Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade Book Review
“I want to know your story. I’m attracted to you. Because what’s hidden, what’s real is always more interesting and important to me than appearance or performances.”
(pg. 239)
About
Author: Olivia Dade
Genre: Adult Contemporary Romance
Synopsis
Marcus Caster-Rupp has a secret. While the world knows him as Aeneas, the star of the biggest show on TV, Gods of the Gates, he’s known to fanfiction readers as Book!AeneasWouldNever, an anonymous and popular poster. Marcus is able to get out his own frustrations with his character through his stories, especially the ones that feature the internet’s favorite couple to ship, Aeneas and Lavinia. But if anyone ever found out about his online persona, he’d be fired. Immediately.
April Whittier has secrets of her own. A hardcore Lavinia fan, she’s hidden her fanfiction and cosplay hobby from her “real life” for years—but not anymore. When she decides to post her latest Lavinia creation on Twitter, her photo goes viral. Trolls and supporters alike are commenting on her plus-size take, but when Marcus, one half of her OTP, sees her pic and asks her out on a date to spite her critics, she realizes life is really stranger than fanfiction.
Even though their first date is a disaster, Marcus quickly realizes that he wants much more from April than a one-time publicity stunt. And when he discovers she’s actually Unapologetic Lavinia Stan, his closest fandom friend, he has one more huge secret to hide from her.
With love and Marcus’s career on the line, can the two of them stop hiding once and for all, or will a match made in fandom end up prematurely cancelled?
Review
Spoilers Contained Below
To the fandom smuts,
I bought this book on a whim while I was at Target because I’m a sucker for a good illustrated cover art. So this book screamed to me. Honestly, the cover gave me old timey Fabio romance vibes but with a modern illustrated twist 🤪. Truly here for it.
But I will say, the cover does not do the book justice because I really enjoyed Spoiler Alert! It was a really cute book and I loved the fandom aspect, the romance, body positivity, women in science, family complications, and character development. Olivia Dade really wrote a story that tied everything seamlessly and every plot made sense. She also built up the next book, which DUH, I am going to for sure read. So, I would highly recommend anyone and everyone to read Spoiler Alert. I do think that the title kind of doesn’t do the story justice or it didn’t fit the best for what the sooty was about, but I don’t know what title I would have given the story 😆. If you could give this book an alternative title, what would it be? Maybe Fan Alert. I don’t know 🤪.
Anyway, one of the things that threw me off a bit was how the main characters were older. I have absolutely nothing against the characters being older, I was just thrown off because I didn’t read the synopsis when I started reading, so I thought this was a young adult book. It was a new adult book. And I am here for older people falling in love 👏🏼. Because you know what? Love knows no age and I think as a society we place so much pressure on teens to feel like they need to fall in love and have it all figured out by age 16 or 18, when that’s not always the case. I mean, that isn’t the case for me. And it’s okay to not even have it figured out or be in a relationship when you are in your early, mid, or late 20s. It’s okay not to be in a relationship in your early, mid, or late 30s. It’s okay not to be in a relationship at any age based on what people think is “right” because everyone has their own time and path. So, I LOVED reading about an older couple falling in love because it felt as fresh and new as any person of any age falling in love with the right person. I feel like more people need to see that or hear about it because they need to know that falling in love at any age is okay.
Besides my spiel . . .
I LOVED April with as much fiery burning passion as her hair 💙. She was a true gem. Honestly, I admire any person who has confidence, self-respect, and drive. April is everything I aspire to be. She knows what she wants; she goes after it; she doesn’t take shiz from anyone; and she’s a well-educated, respectable woman 👏🏼. What’s not to love about her? I mean . . . someone should have wifed her up YEARS ago 👌🏼🤪. I also really appreciated how she was a woman in science. Not many books cast female leads as women in science. I have read female leads as bakers, restaurant workers, construction workers, chefs, club owners, etc. But not many with females in science. Why not?! I want to see more females in science or females in professions that people think are mostly for men, but are for women too. I want to see more April’s in the books I read. It was sooooo refreshing to see how knowledgeable she was in her field and to hear her talk about geology because that’s so cool—-to see a woman with genuine passion for something she loves and does that other people might think is different. I also liked how we got normal moments of her at her job—-moments of her mud-deep in the field or having office lunches with her co-workers. It just seemed really true and authentic to April and I loved that.
I loved how April quit her job as a field worker for an office worker because she was tired of hiding who she really was. I admired her self-awareness to want to change her path in life because she wasn’t happy. Sometimes I feel like adults stay in the same career for their whole life because they think they have to—-they think that’s the only way because it’s what tradition has done. As a Gen Z, I believe that you don’t have to stay in the same job or profession your whole life if it doesn’t make you happy. It is natural as you get older, your interests, hobbies, and life change. Naturally, you change too. So, it makes perfect sense if you don’t like your job anymore and want to do something else. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you were a scientist and you want to be a realtor now, be a realtor. Do what you want to do and do what makes you happy. Don’t stick with a job because you feel like that’s the only way. It’s not. And I know not everyone can just up and do a career change because they have to provide for themselves or their family, and I get it. Try doing things on the side of your job to find what your next passion is, and when you have a stable idea of how you can ease into that passion to make it something that provides for you or your family, then do it. But yes, this is your reminder that you are a human. You evolve. You can change your life at any moment to do anything you want.
Besides my tangent, I just really appreciated how April was going to quit her field job because it wasn’t making her her truest self. She was tired of hiding all these important parts in her life. When she hid the things that made her her, she felt like she didn’t connect with people in her life and that made her dislike what she was doing. And I realized the truth of this—that if we don’t be honest with who we are around people, it makes it hard for us to enjoy what we are doing because we aren’t being ourselves.
And April had a bold, beautiful, and brazen personality. She also had SMUTTY fangirl side 🤪, and I was here for it! If she grew up in the age of Wattpad, I bet that would have been her jam because gosh knows twelve-year old me didn’t download Wattpad because all my friends told me there were some sketchy things on there for a twelve year-old. But April was a WOMAN and her writing all these sexual scenes is not scanty or uncalled for, heck I bet she had fun doing it 😂. Honestly, if sexual fanfic made her happy, then by all means. But that’s the thing about a platform that shares smut fanfic with people—you build this community with people you wouldn’t have known had the same interest in you. I loved how April put her stories out there and people connected with them or with what she wrote and it created relationships in her real-life. Personally, I understand this sentiment well and it is why I have a bookstagram and a blog—because sometimes we seek connection with people in a space that allows us to form those relationships to bond over something we love. I love love loved how at the end—-with the con—-April met up with all her fandom friends in real-life and how supportive they were of her. They hyped her up and everything and it was just so cute how they felt close to each other when they haven’t even met in real life until that point. I just love how when people don’t feel like they have a space in the world for them because their interests are different, that they can find or create a place with people who are also different and share their interests. Being different is powerful.
She also formed this relationship with BAWN, which we’ll get into more later 😉.
Part of April being open to who she was was posting that Twitter cosplay outfit that generated views. I can’t say I’m surprised that the comments were so negatively horrific towards April, but I can say I was disappointed. It breaks my heart that people still think it’s okay to shame a person for their weight because last time I heard NOT YOUR BODY, NOT YOUR BUSINESS 👏🏼. I just feel like anyone who takes the time to write such a hateful comment to fat shame or ridicule someone either 1) has so much hate in their heart they just want to reflect it on people who don’t deserve it because they want them to hurt just as badly 2) they do not like themselves so they take their insecurities out on others. And that is not okay because rude comments only bring people down to your level and as people we should lift each other up. And honestly, weight should not be a factor into how you treat someone. You should treat everyone with kindness. I admired April for posting a picture of her cosplay online, knowing people would be rude about it. But her doing so, demonstrated how she wasn’t going to let people’s hate, anger, or judgement stop her from being her or being proud of her body, as she should.
“It’s you. Marcus Caster-Rupp. The performance of a lifetime. . . The vainest, dimmest actor on the planet, who’s actually neither. Seemingly shallow and shiny as a new puddle, but deep as the Mariana Trench.”
(pg 193)
Marcus Caster-Rupp, the infamous Aeneas of Gods of the Gates. Was I the only one who pronounced Aeneas as anus 😂? Gods of the Gates gave me Hercules (the Rock live-action version) combined with Game of Thrones vibes. The concept of the show sounded cool; I would legit watch. But my initial reaction to Marcus replying to April’s post was that he was doing it just to be nice. However, reading the interaction through his perspective made me believe how he was really angered at the way people judged April. He also didn’t want to pop off on the haters because that would not be good for his reputation, so he instead tweeted to April. Gosh, if my celebrity crush tweeted to me (if I had a Twitter, of course), I would flip my pancakes out. Asking her to go on a date?
Someone get be butter and serve me on a platter with syrup because gosh darn that would be a dream 🥞.
The date was very interesting, that was for sure. I liked how April really wanted to get to know Marcus and not just this whole vapid, Golden Retriever act he had. Marcus was smarter than anyone gave him credit for because he put up this I’m-dumb front to the media so they wouldn’t ask him difficult questions he didn’t want to answer when he thought differently about the direction of Gods of the Gate. Instead of voicing his disagreement about the show runners and producers vision of the show, Marcus wrote fanfiction and was BAWN. BAWN and April were best friends who swapped manuscripts to edit each other, and they created this trusting relationship where he let her into the deepest secrets of his life that he wouldn’t usually tell people. That showed great trust on Marcus/BAWN’s side to be so open to a random stranger he didn’t know. But you know, I could understand how it is soooo much easier to tell a random stronger things you would not usually tell people in your life. It’s because when you are with a stranger, they do not know who you are, so you can be anyone or reveal anything.
Marcus’s backstory really made my heart sad. Marcus opened up to April about having difficulties reading and writing as a kid and this made him not a big reader because he wasn’t good at it. His highly academic parents were also hard on Marcus because they felt him incompetent because he couldn’t read like the other kids. I really DISLIKED how his parents made Marcus feel because they turned the whole problem around and pointed fingers at Marcus like it was his fault that he couldn’t read or do all these academic things 😡. Marcus wasn’t stupid, he just learned and saw things differently and if they only took the time to get him academic support, doctors would have found out he was dyslexic early on and he would have gotten the support he needed. As an education major, it makes my heart heavy that Marcus felt discouraged and like a disappointment because he couldn’t read. He could read with the proper support. I think Marcus didn’t get the support he deserved because back then learning disabilities were something most people did not want to acknowledge because that would mean something was wrong with their child or with them. But living with a learning disability is nothing to be ashamed about or to feel wrong for. There is support and help for these students, children, or people to learn and be successful.
I just feel the way his parents treated him and made him feel negatively influenced his self-image all the way through his adulthood. I believe Marcus’s hurt from his parents caused him a lot of unresolved pain to the point he didn’t want to show his true self because it was easier playing dumb to people so they expected less from him. Gosh, my heart really hurt for Marcus when he talked about that one time he did an interview and the interviewers asked Marcus to read a passage. Living with dyslexia, that’s TERRIFYING—to unexpectedly be asked to read a chapter when he struggled with reading. He must have felt TERRIFIED and MORTIFIED. Not to place blame on Marcus because he should tell the world on his own time (but again, it’s not like he owes anyone an explanation for who he is), but if people knew he lived with dyslexia/he was honest about who he was, I think people would have understood and supported him. I also think it would have helped people feel seen in knowing a huge celebrity lived with dyslexia like them, and yet Marcus was able to achieve greatness through perseverance and practice. But again, that was for Marcus to share on his own time if he wanted to. But I also just feel sad for how celebrities or people who are well-known might feel like they owe people an explanation for who they are when that isn’t anyone’s business. They deserve to keep things to themself, but it must be so complicated when something you might not want to share with the world feels like something you have to so people can understand you.
Also, Marcus’s traumatic past made him resentful and angry towards his parents. I don’t blame him. His parents shouldn’t have pushed him so hard and been hard on him, thinking if he just read more he would magically be a good reader. If Marcus was notably struggling, they should have gotten him help or at least see why Marcus was struggling. That was on them. But nooooo, they had to blame Marcus 🙄. I also don’t blame Marcus for giving up on trying to be what his parents wanted of him. I would give up too because if his parents were only going to put him down, then what’s the point. But I also think that this quality transferred into how Marcus gave up on trying to be his real-self in the public eye because he also thought the public had this idea of him and it was easier to be what the public wanted of him than to be himself. I also felt because of his parents, it was difficult for Marcus to let people into his life because he didn’t want people to know the real him—-the him that struggled and didn’t know how to be his authentic self without feeling wrong for it. I didn’t like the part where Marcus had the dinner with his parents and it talked about how Marcus used to apologize to his parents for not being what he wanted of them. Marcus had absolutely, positively nothing to apologize for. His parents owed Marcus an apology.
Also, I just want to note how Marcus might have not been the best reader or person academically, but his parents could have recognized Marcus’s strength. This is the teacher in me trying to say how people have different intelligences/strengths, so just because a child is not strong with linguistics/writing/reading, there are other strengths and intelligences that child can excel at. It’s all about recognizing those strengths and using the child’s strengths to succeed.
Apart from my teacher tangent, of course, Marcus and his parents would have a tense and strained relationship.
The other greatest role Marcus played was the worst son.
“The Worst Possible Son,” she said. The role he’d played more often than any other, the role that had offered him protection from scorn so often in the past.”
(pg 201)
Because it was easier to be all these roles—-the Worst Son and the Golden Retriever. It was easier and less painful for people to hate a version of him that wasn’t the real him. I thought that was a very interesting point to bring up because acting is such an interesting profession and activity where people don’t have to be their real selves, but can be a better version or maybe a hidden version like Marcus.
“If they despised him then, they didn’t despise the real him. They couldn’t hurt the real him. They couldn’t even see the real him, if they ever had at all.”
(pg 199)
I think Marcus as an actor got caught up in being all these roles with different people that he didn’t fully know who he was or who he could be. He didn’t need to be stuck playing the Golden Retriever or the Worst Son because that had always been his narrative—-he could be more. He could be the man April saw in him. And I loved that he had April who was shedding his layers to see that there was a good man in there, because there was. He was a hurt man, but a good man. And let’s give a round of applause for a good man who didn’t use his hurt to hurt others! 👏🏼🤪
But let’s go back to the date because Marcus knew she was Unapologetic Lavinia Stan. When he found that out, I was like, bro are you going to tell her you are BAWN 😅. It seemed unfair that he knew who her online identity was and yet she didn’t know who he was. Granted, his situation was a bit more complex because if April knew he was BAWN she might take him down or something might get leaked and then Marcus’s career would be ruined. But that was on him and I didn’t think April would do anything to reveal his secrets. C’mon Marcus, trust the woman! She didn’t even tell BAWN’s/your secret to you because that was BAWN’s story to tell. I loved how she did that, though; she was a good friend.
But GOSH, when he ghosted her?! I am soooo sorry, that was a shizzy move. Way to make April feel TERRIBLE. I feel like Marcus should have just told her or went about exiting the Lavineas Server. He could have been like, I have to skeet skeet for a month or he could have made an excuse that he was busy with his work and that was why he wasn’t uploading as BAWN. But BAWN had to ghost her with lies and it made April feel bad that BAWN just up and left her life after figuring out what she looked like. I would feel beyond hurt too if I thought someone I trusted and cared about left my life just because they did not like the way my body looked. Heck, if someone wants to leave your life because they do not like the way your body looks, hold the door open for them while they leave 👏🏼. They do not deserve to be in your life and there will be better people who will walk through that door.
Honestly, all the power to April for initially turning Marcus down for a second date! 😆 Gosh, we have to humble men. But I liked how she gave him a second date and they went to the museum. I thought that was soooo cute! It was such an April thing to do and I loved seeing Marcus’s perspective of the museum because it was such a mundane date for him. I also loved seeing how Marcus saw April 🥺. April was really in her element and she was glowing on that date because she knew all these things about the rocks. I also thought it was a very steamy moment for them on the little ride they had 😏. Where were the paparazzi when you needed them? I’m joking! But seriously, I was like if they were that close to each other and Marcus was a huge star, I would think someone would freak out and take a picture. I like to think my human decency would not take a picture, maybe I would be shocked to be in the presence of a celebrity, but gosh what a scene that would have been!
Alas, the paparazzi did find them at the museum, but gosh was that just weird when Marcus started stripping! I was like, what is this, Magic Mike? I understand how him taking off his clothes was a distraction to protect April from the media, but gosh that sounds sooo sad that Marcus felt the need to play a part or objectify himself. I don’t know. But I also understood why April was so put off afterward because it felt like Marcus was two different people within the span of seconds—-Marcus who she was genuinely having a good time with and Marcus the Golden Retriever actor—and that is beyond confusing and frustrating. April liked him, but she was not sure who he was and what part of him she could love because he did not know himself.
OOOOOH, but you know what PIZZZED me off was when he made a suggestive comment of her exercising with him. I AM SOOOO SORRY! That was a WRONG move, sir. Marcus didn’t mean harm by the comment, but it was kind of insensitive of him when he should know how weight and health might be a sensitive topic to April. I think he wasn’t thinking about his words. I already knew what April was thinking because I have felt that way before. When someone asks you to work out with them or asks you if you are working out and you are a curvier person, it can feel offensive in the way that that person is suggesting you work out. April felt that way when Marcus said that to her. Gosh, especially with April’s history with her dad and mom and how they always made her feel ashamed for her body—how her parents always told her to work out. I would be offended too.
“She loved shiny things, always had. But he wasn’t a diamond. Just fool’s gold.
(pg. 148)
You tell them sis! I love, again, the amount of self-respect she has. She does not need Marcus if he truly does not understand what he said hurt. But what I really loved was when April went to the server to talk about her body image and weight story. You know, as we do bloggers or writers do when we do not want to tell a story directly, we use a different outlet 😅. Joking!
But April POPPED OFF and I was here for it! It was a subtle dig at Marcus and I loved it! 💙
“I think I desperately needed to read and watch the story of how a woman most considered homely or downright hideous could earn respect, admiration, desire, and eventually love for the man she desired and loved herself. (Aeneas, of course.) I needed to witness how her character, her choices, and her words would come to mean more to him, in the end, than whether the rest of the world would call her pretty.”
(pg. 156)
I LOVED that. I absolutely loved that.
As a reader or fanatic, I turn to books, shows, or movies to relate/connect with people. No matter what content I take in, I always find someone or something to connect with that makes me feel less alone, less afraid, and less insecure because I see, read, or hear people who are going through things I have experienced. And I think that is why many of us love books, movies, shows, comics, and other content areas—-because we want to feel seen. If we see someone who is like us, we feel like we are deserving of that love, happiness, and success that that person is feeling in the story, movie, or show. We feel like that love, happiness, and success is possible for us. Books, shows, movies, and other content areas give us hope. They give me hope. And that is why representation matters immensely. People need to see themselves in what we consume because every single person deserves love, happiness, and success. When we only put Caucasians or thinner individuals who are perfect on every media source, it makes most people feel like they have to look like that or live to that standard in order to be loved, happy, or successful. But that is beyond wrong. So, I just really love how April was so vulnerable about how this show made her feel seen—-it made her feel strong. And I think we should not shame anyone for loving the books, shows, movies, or comics they like because you never know the reason or connection behind that.
When Marcus read April’s messages, I bet her felt like the dumb idiot he was. He needed to grovel for her forgiveness because what he said was insensitive and wrong. People make mistakes, but what matters is how they learn from it to do better.
But he really could have used his brain to remember that BAWN said he had no internet 😆. Idiot move strikes again.
I liked how April didn’t reach out to Marcus because this was something he needed to rectify as Marcus and not BAWN. What I liked was how accepting and kind April’s new coworkers were when they talked about Marcus. I mean, her new coworkers were soooo cool because they did not even (completely freak out) when April talked about dating a super hot celebrity. Gosh, if I was her coworker, I would be flipping my lid. But what I liked most about her new coworkers was how April felt comfortable to let them in and be the real her—they did not judge her for her loving fandoms, heck they loved fandoms too. And I think there is something so freeing when you find the right people you can be yourself around. I am beyond happy April had good people in her life who liked her for her 💙.
What I liked most about Marcus and April’s relationship was how they saw each other for their real and true selves.
“She’s a woman who’s been insulted and devalued her whole life because of how she looks, even though she’s smart and brave and kind. Then Aeneas comes along, and he has his own baggage, but he sees her. He SEES her. He recognizes that everyone considers her ugly, but he sees her value. He grows to love her and desire her, even as she learns to trust him. His is hard for her, but she does it, because she loves him too.”
(pg 183-4)
This was written from a Lavineas Server years before they knew they would meet and be together. I loved how foreshadowing it was with their relationship. Because April saw past Marcus’s puppy boy playboy act and saw a vulnerable man who was hurt by his past and did not want people to judge him. She saw the real him and loved that version more than the act he put on. Marcus also saw the real April. He did not care if she was curvier or if she was a geologist who wrote smut fanfiction. Those were all part of what made April who she was. And I loved how he did not think weirdly of her because of her interests and I loved how he accepted her for her. Marcus saw the real April.
I feel like if someone loves you, truly loves you, they would not try to change you, but love you the way you are.
“But I want to know you. Marcus Caster-Rupp, not Aeneas. I want to know your story. I’m attracted to you. Because what’s hidden, what’s real, is always more interesting and important to me that appearance or performances.”
(pg 239)
And that’s why I felt like Marcus and April had such an honest and open relationship. They actually had one of the most mature relationships I read in a while because many contemporary romances have these tropes (which I am all here for, so no shade!) but it is nice to read a relationship that started as a trope and developed into something deeper and real. I also liked how when Marcus was trying to make it up to April, he bought her donuts because he did not want to offend her or make her feel bad for eating. And heck if you ever make someone feel bad for eating, I think you need to really think about how you phrase your words. Honestly, one of the most offensive things a person can say to someone is, “Are you really going to eat all of that?” OFFENSIVE. Stop judging people for their bodies and what they eat.
Later on in the book, Marcus still didn’t tell her that he was BAWN. I felt like Marcus trusted April but he was scared to lose her because he knew keeping such a big secret from her was wrong. However, I think he thought that if she told April that he was BAWN, she would hate him and leave. And that scared him. So, instead of being honest (as he should be) he kept dragging out the inevitable. Because honestly, his secret was going to come out and he could not hide the fact forever that he was BAWN. Gosh, I would give him props if he did. But even then, that would not be honest to their relationship.
I felt like Marcus’s fear of losing April stemmed from already not having the love he deserved with his parents. So, he didn’t want to lose the love he had with her, which is understandable. But it is always better to be honest.
“Whatever lay between them, he was holding it in his hand and squeezing as hard as he could, keeping it close and safe and tight in his grasp, hoping all that effort and pressure would transform them. Into a diamond, as she’d once explained to him. Brilliant. Hard to damage.
Maybe what they had wasn’t rock, though. Maybe it was water.
Maybe the harder he squeezed, the less he actually held.
But he didn’t know how to open his fist. Not when it came to April. Not when it came to his career and his public persona. Not when he knew precisely, precisely, how it felt for that outstretched hand to remain empty. Always empty.”
(pg. 267)
When you hold onto something too tightly, for lack of a better word, you suffocate it. Sometimes we have to let something go because it is what is best for the situation or person and the longer we keep holding on, it only leaves us empty or the other person drained. What Marcus was holding too tightly too was his secret and his fear. He was also holding tightly to April and the more he kept his secret, the more he lost her because he was losing the trusting relationship they built. I mean, they moved in together, they shared meals, they had adorable dates, they met the parents, and they shared scripts and manuscripts (how cute 😊). The more their relationship went on, it felt wrong that Marcus wasn’t going to tell her. Honestly, if he said he was going to tell her at the right time, then that’s okay because at least he was going to tell her. But not telling her at all, wrong move bro.
But let’s talk about when they both met each other’s parents. TALK ABOUT DISASTER 🙃. I have sooooooo much to say about Marcus and April’s parents. I probably already said how much I detested Marcus’s parents, but if I did not say it enough, I will emphasize it again. But gosh, Marcus kept trying to make-up with them and create a better relationship, but the parents sucked. They did not care to support him. And that is beyond hard when you want a relationship with your parents or your loved ones but they do not make the effort to do so with you. I know this well. But there’s something I loved that April said.
You know, if April doesn’t want to be a geologist anymore, she has a future as a writer 😉.
“I don’t think forgiveness is something that can be owed . . . especially if that forgiveness hasn’t been earned. Even if the person who hurt you is also someone who loves you.”
(pg 272)
April is absolutely right. You own no one your forgiveness if they haven’t earned it. You do not need to forgive anyone you do not want to at the moment. There were people in my life who hurt me and loved me, and I felt like I had to forgive them because they were pivotal people in my life. But I realized that forcing yourself to forgive someone only makes you hurt more because you know you are trying to make something better when it really isn’t. Feel your pain. Feel your anger. Feel your hurt. And in time, maybe you will find forgiveness in your heart for those who hurt you. Maybe you won’t. But the best thing you can do is move on and know that forgiveness is a choice, it is not obligatory.
I loved how April was very understanding at the moment as well. She felt Marcus’s hurt like her own and she was there for him. They made each other stronger because they knew each other’s weaknesses.
Now, April’s parents. They are such an interesting bunch too. Maybe that is why Marcus and April work so well together—-they had shiz parents 🤪. Honestly, it is ironic how Marcus’s parents are uninvolved and April’s parents are too involved. Opposite shiz attracts.
Marcus should have been there for April more when they met the parents. But honestly, I could see why he thought he was protecting April by keeping the dad distracted. What would have been better was if they communicated on the drive to April’s house what April wanted Marcus’s role to be. I think if she told him, “Hey, I am nervous to see my parents today, and I really need you to be there with me,” then I think things would have gone differently.
April’s mom sucks, not be rude 😅. But I just have no respect for anyone who shames someone’s body or who makes insensitive comments about a person’s weight. Absolutely no respect and no patience. And I just want to say, someone else’s fear or hurt does not make it okay to hurt someone else. Absolutely not. Because the mom said and did what she did because she wanted to protect April from the hurt she would get for being a curvier girl in the world.
I find when people are so focused on not protecting someone from potential hurt, they truly just end up hurting them first.
“That was the common refrain, always.
I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
(pg 308).
I have read soooo many books about body positivity and that is something I noticed. So many people, women especially, feel like they are protecting or doing the curvier person a favor by telling them to lose weight, try this diet, or blah blah blah blah blah. And they think it is coming from a place of love and care, but what they do not realize is that saying all those careless comments freaking hurts. IT HURTS SO MUCH.
I have been on the receiving end of those comments all my life and it hurts. I cannot tell you how much it makes you lose respect for people and how much it makes you question yourself when you start to believe what other people say of you. People still get hurt if the intention gets lost.
So, April’s mom and dad’s comments were not okay. The dad was obviously fatphobic and I DETESTED. HE CAN SUCK MY TOES. The mom was a fake saccharine sweet who faked being all helpful to April. The mom came from probably a good place, but I think maybe the mom also came from her own insecurities that she reflected on April.
But I loved how April found the courage and strength to stand up to the mom and set a boundary for their relationship. I ABSOLUTELY loved that. We need to set boundaries in our relationships if something is not okay. If April wanted to cut the dad out of the picture, by all means, cut toxic people out! I did not feel any ounce of sorrow for the mom when she started crying when April told her that she would not have a relationship with her mom if the mom includes the dad. I also liked how April told her mom she would not tolerate body comments. I MEAN, YES MA’AM 👏🏼! Set those boundaries. Use those I can statements. Tell them how you feel.
“B-because you hurt me, Mom. You’re hurting me.”
Her mother sobbed out loud then, hands fisted at her sides. “I love you.”
At that, April had to bow her head. After swallowing back more acid, though, she raised her chin once more.
Maybe her words cracked, but they were uncertain. They were honest. “You l-love me, but you still hurt me. When I talk to you, when I see you, I end up half-convinced that who I am, what I am, is wrong and abhorrent and needs to be fixed.”
“You’re not abhorrent,” JoAnn whispered, face crumpled and lined. “I never, ever thought that.”
. . . Still, her mother needed to realize. “But that’s how you make me feel.”
(pg 313)
I think April’s words speak more than I can say.
Absolute truth.
If that wasn’t enough to ruin her day, Marcus had to slip up about his secret. Let’s go drama! 🤪
My heart was sad when April did not forgive him, but gosh knows she did not owe him forgiveness. But it was sad because the very thing he was afraid would happen, happened. Should have just told her the truth because it is hard to trust someone who does not trust you back. And Marcus knew it was no use to win her back because I felt like he thought he did not deserve April or something real.
If Marcus played the Golden Retriever, he also was the sad puppy dog. Gosh, was his heartbroken after he left April. I felt terrible. But what got me was how he had the OG metamorphic rock from their second date 🥺.
“Lapis is a metamorphic rock. The original rock is subjected to immense heat and pressure, and then . . . this.” She laid her palm on his chest, over his expanding heart, her touch revered. “Beauty.”
He’d bitten his lip, unable to respond directly to the implied praise without weeping. “Those views in the rock aren’t actually gold, are they?”
“Nope.” She lifted a shoulder, the movement a bit jerky. “Pyrite. Fool’s gold. Sorry.”. . . “Gold couldn’t make this any more beautiful than it is.”
(pg 345)
I love a geology metaphor foreshadowing.
Because their relationship was never a diamond, it was a metamorphic rock. They went under intense heat and pressure and even though the rock was not golden, shiny, or beautiful, it was an amalgamation of the best of them. Their relationship was beautiful in their own way. I think many relationships are metamorphic rocks. Heck, why do we propose with diamonds when we should propose with metamorphic rocks, am I right? 🤪
Marcus stewed in his sadness for a while, but then he did start to live his truth.
I loved how after April, Marcus wrote a letter to his parents about how he loved them, but could not continue a relationship with them if they did not accept him. I mean, set those boundaries! He learned from the best (i.e., April). I also liked when he wrote:
“If you can’t accept me as I am, maybe you need to rethink your definition of love.”
(pg. 375)
Yes, pop off my friend👏🏼!
I also LOVED it when Marcus did an interview and popped off by using his brain! No empty-headed comments today! Loved that for him. Golden Retriever deactiviated let’s go! I was just so happy that he was finally being real with himself. I laughed when the reporters he interviewed with were surprised that something intelligent came out of his mouth. Give Marcus credit! Oh, and the interview with the blog poster was soooo good. I loved how that lady told him that it was about time that Marcus said something real and something other than what he was fed for years to say. Honestly, I felt like the right people saw more in Marcus—-saw the best in him—-and those were the people who loved him and who he needed to surround himself with.
In the meantime, April focused on her work and her relationship with her mom. I still feel like her mom wasn’t making the best effort and I feel like April did not need to surround herself with her mom if it hurt her. But what I liked was how April went back to reread BAWN’s stories and she saw how hidden and hurt Marcus’s fanfics were. I think Marcus was sad because he had to hide who he was, that he wrote his hurt anonymously. I think some of us can relate. But what made me happy was how Marcus’s fanfic under his new name was all about love and finding himself—-they were happy. Again, there is a freedom when you allow yourself to be yourself. To me, the evolution of Marcus’s fanfic symbolized his growth because of April and I loved that. I also loved how vulnerable he was in his fanfiction because it was what he felt with April, but was nervous to tell her.
April, he was a good man. A dishonest man about a secret he wasn’t ready to share yet, but a good man.
When they got to the con, it was sad to see how Marcus kept looking for her at the hotel, and when he found her, he didn’t know if it was right to see her. April had her panel at the con and that was one of the very reasons she went. She also went to see the community she built, which had to be beyond joyous. In April’s panel, I loved the girl who asked April a question about herself because this girl saw herself in April just like April saw herself in Laviana.
“When April met the girls’ eyes, she saw pain and need there. The same pain and need that had clawed at her for decades, and the same pain and need that had drawn her inexorably into the Lavineas fandom.
Please tell me people who look like us can be loved.
Please tell me people who look like us can be desired.
Please tell me people who look like us can have happy endings.”
(pg. 387)
Exactly. Representation matters.
And no matter what you look like or who you are, you are beyond deserving of love, desire, and happy endings. Beyond.
April got her happy ending 🥺. When April had her panel, I was like Marcus is going. And the fact that he heard her whole spiel about love and him being a good man . . . ahhhh. When he took the mic from her and kissed on the stage . . . . ahhhhhhh! LET’S GO!!!!
I love a happily ever after! Spoiler alert 😉.
The epilogue was kind of eh for me. It wrapped everything up but I wasn’t a big fan of their whole foreplay ending, I think a more meaningful ending with conversation or a meaningful moment would have been sweeter. But, I still loved the overall story in how they both could be real with each other and how love is acceptance. I also am excited for what the future holds for them.
Speaking of future, the next book is apparently about Lauren and Alex. Alex seems like an interesting character with an even more interesting history. Alex had been in a scandal before with inappropriate behavior and he was going to get kicked out of his acting career or role if he did something else inappropriate. Lauren was supposed to be his significant other to tie him down or to make sure he did not mess up. He gives off the bad boy sort of vibes but is a good guy at the same time, but in a very complicated situation with Lauren. I feel like he may like Lauren as more than just a babysitter because he raged when Lauren was called ugly by the producers. BUT BOY was Alex mad at the producers and stupidly revealed Gods of the Gate secrets via his fanfic name. Gosh, he was being somewhat hotheaded and irrational because he wasn’t in the best mindset. Can’t wait to see what happens to Alex’s acting career and with him and Lauren. So, there’s that to look forward to.
After Spoiler Alert, I still wondered more about April and Marcus’s parental relationships and how that would play out. I felt like we never got a clear answer from Marcus’s parents, and I still didn’t like April’s parental situation. I also wondered if April would ever become a writer because gosh knows the girl could write! Something else that came to mind was how April would handle being in a famous relationship. Not to be presumptuous, but that is a big change from having a private life to a somewhat public life people are watching.
Anyway, can’t wait for the second book 😊. I hope we see April and Marcus again, especially April, I love that woman! I need her confidence and poise.
Anyway, what was your favorite part of the book? Least favorite part? Anything I mentioned that you want to discuss more about? Did you/do you write fanfiction? If so, what did you/do you write about? Let me know below in the comments as I love hearing from you all 💕
I hope you have a beautiful day whenever and wherever you might be reading this 😊.
And as always, with love,
Rating
4.78 Full Bloom Flowers
Characters: I absolutely adore April and the confidence and self-respect she has. I also loved the complexity of Marcus because it made him more than just a man to fall in love with.
Plot: Complex relationships, finding acceptance, and a whole lot of being real.
Writing: A very good time indeed 💙
Romance: Someone write a fanfcition about April and Marcus because spoiler alert, I loved their love story.