s darn right he came to his senses because he was absolutely dumb.” I mean, what was wrong with him 😂? For a good guy, he was pretty dumb in that situation.

I wanted Jess and Chris to be something because he also seemed like a good dad and he and Jess would always smile and laugh together. They seemed good together. Who cares if Will and Emily dated!! They could date too! They could Jughead and Betty and Alice and FP this shiz out 😂👏🏼!!!! Jess was cheated her romance!!

As for what I wanted more of with the romance? Maybe more getting to know you moments and cute descriptive lovey-dovey scenes. I wanted more resolution about what Chris and Jess could have been because their relationship fell of the side off the Earth.

The entire time, we knew Emily didn’t want to go to college. She just didn’t want to tell her mom that, so the trip felt like she was appeasing her mom with the idea she would. I feel like if you don’t feel like going to college because you hate school and you don’t know what you want to do/have no passion, again you could do any of the things I talked about earlier. But if you feel like Emily, I really don’t think you should go to college because you’re going to waste all that money towards something you hate. I say take the year off or work at something else. Or maybe go to community college and transfer. There is no shame in community college. I just don’t think it’s wise to force yourself to go to school if you don’t want to, you know? I’m graduating this year (hopefully), and I’ve been thinking more and more about grad school. But after how burnt out I’ve been feeling, I honestly would rather not. School is tiring. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. Do something else that will bring you peace and happiness. 

I thought Emily would inevitably say she didn’t want to go to any of these schools and the trip would be a bust, but at least their relationship got closer. But their relationship stayed pretty much the same. Emily did decide she wanted to do Technical School, which I never heard about, but I love for her. I honestly thought she was going to do the Peace Corps thing after it was mentioned. But Technical School sounds like a plan—-I liked that she was going to try something she loved. How bad a** Is she wanting to build things???! I love that 👏🏼💙. I kind of thought it was dumb when everyone on the tour was like, “I already chose my college.” WHY WERE YOU ON THIS TOUR THEN, YA IDIOTS 🤪?!

I mean, that’s a waste of time if you ask me. They could have done something funner on their spring break or something.

I thought Casper’s reason was cute though—he wanted to make friends, which he did. But he must be rich rich to blow off all this money on an E3 tour. Gosh, I never even heard of E3 (ensuring educational excellence) until I read this book. I’m not into making a big deal about college, because again, no matter where you study, it’s bound to teach you what you need and it’s going to be good based on what you make of it.

I guess, if there’s anything to take away from this blog post, it’s that. I’m a senior in college now, and it’s so weird to think about how the college application process was everything you worked up to until you’re seventeen or eighteen. That and graduating high school. It used to feel so daunting, terrifying, nerve-wracking, and full of stakes. If you’re going through the process, I just want to say just go through it as best as possible and don’t put pressure on yourself to be the absolute best or go to the best college. The process can be long and boring and probably the last thing you want to do, but just do it—-go through it—and trust me, it’ll be over before you know it and you won’t have to write another darn essay about why you should go to this school or what’s you can offer them. Just breathe and try your best. You got this. Don’t put it off, finish it with your best effort, then submit. Let it go. Move on. It’ll work out how it’s supposed to.

I want to write a whole blog post about the things I wish I knew before going into college—like some pure, honest, genuine advice. I wrote a post of What is College Really Like? that I’ll link below with other college posts I wrote, but one of the things I wish I knew was that college is going to be rough. It’s going to kick you in the butt personally, emotionally, and academically and you will fall down and you will stay slumped on the ground some days but it’s part of the process. We have our lows and our highs and college is just like that too. But it’s this whole transition period of being a young adult where you’re going to experience a lot of scary and new changes, and that doesn’t mean it has to be bad or scary. Change can be good. But you’re going to school, changing personally, and balancing all these other things. It’s natural to fall down and want to just lie there because it feels like too much. I’ve been there. But get back up and take it one step at a time. Take it one day at a time because all the things you are carrying won’t be there anymore. They will fall off your shoulders and you will breathe again and be free from every little thing you are trying to push through. One step. That is how you go through college. I don’t say that college is going to kick your butt and make you cry to scare you, but to be honest. I had those days and they were hard. I felt exhausted, burnt out, and I just wanted to give up. I didn’t feel like I was living my life anymore and everything sucked. But I took each thing I had to do, one step and one moment. If all I could do that day was one thing, then that was enough. Don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t get it all done in a day. You are a human being, not something that doesn’t need to be recharged. You do. Take care of yourself. Do at least one thing for yourself each day. Trust me. You need it to keep your sanity. If you don’t, you’ll probably fall hard. Read, write, exercise, talk to friends, and eat good food. Do something that makes you happy. It’s that little balancing act that matters more than you think.

Also, enjoy college while you can. I’m a senior who spent two and half years of my college experience in a pandemic. I didn’t get to make many friends or do all the things college students would usually do because of the restrictions we have. I had to grieve many things I thought college would be for me. In a lot of ways, I still feel like I’m still changing from young adult to new adult because I had the past few years where I didn’t feel like I was growing at all. I was, though. I missed people, so it made me realize how much I needed and wanted to speak up for myself. I found a bit more confidence because I spent more time by myself without comparing myself to others. I found more peace with knowing I can’t be perfect in school because we were all going through something, so we should just try your best. I tried to make the best out of the college experience I had, and I still am. It’s hard because I wonder how things would have been if things were different, but I’m also grateful for the people I have met and the ways I have grown. Enjoy college when you can. It’s wild to think of how sad and heavy my first year was and to think about how I am now graduating.

I got through it. Oh heck, I’m getting through it 😅.

And you can too.

And I don’t say this to diminish the hardships and lows you might feel, but so you know you aren’t alone. I was there. If you ever need someone to talk to or vent about it with, I’m always here in the comments. You don’t have to go through college alone even if you feel like you are.

Anyway, that was just something I wanted to talk about because college and high school is a complicated time, and I wish I had someone who told me what it would be like. But then again, it formed my own experience and perception and you can too. It’s not all lows, but for me, it was really hard given my freshman depression and the pandemic. But I know yours will be better than mine. College can be really fun and exciting because you do have freedom and you can make friends. You discover things about yourself that you never thought yourself capable of. You find new habits, new routines, new interests, new loves. It’s not all bad as people can make it. It has both good and not-so-good, just like everything.

But back to this review, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? 

What did you think of the book? Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕

What did you do or want to do after high school? What route did you take or want to take?

I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.

And as always, with love,

Rating

3.78 Full Bloom Flowers

Characters: I could understand Jess and relate to Emily. But it was fun being inside both their heads and seeing my relationship with others through them.

Plot: A steady story with romance, some action, and a cute mother-daughter relationship. I would have liked to seen more conflict or to dig deeper with Jess and Emily’s relationship to grow their relationship and understanding of each other.

Writing: I loved the funny and honest dual perspectives; they added something neat to the story 💙

Romance: The romance was satiable, but I did want more that made me root for the romances.