May 2020 Quote: I Am Amazed

I am amazed

At the way we still find joy.

I am amazed

At the way we still have hope.

I am amazed

At the kindness shown.

I am amazed

At the bondage growing day by day

I am amazed.

– floweringpages

To anyone who needs to hear this right now, Right now is weird. It’s unusual. All our lives have changed drastically within the last month or so. And life is so different.

And I didn’t want to be the person who talked her ear off about what’s going on in the world, but it’s kind of hard not to mention it here because it is going on. As much as we try to push down those thoughts—-which by all means do so—-it is what we’re living through. So naturally I have to talk about it. When deciding to write this month’s quote, I didn’t want it to be in a negative light—-all the things we’ve lost—but in a positive light.

Because that’s what we should be doing: looking for the good.

And by no means am I saying this is a good situation and that it’s GREAT because gosh, no it’s not, but there are some things that are worth mentioning that are good. I also thought it would be something good to look back on one day and think, “Wow, remember when we lived through a pandemic and had to stay home for X amount of months.”

Because there will come a day, hopefully soon, where we will look back and think how we got through this. It can be hard to see that right now and trust me, it’s hard for me to see that day sometimes too, but I’ve just been holding on to faith and hope. Whatever is helping you through this time, hold onto it because things are crazy out there in the world.

To anyone affected by what’s going on, I am so so so so so so so so beyond sorry that you are going through all that you are. I am so sorry. You deserve so much more.

Whether you lost someone from the coronavirus, I am sorry.

Whether you are battling the coronavirus, I am sorry.

Whether you are stuck at home in a bad situation, I am sorry.

Whether your mental health has been at an all time worse, I am sorry.

Whether you lost your job or business, I am sorry.

Whether you do not have a stable income, I am sorry.

Whether you missed out on any momentous occasion—-prom, wedding, graduation, seeing the birth of a loved one—-I am sorry.

Genuinely I am sorry.

If I could take away your burdens and hardships I would because times are tough.

As someone who graduated high school two years ago, I feel more connected to those who are missing out on such a pivotal point in their life. I didn’t have the best time at my prom, but looking back, I think how grateful I was to go to prom and how I should have never taken that for granted. I look back on my graduation and how it lived up to everything that I ever hoped it could be. In preschool, I graduated at the same place where I had my high school graduation, so even as a little girl, I knew my dream was to one day walk on the stage and get my diploma. I don’t know about you, but that feeling amplified whenever I would watch graduations on movies or TV shows. So my heart really goes out to anyone who is missing their graduation.

But again, that’s not to say that the other things I mentioned aren’t just as heart-wrenching, just the graduation aspect really got to me.

And it’s crazy because when things started to close down around mid March (March 19 for me), everything changed. I remember the days leading up to things closing and how there was this eerie, on-guard feeling that just crawled up my arm and into my skin. People were at Target wearing masks and staying the heck away from each other. And the more I walked around Target, the less people I noticed. People would also give you the stare if you DARE cough or sneeze. Which I get, but still staring isn’t nice. But it was just so weird and you had to be there to feel that. It just felt abnormal. That was probably the last time I went out in public because after that, it just seemed sad. I kept thinking why were people so scared? Should I be scared? Should I wear a mask? Should I stop going out?

And then things all closed and got worse. So of course, I didn’t go out anymore. I have a mask now.

That was the week of spring break and then everything switched to online. My school said there was a possibility of coming back on April 5th and that’s what got me through the worrying during spring break—-the hope that things would get better in a few weeks time and I could go back to school. Easy peasy.

Wrong.

Because then two days later I got an email that said that the rest of the school year would be done online. And that’s when a lot of my hope went out the window. What do you mean no more in-class school? What do you mean I have to finish online?

It sucked. That week my heart just hurt because it was sad to realize that I didn’t even know the last time I saw all my classmates and my teachers was that Thursday or Friday before spring break. Those days we were mostly just taking tests so it’s not like we talked to each other. So it was sad to feel like i didn’t even get a proper goodbye and here I was having to finish school on my own. School I’m paying for. School I’m teaching myself too. And it’s weird. I personally miss being in a classroom around teachers and classmates because the environment really does affect how one learns. I also used to say how much I didn’t like school, but I think now, it was never about I didn’t like school, I just didn’t like doing all the work. But I liked being at the physical school to learn with people. So yes, I did like school. And I miss it dearly.

I have cousins who are younger in elementary school and I think about them. I think about all the kids across the world who are at home without school, no interaction, and some who are hungry. It hurts to think about that. It really does.

As an education major who has taken psychology and education classes, I think about how this pandemic is affecting kids social, emotional, physical, and cognitive well-being. I think about the implications of that and how that might affect me teaching in a few years. What will education be like? What will school be like? I think about all the teachers, my gosh, WE NEED TO GIVE A GREAT BIG STANDING OVATION TO ALL THE TEACHERS, who were able to switch from in-class to online for even the young kids.

I kid you not, teachers do not get enough credit. I mean, their whole plan was uprooted and they had to learn a whole new system to teach to their students online. You tell me what underrated profession can do that? Some teachers have actually been going to students’ houses (social distancing for sure) just to explain a concept to a student. If you’ve seen the pictures you know what I mean. But these educators are going the extra mile because they care about their students. Honestly, the compassion and passion in teacher’s hearts are amazing.

And let’s not forget about the grocery store workers, the department store workers (e.g. Target or Walmart) and especially the doctors who are actively doing all they can to help. They are actively putting down their lives to help others and that is heroic and commendable.

👏🏼 STANDING OVATION FOR SURE 👏🏼

Thank you!

There was something I read, completely off topic from what I should be talking about, but a grocery store woman risked her life because she wanted to help people. Her last paycheck for a week’s worth of work—-the paycheck that cost her her life—-was $20 or so. How is that even remotely right? If this situation has taught me anything it really is the fact that the next time we put the rich people/corporations on a pedestal, to really think about the everyday heroes who actually should be praised.

Teachers, grocers, retailers, small business owners, doctors, nurses, etc. All the underrated professions (I know doctors are not underrated, but you get it), deserve sooooo much more.

Back on topic. That whole week my life changed, I remembered I felt in a slump. How would I be motivated to go to school? How would I be motivated to workout? How would I continue on?

I would find myself in sad spells where I would sit near my window and look outside and cry. Then the next minute I would pick up my phone and go on social media just so I could feel connected with someone—anyone. Then the next day I would be fine. Then the day after that I would cry again, wanting to go back to normal life.

I really wanted normalcy again. I think we all want that a lot right now too. And that’s fine. But when I spent so much time thinking how I wanted everything to go back to what it was, it stopped me from living and appreciating the moment as best as I could. I had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on my table, and a house full of people to talk to. Sure, I might be “stuck” at home, but I had so much to be appreciative for. In my neighborhood, there’s a sign that says, “Not stuck at home, but safe at home.” That hit differently because in no means are we “stuck” at home because that creates this idea of being trapped/caged. But we are safe. No one is making us stay home because they want us to be miserable, they are doing this to keep us safe and to flatten the curve, per say. Heck, it might also be about keeping the economy going, but I can get into that another time.

Because when you think about it, no one cared about the public’s health until everyone started getting sick and that affected the economy, which in turn affects all those rich people in power who are scared that their greatest capitalist economy is going to pieces. So that’s why they were like, “Oh, now let’s care for them because they make up the society.” Funny how that works.

That’s not the point 😅

The point is even through all the chaos and mess of today, there is still so much beauty.

Thankfully, I can still go on walks in my neighborhood and let me tell you, it’s the best part of my day; to go out, feel the sunshine on my skin, hear the birds singing to each other, see the faces of actual people living life, and to dance with the wind as it breezes past. If you can, I highly recommend going on a walk at least once a day because it really does help. It’s kind of funny because on these runs or walks, I’m thinking how I have literally become a pet because I have to make sure to walk myself outside everyday and feed myself 😅 But, hey, that’s okay because we should be taking good care of ourselves right now, am I right?

Anyway, when I go on these outings in my neighborhood, it’s such a beautiful sight to behold. I am always taken back to the Lorax in how all those people lived in a small, vibrant neighborhood, and how all those people knew each other and said hi. Not that anyone in my neighborhood knows each other, but what’s beautiful is that same sense of community. And as someone who ran outside practically every other day in her neighborhood, I can attest to how I have seen more people running, walking, or biking outside than I’ve seen all last year. Literally. I’ve even seen kids roller blading. Who knew kids knew how to do that?! I thought they only knew how to play the Switch and use Tik Tok. I gotta give kids credit because I can’t even do that!

I’ve seen a nun walking in the park, looking up at the sky. I wonder what she was thinking. I’ve seen a man walk his cat on a leash. I feel sorry for the cat. I’ve seen families gather together in the back alley of my neighborhood with their workout equipment and their pumping music. They sure know how to jam. I’ve seen a plethora of kids, so innocent they are, but yet I hurt for them because what a hard time. But it’s beautiful how they hold the most light. Kids blowing bubbles near the fences of their house. Kids bouncing on inflatable trampolines in their backyards. Or kids with a whole water park, yelling and screaming in joy. Kids trying to get on their bikes and then falling off in the process. But my favorites are the kids who just say hi. All the kids I’ve seen have said hi to me. They don’t know me, I don’t know them. But yet the kindness of their heart to say hi gives me so much hope and fulfillment. So much love in this time too. Just the other day I saw an older couple literally having a romantic candle lit dinner in their yard. I am not joking when I say they had two candelabras pointing heavens ward, a beige tablecloth, and plates out. My heart melted like the wax on the candles that lit up the embers of the afternoon.

When taking my daily walks outside in such an uncertain time, I find it amazing how people still find the love, the joy, the beauty, and the hope. This is what life is about. This is what we live for.

We go through hard things and it might seem like there is no reason to it, but I think we might all look back and take something away from this time, hard as that may sound right now. But I like to think we will learn something. And what I learned is the human heart.

As much as we stand divided about things and we work our butts off, we make mistakes, we have faults, we cry, we laugh, we cheat, we love, we do all kinds of things, but the one thing that never fails is the way we hope and the way we live.

Things can be going crazy and uncertain, but yet there will always be people who will uplift others to give them hope. There will always be people who will try to help. There will always be people who find the good. And that’s not easy to do. I commend us. We keep going and living and making the best out of the situation.

There is everything amazing about that.

People have been taking up new hobbies. Some people have figured out that they can paint or play an instrument. Some people are becoming reacquainted with an instrument or with a paint brush. Some people have started to bake. Others have learned to sew. Some people have started a Youtube channel or business.

Good for you! 😄

But heck, if you want to be a potato and sit on the couch watching Youtube or Netflix, then by all means, that’s doing something good too! Don’t feel the pressure to be productive right now. I feel like a lot of people are feeling that pressure because other people are preaching how, “Oh, you have all the time in the world to do XYZ right now, so no excuses,” or “What are you waiting for, you have literally nothing better to do.” And all those kinds of platitudes. And yes, you may have a good amount of time on your hands to start your passion project, pick up that guitar, or read that book, but honestly, if you want to sit your butt down and watch a show because you feel off or you just don’t feel motivated today, then don’t feel ashamed for it. The only thing, don’t go sitting on that couch for weeks on end because too much of one thing isn’t always a good thing. So maybe go for a walk after you watch a show, do some stretches, or something different. Listen to yourself and do what you need to do to feel good. I know people find solace in their work because it keeps them distracted and that’s good too, but again in moderation.

As a student currently, this last past month or so, I have been pouring myself into my school work. It’s been helpful to not think about everything going on in the world and it gives me something to focus on. Of course, I take my breaks, but I like it for the most part. Sure, I would much rather learn with my peers in a classroom, but if I can do a Zoom call or just listen to a Powerpoint with my Professor’s voice on it, then that gives me a sense of normalcy. I also know a lot of people are finishing out school right now too, so it’s not like everyone has all the time in the world to do everything that others who, I don’t know, graduated have the time to do. So that’s another reason I feel like it’s not healthy to say everyone should be on the hustle right now when we all have different situations.

Do what works for you.

Do what makes you happy.

There are going to be days where you feel fine one second and not the next. And know that that doesn’t mean you’re unhealthy mentally or emotionally–this is such a unique situation. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling and to feel it so heavily on your heart one hour and to feel it fade the next.

Be gentle with yourself.

Take care of yourself.

You are not alone in this even though you feel like it.

Please, please, please reach out to people. Zoom call someone. Gosh knows, that would blow up as a popular platform of communication. Heck, I never knew about Zoom until last year when I actually had a mixed class of in-class and online. Interesting how it’s used a lot today. Facetime is good too. Call your friends. Text them. Reach out to them, ask them how they are. What they are doing? Because gosh knows they might need to hear from someone right now. Social distance for sure, but don’t mentally check out to the point where you push everyone away. People are social by nature, this is weird for us. Talk to someone.

There’s an app called House Party that I know everyone is playing right now. It’s an app where you can play games with your friends online. Never tried it, but heard all good things. Have a game night with your friends! Or you know, you can be like every person who owns a Switch (so not me 😂) and play Animal Crossing. I’ve heard good things about that too, I just don’t own a Switch. I heard it’s on the app store too, so I’d check it out there. But it’s another way to communicate.

Know above all that things will get better.

There’s this saying I heard from one of my favorite Youtuber’s, Remi Ashten, who said:

“Things have to get worse before they get better.”

Pretty sure she quoted someone else, but she said it on her podcast with my other favorite Youtuber, Alisha Marie, on Pretty Basic. (I would HIGHLY recommend listening if you like girl talk/empowerment vibes). She wasn’t talking about it in the context of Covid-19, but she was talking about life in general. I just thought it was very fitting here. Because things do have to get worse to get better. If things weren’t worse, how could they?

And hopefully we have been through the bottom with this and that things look up—things get better.

So let’s hold onto that hope that things will.

I mean, how fortunate are we to live in a time where we even have the technology to FaceTime, to online learn, and to do all these different things? How lucky are we to be living in a time with advanced technology that can help us create new medicines, treatments, vaccinations, and other things so quickly? Think about it.

It’s amazing.

I also recently listened to a podcast by Megan Batoon called Just a Tip (also highly recommend if you like advice Q+A’s) and she brought up an interesting point in how

An object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.

Not to get too educational on you, but this is Netwon’s law. And she said we’re the object in motion and coronavirus is the outside force. Maybe were moving too fast in an unhealthy/destructive way and coronavirus is the outside force to stop us. It is the force that will bring about change.

Because something she also mentioned that I really thought was interesting was how she said that maybe this is a start of a new life cycle. Yes, we’re using another science analogy 🤪 But it’s fitting. Or if you don’t like the science analogy I think she also said it’s similar to the idea of one chapter closes and another opens.

This is the start of something new.

And as much as we all want to say we want normalcy and for things to go back to the way they were, it probably won’t look all the same. Change is scary. I’m scared. I’m confused. I’m lost. I don’t know what’s going to happen.

But I have hope.

Because maybe this is the start of us switching to a sustainable lifestyle. One of the other beautiful things about this situation is how the earth has been responding in kind. Pollution has decreased dramatically all over the world, wildlife is coming out into the open, jellyfish and dolphins are swimming in canals again, and the Himalayas can be seen after 30 years. We have been damaging the earth for too long. Now it’s exhaling in relief. We need to listen to that. We can’t go back and do it all over again—-the fossil fuel burning, the fast production, the harm. If the environment can change this much within the span of a month, imagine if we upkept sustainable and healthy practices for years to come. Imagine the impact.

We can be better.

Maybe this is the start of a new era for equal power. I feel like timing is everything and it’s amazing how I took an American and the World class this semester that discusses America’s power/place in the world. And one of the things my Professor constantly brings up even now, is how power in the world is changing. America has always been the power house that other countries look at—-an empire if you will—-ever since World War II. But now, America is one of the top places with coronavirus cases and people are starting to see how other places/leaders reacted better. People are looking outside of American power. We are also looking towards China to see how they are recovering as a model to how we can recover. The power is rapidly shifting. It’s no longer America America America, but every country. What is that going to be like in years to come?

I also am curious about globalization. Globalization is expanding the economic and social ideals around the world and ever since the world wars, the goal was for a capitalist economic system, which for the most part, the world has bought into. But what is globalization going to look like after this?

As my professor says, and I quote, “I don’t know.” 😂

It’s funny because after each slide, he always says, “Well, this might change given the current situation with Covid-19.” He should just say a disclaimer in the beginning because I GET IT! But it’s funny.

Anyway, people are traveling less. Heck, airplanes aren’t even flying. Are we going to fly airplanes in the future? What is travel going to look like given how things are very up in the air and scary? What is economic power going to look like? Countries are turning inward right now and dealing with this pandemic in their own ways—-not the ideal for globalization. So it’s different. Are people going to keep being sheltered? I don’t know.

Only time will tell.

And this is going to be the research paper, the report paper, and the Powerpoint presentation that my kids, your kids, everyone’s kids in the future will be writing about for sure. We are living through history and it’s interesting. It’s going to make for a tale one day that’s for sure. Honestly, there’s a part of me that thinks how everyone who created the memes and the videos about this are going to look back and their kids are going to be like, “This is how you spent the pandemic?” Creating a meme? 😂

Humor helps 😆

At the end of the day—good or bad—-what is getting me through it too, is knowing that we are all going through it together. That’s not the most uplifting thought, but there’s something nice to know that we understand each other. When you go through an individual problem in your life—-divorce, moving, life changes, etc.—-those are all things one person goes through and each person experiences that situation differently. Some people might understand how you feel if they’ve been through it, but it’s always hard because it’s not like all your friends have been through the divorce of two parents or moving or etc. But we are all going through this together and we know what it feels like. It’s something we share.

And we are going through it together, so we will come out of this together, hopefully stronger, wiser, and more grateful.

Never take things for granted.

Tell people you love them. Hug them when you can. Enjoy the little moments of shopping for popsicles at the grocery store. Enjoy the big moments of your first dance at prom. Enjoy all the moments because life is so delicate and precious that you never know.

When all this hopefully gets better, let’s all remember what it was like to be distant from the things we love and the people we love. Let’s all remember what it’s like. Let’s all remember what we learned. Let’s all remember the lives who worked to help others. Let’s remember the good and the bad.

Let’s remember that we are amazing.

If you need anyone to talk to or some support, I am always here. I have an email at flowerinpages@gmail.com if you ever want to chat about life or how you are feeling. Always leave a comment because I will reply. Leave positivity so other people can be uplifted.

You got this.

You are doing the best you can do and don’t you forget that.

We got this.

What is something you are grateful for? Or what is one thing you’re excited to do when this is hopefully better?

Just one last thought: Each day is special, each day is a gift. Right now, you might be avoiding opening the gift because you’re scared of what might be inside. You might be avoiding it because if you open it, there’s nothing else to look forward to. But go up to it. Open it up. Because inside is today, this very moment. And that’s the best gift. Right now, this moment is a gift. It might be hard to see it that way, but live each day, each moment like it is. Even when you’re scared.

This is what we live for.

Life is amazing and so are you.

Never forget that.

And as always, with so much love,